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Post *based loosly upon works by J.R.R. Tolkien, R.A Salvatore, and the game Fable* I bring you, Wartorn (name undecided)
on: March 26, 2014 07:40
ooc: It's the start a book I'm writing. I have about twenty more pages. This is just a rough draft but I'd love opinions. My friends and relatives like to tell little white lies from time to time. I can't trust their comments. Constructive criticism is welcome, but, please, don't be too harsh!

I could hear gunshots. Hoofbeats. Warcry. Was someone here to save me? Has my “Prince Charming” come? I certainly hope not. How could a woman marry a man she’s only just met? A shout startled me from my thoughts. My breath caught in my throat. Someone is above me! Chains rattled overhead. A ribbon of light cut into my dark pit.
“Can you stand?” A man said. His huge silhouette loomed above me.
“Y-yes,” I stuttered and scrambled out of my hole. My once strong legs wobbled and knocked. Eyes screwed shut against the bright light of the lamps, I tried to get a look at the strange man, to no avail. “Who are you?”
“Not important right now. We need to move.”
I looked back momentarily at the open doors to a dirt cellar. A hefty chain was laying across the floor. He grabbed my arm suddenly and pulled me into a crouch just as a loud boom echoed across the plain outside. Thunk. A bullet embedded itself into the wall next to me.
“Hey, let’s go!” The man said and he pulled me outside.
It was pitch black out. A beat of stillness. I glanced at the stars to get my bearings. A bullet thudded in the ground near my foot, sending a spray of dirt against my legs. 'That was a close one.' I thought. We started running west, towards a wall of trees. More bullets. 'We’re not gonna make it…' I was surprising calm. My rescuer growled.
“We’re not going fast enough.” His deep voiced whispered.       
 I drew a breath to snap back an excuse. Next thing I knew, the air was slammed out of my chest and I was slung across one of his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I groaned inwardly. 'Whatever gets us there, I guess…' 
He ran through the woods, dodging the occasional bullet and leaping over fallen logs. The woods were a maze.After what seemed like hours of running, he set me down. His breath came in ragged heaves.
“That sure was a lot of fun.” I said sarcastically, clutching my poor stomach. He scoffed and straightened up.
The sun was beginning to rise. I could see him now. The man was at least six foot and could probably lift three men with one arm. He had dark, sparkling blue eyes and jet black hair. His face looked as though he was just out of boyhood. He was dressed in soft, flexible black clothes. The shirt’s collar could be pulled up over his face. On his back he had a bedroll and pack. It all looked awfully expensive. I glanced down at the disheveled rags of mine. A current of warmth rose in my face. 
“The name’s Lexlar.” He announced. “We need to keep moving. They’ve let up the attack but I’m sure they have scouts on our trail. We won’t be safe until we reach the Western Highlands. That’s Fable country.”
“Fable country?” I inquired. That was a name I’ve never heard.
“Yeah, the mountains and surrounding foothills. Well, it’s the unofficial name. It’s really called The Barrens. The Arcanons pulled out after the last Great War. It’s just a no-mans-land buffer between them and Magarna. And, of course, to the north there’s Weymetia but, they keep to themselves, mostly. And south there’s Zekeath. They’re dark elves. Most are evil. And most live in the subterranean tunnels under the entire world. But… we should really get a move on. I-I can give you a geography lesson later.”
WIth that he set off at a swift pace.
“Hey, wait,” I jogged to catch up. “You forgot to ask my name. It’s Wren. Wren Vrensic.”
Lexlar turned back with a half smile. “I already knew.”

[Edited on 03/27/2014 by Mistigan]

[Edited on 03/27/2014 by Mistigan]
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on: March 26, 2014 08:03
I was a bit taken aback. “Hey-wai-what! How?” I sputtered.
Lexlar chuckled. “There’s no time now. I’ll explain when we reach camp.”
“In Fable, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He laughed again. “We really ought to get a move on. Lots of walking ahead of us. We should get there about noon tomorrow. With that, he fell silent and we continued on.
We hiked all day, stopping occasionally for meals. Little light reached through the thick tree cover. A faint mist swirled about our feet, giving a dream-like quality to the green forest. Finally, night began to fall, and I could hardly see at all.
“Alright, we’ll lay down here for the night. You can have the bed.” Lexlar tossed me the roll and set his pack down. He’d chosen a treeless clearing. There was the distant sound of rushing water.
“Oh, thanks,” I said quietly, and I spread the bed on the ground.
Lexlar curled up like a giant kitten several yards from me. 'Shouldn’t he stay up and guard?'  I thought, audibly growling at him. 'I’ll never get to sleep now, no matter how tired I am. Who knows where the Arcanons are… I’m so tired.' 
