Did you know that parody writing is an art?
Seriously. It is.

I’m going to take you through a crash course in LOTR Parody writing. Let’s start with the different types of LOTR humor.

1: Top-Ten Lists

These lovely creations are easy to write, and great for beginning parodists, even though they’re not exactly “parodies.” The most typical list is “The Top 10 Ways to Tell if You’re Obsessed with LOTR.” As the majority of us merely nod in serious agreement with the larger half, which consists of things such as: “You own both the Theatrical and Extended Edition DVDs,” or: “You watch movies you wouldn’t otherwise because they have a LOTR actor in them,” I believe that the best Top-10 list should go crazy. Write things like:

“You go to sleep clutching your One Ring.”
or
“You plan to name a child something like ‘Fredrick Isaac George William Ishmael Taylor’ so that you can call him ‘Figwit’.”

Okay, so I’m pretty sure no-one’s going to do either of those! (Woe be unto the child that is called Figwit!) By giving a ridiculous obsession symptom like that, you get people to laugh instead of completely agreeing with the obsession symptom.

2: Parody-Sue

My personal favorite. Parody-Sue is sort of like the anti-Mary-Sue. She generally is a teenage girl, who is either a fangirl or a total non-fan. She gets mysteriously dropped into Middle-Earth, and begins to wreak havoc, doing things like playing traitor to the Fellowship, making a deal with the Dark Lord himself: that if she turns the Fellowship in to him, he’ll make Legolas marry her.
Note: With this type, be careful, as many times people write girls that are more like 6-year-olds than teenagers. A truly funny Parody-Sue character isn’t self-conscious about how funny she is. Don’t have her constantly doing things like egging Gandalf, or tying Aragorn’s bootlaces together, in the attempt for her to be annoying, unless you’re an expert parodist.
I.E.: Don’t try that at home!

Or, she could be a Mary-Sue. She is beautiful, strong, too-smart-for-her-own-good — typical Mary-Sue traits. However, with this story, you over-exaggerate all the Mary-Sue-ness. Add the word ‘perfect’ in as much as possible, along with wink-like comments in the text.

“She calmly and gracefully brushed her perfect waist long hair, which shimmered like pure and perfect gold in the sunlight. It fell in perfect waves, cascading down her back, glinting and gleaming whenever she moved her head (which she did a lot to show her hair off.) Her skin was fair and looked as delicate and perfect as a china doll, smooth and without blemish. No harsh chemicals or toners ever touched, had touched, or would touch her lovely perfect complexion, for it was, in fact, perfect. (Well, duh! She’s Mary-Sue herself!)”

Other Mary-Sue factors you can play around with are:
Super-powers
Clothing
Telepathy/foresight
Amazing fighting skills
A doting hero

3: Movie Madness

An excellent choice! This is where YOU get to re-write the movie script to whatever fits your fancy. Tolkien purists need not attempt, as most often they dice the books and grind them into tiny bits in order to create the ultimate non-Tolkien-esque movie.
The audience’s comments make a great addend to this kind of parody. You might even try to add some of the outrageous comments that you have heard in the theaters…

4: General Parody

This is the one with the most variation… (duh!)
But this usually takes place in Middle-Earth, sometime after the War of the Ring. Aragorn is king, everyone is happy, and everything is quiet. Too quiet.
Some deadly fiasco suddenly erupts – maybe a horrible fad in clothing, maybe a potential raid of Fan-girls, or maybe even (shudder) Leggy’s Shampoo has been stolen! – and our heroes must to all in their power to stop it.”
It’s all up to the author…

Okay, so those are the most common types of parody. Let’s go over character writing.

This is the tricksey part: re-writing the beloved Tolkien characters in order to make them laughable. The most typical re-written character is Legolas. He’s almost always Mr. Dandy, often called ‘Leggy’, fastidious, all-too-perfect, and sort of the male version of Mary-Sue.

Sauron’s personal trials and triumphs are neglected by both Prof. Tolkien and Peter Jackson. So, many parody writers make him to be more like a bratty 2-year-old with a zillion behavior problems than an ancient wicked spirit. He complains, throws tantrums, makes snide comments about the Fellowship, and loves his great sense of evil-ness.

As for Frodo— well, if the typical parody Frodo had only two words he could ever say, they would be: “WHY ME?!”
Poor Mr. Frodo. Make your readers feel sorry for him.

But forget all I just said. The Number One Rule of Thumb is OOC: Out of Character. Think Legolas suddenly having awesome lines. (gasp!)

Now, here are some dos and don’ts of parody writing.

DO: Make it funny.
DON’T: Make it serious.
DO: Use punch-lines from the movies/books. (But only in moderation)
DON’T: Make it overly random. (e.g. characters throwing bubble-gum everywhere shouting ‘I love Barney!!!’ for utterly no reason)
DO: Make is somewhat random. (e.g. characters riding attack llamas to rescue the DVD of Doom)
DON’T: Do knock-knock jokes for punch lines. They’re not funny. Really they aren’t.
DO: Pun!! “He who would pun would pick a pocket,” but he also gets rich and famous for doing so in a parody.
DON’T: Use jokes from well-known parodies (we’ve heard them a million times), unless you’re sure of your audience not hearing them before, or unless you’re a professional, who really knows the art of making people laugh.
DO: Keep your audience in mind. If you’re using lines from a certain ridiculous Mary-Sue, and if the author of said ridiculous Mary-Sue will read it, don’t put it up.
DON’T: Use the movie script word-for-word and throw in a joke every few chapters. Your readers DO expect to giggle or at least smile every paragraph or so.
DO: Get the book/movie characters to be horribly Out of Character.
DON’T: Describe character’s clothes to a great extent, unless you’re writing a Mary-Sue spoof.
DO: Ask someone you can trust to give you a TRUTHFUL review before ‘publishing.’
DON’T: Put it up if you haven’t even smiled to yourself during the writing process.
DO: HAVE FUN!!!

by ~wild_shieldmaiden~

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