My Dearest Aragorn,

I’m starting to think you care more about the ring than you do me. You’ve been gone so long and I’m getting impatient. WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?! Don’t think that I won’t leave Middle-earth.

Anyway, I’m starting to think that Boromir’s brother is more attractive than you (that’s gotta get ya)!

Please write back. I want to see what your response is.

Arwen (notice that it doesn’t say “love”)

Arwen,

Don’t leave. I’d miss ya too much. Do I have to beat that little twerp, Faramir? No, I do not care more about the ring than I do you. I am trying to help save the world from grief and despair. Wouldn’t you do the same?

Anyway, love, I must go. We are being attacked by orcs.

Aragorn (notice it doesn’t say “love”)

Aragorn,

Thanks for leaving me a cliff hanger. I don’t know whether you’re alive or not. Oh well, it was nice knowing you. Don’t you dare beat Faramir!

Arwen (were ya expecting “love”?)

Arwen,

I’m still alive and kicking. I hope that doesn’t disappoint you. Anyhow, we are now at Amin Hen and… say, where’s Boromir? I’ve gotta go. Boromir’s missing…and so is Frodo!

Aragorn (were ya expecting “love”?)

Aragorn,

That cute little hobbit and that burly warrior are missing?! SAVE ‘EM!!! That burly warrior’s gonna be my future brother-in-law if you don’t come home fast enough!

I must pass out.

From,

Mrs. FARAMIR

Arwen,

No, no, no! I forbid you to marry Faramir (I believe he’s got his eye on Eowyn… wait a minute, that hasn’t happened yet!). Anyway, Boromir is deceased. Ya, he was shot by three arrows. A very touching ending for him, though. You can see it when the movie comes out on DVD. What am I saying, you ask. I’m saying that they’ve been following us with cameras around Middle-earth. We’re gonna be on TV!

Aragorn

P.S. DON’T MARRY FARAMIR!

Aragorn,

If you want to know, I am wearing all black! I can’t believe that the burly warrior is dead! How heartbreaking. Anyway, what do you ya mean TV? Couldn’t Sauron see what’s happening from his entertainment system? I hear Mordor is very high-tech.

Mrs. FARAMIR

P.S. I would appreciate it if you didn’t bug me about how I sign my letters.

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