“Damn you, Lexlar, I’ll let you sleep but, you owe me.” 'I’ll wake him in a few hours. Maeth knows he’s earned it.' I stared up at the stars. They glittered and winked. 'Have I ever seen the stars? I know the names of all the constellations. I don’t remember seeing them. Oh, look, there’s Draco. That evil creature who spewed fire from it’s maw, burning all it touched. Must have been a magnificent beast. I want to see one. Even if I don’t live to tell the tale. Do dragon’s still live? I’d want to be one. Invicible.' My mind wandered.  
      Hours later, I shook Lexlar awake.   
     “Get up, I can’t keep my eyes open anymore,” I muttered loud enough for him to hear. “It’s your turn to keep watch, Jerkface.”
He stirred with a little chuckle.  “Glad you stayed up. I’ll make breakfast at dawn. Get some sleep, ‘O’ Maiden of Watchfulness.” He sat up and began to twiddle his thumbs. I fell asleep momentarily. It was a dreamless sleep, thankfully. Lexlar let me rest until the sun was well over the horizon.  
      “Wake up, sleepy head. Food’s about ready.” A deep voice called.
I sat up, rubbing sleep from my eyes. The scent of bacon and eggs drifted under my nose.
“Whatcha makin’?” I asked lathargcally .
“Whataya think? Breakfast food, of course!” He held the pan up for me to see in. Lexlar held a hand over his mouth, smothering a giggle, I supposed. “Um… you’ve.. uh.. got a twig in your hair.”
Roses again bloomed in my cheeks. I picked it out and combed through my rats nest with my fingers. “Yeah, thanks… I’m not used to sleeping with a pillow.”
“Well, there’s a waterfall and pond off yonder,” He nodded to the south. “Wash up then come eat. Here’s some clothes.” He threw me a bundle. “There’s some light leather armor in there, too.”
“Armor? I’ve never worn armor! How will I even put it on?” It was a serious question, embarrassingly enough. Lexlar laughed heartily. I glowered at him.
“I can help you when you’re washed up. By the way, you’re filthy.” He resumed his cooking. His comment was returned with an exaggerated frown. I marched away, hiding a smile.“Hey, try to be quick! The food will get cold!” He called. Something in his voice told me he was smiling too.
I found the water easily, just following the sound. It led me to a stunning scene. Jewel green trees, crystalline clear water, peaceful koi in the tide pools. The grass was almost unnaturally lush. The clearing was fenced by tall emerald bushes. The sun shined beautifully. The bottom of the pond was clean, perfectly sandy. It was a perfect haven.
Stripping my sullied garments and tossing them aside, I stepped into the water. It was warm, heated by the sun. I swam for a while, scrubbed my body pink, and explored.
"Du-dunk-unk-nk-k-k" a sound echoed from behind the waterfall.
“The heck was that?!” Shivers raced up my spine, despite the warm day. 'Should I see what it was? Wait… if a sound was echoing from back there for so long, there has to be a huge cave!'  
“I’m going to do it.” My firmest voice sounded so meek…
I put on the pants and shirt form the bundle Lexlar gave me. Then I set out, walking tall. I edged around the pond, flattening my body against the stone wall. Suddenly, it gave way. I was inside.
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on: March 26, 2014 08:19
The cave was indeed huge. It likely had tunnels stretching for great distances. However, without a torch, I couln't tell. The light faded just a few short yards away. I cleared my throat uncertainly.
“Hello, is someone there?” I listened.There was a scuffle only twenty feet away from me. Heated whispering. Ice gripped my heart.“I-I can hear you two! I demand come out where I can see you!” 'Oh, Maeth, oh Faera, someone! Please have this not be a mistake!' Someone laughed aloud. No, two, just identical and in unison. What was going on?
“Alright,” One voice said.
“We’ll come out.” The other finished. The two stepped into the light. They were teenage boys! And elves too! Well, I guess if those two are elven they could be a hundred years old and look my age.
“I’m Zaous.” One said.
“And I’m Ayeo.” They were perfectly identical. I’ll never tell them apart! Each had waist length sliver hair that looked timeless. Their faces were angular and handsome. They had the classic tall, sleek body of an elf. Thank Faera they weren’t dark elves! Summer Elves were known for their allegiance with humans and all things of nature. Their dark skinned cousins were hateful and worshipped a deity of destruction. The two wore matching outfits of green and silver armor to complement their fair skin. Both had a bow and a quiver of arrows on their back over capes of dark green, held by a silver leaf pin at their throats. They smiled at me, the corners of which seemed to reach to their pointy ears. I smiled back in relief.
“My name’s Wren, nice to meet you two. You had me worried for a moment.” I laughed lightly. “So, what are you guys doing back here?”
They stared at each other, eyes a little wide. One cocked an eyebrow. Then their faces turned a little more innocent and they half smiled.
“We were just exploring.” They said in unison. I groaned inwardly.It’s so weird hearing two voices like that.
“Well, why don’t you come on out? I need help putting on armor!” Again, I laughed and they joined in this time.
“Alright,” the one on the left said.
