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Corintur_Linyacelu
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Post The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 08, 2003 12:58
Okay, here it is, my translation of The Prophecy of the North, or Doom of the Noldor.
Original text in italics, the word-to-word-translation normal, Quenya bold
Words with * are from the PPQ.

Umbar i Noldoron
The Doom of the Noldor

Tears unnumbered ye shall shed;
Ulyuval níri únotimё;
Tears unnumbered you will pour;

and the Valar will fence Valinor against you and will shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains.
ar Valar varyuvar Valinor lello ar le hehtuvar, lá hlawien i lámo nainielyo oronti pella.
and the Valar will protect Valinor from you and will cast you out, in order not to hear the echo of your lamentation beyond the mountains.
-- This "in order not to hear" construction is a bit vague, but I think the best way to translate this "so that"´to which I found no Quenya equivalent. --

On the House of Fёanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East,
Fёanáro nossenna i ormё Valariva caita, Númello Rómen vahaianna,
Upon the kin of Fёanor the wrath of the Valar lies, from the West to the far East,

and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also.
ilquenna i hilyat yando caituvas.
and upon everybody who follow them it will lie also.

Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue.
Vérenta turuvat, ananta avartuvat* ar oio coluva oar harmar i merintё coita.
Their Oath will rule them, and yet forsake them, and ever bear away the treasures that they want to pursue.
--In this translation I consistently used "hehta-" for "abandon, cast out" and "avarta-" for betray (forsake). Could have used hehta- for both but as the meanings are somehow different I wanted two different words also. --

To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well;
Úmёa mettanna ilyё engwi ahyuvar i yestantё manevё;
To evil end all things will change that the begin well;

and by treason of kin unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass.
ar avartalenen* nossёo nossenna ar i caurё avartalello* martuva sina.
and by forsakening of kin unto kin and the fear of forsakening this will happen.
-- "avartale" derivered from "avarta-" with a noun ending to produce "treason". I used the allative after caure as ruc- (to fear) also needs the allative so I thought that perhaps all Elves fear in the allative, be it with noun or verb. --

The Dispossessed shall they be for ever.
Úhayar nauvantё tennoio.
The Dispossessed will they be forever.

Ye have spilled the blood of your kindred unrighteously and have stained the land of Aman.
Ulúliel i sercё nosselyo úteravё ar aváhtier Amanórё.
You have poured the blood of your kin unrighteously and have stained Aman-land.
-- "Ulúliel" is a bit vague. I prefixed "ul-" as only prefixing the stem vowel would not be possible as the word begins with it. Such a construction is also proposed in HKF's course. --

For blood ye shall render blood, and beyond Aman ye shall dwell in Death’s shadow.
Sercen netuval sercё, ar Aman pella maruval lumbulessё nuruva.
For blood you will get blood, and beyond Aman you will dwell in the shadow of Death.

For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Eä, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain you may be, and slain ye shall be:
An Eru martyanё nin, lá polilyё firё Eässe, ar lá polilyё ná laiwё, nan polilyё ná pelehtainё, ar pelehtainё nauval:
For Eru destined for you (that) you can not die in Eä, and you cannot be sick, but you can be slain, and slain you will be:
-- This was a difficult construction and I finally decided to do it this way. There is no "that" which would be needed in English, but inserting "ta" wouldn't be appropriate and I don't think that "i" or "ya" would be either. --

by weapon and by torment and by grief;
macilenen ar nwalmenen ar nyérenen;
by sword and by torment and by grief;

and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos.
ar fёalyar vanwё Mandosenna tuluvar.
and your lost spirits will come to Mandos.

There long shall ye abide and yearn for your bodies, and find little pity though all whom ye have slain should entreat for you.
Ta andavё maruval ar milyuvar hroalyain, ar úvar apsenina*, yando ai ilquen i epéhtielyё quetuvar nin.
There long will you dwell and you will long for your bodies and won’t be forgiven, also if everybody who you have slain will speak for you.
-- "apsenina" from "apsene-" out of the PPQ. As an alternative option to "you will not be forgiven" one could also say "we will not forgive you". Should there be a comma after "epéhtielye" ? --

And those that endure in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos shall grow weary of the world
Ar i lartar Endoressё ar úmir tulё Mandosenna nauvar engwar Ambarenen
And those that stay in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos will be sick because of the world
-- Instrumental is hard here, perhaps not right giving the sentence a harder sense. --

as with a great burden, and shall wane, and become as shadows of regret before the younger race that cometh there after.
ve alta cólonen ar sintuvar ar nauvar ve lómini nyéreva i nessa nossenna i tulё apa.
as because of a great burden and will fade and will be like shadows of grief to the young race that comes after.

