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findemaxam48
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on: May 21, 2014 01:16
Dear Diary,


Was going to go to some fight at a place called Pellenor Fields today, but word came that long haired blonde Elf was killing many of us. So I decided to go back home and visit the family instead. With mothers nagging, I am now sort of wishing I went to the fight instead.

Random Oliphaunt
We were one in the same, running like moths to the flame. You'd hang on every word I'd say, but now they only ricochet.
Gandolorin
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on: May 24, 2014 11:17
Dear Diary,

now how am I supposed to explain THIS to the Big Boss in Angband? Had caught some Elves and one of these weirdo newcomers and stuck them in the dungeons, let my werewolves have some fun with them. Then all of a sudden Melian's nerve-wracking daughter shows up with some extremely oversized pooch. Sent Draugluin to shoo them off, he comes back looking like some stuffed creature that the moths have been gnawing on for 500 years and then croaks on me. Went out myself only to find myself slam-dunked by that mutt, now how did she come by a former killer dog of Oromë's??? Must be Huan, don't remember another one having stayed here on ME.

Sauron, former resident of Minas Tirith [of the First Age].
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findemaxam48
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on: May 25, 2014 01:05
Dear Diary,

Threw friends head at a bunch of little creatures today during a storm. Others assumed companions to be dead. They are obviously not familiar with Dodgeball.

Stone Giant Number One
We were one in the same, running like moths to the flame. You'd hang on every word I'd say, but now they only ricochet.
Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: May 25, 2014 06:06
@ maxie ...... Image

Dear Diary,

I think I'm going to have to get my Palantír checked. For some reason it's sending me bizarre messages about rabbits and something called 'dodgeball'. The next time that thief sales rep sneaks back in here with more stolen hot items to sell, I'm going to ask for a refund.

Melkor
King of the This Entire Universe (and several other Universes as well)
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Gandolorin
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on: May 27, 2014 01:33
Dear Diary,

oh boy, that was close! Had some ants crawling up me (nine two-legged ones and one four-legged one), and so little stuff to make snow from! Managed to bluff them in a tight spot. One of the two-legged ants (probably an elf, skipped over the snow with no trouble at all) fortunately headed DOWNhill, found that there was little snow there, so they all went back down. Had that ant gone UPhill, he would have found even less snow, I mean I blew all I had on that tight spot. They would have been able to cross to the other side with no problems, had they known!

Caradhras, snow-wise depleted mountain over Moria.
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tarcolan
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on: June 22, 2014 05:40
Hah! Nice one G

Dear Diary

What's going on? I've been here in the lake sleeping peacefully for ages and then these creeps start throwing stones in. They opened the gates, closed them again then went away. Really annoying. And then another crowd come along and start throwing stuff in. Well I'm not putting up with that. So I grabbed one of them but got an arm chopped off. Had to be satisfied with breaking up the gates so they can't get out again. Sheesh! What do you have to do to get some peace and quiet round here?

Watcher in the Water
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Cenor
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on: June 23, 2014 11:55
Ha ha tarc

Dear Diary,

Take my advice, never work for Sauron. For one thing, bad pay can't even get a decent horse. Two, horrible food and not one toothbrush! You should see my teeth! Plus one of those Nazgul threw a rock at me ruining my perfectly beautiful lips. Ladies used to adore my smile. Then my cowardly master sends me to talk to some king. I noticed he has perfect teeth. What do I get for giving an old man a shiny coat? My head chopped off. Life isn't fair.

Mouth of Sauron
Image "Every good pirate has an alias" Felix glanced down, looking at contraption around the stump of his wrist. "Hook," he answered. "My name will be Hook."
Gandolorin
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on: June 23, 2014 02:47
Dear Diary,

I am definitely joining the Infantry! We all get our horses wiped out some place west of the Misty Mountains. Then No. 3 gets his flying thingy shot out from under him near the Anduin. And to top it all, No. 1 gets HIS flying thingy decapitated by some chick, doesn't realizes his "bla bla bla by a living man bla bla bla" is irrelevant in that situation and gets himself sent to we-know-not-where as a result. I am not even going to get up on a Mumakil now, Infantry is it!

