Part Two: Child of the Valar

Chapter One- The Plains

For a day I had walked the barren lands of the east. From the north I follow the black hills of Nargothrond. I can see them looming beside me; I never realized how tall they were. I had very seldom stopped to look at them from outside. The days of summer are blown about in the dust and grass in the plains of Talath Dirnen. I have a long ways to walk yet. I have been trying not to use too much of the food I packed away for myself. Though I’m sure I packed not nearly enough. I only have a little when I stop to rest, though that is seldom. Also, I am taking my time. I could have run to the Falls of Sirion by now, but I’m going slow. I want to conserve my energy -what with the small amount of food I have- and I also want to get a chance to really begin to know the lands in which I live. I have never been to the far north, south, east, or west before in my life. The furthest away I have ever traveled was the woods of Nan-Tathren.

A cloudy day it has been, though I am thankful for the lack of sunshine. It can burn sometimes, and we are not used to it in Nargothrond. Nana always said I was as pale as death because I always went outside at night. Ada used to laugh and say I was nocturnal. Perhaps I am. But I know it is just because I love Elbereth so dearly, and the world looks more serene and beautiful bathed in the twilight of the day. When Andúnë and I were younger, and still now, people would say that she is the sunrise, and I am the sundimming. I suppose they are right, though I would prefer to call myself the moon at any rate.

Andúnë. She is all I have been able to think of all day. To think of her tears when she saw I was gone, to remember my broken word, my promise to be there for her. Naneth now is doubly alone, for she has lost both Ada and me. She was always so strong…but I fear that I shall bring her undoing with my disappearance. To think of how the other Elves will talk.

But today I saw the sunrise. I have only very seldom seen a sunrise, and it has always been over the trees. Waking up in Nargothrond brought no sunshine, for the sun did not show its face under the earth. When I was little Ada used to take me on long adventures to the edge of the woods of Doriath, or Nan-Tathren, and we would always remember to watch the sunrise in the morning. But this morning it was different. I was still walking from when I had left the city, and a splash of blood-red light covered the horizon all at once. The wispy clouds in the sky turned a pale pink, and the moon shadowed crimson, still refusing to set. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

As the sun made its journey across the pale blue sky, my footsteps were ever steady. The ground had coated my leather boots with a thin layer of dust when I finally saw an end to the Hills of Nargothrond. In the distance, I knew what lay ahead. The river Sirion; the woods of Doriath.

Chapter Two- The Falls

I sat in the shade of a lone, gnarled tree on the east side of the river. The Falls of Sirion were just out of my sight, the water tumbling and splashing and roaring, then disappearing down the cliff. In the pools that branches beside the river Mindeb my boots were soaking, and my feet were aching from walking. The white spray of the clear blue water tumbling over the falls made my heart lift high, and a load seemed to be taken from my weary shoulders. I had taken my weapons and gauntlets off and laid them aside, and in my bare feet I felt free of cares…free of the world. The blue sky was unclouded, the blue water untouched by filth. I could smell the lingering scent of the marshes not far off mingled with the clear smell of the river and the dust of my travails.

Not long after I had finished my sparse meal, I decided that I would stay the night beside the river. I needed a good rest, and was dead tired of walking. As the sun set I waited for my boots to dry out, and went walking, my gaze always drifting down to the tumbling waterfall falling down the cliff. I would have to find another way down…for that was the way to Doriath.

The wind changed as the sun set below the western horizon. Strong gusts came from the north, and the sky was ink black. I was sure Andúnë would have been afraid had she been me, but the tumbling winds and furiously blowing grass, added to the roar of the falls, were soothing to my troubled mind. It seemed almost like there was a howl in the wind, and even the moon seemed veiled. Tonight was a night that I would remember.

I kept walking however, weaponless and barefooted, wandering around in the dark, challenging the rough winds and screaming waterfall below me. Then I stood still, closing my eyes. I was close to the shores, for I could feel the cool of the water on my upturned face, and could hear the rushing of the river. I smiled, breathing in the incomparable beauty. When I opened my eyes, there was a sudden blue light surrounding me, and for the first time in a long time I was afraid. The wind seemed to swirl around me, and the deep blue light grew and the clouds seem to lower to my eye level. There was mist all around, and fog, and I felt like I was in a dream. I closed my eyes and bowed my head as I heard the wind whisper in a tongue I did not know. But it was not the wind.