The Valar have spoken.
Valar equétier.


[Edited on 8/7/2003 by Corintur_Linyacelu]
Malinornë
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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 10, 2003 07:13
Nice translation! Sorry you had to wait so long for my comments this time!

and the Valar will fence Valinor against you and will shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains.
ar Valar varyuvar Valinor lello ar le hehtuvar, lá hlawien i lámo nainielyo oronti pella.
and the Valar will protect Valinor from you and will cast you out, in order not to hear the echo of your lamentation beyond the mountains.
-- This "in order not to hear" construction is a bit vague, but I think the best way to translate this "so that"´to which I found no Quenya equivalent. --

//Good idea with "in order not to hear" - I can´t think of anything better. Just check the spelling of "hlarien". In Quenyallo, "echo" is written as "láma" so maybe a spelling mistake here. Perhaps "avalatya-" (close) could be used for "fence".

and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also.
ilquenna i hilyat yando caituvas.
and upon everybody who follow them it will lie also.

//not too sure about "i hilyat" here, perhaps "i te hilyar" with an independent pronoun instead?

Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue.
Vérenta turuvat, ananta avartuvat* ar oio coluva oar harmar i merintё coita.
Their Oath will rule them, and yet forsake them, and ever bear away the treasures that they want to pursue.
--In this translation I consistently used "hehta-" for "abandon, cast out" and "avarta-" for betray (forsake). Could have used hehta- for both but as the meanings are somehow different I wanted two different words also. --

//Good idea with to different words! Check spelling of "roita".

To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well;
Úmёa mettanna ilyё engwi ahyuvar i yestantё manevё;
To evil end all things will change that the begin well;

//I´m a bit hesitant to translate "things" when it doesn´t mean "items"...perhaps better with just "ilya" in the indefinite sense "all, everything".

and by treason of kin unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass.
ar avartalenen* nossёo nossenna ar i caurё avartalello* martuva sina.
and by forsakening of kin unto kin and the fear of forsakening this will happen.
-- "avartale" derivered from "avarta-" with a noun ending to produce "treason". I used the allative after caure as ruc- (to fear) also needs the allative so I thought that perhaps all Elves fear in the allative, be it with noun or verb. --
//Ablative with "caurë" seems logical. I think "sina" must be used "adjectively", that is not as the subject, but describing a noun, so I think it would have to be something like "martuva úcaro sina" (this wroingdoing will happen). I´m sure you can come up with something more fitting, but it seems to me that the construction of a phrase with "sina" must be done in that way.

The Dispossessed shall they be for ever.
Úhayar nauvantё tennoio.
The Dispossessed will they be forever.

//perhaps "úharyar"?

Ye have spilled the blood of your kindred unrighteously and have stained the land of Aman.
Ulúliel i sercё nosselyo úteravё ar aváhtier Amanórё.
You have poured the blood of your kin unrighteously and have stained Aman-land.
-- "Ulúliel" is a bit vague. I prefixed "ul-" as only prefixing the stem vowel would not be possible as the word begins with it. Such a construction is also proposed in HKF's course. --
//"úliel" would also be possible, I think. Can "téra" be used in a moral sense? "avahtiel", I think - "you" is still the subject.

For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Eä, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain you may be, and slain ye shall be:
An Eru martyanё nin, lá polilyё firё Eässe, ar lá polilyё ná laiwё, nan polilyё ná pelehtainё, ar pelehtainё nauval:
For Eru destined for you (that) you can not die in Eä, and you cannot be sick, but you can be slain, and slain you will be:
-- This was a difficult construction and I finally decided to do it this way. There is no "that" which would be needed in English, but inserting "ta" wouldn't be appropriate and I don't think that "i" or "ya" would be either. --
//
Why the full pronominal ending "-lyë", when you have "-l" everywhere else? Not wrong, but I think it´s good to be consistent in the whole text. For "slay" I´d prefer to use "mac-", to have a word associated with "sword" instead of "axe".

and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos.
ar fёalyar vanwё Mandosenna tuluvar.
and your lost spirits will come to Mandos.