Nazgul No. 7

[Edited on 06/23/2014 by Gandolorin]
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Cenor
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on: June 24, 2014 12:51
Dear Diary,

Had the worst day ever. My driver got hit with a spear during a battle with the guys that ride on horses. Who wants horses? They are sooo small. Anyways my driver falls off and gets hooked on my [/i]ear[i]! Oh the pain! I go sideways into this stupid Oliphant that can't even move away fast enough. After the battle I decided I liked having pierced ears and kept the guy. Then my mother saw it. Ahh here she comes got to go.
Oliphant number 2
Image "Every good pirate has an alias" Felix glanced down, looking at contraption around the stump of his wrist. "Hook," he answered. "My name will be Hook."
Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: June 24, 2014 11:29
Dear Diary,

Spent half the day thinking about that tasty morsel I stashed, only to find it missing when decided to have it for lunch. How disappointing! I was looking for something different that the usual Orc.

And last night, there was the other wee chappie waving a light around and stabbing me with his wee dagger. So now I have a headache and sore legs. So not worth it. I wonder if I can talk Sauron into creating some giant flies for me.

Shelob

[Edited on 06/25/2014 by Evil~Shieldmaiden]
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Gandolorin
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on: June 28, 2014 03:07
Dear Diary,

so we wait outside Dol Guldur, supposedly going on a chase of Hobbits. They come out of that ugly place on the west bank opposite, and we chase them on foot on our side all the way to those blasted falls. Then we attack, and what do we find??? Two huge Men with vicious sword skills, a machine-arrow Elf, a Dwarf with a bunch of throwing and hacking axes, and those Hobbits, we're not allowed to kill them, are also uncomfortably skillful with letter openers (and I have this feeling we should be thankful they did not have slingshots!)

I mean, even several of those arrogant Uruks bought it!

I am never going to believe mission statements in this nutty war ever again!

Anonymous surviving Orc at Rauros.
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tarcolan
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on: July 07, 2014 02:52
Dear Diary

This old guy has been following me for ages now. Creeps me out. Keeps whistling at me which is really annoying. So I thought the best way to make him stop was to let him get on my back. Well that didn't work. Tried throwing him off, galloping really fast, nothing works. Looks like I'm stuck with him for now. And me Lord of all horses. It's so embarrassing.

Shadowfax
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Gandolorin
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on: July 08, 2014 01:35
Dear Diary,

do I have a splitting HEADACHE!!!. Bad enough those moron orcs have to raise a ruckus, then these two midgets show up, and one of them has this eye-splitting light! And then one of those Nazgûl nerds lands on my head just after all this, with his stinking flying lizard, no less!

I QUIT!!!

Any Watcher of the Gate of the Tower of Cirith Ungol.

[Edited on 07/08/2014 by Gandolorin]
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: July 29, 2014 03:50
Dear Diary,

I wish I were an Ent so I could get out and about somewhat. Being immobile really, really frosts my bark! Mind you, there was a bit of excitement a while back when I managed to grab those wee creatures; but might know old Tom would still his nose in where it doesn't belong and take them away from me. And what's with all the singing?

Old Man Willow

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tarcolan
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on: August 01, 2014 12:19
Dear Diary

Nigel has been gone for ages. I'm worried, I don't like his new friends, they're trouble if you ask me. Especially that big shadowy fire character, he's a bad'un if ever I saw one. Horns indeed! What a show off. My Nigel's such a good boy I hate to think what could happen out there. If he's not back for his warm milk and sandwich soon I'm going to look for him.

Mummy Troll
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Ireth_Telrunya
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on: August 04, 2014 02:50
Dear Diary:

Geez, is this riverbed ever BORING. Really thinking I should have stuck with Isildur for a while longer. Has it really been thousands of years since then? Fish are seriously dull. On the other hand, maybe if one of them swallows me and gets caught and gutted, I'll escape and find a new bearer. I'd cross my fingers if I had any.

The One Ring
Far over the Misty Mountains cold, to dungeons deep and caverns old. We must away ere break of day, to claim our long forgotten gold.
Gandolorin
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on: August 05, 2014 12:50
Dear Diary:
I had about 4800 years of peace (with the occasional burp). Then what happens??? The creep that gave me such horrible indigestion while making some stupid ring gets caught totally off guard and some ant (I think one of my buddies above Moria told me something about them) drops that §$%&ß@#µ ring in my gullet, and my indigestion just went galactic! I feel massively sick!!!

The (former) Mount Doom.
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tarcolan
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on: August 05, 2014 01:08
Ireth_Telrunya, you might want to track down a song called 'One In A Million' sung by Chris Wood. It's a sequel to the folk song about Lord Bateman.

