The Fellowship of the Ring at the White House by Alatariel1013
Please R&R! I want to know if you like it or not.I do not own these characters, well, I do in my sleep, but that’s about it. They belong to Tolkein. (drat!)
Senator Elrond: Are all present and accounted for?
Gandalf: Yes, senator.
Senator E: Then we will proceed. What is the first topic of discussion?
Frodo: We need to discuss the ring!
Senator E: Don’t be silly, we already fixed the vice-presidents phone.
Sam:(standing up and pulling out a frying pan.) Don’t you be funny with Mister Frodo!!
Senator E: I beg your pardon, Sam?
Boromir: (Under his breath) If you ask me you need to beg everyone’s pardon.
Senator E: Shut up. Now be serious, someone. What is the topic of discussion!? Aragorn, you tell me.
Aragorn: I’ll tell you alright! It’s called ‘how you are all going to shut up and let me read my book, entitled ‘How to get an elf to love you for dummies’. I started it two weeks ago, and already I’m at the bottom of the third page!
Senator E: Um, that’s, very good, Aragorn. Your reading has improved since fifty years ago. Now, please, someone tell me what the topic is!
Frodo: The ring! We need to-
Legolas: Answer the phone.
Aragorn (picks up the phone): His royal highness King Elessar speaking. President? I’m king, you dummy, we don’t need a president! What do I care if your cookies are burnt!
(Aragorn slams down the phone) Legolas you burnt some guy named Bill Clinton who claims to be the President’s cookies. Did that make any sense?
Legolas: Let me get this straight. There is a guy named Bill Clinton who thinks he is a cookie belonging to a president, and I burnt him?
Elrond: No, Legolas, Aragorn is still mentally and verbally a four-year-old (he looks over at Aragorn sucking his thumb)but I think what he meant is that Bill Clinton is claiming to be the President of the United States, and you burnt his cookies.
Legolas: Oh that! Well, I couldn’t help it. I was busy looking at myself in the mirror above the stove, and I didn’t hear the timer go off.
Boromir: We really need to have that thing taken down.
Elrond: Please! Now, the topic is…..?
Gandalf: Saruman’s betrayal!
Merry: The blue icing for my birthday cake!
Aragorn: Blue? Blue? Blue’s a sissy color! You should have pink like me!
Merry: That’s not a dicussion topic!
Aragorn: Alright then, lets talk about my Barbie collection!
Pippin: No, the shortage of mushrooms and pipeweed in these United States thingys!
Frodo: We really should discuss the ring problem!
Sam: I’m with Mister Frodo! The ring!
Gimli: No, the shortage of Dwarf-women to braid my beard!
Legolas: I’m starting a poll! Who thinks we should put more mirrors in the white-house?
Elrond: Will someone choose a serious discussion topic?
Boromir: Gondor will see it done!
Elrond: Shut up. Now, Frodo, you’re about the most level-headed fellow in here, which isn’t saying much, so you pick a serious discussion topic.
Frodo: I’ve been trying to tell you, we need to decide what to do with the ring!
Arwen and Eowyn:(Entering the room) Precisely what we want to talk to you about Aragorn!
Aragorn:(sinking down in his seat and gulping) Uh oh. I’m in trouble.
Arwen: Darn right you are! The ring! The ring you gave me! The engagment ring! You thought I wouldn’t find out but I did!
Aragorn: What are you talking about?
Eowyn: Don’t pretend! My ring looks exactly like hers! That’s what we’re talking about, buster!
Aragorn: I was hoping you wouldn’t notice that.
Arwen: How many cheap copies of this ring have you made!
Gandalf: To be exact, four hundred and twenty-one-
Aragorn: Gandaaaalf! Please!
Arwen: You thought you could get away with it! Didn’t you, but you aren’t getting away with anything now! (She pulls out a gun)
Legolas: Now, Arwen, let’s not have a scene. You’ll ruin the carpet.
Boromir: It’s ugly carpet anyway!
Pippin and Eowyn: It sure is.
Elrond: Please! Now, Arwen, Eowyn, and Frodo, the three of you all put your rings on the table.
Rosie, Celebrian, and Galadriel: (Rushing into the room) Wait a minute!
Rosie: It’s over, Aragorn. I’m giving my cheap copy of the ring of Barahir back too.
