~*Disclaimer*~ These Charactors are not mine. They all belong to someone else, i.e., Tolkien, and Monty Python. The scene is also not mine. It too, belongs to Python. But enjoy!
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*Aragorn, Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Pippin, Theoden, and Eomer stood before the massive black gates of Mordor.*
Aragorn: Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth, that Justice be done upon him!
A helmeted head and a pair of gauntleted hands appear from over the wall
Guard: ‘Allo! Who is eet?
Aragorn: It is Aragorn, son of Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. Who are you?
Guard: I am a servant of my master—
Aragorn: Yes, yes, we know, you’re a servant of the Dark Lord Sauron.
Guard: No. I am servant of my master Guy de Loimbard
*Confused looks from Aragorn and company*
Aragorn: Are you sure you don’t mean Sauron?
Guard: Oh yes. Monsieur Loimbard is very nice-a.
Aragorn: Oh. Well, um, can we come up and see him?
Guard: Of course not! You are Gondorian types-a
Eomer: Hey! Not all of us here are from Gondor!
Aragorn: Well, what are you then?
Guard: I’m French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!
Eomer: What are you doing in Mordor?
Guard: Mind you own business!
Aragorn: If you will not cooperate with us, will take these gates by force!
Guard: You don’t frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs!
Gimli: Not all of us here are from Gondor!
Guard: Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn King, you and all your silly Gondorian k-nnnnigggets! Thppppppptt! Thppt! Thppt!
Theoden: What a strange person.
Legolas: Not all of us here are from Gondor!
Aragorn: Now look here—
Guard: I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in you general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Aragorn: Of course my father smelt of elderberries. He was a ranger. We all smell. And how dare you insult Gilraen!!!
Eomer: Look, is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Guard: No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
Aragorn: Now this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonable.
Guard (to another guard): Fetchez la vache.
Other Guard: Quoi?
Guard: Fetchez la Vache!
[mooooo]
Aragorn: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall—
[twong]
[moooooo!!]
Aragorn: Great Eru!
[thud]
Company: Aahhh!
Aragorn: Right. Charge!
Company: Charge!
Guard(as various animals are flung towards the company): Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go. And this one is for your smelly dad!
*The company is overcome with large falling mammals*
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!
Aragorn: Run away!
Company: Run away! Run away!
Guards: Thpppptt!! And if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain’t seen nothing! You k-nnnnniigggggets! Thppppt!