Dear Diary

Typical isn't it? You find a nice quiet place to live, put down roots, and someone comes along and spoils it. Scion of the Eldest Trees my foot! (or root). I tried to tell him but he didn't listen, dug me up and planted me in this boring courtyard. I've a good mind to die.

Mountain ash sapling on Mindolluin
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Lord_Sauron
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on: August 06, 2014 04:50
Dear Diary.

I am sick and tied of living in this stupid Forest. People think that I am really happy? yeah right I am actually miserable. And just the other Day I had to save a couple of Hobbits who got stuck in Old Man Tree or whatever his name is. Perhaps I should invest in a huge axe and cut him down. If only that Ring did make me invisible, so that I could of left before Goldberry gave me those ridiculous chores. She is such a slave driver. I'm hungry I wonder what she has cooked up for Tonight's Dinner.

Tom Bombadil
Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: August 06, 2014 10:25
Dear Diary,

Managed to find a couple of candles and have spent an hour or two making shadow puppets on the walls. Apparently, I'm finally losing my mind. Wonder when this Dagor Dagorath is supposed to occur? I could really use some live action about now.

Melkor
Lord of all he surveys (which isn't much considering where I am at present).
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Gandolorin
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on: August 07, 2014 02:38
Dear Diary,

Glorfindel was allowed to reincarnate in a Hroa and has even been been fooling around in Middle-Earth again, as rumor has it. But when I go to Mandos to get the same treatmant, what does he tell me? "Like the first time, your Hroa would not last long, by now we're guessing barely as long as the lifetime of a normal human. We do not have budget for you to turn you Hroa to ashes at that rate. You stay in the Halls."

Does that nitpicky Valar ever burn me up!

Fëanor.
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: August 10, 2014 05:30
Dear Diary,

Well, you can imagine my surprise when that Wizard grabbed out of the air and asked me to carry a message to one of the Great Eagles. I wasn't too keen, frankly, as I try to give members of the avian species a wide berth but everything worked out fine in the end.

Moth
(famous for rescuing Gandalf)
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Gandolorin
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on: August 11, 2014 01:28
Dear Diary,

you wouldn't believe the indigestion that freakin' Silmaril gave me. And constipation too, that thing just would not get digested. I vaguely remeber the whole thing ending in a massive ruckus with some huge pooch named Huan. I think the whole thing was a tie, we both croaked. Just stayed alive long enough to feel them remove that hideous gem from my stomach, believe me, cetting sliced open was worth getting rid of that thing. And I think they wrote the whole thing down in a lay, too - of course I'm not portrayed fairly, typically skewed version from the victors.

But now Mandos has almost been snickering about something for a while. Seems the story is going to get degraded over time, but the stuff abouts kids in red clothing just mystifies me.

Carcharoth, c/o the Kennels of Mandos.
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: August 11, 2014 06:13
Image .... too funny, Gando!

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's up with Carcharoth. The gas is so bad I've had to warn the staff not to use any flints around him. Not to mention I keep having to get up and open the door for him; only to find him scratching to get back in a few minutes later. It's most annoying. I do hope he hasn't managed to eat something really bad this time.

Mind you, I guess it's a blessing that whatever he found he couldn't roll in it.

Doorkeeper
Barad-hur
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tarcolan
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on: August 12, 2014 01:53
Dear Diary

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am such an idiot, what was I thinking? Gandalf told me I wouldn't come to any harm keeping the Ring as long as I didn't use it. I told him I'd always kept it on its chain. He gave me one of his withering looks so he obviously knows I've been using it. Quite a lot in fact. Why shouldn't I use it? It is mine after all. My own. Never did me any harm.

Frodo
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: August 12, 2014 09:42
Dear Diary,

I've been stuck in this forsaken pool for who knows how long waiting to see if I could catch something to eat. Well, finally, a group of Men? Elves? small ? comes along and I managed to grab one, only to have several of my tentacles lopped off for my pains. I mean there were ten creatures in total so surely they could have spared one.

Now I'm just floating around waiting for my tentacles to regrow and hoping that something will happen along so I don't starve to death.

Watcher in the Woods


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Gandolorin
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on: August 13, 2014 02:41
Dear Diary,

I'm just getting sick of Carcharoth's whining about how he's treated in the Lay of Beren and Lúthien. Did anyone tell him to swallow a Silmaril??? Dumb, dumb, dumb! And the fight a tie, sure, if you count the poison his putrid master gave him for his fangs as fair fighting! He looked worse than that wimp at Minas Tirith I clobbered a while ago - why are the (were- ) wolves always so full of themselves??? Full of IT is much closer to the truth.

