The Amelia Poppy Interviews:
Legolas

…Fellowship is walking through forest. Suddenly Legolas disappears…and appears in a strraaaange place….

Amelia Poppy: Hello, Prince Legolas, I’m Amelia Poppy.

Legolas: Hello, Amelia. Please, just call me Legolas…..Why in the world am I here??! *looks nervous*

AP: *heh heh* I have kidnapped you to answer questions from your adoring fan girls!!!

Legolas:….uuuhmm..fan girls?! What are fan girls?!

AP: Girls, that ..uhh… you don’t want to get into it. But when I tell you to run, RUN! *hears screaming fan girls in background*

Legolas: ….Ok…. please ask your questions, I’d like to go home!

AP: Al right, what’s it like being the Prince of Mirkwood?

Legolas: Fine… I guess.

AP: Great then, what do you like to do in your spare time?

Legolas: Kill orcs and wash my hair!! My beautiful, lovely hair…*pets hair* I also like to nag Aragorn to wash his!

AP: Can I pet your hair? Pweeeez? *stares at hair*

Legolas: Well… I guess so, if you wash your hands first!

AP: Great! I’ll be right back…. oopsies… better strap you to your chair! Don’t want you running away now do we?

Legolas: *gulp* A-Alright…. *looks terrified*

AP: Be back in a jiffy!

Legolas: What’s a jiffy?

AP: Never mind…

….. (2 minutes later)….OooOOoooo…soft hair!

Legolas: Ack! Careful! Don’t split any ends! Aaaaaaaaa…

AP: *pulls out scissors* I just want a little lock…

Legolas: NOOO!

…*SNIP*…..

Legolas: *faints*

AP: Legolas? Legolas? Wake up! *slap*

Legolas: Huh? Wha-…. *sees hair in Amelia’s hand*…. AAAA!! AAAH! AAA!!

AP: Here, I have a surprise that will make you feel aaalll better!!
*smiles brightly* *pulls Legolas doll out from behind back*
Surprise!!

Legolas: What is it?! It looks very freakish.

AP: Duh silly, it YOU!! Cute huh?

Legolas: *shriek* aAAaaAAAh! The hair is all messy, and where is it’s shiny glimmer?!

AP: Uhh…. I was just joking! HAHAHA! It’s not you! *feels embarrassed*

Legolas: *GASP* You scared me! My hair could never look that wretched!

AP: Oookay…new question. How do you stand being friends with a smelly dwarf like Gimli?

Legolas: Well, he’s paying me big money to act like I’m his friend…because I’m a prince and I have great hair and all. *flips hair* *looks proud*

AP: Yes… gorgeous hair… uh-huh….

Legolas: *Glares at Amelia* Is that it? I’d like to go home now…

AP: NO, this is your home, with ME!!!!! *evil laughter*

Legolas: *trying to squirm away*

…..Meanwhile back in Middle-Earth…..

Aragorn: Hey! Where did Legolas go? He hasn’t been bugging me about the lather, rinse, repeat technique for a while!!!