From nowhere appeared to me a woman. Either floating a ways above the ground or very tall, I could not tell. She had a piercing, sharp face, but beautiful nonetheless. Her raven hair swept around her ivory face, and her eyes were as black as night. Suddenly the wind stopped and I was face to face with the woman, though only she was clear. I could focus on nothing but her, all else seemed distant. Her long, straight hair now fell limp, and you could have heard a pin drop for the silence. She was as thin as a pine, and taller than my Ada had been. She smiled softly for the first time, but it was sad. Suddenly, I knew she must be one of the Gods. I fell to my face, clutching the grass; terrified.

She extended her hand to my head, lifting my face. Her skin was soft and cold. Her black eyes had drops of silver in them. When she spoke to me her voice was like an echo, far away, yet deep…almost inside my head.

“Once a chain was made by a smith of the Valar,” she said, her voice nearly a whisper, yet all the same time loud. I knew she spoke of Aulë. “A chain that none could break. Evil was bound with it, and ne’er has it been released…not till the end of days. Magic was in the metal of the chains, none could forge it save its Master.” Her eyes drifted away, and I furrowed my brow. What did all this mean? I gathered my courage.

“What name belongs to thee, My Lady?” I asked, my voice faltering.

She looked solemnly upon my face. “Fui is a name I am bound to. Two brothers have I: Keeper of Visions and Keeper of Dead…far from here do I dwell.”

I gasped loudly, falling on my face again. “Nienna!” I cried, digging my fingers into the dirt.

“Get up,” she said gently, her fingers brushing my silver hair. “There is much I have to tell you,” she added in a whisper. I regained myself and stood again, finding myself unable to tear my grey eyes from her face. “The forger itself even could not break the chain…but the secrets of the metal I feared would not stay hidden within Aulë’s knowledge,” she continued, looking sorrowful. Her eyes stared firmly into mine. “I have looked into your future…and I see that what I say shall indeed come to pass.” My eyes widened. What could my life hold that was so important as to grant a visit from a queen of the Aratar? Nienna fingered the chain on my neck, then her hands dropped back inside her dark blue robe. She closed her eyes, uttering a few soft words in a strange language. Her eyes turned to me again. “Through whatever skill I possess, this is what I have fashioned.” She held out her bony, pale hand. In her palm lay a tiny blue orb like a perfectly round jewel. All colors and hues of blue seemed to swirl restlessly inside it. “It is Valond,” she said. “By Eru’s grace, and my tears, it has power you shall not know for ages to come.”

“What do you mean, My Lady?” I asked, my eyes widening while I watched the small jewel.

“The strength to break even Angainor, my child,” she said tenderly, “if the power within is known. Long journeys shall you and those of your family endure. But not in vain. All is in the purpose and heart of Ilúvatar.”

I could not find it in my heart to speak as she pressed the stone into my hand. The swirling colors faded as it left the feel of Nienna’s skin, and a pale blue marble-like jewel remained in my hand. I looked to Nienna’s face, which was ashen. A tear slipped down her face. “You have the grace of the Valar bestowed upon you, my dear child,” she murmured. I barely noticed the clouds beginning to swirl again. She kissed my forehead, a cold tear falling onto my face. “Love shall come to you…but you must go to love in return.”

I frowned. She spoke in riddles. “What must I do?” I asked.

“The White City awaits you, my child,” she said tenderly, cupping my face with one thin hand.

I blinked, my mind completely blank. “The White City, My Lady?” I asked cautiously. “Tirion upon Túna, in Aman across the sea?”

Nienna smiled at me, her eyes twinkling. “Nay, my dear, though the City I speak of was indeed fashioned after that great Hill in Valinor.” Her eyes intensified, and it seemed to be she looked into my mind. “Go and find something to write with!” she cried softly. Instantly I took off to find my bag. Nearly tripping over myself, I grabbed the scroll, pen, and ink bottle from it and raced back to where Nienna was. She looked tenderly on me. “Sit, Elanna, and write what I say.”

