~ by Timpenin

This is for all those times when you have a sudden desire to be Elvish, or don’t want to spend the time and money trying to find prosthetic ears that fit, don’t have to be cut, and are cheap. The best thing is that all you need for it is spirit gum ($2-3), which is what is generally used to attach the prosthetic ears.

Take the spirit gum and apply a fairly thick coat to the inside top part of your ear (where it curves out). Make sure you don’t apply too much or too little – too much and it will take forever and a day to dry. Too little, it won’t hold your ear. Now you want to fold that top curved part down onto the main part of your ear. You can either fold the back, which is easier to fold, since it’s softer and makes a point more towards your head and is not quite as noticeable, or you can fold the front. If you fold the front, make sure to put extra spirit gum on, since this part of your ear isn’t as flexible. However, it makes a nice tip that points away from your head, therefore making it easier for people to admire your elvishness. Hold your ear together for about 3-5 minutes, or until it stays. I sometimes use clothespins for this as my arms tend to get a bit tired being held behind my head, the only problem being that the clothespins hurt a bit. After you have done both ears, make sure that the spirit gum doesn’t feel weak; if so, just apply more spirit gum, but do NOT undo the fold as it’s very hard to get it redone, not to mention that it hurts. Just apply it at the very top of the fold, under the crease. Now, you should have a nice, pointed ear.

I know this whole thing sounded like it hurt, but it actually doesn’t. I also think it looks considerably more real than any prosthetic you can find, even if it’s not quite so obvious. It does tend to hurt when you want to undo it, bit no more than taking off a prosthetic would and actually quite a bit less, since you only put the spirit gum on one part of your ear.

A couple extra tips: Make sure that you apply the spirit gum all the way to the top and botton of the fold, as this will help it hold better; also try not to get any spirit gum outside of the fold (this just takes practice), or let it sqeeze out – if it does this, wipe it off with a damp cloth immediately as spirit gum is shiny when it dries (trust me, you don’t want really shiny ears!); thirdly, your ears will probably be red for a little while after you put on the spirit gum, if you’re really worried about it, just apply a thick layer of liquid foundation, but it’ll go away in half an hour or so. And one other thing, make VERY sure to get all of the spirit gum off of your ears, if you don’t, the next time you take a shower and let your hair dry, your hair will stick very firmly to your ears. I’ve never found anything that removes spirit gum as well as spirit gum remover itself, but the remover is expensive (at least in my town) and soap, water, and a little scrubbing work just about as well.

With a little bit of practice, all it will take is 10 minutes and you are all set with a new set of ears! Have fun and enjoy!

Written by: Timpenin aka Flute~Player