On Mt. Doom
Elrond: Cast the ring into the fire, destroy it!
Isildur: No.
Elrond: *pushes Isildur into Mt. Doom* Well that takes care of every thing *dusts off hands*
On that mountain before they reach Moria………….
Legolas: Look at me I’m a fairy elf prince! I can walk on the snow! I’m as light as a feather! Lalalalalala…
Boromir pushes Legolas off of the mountain.
Fellowship: Thank eru.
The Council of Elrond………
Aragorn: You have my sword.
Legolas: And my bow. But don’t even think about touching my herbal essence!
Elrond: You will unite or you will fall-
Arwen: So that’s why I wasn’t invited to your party, you’re wearing my tiara!
Legolas: Not to mention your purple dress.
Everyone else stares at Elrond.
Elrond: What? They look better on me!
In Moria…….
Legolas: *grabs part of Aragorn’s sword*
Aragorn: *pulling sword back* Legolas, I need my sword to fight the orcs!
Legolas: Must….ogle…reflection!
Before they go into Moria………..
Aragorn: The mines are no place for a pony.
Sam: Good-bye Bill.
Bill: Neigh, nay, nay. (Translation: I remember what Gandalf said. He said now don’t you leave him Bill and I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to.)
Sam: I love you Bill *hugs Bill*
Bill: Nay, neigh (I love you to Sam)
PJ: CUT! Bill, can I have a word with you.
Frodo: Gandalf, I cannot read the fiery letters what do they say?
Gandalf: It’s a dud! Made in China!
Take 56
Frodo: Gandalf, I cannot read the fiery letters what do they say?
Gandalf: What are you, twenty-something years old and you can’t read!
Frodo: It’s in the script grandpa!
Take 364
Frodo: What do the stupid letters say?
Gandalf: Insert finger here.
PJ: All right who took the real ring!
Andy: It’s mine. My precioussssssssssssssssssss.
PJ; Oh shutup and give the ring back!
Aragorn and Arwen’s “love scene”
Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into a dream-
Merry: We demand that you stop this!
Aragorn: Why? We are getting paid for this ya know.
Pippin: We read FotR five times in a row and this never happened!
PJ: Oh brother CUT! Billy, Dominic we need to have a talk.
Take 35
Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought-
Pippin: *runs in front of the camera* Stop! Run away!
Merry: The people who are making this movie want to rule the world!
Pippin: They want you to be their slaves! They’re trying to brainwash you! Read the book instead!
PJ: *slaps forehead*
In Lorien….
Galadrial: Look into my mirror
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadrial: Water. Every thing else is done with special effects.
PJ: Cate! How many times do we have to shoot this scene!
One of those times Frodo is stupid enough to hold out the ring…
Frodo: o_o
Nagzul#5: *runs up and grabs the ring* Thanks buddy! *runs away*
Frodo: Hey give it back!
Aragorn: You can’t give me this.
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will-
Aragorn: Arwen, this necklace says made in china on it. Are you keeping something from me?
Elrond: That’s right! I have the real one and I’m not letting my baby give up her immortality!
Arwen: I hate you daddy!
Elrond: One day you’ll thank me for this.
In Lorien……
Galadrial: Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the light of Earendil, our most beloved star.
Frodo: So, I’m risking my life to save middle-earth and all you give me is some light bulb! Thanks a lot!
The Council of Elrond…
Elrond: The ring must be destroyed!
Gimli: Then let’s do it now. *takes out ax and instead of his ax breaking the ring does*
PJ: CUT! That’s the seventh one today!
In Lorien…..
Celeborn: Where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him.
Galadrial: He has fallen into shadow.
Gimili: Nah, he’s going over his lines for the next movie.
Legolas: A lament for Gandalf.
Boromir: What do they say?
Legolas: What do you mean what do they say! They write a song for some dead guy but don’t even care that I had to go without herbal essence for a week! Do you know how hard that is!

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