For what seemed an age I sat on the ground, blissfully unaware of anything but the sound of Nienna’s voice. My fingers flew back and forth across the page. She told me such things as I could never have imagined. She spoke of a man of the Noldor who had secretly, for long years, been building a city for his people. Gondolin, is was called. She said that now many of his people, and many Grey-Elves live with him in Gondolin- the very image of Tirion. I had never seen Tirion, nor the Light of Aman. She said that it was a secret hidden so well that none could find it, save by the will of the Gods and the will of its master. All this time, for what must have been hours, I took down every word she spoke. As soon as my pen scratched out the last letter of what she said, I saw that the scroll was completely full.

I looked it over, frowning. “My Lady, you, you have not told me where exactly this place is- save the north. And you have said that the entrance is hidden, though you have not said by what way it can be found!”

But Nienna just smiled. “You shall know the way, and the Valar shall watch over you,” she said.

I blinked and she was gone. There was a fog in the night, and all was deadly quiet. The chirping of crickets and frogs was the only thing I could hear; it was as though my mind and body were in a trance, holding limply the filled scroll and wet pen. But now I had a purpose, a mission. And as I placed the blue stone on the chain I wore, I felt the love of the angels on my breast. I was not alone anymore.

Chapter Three- The Meeting

Over a week had passed since my meeting with Nienna. I was refreshed, and filled with new vigor. I had a purpose, and nothing was going to stop me. In the days that I traveled north my heart still sighed a little, however. I wanted very much to see Doriath, and the caves of Menegroth…but I suppose it was never to be. I had a new journeyÂ…even a new name. I was not a young starling anymore. I wasÂ…free.

I was a half day past Amon Rûdh. I could see the wood in the distance, the woods of Doriath. The twilight was beginning to settle, so I stopped for the day. I was dirty, and I was tired. I had been walking for so long! Also, my food was nearly out. I was considering going to Doriath anyway, if only to replenish my supplies and to clean myself up.

The moon was visible now, I could see its dim pallor in the blue sky. But the sun had not yet fully set. The moon and the sun together…like Andúnë and me…Rána and Vása, as they are oftentimes called. A small sigh escaped me as I sat myself on the ground, hidden in some tall grass. I did not miss Andúnë, or Nana. But I loved them both so dearly. I had often thought of them during my journey, but now all the thinking and all the wandering was taking a toll on my body. I lay in the grass for a long time, the greenish brown blades stretching almost up to my own height. I was perfectly concealed. I smiled wearily, feeling very much at peace. Until I heard it.

There were footsteps being trodden very near me. I started and pressed my ear to the hard ground, closing my eyes. All of a sudden I was aware of Luvier on my hip, I could feel the leather of my quiver scratch through my clothes. I knew someone was coming, and I would be ready if I had to fight. I listened for several minutes, furrowing my brow as I detected a strange, soft pattern of feet racing across the grass. Suddenly, with hardly any warning, I was leapt upon by a large, brown dog.

“Oh!” I cried, smiling, as the dog barked and licked my face. He then went about my whole body, sniffing me thoroughly. He had short, pointed ears, close cropped brown fur, and smelled of….the woods. I jolted up. Of course! He was more than likely a hunting dog of Doriath, and his masters would be close by. I could ask for provisions, if they had any with them. Not looking, I stood up.

Not a yard away from me stood a man, staring directly into my eyes. He must have known I was there. His dog barked happily and ran circles around the man’s feet, until he said something and the dog lay down. His tongue sounded like that of the Grey-Elves. The man was clearly an ellon, and had long dark hair, plaited down his back. His sea-green eyes stared into mine, and now I could see that a slender sword was clasped in one of his hands.

I put my hands up slowly, but his gaze drifted to the sword on my thigh. He looked me over still, not speaking. His eyes widened and his brow darkened as his gaze locked on my orc bow. I closed my eyes, thinking over the language. It was much spoken in Nargothrond, but, even though the High-Tongue was gradually being discarded for use, my family and many others still spoke it.

“My Lord,” I said slowly, and his gaze flew back to my eyes.

“A soldier of the Eldarin kind…in league with yrch?” he asked sternly, yet in a polite and quiet voice.

I shook my head. “I am of the Lechind.” I grimaced, trying to recall the correct words. “I am from Nargothrond.”

“Explain yourself,” he said, raising his sword a little.

I sighed, closing my eyes. “I am on a journey…and…” I cringed, thinking of how to explain the orc weapon. “I was in need of a bow.”

He looked at me sceptically. “You are from Nargothrond?” he asked, still keeping my gaze. He seemed to want to know for certain if I was telling the truth.

