Editorial Section
Middle Earth Times

Earlier this week, the ninth-circuit court of California ruled to push the Governor recall election (previously set to take place October 7th) to March of 2004. The reason the decision was made was largely due to the lack of adequate polling places for the population of California. This conclusion was reached given a study that suggested touch-screens or other electronic methods of voting were more effective than the traditional ballot.

But how does all this affect the candidates? Interviews with each candidate yield roughly the same response: Yes the delay is irritating and more than a little condescending (the assumption that Californians are illiterate and cannot complete a simple ballot) but it does not affect the campaign trail or any plans for gaining popular support. Makes sense, because after all, the Supreme Court could easily overturn the decision.

One candidate does not seemingly share the optimism of the others, however. Gollum (or Smeagol as he is known by some) shocked millions when he decided to run in the upcoming election. He continues to shock the masses of California voters as details of his campaign trail come trickling down for all to see. “He tried the ‘shake hands and kiss babies’ approach, but all the children began to cry when they saw him,” a representative of the campaign stated.

“Honestly, he makes no sense to me,” actor Alec Baldwin explained. “I was in town so I decided to go to a rally and overheard him muttering something about ‘SSStupid fat hobbitses’. I don’t want to be privy to that kind of prejudice, I don’t care what a hobbit is.” Baldwin added to his remarks by claiming: “if Gollum is elected as governor of California, I weep not only for the state but for the future of the nation. Should that thing be elected, I will be denouncing my citizenship of the United States of America.” Funny, I feel I’ve heard that once before, Mr. Baldwin.

But Gollum presses on. He feels that his attention will be best spent visiting the marshlands of California (wherever those might be…) and looking into the conservation of our natural resources. The Precious Party is gaining speed now with Gollum acquiring most of the Green Party votes due to his alignment with conservationists. He continues to target the aquatic community, slenderizing and threatening to quote “eat those fisssshes and their mothers. And their motherssss’ motherssss…” Educational reform is still suspiciously absent from his campaign speeches as he uses the time instead to go on and on about a wealth of unbreakable gold.

Don’t ask me, I don’t know either.

**Author’s Note: Quotes by Alec Baldwin are not real, all in the name of fun…And before any Californians get upset, keep in mind I’m Californian too. If anything, I feel your pain.**