Lord of the Rings: The Sitcom!

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Ok this is written in a somewhat Seinfeld style, let me outline the basic plot and characters for you:

Ok, Sauron and Smeagol didn’t really die… They were just banished to a rent-controlled apartment in New York!

Characters:

Smeagol: Banished to apartment with Sauron. Works in the subways.

Sauron: Banished to apartment with Smeagol. Constantly trying to make some kind of plan to take over the
World but never getting anywhere. Refuses to work claiming that he is plotting something when he is really just watching soap operas, which he has got quite a fancy for.

Melkor: The freeloader that lives across the hall, always coming and taking food from Sauron and Smeagol. Turns out the abyss ends at a rent controlled apartment in New York.

Radagast: The guy next door with about a million birds, cats, dogs… always taking in stray animals.
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Episode 1:

Ok, so the scene opens with Sauron sitting on the couch with a bag of potato chips in his lap watching a soap opera and randomly screaming at the scream. No where near is once evil dark-lord self. He has developed a beer belly and is wearing jeans and a white ripped up t-shirt. We cannot see his face since it is covered by his mask, which he refuses to take off claiming,

“I’ll need it some day”

We hear the door open and then slam, Smeagol walks in on all fours caring a bag of groceries in his mouth, he’s not quite as slimy as he used to be and is wearing a pair of jeans along with a shirt and tie. He spits out the bag of groceries on the tables, pulls something out of his pocket, which happens to be a large rat. He trots happily over to Sauron and drops it in his lap.

“Look what we’ss gots for Sauron today! It is juicy, it is fresh! Doesssnn’tttss it looks scrumptious!”

Sauron rolls his eyes and take the rat and throws it in the garbage, which we notice actually has a small pile of dead rats built up in it.”

“Smeagol! What have I told you about bringing home rats? If you want to eat them then keep it outside! Now get out of the way, your blocking the TV. ”

We here Smeagol murmuring under his breath,

“Stupid fat Sauron! No Smeagol, we’sss can’tss go to find job today! Must plan to take over the world! Poor Smeagol must do all the work…. *Gollum Gollum*

The doorbell rings, Sauron yells out, still facing the TV.

“Who dares to disturb The great dark-lord of all of Middle-Earth!
“It’s me, Radagast! I need to have a little talk with you Sauron…”

Sauron rolls his eyes at this, mumbling under his breath,

“Dear Eru… Not the cats again……”

Sauron opens the door to Radagast standing there in a brown business suit, which looks rather peculiar on him because of the long, brown hair.

“Sauron, I’ve noticed that some of my cats have been missing lately…You or *Smeagol* wouldn’t happen to know anything about this would you? He says, rather suspiciously.

*Smeagol is in the background sneaking away when all the sudden he jumps hearing Sauron call him,

“Smeagol! Have seen any of Radagast cats around?”

Smeagol has that kind of look on his face that people get when they feel very guilty, Just then he begins to cough and he hacks out a fur ball, he takes his foot and quickly kicks it out of sight before replying,

“No, no. Smeagols good. yes, yes, Good Smeagol. Wesss likesss the kittiesss yes wess do! We never do anything to the kittiesss! ”

*Sauron realizes that Radagast is getting a little suspicious and quickly makes a save…*

“Is that the phone ringing? I’m so sorry! I have to go, you understand right?”

Radagast: “I don’t hear anything…..”

*SLAM*

Both Sauron and Smeagol fall on the floor, laughing…..

*footsteps are heard running towards the door, Melkor barges in (in a very Kramer like manner, might I add.)*

“Say, Sauron. You wouldn’t happen to have any of that kitty stew that Gollum made would you?”

Sauron rolls his eyes, obviously very annoyed,

“I told you I’m not giving you anymore food!”

Melkor: “You wouldn’t be where you are now if it wasn’t for me!”

Sauron mumbles something under his breath, and pulls something out of the fridge to give to Melkor.

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