//Perhaps "houseless" could better be expressed as "ú coaron" (without houses) or "ú hroaron" (without bodies), since the fëar are not really "lost".

There long shall ye abide and yearn for your bodies, and find little pity though all whom ye have slain should entreat for you.
Ta andavё maruval ar milyuvar hroalyain, ar úvar apsenina*, yando ai ilquen i epéhtielyё quetuvar nin.
There long will you dwell and you will long for your bodies and won’t be forgiven, also if everybody who you have slain will speak for you.
-- "apsenina" from "apsene-" out of the PPQ. As an alternative option to "you will not be forgiven" one could also say "we will not forgive you". Should there be a comma after "epéhtielye" ? --
//"milyuval" and "úval" I think - "you" is still the subject. Plural "apseninë", I believe. Check spelling of "epelehtiel". No idea about the comma

And those that endure in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos shall grow weary of the world
Ar i lartar Endoressё ar úmir tulё Mandosenna nauvar engwar Ambarenen
And those that stay in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos will be sick because of the world
-- Instrumental is hard here, perhaps not right giving the sentence a harder sense. --
//I agree that the instrumental case may not be right here because the meaning isn´t really that the world will be the cause of the weariness. Maybe "yerya-" (wear out) can be used? Or the phrase could be changed to "shall find no joy in the world", which I think is closer to "grow weary of the world".

as with a great burden, and shall wane, and become as shadows of regret before the younger race that cometh there after.
ve alta cólonen ar sintuvar ar nauvar ve lómini nyéreva i nessa nossenna i tulё apa.
as because of a great burden and will fade and will be like shadows of grief to the young race that comes after.

//I believe "sinta" is a positive word having to do with the day fading towards beautiful twilight, so I would suggest "fifíru-" (slowly fade away) instead.

And if someone else would like to comment on this, Corintur and I would both be delighted, so don´t be shy, please!
Corintur_Linyacelu
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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 12, 2003 09:16
@ all the spelling mistakes:
This is what happens if you don't look up every word and think you would know them Thanks for correcting them...

//not too sure about "i hilyat" here, perhaps "i te hilyar" with an independent pronoun instead?

I don't mind... But as we have also "A laita te" and not "A laitat" it is probable, yes.


//I´m a bit hesitant to translate "things" when it doesn´t mean "items"...perhaps better with just "ilya" in the indefinite sense "all, everything".

Hmm.... In the Quenyallo there is no comment given about the word - and you don't have VT:39 at hand to check this one, do you?
Ahh but the Quenyanna gives:
"THING nat, engwë; THING MADE tanwë (device, construction, craft) -NÂ2, VT39:7, TAN
So if "tanwe" is a "thing made" (your "item"), engwe and nat won't have these meanings too and could be used as a thing also in this way of understanding. Don't you think?

I think "sina" must be used "adjectively", that is not as the subject, but describing a noun, so I think it would have to be something like "martuva úcaro sina" (this wroingdoing will happen).

What about replacing "sina" with "ta", do you think that this would solve this problem?


Can "téra" be used in a moral sense?

An alternative meaning is given as "straight". And I don't think a word can mean both "straight" and "right" in the physical sense as it would be somehow really confusing (Just imagine if you ask an elf how to get to the station - "téra, téra!" o_O )


"avahtiel", I think - "you" is still the subject.

I was and I am not sure about this matter. Do you have to repeat "-l" all the time (tho you wouldn't repeat "you" in any language all the time) or is it sufficient to use the simple plural marker (as I did) after using the ending once?
But I think you are right as you always add the personal ending in Latin, too, also if it was already added some verbs before.

I changed the "pelehtaine" to "macine" (did the same mistake in "Nightfall" ) - and the change between -lye and -l I did because of "reasons of euphony" . Just liked it better that way, as I don't like the look of the word "polil".


//Perhaps "houseless" could better be expressed as "ú coaron" (without houses) or "ú hroaron" (without bodies), since the fëar are not really "lost".

"fealyar ú hroaron" ? o_O I get a strange feeling with this form.
Hm, I saw someone using the ending -vilte as -less in Elfling yesterday, I think, and no one was complaining about it, so perhaps we can use this one?

btw: changed the "epelehtie" to "amácie".