Cc Mandos: can you get this insufferable moron to shut up???

Huan, c/o the Kennels of Mandos.
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tarcolan
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on: August 19, 2014 02:09
Dear Diary

That lad's addled in 'is noggin. I won't have our Rosie hooking up with one such as 'im. He's right enough I suppose but he's not the one for our lass. Not even if he went to Mordor and fought monsters and orcs. And there's no chance of that 'appening, or my name ain't Tolman.

Farmer Cotton

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Gandolorin
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on: August 19, 2014 02:54
Dear Diary,

now Gandalf and the four Hobbits have returned from wherever, but would you believe the stories they're telling??? That Ruffian Strider being the new King, all kinds of legendary Elven places, and places even stranger than that (some forest, and - I forget) they claim they have been to.
But come to think of it, the two younger Hobbits have become just HUGE - for Hobbits, of course. And Hobbits or no, they definitely look like people you do not want to have as your your enemies - with their garb, armor and weapons and whatnot. Shire-folks used to call this kind of news "news from Bree." Let's see how they cope with stuff we have trouble believing. And let's see how those new Ruffians rumored to be making trouble in the Shire cope with these Hobbits!

Barliman Butterbur, thoroughly confused innkeeper of The Prancing Pony.
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: August 29, 2014 07:43
Dear Diary,

Honestly, canines are sooo annoying. If Carcaroth isn't griping about his gut, Huan is griping about Carcaroth griping about his gut. I do wish they would both throw themselves off the Falls of Rauros so I can get a nap in. I've been awake for two whole hours now and I'm getting t-i-r-e-d with a capital T. What's a poor kitty to do?

Tevildo
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Gandolorin
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on: August 30, 2014 01:36
Dear Diary,

you won't believe this, but Huan and I have finally found something to agree on! Can you believe that obnoxious tabby complaining about US??? Two hours awake, nya nya nya (he usually sleeps for about 23 hours a day *snicker*). And you wouldn't believe how he SNORES! If Morgoth considered THAT to be purring, then he must have been pretty deaf (which would explain a lot ...)

Carcharoth, c/o the Kennels Zoo of Mandos.
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findemaxam48
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on: August 30, 2014 06:21
Dear Diary,

Food is running low again, despite several packs overflowing. That'll be for my dinner. Would you believe that Thorin says that we need to conserve food? In case we are in the mountains for a long time. Rude.

Later...

Was chased around Goblin tunnels for an excessive amount of time. Worked up quite an appetite.

Bombur
We were one in the same, running like moths to the flame. You'd hang on every word I'd say, but now they only ricochet.
Gandolorin
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on: August 31, 2014 12:49
Dear Diary,

talk about adding insult to injury! Mandos keeps us in a kind of terrarium like some dinky little lizards! I'm so annoyed I could just flame at that hard, transparent stuff, but Ancalagon told me never mind, not even his flame made the slightest impression on it. He also claims it has its advantages, you barely hear the constant complaining from those three whiny mammals also held around here somewhere. If he says so ...

Smaug, c/o the terrarium of Mandos.

P.S. Ancalagon just explained to me that for Mandos, we are just some dinky little lizards - and that even Morgoth was afraid of Mandos. Humiliating.

[Edited on 08/31/2014 by Gandolorin]
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Evil~Shieldmaiden
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on: September 08, 2014 06:04
Dear Diary,

I don't know what that man is thinking! Here I am trying to keep things clean and tidy and he's bringing reptiles into the Halls. I found one awful looking thing hiding behind the Fëanor "kills his friends and other unfortunates" tapestry in the west hall this morning. Gave it a couple of good whacks with the broom and it scooted off somewhere. *shudders* I do hope this isn't going to be permanent.

I must mention it to Varda when I see her for tea this afternoon. Maybe she can talk to her hubby about it.

Vairë the Weaver
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Gandolorin
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on: September 09, 2014 02:18
Dear Diary,

just when you think things couldn't get worse ... Aulë and, of all Valar, ULMO have been at work here; by the looks of it, they're constructing a freakin' POOL!!! Smaug is just a nervous wreck just looking at what they're doing. I think we must set back our differences and organize a union of all air-breathers here to demand some limits to the occupancy rules. What next, giant jellyfish and crabs???

Ancalagon, c/o the whatever-this-is-supposed-to-be of Mandos.

[Edited on 09/09/2014 by Gandolorin]
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