The Black Lands And Other Poems
The Black Lands and Other Poems
By Sauron the Great, er Magnificent, er Terrible, um no how
about Truly Amazing All Powerful Dark Lord Of Everything and Everybody!!!!
Ode To The One Ring:
One ring, ringy, ring, ring
You are such a beautiful thingy, thing, thing
You make my heart singy, sing, sing
How I miss you my only love
Damn that Isildur,
now I don’t have my ring finger to wear you anymore!
The Eye:
Seeing all
Seeking all
My great and terrible eye
Wreathed with flame
Can I get some Visine?!
Mount Doom:
Oh tremble before my mountain
Tall and terrible
My mountain of Doom
Like a dragon’s mouth over the world it looms
I’ve bought three air conditioners
but it’s still too damn hot in here!
Why I hate Elves:
You never listen to a word that I say
You always go your own way
Always meddling in my affairs
Little pretty boys with golden locks and poncey airs
I smote you in Beleriand but you would not die
Can’t a dark lord get a break????!
Elrond:
Elrond half-elven
I see you hiding there in Rivendell
Some day I’ll get you, when this will be I cannot tell
Think you are so clever with your Bruinen and Ring of Air
Why the heck did you invent Scientology?
Witch King:
Master of minions
Dark and foul breathed messenger of doom
You ride for me upon my foes
Treading not very lightly on their hairy toes
Stop complaining,
you’re not getting a raise till I get that damn ring back!
Melkor My Hero:
Melkor, you were once my hero
You taught me well how to hate the Elves
Together we brought darkness upon the land
All felt terror at our hands
Oh Melkor, Morgoth of old
Too bad sucker, now you’re out in the cold!
29 Comments
Not quite sure if I do this right, but I want to say that Saurons Poetry is amongst my favorites!
I like the ‘Why I hate Elves’ and ‘Witch King’ parts best.
Will you ‘rediscover’ some more of that great work ? π
i LOVED it. Bit better than Tolkien’s poems at least. π The Ring one’s the best.
Aryona FiRE
ROFLMAO!! This is the funniest Tolkien related thing I’ve read since the very secret diaries. My poor sides are splitting. *snickers* “Why I Hate Elves”…HA!
though I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favorites, it’s ok.
very funny M are we gonna see some more soon?
I kinda like it. It could be better, though. It seems like it should be set to music. My favorite part: Elrond “L. Ron” inventing scientology!
The title of this totally threw me off. When I started reading “you make my heart singy sing sing..” I couldn’t help but laugh out loud!! I can just imagine Sauron strumming and pining away.
hilarious!
I liked the 3 air conditioners!!!!!!!! It’s all really funny! I liked it a lot!
fantastic!!
ring ring ringy ring ring!
classic π
I liked these poems quite a bit, but I wished they rhymed more.
it was all dumb and i don’t like how the “d” word was repeated alot. it STUNK LIKE A SKUNK!!!!!!!
great poetry, seems to me that sauron is nothing but a depressed teenager who writes bad poetry to make himself feel better.
laughed out loud so many times, thanx for sharing this with us…
*giggles stupidly* Yea, thats v good!
real funny content but the rhyme scheem could use work overall very funny. (I like melkor my hero)
Ah, M! Writer of the fabulous Sauron poetry! Wish you hadn’t left!
awww, ickle sauron has a sensitive side! i reckon he had a bad upbringing, and he hides it all. thats why he writes poetry now, to let it all out….
Oh Melkor, Morgoth of old
Too bad sucker, now you’re out in the cold! I’ll be laughing over that for a week!
Sauron the the Great Dark Lord . . . maybe he’s not so scary after all!! π “ringy, ring, ring” heehee!! Very funny π
I was TOTALLY thrown off by “Sauron’s own poetry” I thought it would be serious, but this is hilarious!!
This was great! I like the “Witchking” one best! Please “find” more!
Just look at the rating
This is great! I like the Ring poem one and the Witch King not getting a raise.
Hee. Hee hee hee. and might i add; hee.
Lol. that was gr8! i love the Melkor one! Yay Silmarillion humour- c’est fantastique!
This was so funny! I’m going to print them all out and put them in my binder so I can snicker all the way through Math. I loved the Ring poem the best.
They were abslutely lovely! They were hillarious! Do you mind if I print one out?
These are hilarious in content. How exactly to they rhyme though?
This is why they had to destroy Sauron and his ring…to keep him from inflicting his horrible poetry on all the lands!
great job! this is pretty fantastically hilarious!
Not bad but i wish it rhymed.