Maybe "yerya-" (wear out) can be used? Or the phrase could be changed to "shall find no joy in the world", which I think is closer to "grow weary of the world".

yerya- is good, but what case should be used for the world then? "wear out of the world" genitive? o_O
"lá hiruvar alasse Ambaresse" (or Endoresse?) is perhaps safer then.


Thanks for your comments!
And as Malinorne said, I'll welcome any other opinions about my translation, perhaps you see something we have missed.
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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 15, 2003 09:07
"THING nat, engwë; THING MADE tanwë (device, construction, craft) -NÂ2, VT39:7, TAN
So if "tanwe" is a "thing made" (your "item"), engwe and nat won't have these meanings too and could be used as a thing also in this way of understanding. Don't you think?

//Perhaps you´re right. "nat" seems to come from "to be", so perhaps that can be understood as something very vague, "an existing thing". I have yet to lay my hands on *any* VT except for the one available in pdf (#43, I think), so can't check "engwe"

What about replacing "sina" with "ta", do you think that this would solve this problem?

//Yes, I think so.

//Can "téra" be used in a moral sense?
An alternative meaning is given as "straight". And I don't think a word can mean both "straight" and "right" in the physical sense as it would be somehow really confusing (Just imagine if you ask an elf how to get to the station - "téra, téra!" o_O )

//Then I don´t understand why you use it for "righteous"...or am I missing something here? "right" as a direction would be "fortë", but then it could also mean "north", so better don't ask elves for directions... they say both yes and no anyway, remember?

Do you have to repeat "-l" all the time (tho you wouldn't repeat "you" in any language all the time) or is it sufficient to use the simple plural marker (as I did) after using the ending once?
But I think you are right as you always add the personal ending in Latin, too, also if it was already added some verbs before.

// I think the pronoun would be repeated when it is an ending, but maybe not as an independent pronoun. So I think you can use Latin as a model here (I use Russian)

"fealyar ú hroaron" ? o_O I get a strange feeling with this form.
Hm, I saw someone using the ending -vilte as -less in Elfling yesterday, I think, and no one was complaining about it, so perhaps we can use this one?

// I saw that too...perhaps we are too "strict" sometimes... Whichever variant you choose, I think it would be nice to use "coa" since that's what Tolkien does when referring to the body as the "house" of the soul.

yerya- is good, but what case should be used for the world then? "wear out of the world" genitive? o_O
"lá hiruvar alasse Ambaresse" (or Endoresse?) is perhaps safer then.

//You´re right! The case would be a problem... so I guess I prefer the "alasse" variant. Good question if it should be Ambar or Endor. I guess it could be either depending on how you see it... will they just be tired of their life in Middle-Earth? I think the "real" meaning behind this is that they should not have any joy from being alive; they will be no better off than those who are killed, so perhaps use "cuilë"?
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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 15, 2003 11:19
I don't have any VT either, only the one downloadable, too...

/Then I don´t understand why you use it for "righteous"...or am I missing something here?

I used it here as the opposite of "wrong". Is there a great difference between right and righteous? Only that "righteous" is perhaps a bit more... pressing or so.

--- I think I will use -vilte, "coavilti" then ---

@ "lá hiruvar alasse ____" ?
I think that the doom is that the Elves would become tired of Middle-Earth and their Exile, longing again for the bliss of Valinor or even Mandos. Galadriel for example grew tired of Middle-Earth and hopes to return to Valinor (as expressed in Namárie). And I think she will be happy again when she is back in Valinor, but she has her life, tho.
So I think the meaning behind the words is "you shall be sad in your Exile" or something like this, thus meaning Middle-Earth (Endor)
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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 19, 2003 03:36
Okay, here is my translation of "Noldor", again a Blind Guardian song from the "Nightfall in Middle-Earth"-Album.

The song has a lot of lines but not that difficult sentence constructions, so don't be scared by the length of the post
I will only give a word-to-word-translation in italics when I reworded the whole sentence.

Noldor (Dead Winter Reigns)
Noldor (Firin hrívё turё

Noldor,
blood is on your hands.
Noldor,
sercё malyannat.
-- Left out the copula because I think it sounds better without... --

Your bane's
Hestalelya ná
a tearful destiny.
maranwё nírenqua.

