Once upon a time, there was a preciousss. Its name was……preciousss. It was created by the Fashionable Dark Lord otherwise known as Siren, in the waters of Mount Hope. Into it he poured his power, his so-called “evilness” and his will to destroy all rabbits. Siren lived in Sordor, the land of the killer sheep. There was also these things called dorcs, but they were useless, for they had five-second memories (for their ancestors were fish, for more information see the appendices that I have yet to create). Siren had an affair with Whoramir the young Steward of Lawndor’s other personality (his real name is Bore-a-mear); together they had nine children, the Dazdrool. As Christmas presents Siren made cheap knock-offs of the preciousss and gave one to each of them (that he really brought at Pier One). The preciousss gave him the power to take over the not-so-free lands of Upper-Earth. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Elves….and oh yeah men fought on the slopes of Mount Hope. But why were they fighting I hear you ask, but I’m not quite too sure…wait…wait…oh yes! They wanted the preciousss to be gold not silver. For many minutes they fought endlessly. This short time span was called the War of the Preciousss. Siren noticed that his army of killer sheep and dorcs were not doing too well ( for the dorcs kept on forgetting who they were supposed to be fighting so in the end they wiped each other out in a mere five minutes, leaving only the killer sheep to fight). Siren went down to fight by him self, because they sheep kept walking off the cliffs and forgetting to the high lands when it began to rain…so they drowned and shrunk.
Siren lost the War of the Preciousss; he went inside to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because he was hungry. As he was cutting off the crust (he didn’t like crust, see appendix D, to be written later) he sliced off his finger. Letting the preciousss fall down the toilet. Waiting in the sewer drinking his afternoon tea, was SCREWIT. He was sitting there quietly when all of a sudden the preciousss fell into his martini (shaken not stirred).
“Oh my!” said SCREWIT in his polite English accent.