Answer these questions to find out which of our lord’s cohort you’re most like. Don’t forget to add up those points: a-4; b-3; c-2; d-1. And don’t blame those scores on us, you hear?

1. The sun has risen, what do you say?
a. Morning! Swell! Friends to see, things to do…when do I start?
b. A new day! Hehehe! People to torture, ships to sink…excellent!
c. Morning? Drat!
d. A new day…I am just going to lie in the sun and maybe sing a little.

2. You see an elf on the beach, what do you feel?
a. A swimmer, a swimmer, and maybe I get to race him!
b. You would like to hold him tight, tighter, ever so tight…
c. Oh, great, not one of THEM again!
d. Aw, we can make beautiful music together!

3. Ulmo has just announced that he needs a messenger to deliver something to the elves. You:
a. Volunteer immediately. It sounds like fun!
b. Wonder if the message is precioussss.
c. Tell them not to count on you, you are not keen on Elves. Or Men… Dwarves…
d. You ask if you can bring one home.

4. The hobbits are in town.
a. You show them around, including the best spots to have breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea, dinner…
b. You want them to come closer…closer…
c. I hope they are not having me for supper!
d. You feel this is your lucky day. They are so adorable!

5. While Ulmo is on holiday, Melkor decides to make an appearance. You:
a. Think: “Everybody likes me, I can make him laugh, if I have to”
b. Play the gracious (euh!) host and offer tea, cookies, a massage
c. Sigh: “This too shall pass.”
d. Challenge him to a singing contest, just to see if he really is that good.

6. Lady Uinen has just decided she wants to throw a big fancy dress party, and dress everyone up as Dwarves. You:
a. Oh, can I braid everyone’s beards with shells and ribbons? Can I, can I?
b. *twitch* If it comes complete with red meat off the bone…
c. Sure, make fun of the undersized, it’s not like we want to have stubby legs!
d. Oh no, those awful mails will ruin my figure!

7. You are entrusted with the One Ring for the Quest of Mount Doom. You think:
a. Sure, what’s the fastest way to get there? Can I get my friends to tag along too?
b. This looks so hot on me; where do I get seven more?
c. Hey, hey, is this an oblique way to say I’m fat? Round is a shape too, you know.
d. This is so not pretty, I’d rather have a coral one… or a sapphire… or…

8. A beauty tricks salesman drops by Ulmo’s palace. Your reaction:
a. Natural beauty, repeat after me: na-tu-ral!
b. Oh good, you can make my insides look dandy!
c. What are you driving at, that I’m ugly? *sob*
d. I heard that athelas body scrub is so fashionable! Could I get some elanor conditioner too?

9. You’re offered a job as Sauron’s Advisor.
a. I’m not gonna work for a giant flaming eyeball, you’re so not nice!
b. Mwahaha! It’s a deal! Can I rule the seas for you?
c. Great, dump all the greasy jobs on me! Have you heard of non-discriminating recruitment, ey?
d. Euh, what is… ‘advising’? Do I get to wear a cute floating dress?

10. Ulmo gets a visit from Jack Sparrow (yeah, very AU). You welcome him:
a. Jack, my man, high fin! How’s Pearlie?
b. Who did you call ‘beastie’, you… rum-marinated pirate scum?!
c. Hey, watch where you’re swinging that bottle, OK? Sheesh!
d. Mm… baby, how about a walk…err… swim in my private coral garden?

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