LadyCelebornPalantir Mod, Guardian of Ulmo's Realm & Resident Eomer FancierPosts: 3566 Send Message |
 April Newsletter ~ Ulmo
on: April 29, 2007 12:47
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Welcome to the April edition of the Realm newsletter brought to you by the Realm of Ulmo. Here you will find a little of this and a whole lot of that but our goal is to share some Spring celebration with our fellow members. So get comfy in your chair and enjoy the stuff we had a terrific time putting together...
[url=http://www.councilofelrond.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=4067]The Waters of Ulmo
[/url]~Naurlas
Spring In Arda
~~ By Elioclya, Naurlas & Yaviel
Spring Collage ~Celebwen~of~Ithilien~
Top Ten Male Point Deductions when Leggy is on screen!
10. Bottle blonde! Minus 10 points
9. Long shapely legs? Ha, scrawny! Minus 10 points
8. Those pecs are so obviously CGI. Minus 10 points
7. So you can shoot a bow; big…deal! Minus 10 points
6. Oh please, that oliphaunt trick?! My level 200 Battle Mage is way better! Minus 10 points
5. “A diversion”! Who wrote your lines, an Orc scribe? Minus 10 points
4. Hey, prissy boy, let me show you what knife work really is! Minus 10 points
3. Stop using language we don’t dig! Sheesh! Minus 10 points
2. That intense stare… *shudder* I’m no chick, perv’! Minus 10 points
and…
1. (Overlapping chorus of fangirl screeches) OMG, Leggy, you’re sooo hot! Plus 1000 points!
Beat that! ~Nenya_Ring
 Author of the Month
Terry Pratchett ~Teciltur
Ulmo's Pet Corner ~LinweSingollo
10. He’s seen with a good eye by his boss and is in line for promotion. Hopefully…
9. With all those white robes he must know how to handle a washing machine on his own.
8. Every girl should have her own black tower. OK, the Uruk-hai are optional but still…
7. He does wonders with the weather condition; it comes in handy when skiing.
6. Look at all those pretty Wargs – they’d make a classy fur collection. Yuck!
5. You get help with writing your world-domination speeches, mwahaha!
4. Think of all the jewelry, trinkets, decorations you’ll get. Ahh!
3. You’ll have an army of servants at your disposal. No, really, literally!
2. Don’t you just lurve the feel… look of those nails?
1. ‘Cause psychopaths need love too! Rumour has it he’s already looking for a ring…
~Nenya_Ring and Teciltur
Sauron – Humourous Dating Profile ~Nenya_Ring
Bay of Seeing Thoughts
Immeasurably far away from the clash of steel on steel and other troubling scenes, unreachable by words, touch or even thoughts of foes or other uninvited guests, lay a forgotten piece of land. It was not all that small, nor quite so remote than none ever stumbled across it, oh no. And yet somehow, they seemed to stumble around it, instead of across it. Thus, this corner of Arda remained undiscovered, unknown and unspotted to all but the folk that dwelt there. They were quite a special kind of folk; very fond of the Ocean, Children of Ulmo. They spent most their time by the sea, on the beach or, as we can now find three of them, in the bay.
There were indeed three of them, three maidens all of different age. These three were no ordinary maidens, oh no, nor was this an ordinary bay. This was the Bay of Seeing Thoughts and they were the Seeing Thoughts themselves. The other dwellers had granted the three women this name for the Gift they carried, the Gift to read from the stars that which was to come. Together they sat and peered up, up at the starry skies or down, down at the twinkle of the stars, reflected on the silken surface of the sea. They would nod every now and then, and mumble a word or three to the other two, who in their turn nodded as well. There would be one to take notes, so that all predictions could be passed on easily to each of the Children of Ulmo, the Ulmonites. They pointed particular clusters out to each other, or striking combinations of constellations, bringing fortune or doom. All night they sat and noted, opening their thoughts to the immensity of the future and when Arien came out from the depths of Ulmo, they straightened themselves to watch her beginning climb and headed back to the main beach. Here, they silently went to the oaken board, right on the border of the beach and the woods, and pinned these predictions to it, for all who cared to read them and wished to have a look into the next month.
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Sources:
Astrology-online.com
Electricwith.com
Astrology-insight.com
Plus our own crystal ball, of course! ~Celebwen~of~Ithilien~, BerethEdhellen, Olero
 Character of the Month
[url=http://www.councilofelrond.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=4082]Master Elrond of Rivendell
[/url] ~Naurlas
Top Ten Tricks on How to Annoy Galadriel
(should you be crazy enough to attempt it)
10. Tell her white is so passé, she should get a subscription to “Vogue”.
9. Nick Nenya and re-decorate Lothlorien with pink talans.
8. Use her mirror as a bowl, and start kneading cookie dough in it. Alternatively, slip a frog into her mirror, you’ll get a kick out of it.
7. Join the Teleri Hunting Squad.
6. Shave her head while she’s sleeping and send her locks to Fëanor, so he could make a curly wig for Gothmog.
5. Show up at her party dressed as a giant eyeball.
4. Have Boromir ask her how old she REALLY is.
3. Invite Thranduil for a one-year stay in Lothlorien behind her back, and then claim the annoying Sinda is in love with her.
2. Sweep Celeborn away for a stroll, then both come back with dirt and leaves all over you, and claim you’ve been planting saplings.