Sam: Rosie! I thought you were in love with me! Lady Galadriel, don’t tell me you’re here to give back a ring too!
Galadriel: Don’t be silly, Samwise! I’m here to see that Arwen’s mother gives her ring back!
Merry: Aragorn was engaged to Arwen and her mother?
Galadriel: Nooooo! Gives her ring back to Elrond!
Elrond: Celebrian!
Celebrian: That’s right! It’s over! I’m sick and tired of you trying on my dresses all the time!
Elrond; You promised you’d never tell anyone!
Celebrian; Never mind that! Listen to this everybody! Elrond still sucks his thumb when he’s scared!
Arwen: I can top that! Aragorn still sucks his toes!
Aragorn: (Taking his toes out of his mouth) I do not!
Arwen: Shut up! Gimli, gimme your axe now!
Gimli: I don’t want to.
Arwen: Would you like to find yourself inside out?
(Gimli mutters as he hands his axe to Arwen, who raises it and slams it down on the rings all laid out on the table, which breaks, along with the axe, on contact with the One Ring)
Gimli: Hey, that’s my job!
Arwen: Well we just changed the script, buddy! Look who I’m callin’ buddy.
Aragorn: But Arwen..I thought you loved me!
Arwen: Aragorn, I do love you, but… but…
Aragorn: But what?
Arwen: YOU’RE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pippin: Oh, that hurt.
Galadriel: You tell ‘im, Arwen!
Gandalf: Osh nosh, kimbakul, osh nosh, kimbatul!
Arwen (rushing over to Legolas) No Aragorn, I did love you, but it could never work out between us. No, I have fallen in love with someone else.
Aragorn: You mean..you mean….?
Arwen: Yes, Aragorn, you never did catch on quickly. I’m going to marry Legolas, and we’re going to start our own business. A Bath&Bodyworks sort of place, only for men too, and not just women.
Frodo: Are you going to sell combs for hobbit-feet?
Arwen: Of course!
Frodo: Yey!!!
Arwen: Yes, we’ll sell shampoo for men, and body spray for men, and even hair accessories for men!
Legolas: It’ll be the best place in the world!
Gandalf: You can count me in as a regular customer!
Arwen: Wow, that makes two hundred and seventy-five promised customers in three and a half hours!
Sam, Frodo, Pippin, and Merry: Here’s four more!
Elrond: Will someone please say something sensible!
Boromir: Gondor will see it done!
Elrond: Shut up!
A bell rings.
Everyone: Dinnertime!
Everyone rushes out of the door, trampling Elrond.
Elrond: Mommy! They’re hurting me! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Everyone else: SHUT UP!
92 Comments
Good job!!! please P.M. to tell me when the next chapter is done
Awsomness!
Please post more!!! Even though you are destroying the wonderful world tolkein created, it is funny so Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssssssseeeeee post more soon. Please PM me when you update
this is a good story, i want to kno what happens, pm me while ur pming the other two people when u add another chapter.
At least they didn’t delete all of your stories. Please post more soon!! (PM me when you do)
Hey i love it so awsome, please PM me when you update, k? Again, so funny!!!!!
I love it!!! Wonderful^_^ PM me if you can when the next chapter is up.
Vair amusant. I enjoyed it quite a lot. Keep up the good work!
these storys are really good. please hurry up with the other. ( if you have’nt all ready)!!!
I love it! Really really funny ^_^! please PM when you update, if you can that is!!!!!!
omgosh—that was so HILARIOUS! update soon!
I love it! write more soon!!!!!! I really liked the ‘stubborn old mule’ joke and the way aragorn said it! lol!!!!!
I love it! Really funny! PLEASE keep writing and PM me when u do, k?!:-D
Chapter 5! Chapter 5! NOW! please
Hey, I love it! good job! or as me and my friends here would say, “grood jorb!”, LOL!!!!! anyways, please keep writing!!!!! 😀
I cant wait! Chapter Six! Now!
Chapter 7, please! btw last chapter was a lil short….
I love it!!!!!!! pm me if you can when the next chapter is up
Hey! I love it pleeeeeeeez keep writing! pleez pleez pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!!! lol 😀
Good chapter! Can’t wait for chapter 8!
I like this!!! Please carry on with it!
Keep on writing!
Please post more. You have really caught my attention now. I love this story.
Finally, the eighth chapter!
