Disclaimer: The characters are Tolkien’s, and several of the later lines and scenes are going to be from The Swiss Family Robinson.

Aragorn snickered from behind the pillar. He had left a dummy on the rock, and everyone was crying over it because they thought he was dead. Little did they know that Arwen had NOT chosen a mortal life, but had chosen an elven life for her husband, Aragorn! Aragorn watched, amused, as his wife pretended to grieve for him. She was in on the trick, and was coming with him on the trip to Valinor.

Arwen glowered at him from under the curtain of her hair as it fell over her face. She was bent over the dummy, pretending to sob, even as her husband pretended to be dead. She couldn’t wait to leave for the Undying Lands. Mortals were so tiresome.

Frodo and Sam crept through Osgiliath, making their way to the boats. Using techniques they had learned in Mordor, they stuck to the shadows, moving silently and out of sight of anyone. They hated to leave Rosie, Merry, and Pippin behind, but none of the others had been Ringbearers, so they couldn’t come. Besides, Aragorn had said, ‘There is no way in all of Arda that I am going to sit on a ship with those two for a long time! They are not coming!’ And that was that.

Merry and Pippin were pretending to be spies, following Frodo and Sam. They were making their way through Osgiliath, towards the boatyards. Frodo and Sam were acting quite suspiciously, darting from shadow to shadow, which of course made everyone notice them. When the hobbits got to the boatyards, they climbed into the biggest boat there, a mighty white elven vessel. Merry and Pippin boarded after Frodo and Sam had disappeared inside the cabin.

Aragorn, heavily disguised under a fake mustache and wig, sneaked out to his ship. He greeted Arwen, Frodo, and Sam, who were waiting for him. He told the elves who were steering the boat to set sail, and watched Osgiliath disappear behind them. He was off at last!

Arwen sat in the cabin, listening impatiently to Frodo’s moping about his arm and finger and Sam’s complaining about leaving Rosie and his thirteen children. Arwen grimaced at the thought that she would never see Eldarian or her daughters again, but suppressed the thought. She still had Aragorn, she was going to reunite with her father, and she would never have to associate with mortals again.

Sitting on the boat, Frodo and Sam finally considered the implications of their departure. They would never see their families or friends. They mentioned this to Arwen, but she wasn’t very sympathetic. Soon, their thoughts turned to more important matters, such as when the next meal was going to be.

Merry and Pippin sat in the cramped broom closet. They had gotten locked in by accident, while searching for a snack. They hoped someone would come looking for a broom soon, before they starved. Why would Sam be on a boat, anyways? Everyone knew he was afraid of water.

Aragorn stood proudly at the helm of his mighty ship. They were already leaving the river Anduin behind them, setting out into the Western Sea and then on to Valinor. He heard the crew behind him, putting up the sails now that they were past the river current. Aragorn grinned. There was no going back now!

Arwen felt the motion of the boat shift as it moved out into the ocean. She glared around at the cabin, which was full of dust. Now that they were away from the land, they might as well be rid of dirt, too. Arwen stood to go get a feather duster.

Frodo slumped into his hammock. The motion of the boat was making his stomach queasy. When the boat hit a particularly big swell, he bolted for the deck. Sam watched him go, and decided to wait to have that sponge cake. Hopefully he wouldn’t get seasick, too. But he wasn’t holding his breath – he was not fond of water travel.

Merry and Pippin jumped up excitedly as the door opened, then grimaced as they hit their heads on the low ceiling. Thus, Arwen’s first look inside was of the two hobbits grimacing at her, and so she quickly shut the door. Merry and Pippin heard shouting, and then Aragorn’s voice joined Arwen’s, and finally the door opened again. The hobbits tumbled out eagerly.

Aragorn was starting a game of Go-Fish with Sam and two of the crew when he heard Arwen yelling for him. What now, he thought angrily. It wasn’t as though Eldarian were here – now that he could understand yelling about. Eldarian was as bad as his uncles Elrohir and Elladan that way. But this trip was supposed to be relaxing, and Eldarian was back in Gondor being king. What could Arwen possibly have to be upset about? Sighing, he got up from the game and headed down to see what the problem was.

Arwen opened the door to the broom closet and immediately saw Merry and Pippin making angry faces at her. She closed the door hastily, and shouted in Aragorn’s general direction, “ARAGORN! GET DOWN HERE NOW!” He came, taking his sweet time about it, and Arwen told him about the stowaways. Aragorn moaned, putting his hand over his eyes and muttering under his breath. Arwen opened the door and let the hobbits out.

While Frodo leaned over the rail of the boat, Sam waited impatiently for Aragorn to come back. It was his turn at Go-Fish, and the elves were too noble to let him look at Aragorn’s cards while he was gone. He heard the commotion below deck, but didn’t pay attention to it. Then Aragorn came back up, and Sam called him over. But he wasn’t alone. Merry and Pippin were following him! Sam stared in astonishment, and even Frodo looked up from the rail when he heard Pippin’s voice.

Merry and Pippin followed Aragorn up to the deck of the boat. Aragorn was grumbling the whole way. Sam and Frodo stared at them, but the elven crew didn’t seem to care. “So,” said Pippin, “When’s elevenses?”

Merry rolled his eyes. “At eleven,” he pointed out, adding, “duh.”

Pippin paused. “Oh, right,” he said. “How much longer til eleven, then?”

“Well,” Merry considered, “It’s about ten now, so it’ll be an hour.”

Pippin looked shocked. “But I’m hungry! And we skipped second breakfast!”

“Yes, Eru forbid you not eat every half hour,” Aragorn muttered.

“So,” Merry said, “Where are we going?”