“We’ll come out.” The other said. We chattered incessantly while they helped me. Something told me I could trust them. After several minutes of talking, one at a time, thankfully, I began to notice a difference in their voices. Ayeo had a song-like quality to his voice, and it was slightly higher pitched than his twin’s. Zaous’ voice was a bit more… dog-like. He seemed to bark every sentence no matter the context. Which was odd because he seemed the more playful and upbeat of the two.
“So, you wouldn’t happen to be Wren Vrensic, would you?” Zaous asked. Ayeo gave him a harsh look. My nerves were starting to return.
“Actually I am…” My heart pounded like a drumbeat. “You wouldn’t happen to be chasing me for the Arcanons, would you?”
“Arcanons, heavens, no!” Said Zaous. “Who are you with, it isn’t Xerxes, is it? I hoped he wouldn’t get you first, he’s so weird!”
“Xerxes? No, I’m with Lexlar.”
“Oh… okay, yeah, I guess that makes sense, he’s pretty darn strong.” Ayeo mused, resting his hands on his hips.
“Ha, yeah he could dash through a whole fleet of Arcanon magi and come out unscathed.” Continued Zaous. He and his twin laughed.
“They’d be sprawled on the ground like ragdolls!” Ayeo managed to get out through his fits of laughter. I had no idea what a fleet of Arcanon magi looked like, much less what they’d look like laying haphazardly on the ground. Must be one interesting sight for these two to be laughing so hard.
“Wait, so are you with his… organization, too?” I asked after they regained their breath and wiped the tears of laughter away.
“Organization?” Ayeo asked Zaous.
“Sure,” Said his twin.
“You could call it that,” They said together.
“Well, what is it exactly that your group does?” I inquired, hoping for a direct answer.
“Well, we kinda-” Zaous started but, was abruptly cut off by his brother.
“‘We kinda’ do one thing. However, it can’t be said just yet.  I’m sorry, Wren, but this place isn’t safe to talk. Wait until we get to base. Everything will be explained.” Ayeo rested a hand on my now armored shoulder. His face spoke volumes of sincerity to me.
“Alright, fine. Onto, a more innocent topic, hmm?” Zaous urged.
“Yeah… Oh! I’ve been dying to know, how old are you two? No offense, but one can never tell with elves…” I grinned at them hopefully.
“None taken, we’re,” Began Ayeo.
“If you must know,” Continued Zaous.
Then, together, as usual, “Seventeen.” 'Do they try to say it together? For dramatic effect, I suppose.' I thought as they spoke.
“No way! I’m sixteen!”
“I know.” They chorused.
“Oh, will you quit with the unison stuff!” I whined.
“Alright.” Chortled Ayeo.
“Yeah, I guess it does get kinda old…” Zaous reflected.
“We do it just for dramatic effect.” Finished his brother.
“I knew it!” I shrilled. “I swear I thought that very thing like, two minutes ago!” I vowed. The twins laughed.  We stood in silence for a few moments. My stomach took the time to announce it’s status, empty. I blushed facing the ground. The twins laughed again. Suddenly, there was a crashing in the trees to the north. Guess who came looking for me?
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I’VE BEEN LOO- oh. It’s you two.” Lexlar strode towards us. Resting on his shoulder has a massive hammer with spikes on the blunt. The twins each put an arm over my back and grinned at him.
“Hello, Lex-lar.” They drawled, speaking the syllables in his name separately.
“Yeah, can we get moving? Wren, you’ll have to eat on the road. We’re losing daylight.” He started to turn but, paused. “At least you two did something useful.” He glared pointedly at the boys then softened his gaze as it returned to me. “Glad to see you in armor. Let’s move out. I already packed up camp.”
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on: April 16, 2014 08:14
Very interesting! Just as a note-it might be the formatting on the site here, but it's hard for me to tell what she's saying and what she's thinking. Try putting thoughts in italics. That's just nitpicky editing stuff. Have you kept on with it? I'd like to know what happens next. You do a good job of teasing and withholding important information. lol!
The men of the east may spell the stars/ and times and triumphs mark/ But the men signed with the cross of Christ/ go gaily in the dark- G.K. Chesterton ~Member of the Realm of Ulmo~ http://clairembanschbach.wordpress.com/
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on: April 20, 2014 04:34
This was quite an interesting read. Don't mind a mash-up of worlds and a mix of modernity with old style dialogue. Like rhodilwen said, a bit of editing to clean up the formatting would go a long way in making it more readable. Don't be afraid of spacing between the lines!
Eighth King of Arthedain - It was in battle that I come into this Kingship, and it will be in Battle when I leave it. There is no peace for the Realm of Arnor. Read the last stand of Arthedain in the Darkest of Days.
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on: May 10, 2014 10:42
A better place to submit this would have been the Fanfiction and poetry forum
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on: June 27, 2014 05:39
Just wondering why that story is here? It is certainly not Non-Tolkien, nor is it a role play.
My destiny is riding again, rolling in the rain, unwinding in the wind. My destiny is fighting again, secretly unwinding..what it was I was supposed to say...to say to you today.
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