Black clouds will carry
Mori lumbor coluvar
rain of blood.
rossё sercёo.
I've seen it rain.
Ecénien i rossё.
I've seen the rain.

We were lost
Nélme vanwё
on grinding ice,
ruxala helcenna,
in fear and hunger.
maita ar arwa caurёo.

Dead winter reigned
Firin hrívё turnё
in Araman
Aramanessё.

You can't escape
Lá polilyё usё
from my damnation,
hehtitanyallol,
nor run away
lá nornoror oar
from isolation.
eressello.

-- I found "usin" as "I escape" and constructed the infitive "use". "Hehtitanyallol" should mean "from my banishing you". I have soe memory of such a construction formed with the infinitive and -ita- but I am not sure about it. As alternative one could use "umbarelyallo" (from your doom). "eresse" derivered from "eressea". --

“Guilty” spoke the One,
“Aica” quentё Eru,
this deed can't be undone.
carё sina úva envinyanta.

Hear my words!
Á hlarё quettanyar!
Fear my curse!
Á rucё quetalenyallo!
-- I think this part of the song tells of the sayings of Mandos (Prophecy of the North, just see above , so I used "sayings" instead of "curse", which I did not find --

I know where the stars glow
Istan yassё eleni tintilar,
and the sky's unclouded,
ar ilwё ná ú fanyo,
sweet the water runs my friend.
lissevё nén sírё, nildonya.

But Noldor,
Nan Noldor,
blood is on your hands
sercё malyannat,
tears unnumbered
níri únotimё
you will shed and dwell in pain.
ulyuval ar maruval arwa qualmёo.

Your homeless souls
Fёanyar ú coaron
shall come to me.
tuluvar ninna.

There's no release.
Lá polilyё ná lehtё.

Slain you might be,
Macinё polilyё ná,
slain you will be.
macinё nauval.

And the lost,
Ar vanwar,
who will not reach the
ya lá rahtuvar i
House of Spirits
coa fёaron
will grow old and weary.
nauval enwinar ar engwar.

I've seen this bitter end,
Ecénien sára metta sina,
as I've foreseen
ve ecénien apa
the storm and ice.
raumo ar helcё.
-- "cene apa" I constructed from "apacen"-"foresight" (lit. "aftersight") --

And I could see it,
Ar pollen cenitas,
how a million died.
írё rimbё firner.

And I?
Ar ni?
The blame's on me,
Inya ná úcarё
Mine is the wrongdoing
cause I was not there.
an lá eän ta.

Dead winter reigns
Firin hrívё turё
and tomorrow's still unknown
ar apalúmё er alistaina.
-- Again left out the copula; "apalúme" is from PPQ --

Lies,
Furur
condemned and betrayed.
hehtainё ar avartainё.
-- "avartaine" from PPQ used as in the translation above as forsake/betray --

Now everything is said.
Sí ilya quetina.

See, my eyes
Ela hendunyat,
are full of tears
quatinё nírёinen.
-- "Ela" is given "Behold!" (directing at an object in sight), something like Tolkien's often used "lo!". Of course one could alternatively use Imperative, but this does not fit that much... perhaps the nai-formula. --

And a cruel price
Ar rimbё míri
And many precious things
we've paid.
nelmё nirinё anta.
We were forced to give.
-- "nir-" to force is from PPQ --

But still I can't claim,
Nan er lá polin quetё,
that I'm innocent.
nanyё poica.
Lost.
Vanwa.

There are a lot of repetitions of phrases already translated in Umbar i Noldoron, so this was no real hard work after all, but I am sure there are some mistakes in this translation... somehwere

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Post RE: The Doom of the Noldor (translation)
on: July 31, 2003 09:20
These are some comments I was going to post the day CoE went down. Corintur has already seen them, so this is in case someone else is interested...

Nice translation of a nice text There are not many mistakes... but I have lots of suggestions anyway! Hope some of them will be according to your taste

Noldor, blood is on your hands.
Noldor, sercё malyannat.
-- Left out the copula because I think it sounds better without... --

//I wonder if the dual would really be used for the two hands of more than one person...?

Your bane's a tearful destiny.
Hestalelya ná maranwё nírenqua.

