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Post August 2007 Newsletter ~Nessa
on: August 25, 2007 06:13
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This August, 2007 issue of the Realm Newsletter is brought to you by the Realm of Nessa, home to a crazy bunch of LotR fanatics with a great sense of humor, an affinity for pre-packaged sweets, story-telling insanity, and much much more! We hope you enjoy reading. And please keep an eye out for flying sponges.

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New to CoE: Contributing Members! ~article by vanyar



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~compiled by the Realm of Nessa

Top Fifteen Presents Hobbits Don't Want to Get on Their Birthday

1) A shiny gold ring. (shudder) You never know what sort of strange and perilous quests you may be sent out on.

2) Shoes.

3) Black-cloaked party guests asking for Baggins.

4) A draft horse. They'd never be able to ride or use it.

5) Foot-hair combs. Who doesn't already have at least a dozen of these?

6) The new bestseller Fish Diet by Smeagol and Gollum. Need I say more?

7) Tweezers. They may think you are insinuating they'd need to pluck the hair between their eyebrows because they are beginning to look a lot like Oscar on Sesame Street.

A boat and oars. Unless they're Brandybucks I suppose...

9) An all-expense paid trip to anywhere farther than the next town.

10) Spoons. If your name's Lobelia that is...

11) A hair flattener. Once more, they might be offended at your insinuation -- your thinking their curls are ugly.

12) A normal door. Hobbit holes only have circular doors. Everyone knows that!

13) A coupon to a dietist. The insinuation that they need to go on a diet would not go over too well.

14) Cabbage, stolen from Farmer Maggot. He'll come after you... eventually.

15) Gandalf's fireworks. We know they can blow up a tent,and we'll try not to imagine what else they can blow up.

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On Writing (Good) Fanfiction ~by Shadowfax_Pip


Why Write Fanfiction? ~by Shadowfax_Pip


Sounds of the Symphony ~by Fealome

Narnia: A Ringer's Consolation? ~by Lady_Tolwen

The Hoard: A Poetry Analysis ~by Shafan


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Finding Your Favorite Place ~an essay by the Realm of Nessa

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~compiled by Evermind~Nipredil, Fealome, Laiquendi~Rodwen, asea_aranion, and vanyar

Top Ten Reasons Why Uruk-hai Armour is Sexier Than Rohirrim

1) Rohirrim armour covers everything (NOT sexy).

2) Like all heavy fitness gear, Uruk-hai armour shows off that six-pack you worked so hard to earn.

3) Everyone looks good in black -- copper just doesn't match Eomer's complexion.

4) Black is this year's pink! It also makes you look slimmer.

5) Uruk-hai don't wear silly horse tails on their heads.

6) Uruk-hai helmets don't make their noses look big, like Eomer's does.

7) Ever watched Theoden get all suited up? Uruk-hai armour doesn't take nearly as long to get in and out of!!!
We all know their armour is all the rage among expendable henchmen... and their fans!

9) Uruk-hai armour has that "just crawled out of a grimy mudpit" look that those Horse Lords just can't duplicate.

10) Besides, Uruk-hai are no exception to that fundamental rule that *any* creature in uniform looks classy!



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An Interview with Rivka

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An Interview with ElfmaidenofLorien

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Are you new to the Council of Elrond? Want to join a realm, but don't know where to begin? Are you a CoE veteran looking for ways to help newbies feel welcome? Then read this article on the newbie experiences of two very special Council members!

A Newbie Survival Guide ~by Laiquendi~Rodwen and Shafan

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You've seen the "sponge fighter" icon in the signatures of Nessa members near and far. You've heard rumors of this sensational new twist on the ancient practice of war. Now, for the first time, you will hear how it all began... and what is really in store for those who submit to taking on [size=5]the sponge[/size]. Dun dun dun dun.

The Art of Sponge Fighting ~by vanyar

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~compiled by Evermind~Niphredil, Laiquendi~Rodwen, and vanyar

Top Ten Reasons to Not Pick Your Nose in Front of Gollum

1) Because he'll never trust you after you try to claim you were merely scratching you nose... and no one likes to be called a tricksy little nose plunderer.

2) Because if you do it on one of his cranky days, he could very well grab your feet, swing you about, and sing the Fishy song to you...

3) Because, Gollum's personnality being that of a whiner, he might tell on you to the Master (Frodo)...

4) Because he might force you to eat your harvest... Ugh!

5) Because he'd eat the snot off your finger, glad to not eat food made by 'elveses'.

6) Because he would sit down and go on a long reminiscense of how he used to teach his grandmother to pick her nose and suck eggs.

7) Because he might join in and pick his own nose, which is known to accomodate uncommonly large, er, goobers..

Because he may believe you're using your nose as a storing device and decide to investigate.

9) It's a well known fact that schizophrenic ring obsessors consider themselves boogie connoisseurs.

10) And anyway, who LIKES, in full conscience, to pick their noses in front of people???

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Credits:
-Newsletter created, written, uploaded, and edited by the Realm of Nessa. They are not liable for any typos.
-morwenna, who let us use the news submissions for posting articles. Thank you!
-asea_aranion for all the lovely banners.
-Fealome for all the unprofessional-looking banners.
-Eveligh for the top banner.
-Evermind~Niphredil for the Top Ten Lists.
-And everyone else for all the hard work they put into writing, thinking, and dreaming up articles! We had a lot of fun!

Thank you for reading, and we hope you enjoyed!

Sincerely,
Fealome and the Realm of Nessa
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