Please R&R! I want to know if you like it or not.I do not own these characters, well, I do in my sleep, but that’s about it. They belong to Tolkein. (drat!)

Senator Elrond: Are all present and accounted for?
Gandalf: Yes, senator.
Senator E: Then we will proceed. What is the first topic of discussion?
Frodo: We need to discuss the ring!
Senator E: Don’t be silly, we already fixed the vice-presidents phone.
Sam:(standing up and pulling out a frying pan.) Don’t you be funny with Mister Frodo!!
Senator E: I beg your pardon, Sam?
Boromir: (Under his breath) If you ask me you need to beg everyone’s pardon.
Senator E: Shut up. Now be serious, someone. What is the topic of discussion!? Aragorn, you tell me.
Aragorn: I’ll tell you alright! It’s called ‘how you are all going to shut up and let me read my book, entitled ‘How to get an elf to love you for dummies’. I started it two weeks ago, and already I’m at the bottom of the third page!
Senator E: Um, that’s, very good, Aragorn. Your reading has improved since fifty years ago. Now, please, someone tell me what the topic is!
Frodo: The ring! We need to-
Legolas: Answer the phone.
Aragorn (picks up the phone): His royal highness King Elessar speaking. President? I’m king, you dummy, we don’t need a president! What do I care if your cookies are burnt!
(Aragorn slams down the phone) Legolas you burnt some guy named Bill Clinton who claims to be the President’s cookies. Did that make any sense?
Legolas: Let me get this straight. There is a guy named Bill Clinton who thinks he is a cookie belonging to a president, and I burnt him?
Elrond: No, Legolas, Aragorn is still mentally and verbally a four-year-old (he looks over at Aragorn sucking his thumb)but I think what he meant is that Bill Clinton is claiming to be the President of the United States, and you burnt his cookies.
Legolas: Oh that! Well, I couldn’t help it. I was busy looking at myself in the mirror above the stove, and I didn’t hear the timer go off.
Boromir: We really need to have that thing taken down.
Elrond: Please! Now, the topic is…..?
Gandalf: Saruman’s betrayal!
Merry: The blue icing for my birthday cake!
Aragorn: Blue? Blue? Blue’s a sissy color! You should have pink like me!
Merry: That’s not a dicussion topic!
Aragorn: Alright then, lets talk about my Barbie collection!
Pippin: No, the shortage of mushrooms and pipeweed in these United States thingys!
Frodo: We really should discuss the ring problem!
Sam: I’m with Mister Frodo! The ring!
Gimli: No, the shortage of Dwarf-women to braid my beard!
Legolas: I’m starting a poll! Who thinks we should put more mirrors in the white-house?
Elrond: Will someone choose a serious discussion topic?
Boromir: Gondor will see it done!
Elrond: Shut up. Now, Frodo, you’re about the most level-headed fellow in here, which isn’t saying much, so you pick a serious discussion topic.
Frodo: I’ve been trying to tell you, we need to decide what to do with the ring!
Arwen and Eowyn:(Entering the room) Precisely what we want to talk to you about Aragorn!
Aragorn:(sinking down in his seat and gulping) Uh oh. I’m in trouble.
Arwen: Darn right you are! The ring! The ring you gave me! The engagment ring! You thought I wouldn’t find out but I did!
Aragorn: What are you talking about?
Eowyn: Don’t pretend! My ring looks exactly like hers! That’s what we’re talking about, buster!
Aragorn: I was hoping you wouldn’t notice that.
Arwen: How many cheap copies of this ring have you made!
Gandalf: To be exact, four hundred and twenty-one-
Aragorn: Gandaaaalf! Please!
Arwen: You thought you could get away with it! Didn’t you, but you aren’t getting away with anything now! (She pulls out a gun)
Legolas: Now, Arwen, let’s not have a scene. You’ll ruin the carpet.
Boromir: It’s ugly carpet anyway!
Pippin and Eowyn: It sure is.
Elrond: Please! Now, Arwen, Eowyn, and Frodo, the three of you all put your rings on the table.
Rosie, Celebrian, and Galadriel: (Rushing into the room) Wait a minute!
Rosie: It’s over, Aragorn. I’m giving my cheap copy of the ring of Barahir back too.
Sam: Rosie! I thought you were in love with me! Lady Galadriel, don’t tell me you’re here to give back a ring too!
Galadriel: Don’t be silly, Samwise! I’m here to see that Arwen’s mother gives her ring back!
Merry: Aragorn was engaged to Arwen and her mother?
Galadriel: Nooooo! Gives her ring back to Elrond!
Elrond: Celebrian!
Celebrian: That’s right! It’s over! I’m sick and tired of you trying on my dresses all the time!
Elrond; You promised you’d never tell anyone!
Celebrian; Never mind that! Listen to this everybody! Elrond still sucks his thumb when he’s scared!
Arwen: I can top that! Aragorn still sucks his toes!
Aragorn: (Taking his toes out of his mouth) I do not!
Arwen: Shut up! Gimli, gimme your axe now!
Gimli: I don’t want to.
Arwen: Would you like to find yourself inside out?
(Gimli mutters as he hands his axe to Arwen, who raises it and slams it down on the rings all laid out on the table, which breaks, along with the axe, on contact with the One Ring)
Gimli: Hey, that’s my job!
Arwen: Well we just changed the script, buddy! Look who I’m callin’ buddy.
Aragorn: But Arwen..I thought you loved me!
Arwen: Aragorn, I do love you, but… but…
Aragorn: But what?
Arwen: YOU’RE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pippin: Oh, that hurt.
Galadriel: You tell ‘im, Arwen!
Gandalf: Osh nosh, kimbakul, osh nosh, kimbatul!
Arwen (rushing over to Legolas) No Aragorn, I did love you, but it could never work out between us. No, I have fallen in love with someone else.
Aragorn: You mean..you mean….?
Arwen: Yes, Aragorn, you never did catch on quickly. I’m going to marry Legolas, and we’re going to start our own business. A Bath&Bodyworks sort of place, only for men too, and not just women.
Frodo: Are you going to sell combs for hobbit-feet?
Arwen: Of course!
Frodo: Yey!!!
Arwen: Yes, we’ll sell shampoo for men, and body spray for men, and even hair accessories for men!
Legolas: It’ll be the best place in the world!
Gandalf: You can count me in as a regular customer!
Arwen: Wow, that makes two hundred and seventy-five promised customers in three and a half hours!
Sam, Frodo, Pippin, and Merry: Here’s four more!
Elrond: Will someone please say something sensible!
Boromir: Gondor will see it done!
Elrond: Shut up!
A bell rings.
Everyone: Dinnertime!
Everyone rushes out of the door, trampling Elrond.
Elrond: Mommy! They’re hurting me! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Everyone else: SHUT UP!

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