The Care and Feeding of Hobbits by Baylor
Title: The Care and Feeding of Hobbits
Author: Baylor
E-mail: [email protected]
Web site: www.geocities.com/baylorsr
Rating: G
Characters: Boromir, Pippin, Merry, Frodo, Sam (non-slash)
Category(s): General. Book canon.
Archiving: Anywhere, just let me know
Summary: Ruminations on the Little People by Boromir, Man of Gondor
Author’s note: Thanks to the MANY people who helped me polish this one, and for sharing their time, talent and ideas with me: Marigold, Eretria, Llinos and Murron, especially. May your beer be laid under an enchantment of surpassing excellence for seven years!
Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien owns them. I just borrowed them, and I promise to put them back.
The Care and Feeding of Hobbits
Ruminations on the Little People by Boromir, Man of Gondor
Lesson One: Hobbits need a good night’s sleep
Somewhere in this heap of hobbits is the one who is supposed to relieve me from watch. I just have no idea how to determine which one it is.
I bend my knees and crouch near the mass of blankets and curls and limbs. Well, let’s see, there are a number of hobbit heads here: one — two — three. Where in Overheaven’s name is the fourth? Or maybe there are four heads here, and I simply cannot differentiate between them. Only the very tops of their curls are showing, as they have pulled blankets and cloaks up over their bodies from hair-covered toes to foreheads.
I lean in a little. “Merry,” I hiss, hoping this will produce the desired response. There is no reply from the pile. “Merry,” I try again, louder this time. One of the hobbits shifts slightly, and a small hand appears from beneath the blankets. Relieved, I think for a moment that my problem is solved, until the hobbit gives a soft sigh and I realize that it is just one of them shifting in his sleep.
We have been traveling by night, and the thin sunlight illuminating our daytime encampment gives me some assistance. The black curls in the center belong to Frodo, only he has such dark hair. But then on either end there are light-brown curls, one set more honey-toned than the other. One of those is certainly Merry, making little Pippin the hobbit missing beneath the blankets, as his chestnut curls are nowhere to be seen. I am not certain, however, which light-brown head is Merry and which one is Sam. Finally, I take my best guess and reach out a hand to tap a head. “Merry,” I say again.
The hobbit rolls from his back to his side (at least so I think from the movement of his head) and groans. “I’m Sam,” he says. “Mr. Merry’s on the other end.”
“My apologies, Sam,” I say, sorry to have woken him without need. We have gone at a great pace during this first leg of our journey, and I know the little people have struggled to keep up. In truth, I feel poorly waking Merry for watch, though it is his turn and I would not insult him by taking his duties upon myself. I turn myself toward the other end of the hobbit pile and tap the second light-brown head. “Merry,” I say with more confidence, and this time I get the desired response.
“What?” a distinctly surly voice says.
“It’s your watch,” I whisper, trying not to wake any more hobbits.
“All right,” the voice says, now sounding more weary than surly, but there is no corresponding movement in the hobbit pile that indicates Merry is getting up.
I tap his head again. “Merry, get up,” I say.
This has a most unexpected result, and I jump backward when a small figure abruptly bolts upright and tosses the covers off its head. “What’s happening? Is it time to leave already?” It is still not my relief, but Pippin, astonishingly wide awake as he addresses me.
“No,” I tell him, catching my breath after the surprise, “and my apologies for waking you. I was just trying to rouse Merry for his watch.”
“Oh, all right then,” Pippin says, and begins pushing the figure beside him out from under the covers, seeming to use both his hands and his feet. “Merry, get up!” he says, not at all quietly, and Merry’s hands appear to swat at him.
The hobbit on the other side of Pippin begins drawing the blankets back around himself. “Who has woken Pippin before it is time to get up?” Frodo demands. “Can’t we have a few hours of peace and quiet?” Pippin responds by diverting one hand from bereaving Merry of his covers to poke his other cousin in the ribs, rather hard from the looks of it.
“All right, I am up, I am up,” Merry says crossly, spurred into movement. He crawls out from the covers and then stands in front of Pippin with his hands on his hips, scowling thoughtfully. Pippin freezes in place, watching Merry warily. I have the clear impression that, well, SOMETHING is about to happen when Frodo says sharply, “Oh, no you don’t, lads, I’m sleeping.” His hand appears from beneath his reclaimed covers and latches onto Pippin’s shoulder. A hard jerk, and Pippin hits the ground with a “whump!”, and then Frodo flicks his wrist and the youngest hobbit disappears from view beneath a blanket.
Merry turns from the hobbit pile. “Thank you, Boromir,” he says, his usual even temper apparently back in place. “Everything all right?”
“Ah, yes, it’s been a quiet watch,” I say, rather dazed by the complexity of waking a hobbit for watch. Such a seemingly simple thing . . .
“Have a good sleep, then,” Merry says, perching himself atop a large boulder so he can look about.
“Thank you,” I say, and then stretch out in my bedroll. These hobbits are curious creatures, I think just before I go to sleep. I do not know quite what to make of them.
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18 Comments
LOL you make Boromir sound like a scientist! ^_^ Very creative…
OK, I was going to review this chapter by chapter, but I decided that it would be better if I just did the whole thing at once, so I took notes and will say stuff chapter by chapter and then tie it all together at the end.
Family Tree: I am dying of laughter. Your descriptions of the family ties were great and Boromir’s reaction is priceless.
