Nerdanel’s Sons: Prologue.

(Disclaimer: All of the characters, the main scenarios and the timelines are, of course, the wonderful creations of JRR Tolkien. Only this interpretation of the story and the mistakes are mine. All references are from The Silmarillion and HoME 1, 10 and 12.)

A/N Although I have altered the reasoning behind the issue of having no daughters, I did take the original concept, that Nolofinwë thought Fëanáro’s seeming inability to father a daughter was a slur on his masculinity, from the story ‘Raven Hair and Silver Eyes’ by Elfine, and it was used with her permission.

With thanks to Bellemaine and Eru_Melin.

“Seven sons she (Nerdanel) bore to Fëanor; her mood she bequeathed in part to some of them, but not to all.”

(Of Fëanor and the Unchaining of Melkor. The Silmarillion. JRR Tolkien. HarperCollins ed.p65)

Neldormindo. The first house of Curufinwë Fëanáro. Seventh Age.

I had wanted a daughter.

Ai – not to start with! I had been overcome with joy that our firstborn had been a son – and our secondborn – how else should it have been for Fëanáro and I? He wanted strong sons; I wanted not to disappoint him in any manner. But as our family grew in number I began to long for a daughter with whom I could share those aspects of my nature less easily conveyed to a nér. It is true that Makalaurë was ever close to me, as was Ambarussa. Even Carnistir was more his mother’s son that has oft been told. As for Maitimo – was I not in love with our firstborn from the moment I set eyes upon him? But for me there was something missing in my life that I desired. So I spoke with my husband on the matter, he being not adverse to the idea of a daughter after the birth of Tyelkormo. I believe there was a time when Fëanáro was eager at the prospect of a ‘Jewel’ being added to his house who might remind him of his mother. But such a matter is in the will of Ilúvatar, not the will of Fëanáro! Although we could conceive our children at times of our choosing, we could not choose their gender. So it was that, despite my hopes, each of our subsequent four children was a son.

Though I admit to most transitory feelings of disappointment, I was delighted with each child I bore. I would never have exchanged any one of them for the daughter I dreamt of. Each one was I proud of, and loved with a fierceness far beyond my usual nature.

“As a lioness are you with your young, Nerdanel,” Serewen once said to me.

She was right – my sons were most precious to me. I would have fought to the end of my endurance to protect them; though I knew not then the greatest danger they would face would be from the indomitable will of their sire.

It is well known that, in due course, all of my sons were led forth by their father to carry war and vengeance against Moringotho. They were to turn their backs upon Aman and set as naught the love and care of the Valar. What is less well known is that I fought like a lioness for them – for the youngest two at least to remain with me. But my opponent was too strong by far. What to say when it is the lion himself that the lioness must face in contest; and he wounded, wrathful, and deceived beyond reasoning with?

Now in the year 1362 Anairë and Eärwen each bore a daughter to their respective lords, while Indis had long since borne two daughters to Finwë. It was not unreasonable of me to feel again a sharp longing that Fëanáro and I should have a daughter of our own. But he was much occupied – and I was caught up in my desire to learn more of the beginning of days from the Valar, to which end I had been studying with the Maia, Elemáinë. So time passed. I thought to put aside my wish. We were beyond the years of the children, I told myself. We each had each moved on to express our powers of body and mind in ways other than generation.

“Are not the seven sons he has given me enough?” I had pondered. “And who is to say that an eighth child would not be yet another son?”

But I felt incomplete as a mother. I could not overcome the thought that – should Fëanáro and I so will it, so focus our minds and hearts and spirits – we could yet get a daughter between us.

There came a time when I could be silent no longer. At the Great Festival of 1432, upon holy Taniquetil, I asked of my lord and husband that we again create life. Three times did I ask of him for that which I longed. At length he said: “Art thou not renowned as mother to seven sons? Let them be enough for thee! It was not without reason I named our youngest Telufinwë – for the last Finwë, the last of our children is he. I will not risk losing thee as I lost my mother. And did it not come nigh thy desire to depart of life after the birth of Curufinwë? Nay, beloved – our sons are enough.”

