A is for Aragorn – Arresting and aimiable but really needs a bath.

B is for Boromir – Burdened by Hobbits and doomed to die before the excitement really began.

C is for Celeborn – Curtailed by Galadriel and not allowed to play with the Hobbits.

D is for Doomed – Which the fellowship is.

E is for Elrond – Also known as Agent Mitzi Half-Elven (ode to Hathhaldir) who can’t be bothered to clean up the mess of his fore fathers.

F is for Figwit – Finding his way to the council but nobody knows why.

G is for Gimli – Who smells like a Dwarf, Talks like a Dwarf and to Legolas’s chagrin is actually a Dwarf.

H is for Haldir – Having never been outside the Golden Wood he really needs a vacation.

I is for Imladris – Immortal home of Elrond called Rivendell by Men because mortals are so stupid.

J is for Jaded – Which Saruman has become

K is for Khazad-dum – Watch out for the Balgrog Gandalf!

L is for Legolas – Leading all the fangirls astray.

M is for Merry – Who hopes he’ll be master of buckland when this is all over.

N is for Nazgul – Of which there are Nine but none of them know how to swim apparently.

O is for Old Toby – Bilbo’s favourite and which he is smoking while his nephew goes off to die.

P is for Pippin – Who isn’t sure if he’s coming or going.

Q is for Quest – Like I said they’re all doomed

R is for Radgast – Who always get’s left out of the fun

S is for Sam – Who will kill you if you try anything (ode to VSD)

T is for Tom Bombadil – Who also always get’s left out of the fun

U is for Undomiel – Arwens last name, poncy elf tart, we haven’t forgiven her for Glorfindel yet.

V is for Valinor – Where are the Elves are going just in case things don’t work out too well.

W is for WitchKing – Who drowned at Bruinen but will be back for more!

X is for X – Because there is nothing that begins with X in middle earth.

Y is for yuck – Because that scene where the Lurtz get’s born is fairly nasty!

Z is for Zirakzigil – You’ll find out what that is in The Two Towers!