1. Dangle the One Ring in front of her nose: ‘I’ve got a Ring of Power, and guess what I’ll do with it…’
~Teciltur and Nenya_Ring
CoE is filled with all sorts of wild, fun, and (yes, it must be admitted) completely insane individuals. We’re a fan base of totally devoted Tolkien followers, and often show that devotion in…well…“interesting” ways. The realm of Ulmo is no exception, and so we decided to get together and come up with a list all the many crazy, obsessive, and humourous things our realmers have done with regards to the Lord of the Rings. Who knows, maybe you’ll be inspired to join in the fun by trying one of these ideas!
The Realm of Ulmo is proud to present:
Fanatical Fanisms ~Gwaihir_Goldenfeather
LinweSingollo's Cloak
Naurlas's Sword
LadyCeleborn's Collection
Top Ten Sarcastic Recommendations for Tolkien Fanfic Writers
10. Don’t write when feeling bored – it will only make matters worse. Instead, we heartily recommend a sojourn in Mordor’s dungeons, it will liven things up for you. And us - we’ll definitely be watching.
9. Stop watching “The Young and the Restless” (or any other latest soap we so obviously don’t know about and couldn’t care less) for at least two years before you attempt any fanfic. Yeah, we know, withdrawal can be fatal but humour us.
8. No, there’s no way in Mandos you could be teleported, flown to, whisked off or simply kidnapped and brought to Middle-Earth. Deal with it!
7. And while we’re at it, maps exist to be consulted, you know. Should you undertake this dangerous endeavour, you’ll be surprised to discover that the trip from Rivendell to Lothlorien cannot take a few days only. Yeah, we feel for you.
6. Your lack of appropriate parental role-models simply fails to account for your turning Thranduil into a psychotic tyrant, and Galadriel into a middle-aged housewife. Really.
5. ‘Emotional depth’ means just what it says; don’t mistake it for hot erotic scenes occurring on all flat surfaces. Or all surfaces, for that matter… *sigh*
4. Your recent break-up is no reason why you should have all opposite-sex characters be slowly and graphically tortured, then progress to a gruesome death. But if you insist, we recommend having a chat with Melkor first… for authenticity’s sake.
3. We’re still waiting for those reports from Harad but no, as far as we know, there are no harems in Middle-Earth. Amazingly, it appears they favour the boring one-on-one approach.
2. Spell with us: F-R-I-E-N-D-S. It stands for: For-Real-I-Enjoy-Normal-Dull-S**! Just friends: you know, what Aragorn and Legolas really are. Or Celeborn and Haldir. Or Maedhros and Fingon. Oh wait… we’ll get back to you on that last one.
1. Acquire some basic anatomy and physiology knowledge; it does help with not giving your character CPR when all he has is a scratch on his arm. Plus, those steamy scenes would stop abounding in jerky movements, sickening comparisons, and stereotypical sounds. We’ll refrain from adding that practice makes perfect… in all fields.
*Bonus: While we’d definitely love to see the outcome of Jack Sparrow’s meeting with a Balrog or Will Turner’s err... involvement with any Elf of either gender, get a grip! Fantasizing about them in a dark corner is, however, encouraged for therapeutic reasons. *slowly sneaks away into said corner…
~Nenya_Ring, Ulmo’s Morose Critic and Resident Fanfic Librarian
[url=http://www.councilofelrond.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=4084]Enjoy!
[/url]
Haldir
Which of Ulmo’s creatures are you?
Take our amazing quiz and find out~
Get your pen and paper ready!
Ready for the answers?
~Crafted in a miruvor haze by Uinen_Alcarin and Nenya_Ring
Newbies Corner ~Gwaihir_Goldenfeather
An interview with Lossendiliel ~Naurlas
An interview with PotBellyHairyfoot ~BerethEdhellen
We decided to do something a little different in our newsletter this time around. Instead of an administrator who we have pestered so many times we decided to introduce the newest members of staff to the rest of the site. Please join us and welcome the following members to CoE's staff....
LinweSingollo
Dolwen
cirdaneth
fogriipus
Fealome
gondolinian
Last minute update: Please also welcome Aruin and Wonda to CoE's staff as the new chat moderators. Their info can be found in the staff listing in the FAQ section of CoE.
Life in our Realm ~figwit
Ulmo's Magic Words
This is to show off our creative side and challenge you to word-sparring, as the minstrels of old used to. Four words are given to the next realm, listed in bold in the last line of the poem. They should be used to write a short bit about characters and/or events on Arda, which in the end should contain the following four words so that the next realm could pick up the challenge. As first posters, our words are listed in the introduction. We can only hope you enjoy this and reply with a wonderful creation!.....
Stone, sun, gleam and night
Minas Tirith
Oh, Minas Tirith, with fear you wait
For night comes with a coming storm
Sauron waits for a fight
To face your exiled king
But for now you will sleep
Waiting anxiously for the storm to pass
If the sun would shine again
To see the light of hope once more
But here you wait
On the edge of war
Little hope you see now
Hold on, hope is riding on
Yes, even in this dark hour
Though Isildur’s Heir has not yet
Taken the throne, there is hope
The walls though they may fall
The men who defend though they may perish
Minas Tirith, have faith, the glorious hope
Is within your grasp
These stone walls have protected you
And, though faced with adversity,
Will not give entirely to the enemies threats
Though boulders will breach and wreak their havoc
There is more stone than just walls that
Make this citadel gleam, even in the darkest storm
Have faith, oh people of the city
Isildur’s Heir rides on and comes
Swiftly to your aid with the hopes of
All Middle Earth. Patience, I pray for you people
And the home of Gondor’s Kings.
Song, adore, sea, and home
Crazy Realm Awards
*Sincere appreciation is given to CoE's news admin, Morwenna. Thank you for providing us with the links we needed for our newsletter...
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