Haircutting: Still dying of laughter. That was fabulously done…and I loved the bit about Merry “having experience restraining a wriggling Pippin”. I can only imagine what he was like as a child. Gandalf’s explanations and Boromir’s observations aare wonderful and well done.
Good Use: Yeah Pippin! I LOVE the bit about the mushroom and the bit about Briony.
Blizzard: Yeah! Huggable hobbits!
Terrain: Good Old Boromir. I love him. But my heart almost stopped, and since I know how the story ends, its ability to induce cardiac arrest is a mark of its excellence.
Resiliency: Now I am in tears. This chapter was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
Teach: “Cousin check”. I love hobbits. And there is nothing wrong with self promotion.
Entertained: This chapter was GREAT. I can totally see Pippin doing this, and the other’s reaction was classic! And WOW, but what an ending. I am glad there is an epilogue (even though I have a feeling it is going to be sad).
Epilogue: I knew it. I am in tears here! This was so amazing beautiful!
Generally: Oh. My. Word. This was amazing. Absolutely completely totally amazing. I am so blown away by this story I am surprised I can think lucidly enough to give you a deserving review. This might be the best piece of fan fiction I have ever read.
Using Boromir was a stroke of genius. His viewpoint is unique among the other members of the fellowship, and his insight is remarkable.
I LOVE the way you portrayed the relationships between the hobbits. They have such beautifully intricate ties between them, and so many people miss or misunderstand them. Not so in your fic. You did an incredible job. In particular, the chapters about the hair cutting, Resiliency, Teach, and Entertained.
I am still crying over the epilogue. That was so beautiful, I don’t know what to say to you, except that it was. Pippin is such a remarkable character…..I really don’t know what to tell you except that this was amazing.
Amazing Amazing Amazing. There aren’t words.
Grav
Aye! My favorite fanfic is now on my favorite site ^^ Baylor, all your stories rock!
After reading them all, I found myself in tears for all that was lost and all that was gained. Very well written, cause not much makes me cry….
Wow. This is a beautifully written story. It is very powerful and touching, the end made me tear up. I feel so bad for Pippin! You are an amazing writer, please write more so you can share your wonderful talents.
These chapters were amazing. they opened up a whole new part of Lord of the Rings that dosen’t fit into the books, for lack of space. I LOVE them!! They give so much character to the hobbits, that the books fail to include. It’s a missing link, and you did a wonderful job of filling it!!!!!!!! You must have done a lot of research for the Hobbit Geneology!!! Very satifying after you read them…I printed them out and read them over and over!!!! Sad at the end, but the titles are hilarious!!!
Beautifully written. The last chapter brought tears to my eyes. Continue to write the unwritten and answer the unanswered questions. I’m sure it will be done with the upmost humor and empathy..
This is fantastic! Its cute and heartwarming, and ful of innocence (of which there is a severe deficiency in most fanfic) and you haven’t mauled the book to do it. It’s great in other ways, of course, but this is what struck me first, and I feel that the time I spent reading it was far from wasted.
My goodness! Your story is superb! I loved the humor, and also the sentimental bits! I have read some of your other stories and enjoyed them as well, but this is by far my favorite! Please write more!
WOW. That’s all I can say. Wow. I absolutely loved it! You truly understand hobbits, my friend, and your writing is excellant. I cannot wait until you post something else for me to read!
Bravo! This is one of my favorite fan fictions! It is very well written and very detailed. I like how the POV was of Boromir/Faramir.
The way you describe each hobbit is awesome! The true essence of Merry and Pippin were captured by this story.
Great Job!
This is wonderful!!! The outside point of view is just what is needed to get a real idea of hobbit culture. I loved every single chapter. The last chapter was the perfect culmination of the building relationship between Boromir and Pippin and brought perfect closure for Faramir. This is a perfect mix of funny, touching, informative, and downright sweet. I love how everyone takes comfort from touching Pippin, like he’s a cat or dog.
That Was *sniff* so beautiful, I’m still crying. So sad and happy at the same time. Have you considered (sp?) proffessinal writing. I would buy one of your books if you wrote one(If I had money I’m Broke). Thank for writing a BEAUTIFUL story (And if your wondering my user name is a movie title I used for a 5th grade paper)
OH WOW!!! This is THE most awsome story I have EVER read on this website. It was written wonderfully, I can’t say enough good things about it! My fifteenth story, I believe, on my quest to read every humerous fanfic here, and it’s probably the best I’ll ever read.
This is one of the most beautiful fanfics I have ever read. *sniff* No, it really is. *sniff, sniff, SNIFF* It changed my opinion of Boromir quite a bit after I read this, used to think he was arrogant (still do, but just a bit, and only because he acts that way in the films). My favourite chapters were “Guiding Your Hobbits Over Difficult Terrain” and the epilogue (so sweet, especially the bit with the star!). All in all it was WONDERFUL. *one last sniffle…*
This is awesome! I love the way you built up the love the Hobbits have for each other, and Boromirs love for them! i would give this story a 9 out of 10 🙂
I am breathless, speechless–You are an AMAZINGLY gifted writer. I beg you PLEASE for more! You feed my creative spirit with this profound and beautiful artwork!
Wow. Just.. Just wow. This is a very, very good and touching story, and it really brings in to focus a new side of Boromir that was hinted at, both in the movies and the books.
Please continue writing, you have an amazing talent!!!