Post more. Did I already review once today? I checked it earlier, but only recently has the next chapter been posted. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssse post more soon!!!!!!!!
hehe funny
Good chapter! Keep up the good work!
Absolutly hilarious!!!!!!!! I think I almost died of laughter!!!!! Keep writing!!! Write a sequel!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep going, that was absolutely hilarious!
Great chapters! Where’s the rest? j/k ^_^
Wow, these new chapters got put up fast! They’re good! More chapters please?
LOL!!! i loved the thirteenth chapter! keep adding it’s really funny!!! – LE
I’ve only read the first chapter so far, but this is great stuff! I liked the tough women (with guns, etc) & the weak men (who suck their digits & try on womens clothes). But most of all, I liked the Osh nosh kimbakul, Osh nosh kimbatul!
Well, I’ve read the whole lot now, so let me join in the chorus…next chapter, pleasse! It’s my birthday and I wantsss it! Gollum gollum.
…a voice interrupts…
“…There’ll be no more chapters because Aragorn has gone on a firing spree and told the author, “You’re the weakest link, g’bye,” because he’s being prortrayed as a tyrant and what is worse, a Clay Aiken fan…”
I love the Santa Clause! It went very well in this. Please carry on. Yay. Yay.
Wow! Very good idea about the Pipe-weed! This is a great chapter!
O-W-T-STANDING!
hey, i love it! keep going! talk to ya later! -Ell
Omigosh! So funny! Thank You for updating so quickly! 🙂
The Force is strong in you, young Skywalker!
I liked all the cross-references but I would like to say that it would have been better if President Bush had stayed missing and the Ring taken back into good hands. That is only my humble opinion. I would also like to say that if a Mexican-American were calling an American’s phone that they would probably speak English, same as with an Indian (though I do not know whether you mean Indian-American or Native Americans). Anyway, in either “Indian” case there are so many different languages, it is no wonder Faramir was confused. (It was Faramir wasn’t it?) I liked it but those were my only complait-like things. I willl read your sequel. Cheers and good luck!!!
If that review sounded harsh, I am sorry. No offense meant. I didn’t re-read it until I posted it, so very sorry is you found it annoying or whatever. Namarie! (and cheers!!!)
LOL! Tooooo much free time! You have way to much free time.
I love your stories! keep it up! I always look forward to reading the next one!
*Die’s Laughing*
I LOVE YOUR STORIES! VERY GOOD!
Tee hee! My favourite parts were “You could use it, really,” and “Jail. Jail. Jail.” Also, the little insult to Haldir and his brothers! Great job!
very good! it was hilarious! although i still think legolas and aragorn are EXTREMELY hot. lol. i still make fun of legolas to. but it was a great story!
i love them!!1 it’s hilarious. how do u come up with these ideas?!?
That thing about Hobbits. With. Attitude. Comes from a christmas movie doesn’t it? Doesn’t it!? Yes and the tieing up in the chair, the donut and everything! Yes! You stole from a christmas movie! Hahaha! But good story all the same.
Aragorn is taking over! Saruman and Gandalf have betrayed us! The ents are totally useless! The hobbits are all in jail! The only person who could help are Eomer, Theodon and Faramir. And they have gone missing! And just when doom seemed certain and the hour of death was at hand….
*Legend of Zelda Music plays*
A boy clad in green appeared as if from nowhere and banished Aragorn into the sacred realm by the very power he hoped to control and gave the land light. And that is what SHOULD happen….
LOL! latest chappie’s a blast!! please write more soon!!!
post more soon. great story!!!
Please write more! This is very good.
Well… This chapter is good. I take back what I said earlier, you know the longest and most critical review. Sorry ’bout that. Anyways, Bush could tumble into Mt. Doom with the One Ring like Gollum. Just a suggestion. Keep it up! Cheers!
lol! That was pretty good. The ending was hilarious
VERY funny. I love what you’ve done so far. Could you please put what KIND of diet Gandalf is on into the next chapter? (Atkins, South Beach, grapefruit, etc.) That could wind up being pretty funny. Please post the next chapter soon!
lol, this story is nice and funny. Keep posting more!
The Last Chapter was really funny!
And I love Star Wars! Awesome! Keep up the Good Work!
Some friends of mine wanted to use my account to review this great story…
“Of suspense I am dying” – Yoda.