Enough for him, mayhap – but the seven were not enough for me. When we retired to our pavilion upon the sward I found I could not take rest – neither could I accept in my heart the finality of my lord’s pronouncement.

So I spoke to him of that which I had heard mention amongst the gathered company. To my disgrace I kept not the words to myself as I had intended. A last attempt thought I, and that I knew from inadvertently overhearing Anairë’s ladies commenting on Írissë, that Nolofinwë had made question of Fëanáro’s lack of a daughter. Would not any such comment by Nolofinwë aggrieve my husband that he might wish to prove his half-brother wrong, I considered in my stubborn folly?

“Strange it is, that alone of the sons of Finwë my half-brother has not seen fit to follow the example of our sire. Though a goodly number of sons have been added to him, he who prides himself on his love for our king and father has disregarded that same father’s desire to bring forth sons and daughters into the bliss of Aman.” Those words, though of certainty not intended for my hearing, had been uttered by one of Anairë’s attendants.

Upon hearing the accusation, Fëanáro was ominously silent. I had never said aught that would add to his contempt of any that he was momentarily taken aback – but my betrayal was far worse than cause for contempt alone; for the instant I spoke I saw the spark of anger, and the pain he ever sought to bury concerning his mother, in my husband’s eyes.

“Alone among the Eldar I have no wife, and must hope for no sons save one, and no daughter,” he echoed the words his father had spoken to Manwë as reason for wishing to dissolve his marriage, and take another wife.

And I turned my gaze from him in deep shame at the lack of love and of wisdom I had shown.

“Treat such words with the contempt they warrant,” my husband stated after a further moment of silent brooding, as if that was an end to the matter. “If siring a daughter is the only matter in which my half-brothers think themselves first before my father, it but demonstrates the multitude of their inadequacies. But shall I not create something of beauty and wonder that will show them all the extent of my abilities.”

‘A daughter’, I had vainly hoped. (Though realisation of the pain I caused Fëanáro had disarmed my obsessive desire somewhat.) So when he took my hand in his and drew me close, I went to him readily – but I knew he meant something else.

Swiftly and in secret he soon worked upon that most renowned of his endeavours. He asked of me alone for aid and council in the early days of the undertaking, so that many knew him to be fully occupied on a creation of great import for most of the year of 1449 – but I was the only one who knew what it was he studied and crafted with such passion in his heart.

My lord wanted to create Jewels in which he could combine the light of Telperion and of Laurelin. I wanted us to create a daughter, in whom we could combine our love and skills.

But alas, it was never to be.

Seven sons I bore him. All seven did he eventually take from me into exile – six did his rebellion lead unto their deaths. Now, as I sit before my sculpting of their likenesses in the house of Neldormindo, that place where Fëanáro and I dwelt when first we wed, it is in my mind to record but a few brief memories of each of them and the manner of their final parting from me.

Ai! Would that Fëanáro had given me a daughter. Sometimes do I even wish we had had seven daughters! Now would that not have taxed my husband that mayhap matters would have developed very differently. But all such speculation on my part is but pointless folly.

– – – – –

The dates of 1362 for the birth of Aredhel and Galadriel, and 1449 for Fëanor working on the Silmarils are taken from The Annuls of Aman. Morgoth’s Ring J. R. R. Tolkien. Edited C. Tolkien.

Nér – adult male; he-Elf.
Makalaurë – Maglor
Ambarussa – The twins. In this case, Amras.
Carnistir – Caranthir
Maitimo – Maedhros
Tyelkormo – Celegorm
Moringotho – One of the two ancient forms of the name Morgoth.
Telufinwë – Father name of Amras
Curufinwë – Both Fëanor and Curufin’s father name. In this case, Curufin.
Nolofinwë – Fingolfin
Írissë – Aredhel

“Alone among the Eldar I have no wife, and must hope for no sons save one, and no daughter.” (Finwë addressing Manwë. The Later Quenta Silmarillion Morgoth’s Ring p237)

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