//"hestale" > withering? Where did you find "nírenqua"?

Black clouds will carry rain of blood.
Mori lumbor coluvar rossё sercёo.

//I think the possessive case would be used here, since the rain "consists of" blood, as in "yuldar lisse-miruvóreva" (draughts of sweet mead - "Namárië")

You can't escape from my damnation, nor run away from isolation.
Lá polilyё usё hehtitanyallol, lá nornoror oar eressello.
-- I found "usin" as "I escape" and constructed the infitive "use".

//I´ve done the same, so let's say it's as correct it can be at this point

"Hehtitanyallol" should mean "from my banishing you". I have soe memory of such a construction formed with the infinitive and -ita- but I am not sure about it.

//The construction with "-ita" is possible as such (though it would rather be just "-ta" with an a-stem), but I´m not too sure about the use of an infinitive here. And attaching a possessive pronoun and a case ending to an infinitive? Nope. IMHO, "from my banishing you" should be constructed from a gerund or maybe verbal noun... "hehtienyallo" and then an independent pronoun for "you" if you think it's necessary to repeat that when you already have "*you* can´t escape".

As alternative one could use "umbarelyallo" (from your doom). "eresse" derivered from "eressea". --
//Yes to "umbarelyallo" if you don't like the suggestion with "hehtie". No need to derive "eresse"...it already exists and is glossed "solitude" I think you need the infinitive of "nornoro-", whatever that will be... my guess is "nornoro".

“Guilty” spoke the One,
“Aica” quentё Eru,

// Or perhaps, instead of aica (not too sure it means "guilty") you can use one of the words for "sinners" - "úcaror", or maybe even better "rohtalië" (lit. debtor-people > people of trespassers/sinners)

Fear my curse!
Á rucё quetalenyallo!
-- I think this part of the song tells of the sayings of Mandos (Prophecy of the North, just see above , so I used "sayings" instead of "curse", which I did not find --
//I think so too "sayings" is okay, but if you want "curse", there is a word: "racco" (reconstructed from Sindarin, see PPQ)

and the sky's unclouded,
ar ilwё ná ú fanyo,

//maybe "vilya" for sky (glossed "sky, lower airs", while ilwë seems to be "the sky among the stars")

sweet the water runs my friend.
lissevё nén sírё, nildonya.

//I´m not too sure "sweet" is an adverb here... I think it describes the water itself rather than how it runs.

you will shed and dwell in pain.
ulyuval ar maruval arwa qualmёo.

//or "nwalmë" (torment), as "qualmë" is "agony, death"... the "death" part makes me doubt if it can be used together with "dwell".

There's no release.
Lá polilyё ná lehtё.

//or maybe use "um-" to avoid the awkward infinitive "ná". It´s not attested, I think.

Slain you might be, slain you will be.
Macinё polilyё ná, macinё nauval.

//or "they can slay you, they will slay you" for the same reason...

who will not reach the House of Spirits
ya lá rahtuvar i coa fёaron

//or maybe "who will not come to", since "rahta-" is also translated "strech out" and may perhaps not be used for "reach" in the sense it has here...
I think another word will have to be used for "house" here to avoid confusion, since it's now referring to Mandos, not to the body as earlier in the text. Maybe "mardë" (lofty hall). Or at least capitalize "coa".

will grow old and weary.
nauval enwinar ar engwar.

//just "nauvar", I think. Or maybe this could be put as "will wear out and wither" with "yerya-" and "hesta-", or "fifiru-" for "fade away slowly". It seems more "Elvish" to me than "will be old and sickly".

as I've foreseen
ve ecénien apa

//"foresight" is "apacén", so I would venture to use "apa" as a prefix and drop the doubling of the stem vowel > apacénien. Oh, sorry, I just saw your other comment on "cene apa", but I still think "apacen-" would be more elegant

And I?
Ar ni?

//Maybe emphatic "inyë" is better here.

See, my eyes are full of tears
Ela hendunyat, quatinё nírёinen.
-- "Ela" is given "Behold!" (directing at an object in sight), something like Tolkien's often used "lo!". Of course one could alternatively use Imperative, but this does not fit that much... perhaps the nai-formula. --
//I think "ela" is good here and will not say anything about the double dual markers HKF suggests the plural instrumental of nouns in -ë will end in -ínen, so "nírínen"
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