“Put up the next chapter soon or you’ll be Bantha fodder” – Jabba the Hutt.
Heyi!!!!! I LOVE the fanfic!!! LOL it’s really funny!! Can’t wait for the next chapter!!!!!! ~elle
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! TOO FUNNY!!!!! Please update again soon! Your story is great!!!
Post the next chapters soon.
Very Funny! So funny i nearly cryed.
this is really funny! You have a lot of humor I see…
it’s really great, please don’t wait to update, cause i will be the first to read it when you do…
very funny, completely random, but funny.
🙂 what can i say? This is one of my favourties in the ‘humour’ section, i feel this is not only acurate to the charactors (pmsl) i think it is a very good expample of how some presidents of America *cough cough* run the White House.
Ahahaha! I love it!!!! keep goin’!!!!! *lol!Gummy Worms*
Simply put, I enjoyed it!
VERY creative!! Loved the randomness. Please continue, and if I had to rate this story from 1 – 10, I’d rate it an 11!!…..I forget what movie that’s from, but it doesn’t really matter, now does it?lol
I absolutely LOVE this story..infact, so does my family. On days when they can gather ’round, I read a couple of chapters out loud for them, and it always has us all laughing! 😀
The script and actions have absolutely fabulous timing. I wish this was a play or a TV show. If all comedy was this good, the world would be a lighter place to live in, I think.
Amazing job, Alatariel1013!….Say, you’re not a Red Skelton, fan are you? ;D
Hahahahahahahah! Its so….Fu-fu-fu-funny! Hahahaha!
*Later dies laughing*
“He will pay for every grapefruit I ever ate, which comes to about $88.97” – That was a great chapter! Things look bad for Aragorn, though!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait for the last chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm, ideas……. how about something like a scene from “The Medallion” (don’t know if you’ve seen that or not)? If you have, then you’ll know about the scene near the end where the lead character (his name has escaped me, darnit!) was fighting the evil dude (whose name I can’t remember either) and the good guy’s girlfriend (also nameless-for-now) dies right before the bad guy does, but then she comes back to life. Then they kiss, and right in the middle of it a random policeman comes in to wherever they are and yells, “Interpol! FREEZE!” And if you haven’t seen it, then I just gave it away for you. Oh, well. 😉 (That’s a Jackie Chan movie, btw…)
i have no idea where this is going. post more soon
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
This is great! Absolutely hilarious! I especially like the tidbits from other movies, such as Pirates of the Caribbean, Finding Nemo…
Can’t wait for the next one!
This is totally hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing! Please write more soon!
hahahahahaha!!!! That was so funny! Can’t wait until the next chappie!
—andy lynn
Really good!! Hilarious!!! please put up the last chapter!!! (I know a lot of exclimation points)
~LadyCelebrian~
Hilarious, maybe you should write a LOTR spin-off! Good luck with future works! Innas, na-dem pedim ad!
One of the best fan fictions I have ever read!! Awesome! Keep up the excellent work! You rock!!!!!
LOL! UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Go Legolas! H enever did get captured. (although there’s still another chapter, so there’s still a chance.) I love all the random little lines in there taken from other movies and such. “No Arwen, I am your father.” AND I MUST KNOW THE ENDING!
LOL!!! What a funny ending! Darth Vader with the Ring…. scary….. but great story!!!
All together now : *draws a deep breath*
THREE CHEERS FOR ALATARIEL!
HIP HIP HARRRRRUMPH!
HIP HIP HAHAAAAA!
HIP HIP HOORAY!
that would be an interesting sequel, Darth Vader and the one ring…….
lol! Ahhhhh! Now who can stand against the Sith? Luke certainly has his work cut out for him, lol!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..*Cough, cough, cough hack!*
Freakin’ awesome 🙂
OMG! This is soooo funny! I loved it! It has the sort of random humor that I really like. This would be a great story to make storyboards of. I’m pretty good at drawing, so if you ever want storyboards done, just contact me and maybe we can negotiate it.
OMG! This is soooo funny! I loved it! It has the sort of random humor that I really like. This would be a great story to make storyboards of. I’m pretty good at drawing, so if you ever want storyboards done, just contact me and maybe we can negotiate it.
Extremely amusing! Love the ending 🙂
It’s a great story!
dieing… of… laughter…. must.. go… before… i… bust…
heehee that was hialrious!! great job