Character Bios


Special Skills- Speaking bird, Loogies

Special Items- Loogie Lessons book

Likes- His Father, Gimli in the pink fuzzy thing, The Old Country

Dislikes- The Muffin of Hatred

Bio- Gandalf’s father left him very early. So he was adopted by a bird, his father. While he was supposed to be looking for information about the ring, Gandalf found a book on loogies and now practices them regularly on others. He was from the Old Country, or at least he thinks he was…he has a bad memory. His love life ended with the balrog, though he is now attracted to “beasts”.

Special Skills- Crawling

Special Items- None

Likes- Being a guard

Dislikes- Trolls, Fire, Pain

Bio- Pippin practiced being a guard on many inanimate objects. Those including: a rock, dead guy, and another slightly smaller rock.

Special Skills- Talking to inanimate objects

Special Items- Phillip (when he’s not lost)

Likes- Phillip, Being King

Dislikes- People or animals that steal Phillip, or people that acknowledge him as a lowly person, Peasants

Bio- Aragorn was a very dirty man, but then with the help of a few tanks of oil, and Legolas, he became much prettier. After finding out about becoming a king, he became more “kingly”. He loves long walks on the beach and moonlit dinners. But alas, he is taken by Phillip. Phillip is a penny, that he found in Amon Hen (see “My Version of the Fellowship” for more detail). and named. He dislikes peasants and people below him, which he thinks is everyone, but Phillip.

Special Skills- 5 minute make-overs, Stabbing Gimli, Ignoring Gimli

Special Items- Strawberry Scented Bubble Bath Soap, Make-up, Lotion, Shampoo, Nail polish, ect…

Likes- all the above and Eowyn

Dislikes- Gimli, Aragorn, Gandalf, Theoden, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Everyone, but mainly Gimli when he is in the pink fuzzy thing

Bio- Legolas is a prince and does not hide that fact. He was astonished to find out his favorite, and only, brand of lotion, shampoo, hair-care, nail-care, body-care, was owned by Gimli. The brand it SBSBS™ (Straw Berry Scented Bubblebath Soap). He is also known to do literally anything for SBSBS™. He loves to take long bubble bathes in Rivendell (a few days long to be exact).

Special Skills- Clearing out rooms in five seconds, Speaking squirrel, chipmunk, gopher

Special Items- The Pink Fuzzy Thing

Likes- Legolas, Being naked, Soap Operas

Dislikes- Non-Pink Fuzzy Thing outfits, People falling in disgust at the thought of him

Bio- Gimli has many family members who obsessively love monkeys. He is most remembered by being in the pink fuzzy thing, which is a pink fuzzy speedo. He can speak many languages, though Chipmunk sounds like Squirrel to some people, he has learned the art of it. He sees his “Soaps” whenever he can, he never misses an episode of “Three’s Company”. In a drunken rage, Gimli stole a certificate from a shadowed figure. The certificate guaranteed his ownership of SBSBS™.

Merry (not too bright, is he?)
Special Skills- None

Special Items- None

Likes- Giant talking trees

Dislikes- None

Bio- He doesn’t do…….much. He isn’t very bright, though he likes giant wooden talking things.

Special Skills- Hiding

Special Items- A Phial, Sting, The Ring, a special secret box

Likes- Giant fields of flowers, Bright colors

Dislikes- The Ring, Gollum, Gimli exercising, Crowds of fans

Bio- Frodo was cursed by the rin-…no actually more by exercising with Gimli. His love for bright colors and fields of flowers is drowned out by the crowd of fangirls (some men). He spends many hours a day sitting in a corner hiding from his fans, staring at a secret box. There is only one known item in the box: a signed photo of Chuck Norris.

Special Skills- Healing

Special Items- Mary Poppins’ umbrella

Likes- Everything

Dislikes- None

Bio- Sam was miserable and a down-right pain. But when he received Mary Poppins’ umbrella (See “My Version of TTT” for more detail) he became cheerful as can be. He flies around with spoonfulls of sugar and flowers. His powers of healing is only equal to the black knight’s power of destruction.


Special Skills- Trying to kill Aragorn
Special Items- Arrow from Saruman that hits who you hate most

Likes- Aragorn dying, Aragorn in intense pain, Aragorn choking, being stabbed, being hurt ect…

Dislikes- Aragorn (living)

Bio- Theoden was old and extremely ugly. Then Legolas came and gave him a make over (VERY expensive), now he’s the life of parties. He is very jealous of Aragorn’s kingshipness. Now Theoden dedicates his life to destroy Aragorn’s reign and become king of all.

Special Skills- Ignoring Legolas

Special Items- Sword to keep Legolas away

Likes- People caring for other people

Dislikes- Destruction, World Hunger, Legolas

Bio- Eowyn dislikes Legolas. So she hired herself a bodyguard to stop him from hitting on her, though she could do it fine herself. Her life long dream is to make World Peace, solve World Hunger, and find someone to discuss Dwarvish Literature with.

Special Skills- Not seeing well

Special Items- Big glasses

Likes- Being thought of as “important”

Dislikes- Mistaking things because of poor eyesight

Bio- Eomer has very poor eyesight, so he wears huge glasses. The glasses were sabotaged by Sauron. In order to make his eyesight worse, he replaced the glass with shiny plastic. Eomer does not know. He once mistook Gimli for Legolas. Legolas went all out on him.

Special Skills- Telling people what to do

Special Items- Marines badges, Girl scout badges

Likes- Making pine cone bird houses out of pine cones

Dislikes- Insubordination

Bio- Faramir’s father never liked him. His father loved Boromir better. While Boromir was off to the army, he went to the Girl Scouts to prove himself. As you can imagine, it failed. So he joined the Marines. How he is a forest ranger…go figure.

Special Skills- Using a flamethrower

Special Items- A flamethrower, Matches

Likes- Fire

Dislikes- Water, Smokey the Bear

Bio- Denethor is a pyromaniac. He loves fire and anything that creates it. Smokey the Bear is his mortal nemesis. You will never see him checking the batteries of smoke detectors.



The Black Knight
Special Skills- Swordsmanship

Special Items- A black suit of armor

Likes- Weak people

Dislikes- Aragorn, people that can easily kill him (everyone)

Bio- The Black Knight spent most of his life guarding a bridge. He met King Arthur at the bridge and lost his appendages. He later went to law school to become a lawyer. He gave that up after he realized he had to write. He then moved on to be a professional “Rock, Paper, Scissors” champion. He needed arms for that too. After that, he realized he was being discriminated because of his handicap. So he went to Dr. Greenleaf who fixed him up with some nice construction paper arms and some golf club legs. He then met Eowyn and became her guard for her body. Meeting Aragorn, he lost his arms. Now his life long (actually a few weeks long dream) is to destroy Aragorn.

Another chapter will be added and will include: Boromir, Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel, Gollum, Sauron, Witchking, Mouth of Sauron, Saruman, Girl, and Boy.

NOTE- Some of these may not make sense with the story but when I add another chapter to Return of the Penny it should.

Thank you for reading, please review it, or send me a message.

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