At last I return to my writings! I give you Survivor: Middle-earth!

Survivor Middle-earth

Episode I

Dramatis Personae:

The Good Guys:
Gandalf the White
Elrond
Galadriel

The Angband Support Group:
Arwen
Frodo (and Sam)
Gothmog

Team o’ Evilness n’ Stuff
Shagrat
The Witch-king
Second-age Sauron

The Manly Men:
Aragorn
Éomer
Boromir

On with the story!

The above characters have won a contest to be in the first ever “Survivor: Middle-earth”! Now they find themselves on a tropical island somewhere in the South Pacific (really!). Let’s watch…

“Okay, everyone,” said Kyle (the host person), “Your first jobs are to make fire, build a shelter, and prepare a meal. Tomorrow the real fun begins.” he said with an evil smile, “Good luck! You’re certainly going to need it… mwa-hahaha!” Kyle stepped onto his waiting helicopter which promptly took off, leaving our heroes (and villains!) stranded on the isle.
“Right,” said Gandalf, “Now we must hold a council to decide whether or not we want to beat up on the bad guys.”
“That ain’t funny, yo!” said Shagrat. His teammates groaned at his bad… what-ever-it-is. Meanwhile the men began to stomp around.
“What are you doing?” asked Arwen.
“Looking for rum!” exclaimed Éomer, “Haven’t you ever seen “Pirates of the Caribbean?””
“This is going to be a long day,” sighed Arwen.
“Cheer up, babe,” said Aragorn, “At least Ring-wraiths aren’t trying to kill you.”
“I resent that!” called the Witch-king.
With this parting shot the teams split up to perform their tasks in their own unique ways.

The Manly Men were standing around talking: “How are we going to build a house?” asked Boromir. “I happen to have here a handy-dandy plan for building shelters on deserted tropical islands,” replied Aragorn as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “Hmmmm… we’re going to need a lot of bamboo,” he continued after studying the paper for a moment, “Boromir! Go over to that jungle and start gathering long pieces of bamboo!”
“Sure, whatever,” said Boromir reluctantly.
“I believe you mean ‘Yes sire!'”
“Yes sire”
“From now on both of you will address me as ‘Your highness’ and say ‘yes sire’ and ‘No sire’. Got it?”
“Yes sire” replied the other two reluctantly as they went to gather bamboo.

Meanwhile the Angband Support Group was having an argument. “What do you mean I have to make a fire?” cried Gothmog, “I want to go pick some of those flowers over there! Besides, fire is dangerous!”
“Well it could be because you’re a giant, flaming, monster,” replied Arwen, “I think that’s a good reason for you to make a fire for us.”
“I think we ought to have him go smash the other teams,” muttered Frodo.
“That wouldn’t be very nice, Mr. Frodo.”
“Agh! Where did you come from?!” screamed Frodo, “I thought I told you to take care of my chickens!”
“Well that’s just it, Mr. Frodo,” replied Sam, “You don’t have any chickens, so I figured you made a mistake and that you would have wanted me to come with you, so…”
At this Frodo broke down in tears, “I just can’t get rid you! Wahhhhhh!!”

The Good Guys were having a council at the same time. “We are here by chance met and yet not by chance it would seem…” began Elrond.
“We entered the contest as a team. Of course we’re all here!” interrupted Galadriel.
“Look can we all agree that we need to build a house and make a fire?” said Gandalf, “The other teams are way ahead of us.”
“B-b-b-but, we didn’t have a council!” wailed Elrond.
“Stow it shorty,” growled Galadriel in response.

The Team ‘o Evilness was having its own problems: “A bamboo hut?! You can’t impress chicks with a bamboo hut, yo!” Shagrat was shouting. Sauron was glowering in anger at him. “Instead of bamboo, we could build the hut out of… palm leaves!” said the Witch-king. I should have paid attention in “Building a Fortress of Evil from Scratch 101”, thought Sauron, now we have to live a bamboo hut and put up with Shagrat.

Arwen wandered about the beach, hunting for clams. She had already found several but she was going to need a lot more. Oh look there’s one, she thought, it sure is big. She reached down to pick it up. I wonder if there’s a pearl in it. She picked it up and used her magical Elven powers to open it up. “Whoa…” she breathed staring at the contents of the clam.

^ how’s that for drama? ^_^