Gollum Meets the President

This story is about poor little Gollum who by chance has to go and dine with the President of the United States.
Well here we go…

It all started one evening about thirty years ago…

“Look at that poor drowned rat! See over there. Stop the car, for heaven sakes, man, stop the car!” the President yelled.

Bob, the driver, looked back at him and stopped the car.

The President (and we now learn that his real name is Mr. John Jones) stepped out of the car and walked over to him.

Smeagol glared at him and said, “Whats does it wants precious?”

Mr. Jones looked surprised. “You can talk?”

“Of course mesa can talk.”

They got into a lovely conversation, with a couple of words like ‘Stupid’, ‘Jerk’ and ‘Idiot’ thrown in. But finally, in the end, Gollum accepted the invitation to dine with the President.

On the drive back to the White House the President could not help but wonder about the loincloth hanging about this odd creature’s waist.

After they arrived at the White House, Smeagol was sent upstairs to get ready for dinner.

A few minutes later a guard walked into the room carrying a tuxedo.

“What is that?” Gollum demanded.

“A tuxedo,” the guard replied.

The look on Gollum’s face was, well, he was so terrified that he could hardly breathe.

After putting the tux on Smeagol, the guard ushered him down stairs and into the waiting room, where he left him.

The President himself came to get Gollum a few minutes later.

As they entered the dining room several people gasped.

“What is that thing?” they whispered among themselves.

As the waiters brought the food out Gollum found his mouth watering. It was fish! Gollum knew that smell anywhere. But as they removed the cover Smeagol shrieked in horror. “What is this?”

“It’s fish,” the guard whispered into his ear.

“NO, give it to us raw and wriggling! That is the way mesa eats precious!”

The whole audience gasped in disgust, horror and shock.

Gollum presumed to prove his point by going over to the President’s fish bowl and whipping out his prize tuna!
Gollum screeched, howled and sang in delight!

Well, after getting his prize away from him, the dinner continued on peacefully enough until Gollum had had enough of his tuxedo.

He ripped it off without second thought and threw it in the punch!
Now he stood in front of them in only his loincloth!

What the people around the table thought then was that he was a totally despicable creature that should be turned out.

By now Gollum was climbing up the walls and towards the President’s chandeliers!

As the first one fell with a crash the President squeaked, “Get him out of here!”

The Guards eventually caught Smeagol.
After that they turned him over to the zoo, now he was their problem!