“Aye. I am of the Noldor.”

His eyes narrowed, and his sword did not budge. “Not kindly do we think of the Kinslayers where I come from,” he said, but his eyes faltered. I could see him still looking me over. His face softened, but he said nothing.

“Please, my lord,” I said. “I was not thought of at the time of Losgar.”

“The Noldor kin is cursed by the fire of the Teleri ships.” I looked down. What he said was true enough. I had nothing to defend myself with, but the word that I had had no part in any of it. I did not even know if I was of the House of Fëanor, who had burned the ships. He sighed, looking to the ground, and he sheathed his blade. The dog yipped happily. “Very well then; forgive me, my lady. These things are my job.” There was a solemn look to his face, but understanding. He was very handsome.

I nodded respectfully, my eyes flicking from his to the ground. “No need to apologize.”

He looked me over. “You have traveled long. Come with me,” he said simply, with no explanation. And with that he turned and started walking back towards the woods. I ran after him, wondering at this stranger and my complete trust of him. He was an Elf, after all, and partly my kin. But still, I kept a wary hand on Luvier. He led me for a while, I didn’t notice how long, until we reached the borders of the woods. He looked sharply at me. I was surprised, for he had not spoken a word to me yet, since we began walking.

“No dínen,” he said. I nodded. I knew enough of the Grey-tongue to understand he wished for my silence. The woods were very silent, but were becoming dark. He cupped his hands around his mouth after a few moments, and started making strange noises from within his throat. If I had closed my eyes, I would have sworn it was a mockingbird. He stopped, listened intently, and we heard another sound like to what he made. He turned back to me. “Tolo hí,” he said. I blinked. Obviously I needed to brush up on my Sindarin. He sighed. “Come, follow me!” He turned around and spoke in a softer tone. “And do not let a word of your tongue be spoken aloud.” He said this with some urgency.

I followed him presently as he led me through the woods, and I barely noticed where he was going. I was enamored with our surroundings. The woods were beautiful and dark, so mysterious. I could feel the presence of other creatures stirring in the dim shadows of the green and golden light, but I never saw anything. After a while, the man’s stride slowed, and I quickened my pace to walk beside him.

“My lord,” I asked timidly, still looking around. “Where is this?”

“Brethil,” he said simple. So we were walking in the forest of Brethil, in the far west of Doriath. I had guessed we were somewhere near there. “I am taking you to Teiglin,” he said. I blinked. He was leading me all the way to the river Teiglin? I had figured on going around Doriath, but going through it seemed better to me anyway. I really didn’t know where I was going, but I felt like I was going the right way. Perhaps the Valar had placed it in me to know what to do.

“I am…taking a journey, lord.” I spoke again. “North. Would it be possible for me to pass through your woods on my way?” My voice was very quiet now.

He looked thoughtful, but still didn’t look at me. “Perhaps,” he said. I decided I wouldn’t ask him anything else until we reached the river.

Chapter Four- Ihaden and Brethel

When we reached the river, it was becoming quite dark, I could tell. Still, I had keen eyesight, and was now in my area of comfort: the woods at night. I looked over to the man, to see his purpose in bringing me here. He looked up at the sky with squinted eyes, and once again made his mockingbird call. There was no answer this time, which seemed to please him. He turned to me.

“You may now bathe, if you so wish,” he said simple, pointing to the river. It looked very inviting, so I nodded. “I will be close,” he said. I must have turned a little red. “Not too close,” he laughed. He began to turn away, but then faced me at the edge of the clearing. “If you need me, just call for me. My name is Ihaden.”

My eyebrows flew up. “That is Noldorin!” I said to him.

He nodded, his eyes on the ground. “Aye. But I am only half so.” He looked uneasy. It was now very clear the real reason he had shown mercy to me.

I nodded, and felt more connected to him. His prominent blood was clearly Sindar, and he obviously didn’t know the Noldor tongue. But it felt nice to know there was some kinship between us.

After he was gone I just sat a while by the riverbank, dipping my feet in after removing my boots. The water was crisp and cold, and felt so good. I then proceeded to shed my pack, my sword, my quiver, and my bow. I carefully removed the chain and pendant from my neck and placed them all in a pile. My only possessions on earth. I let it grow darker, the wind began to blow gently, tossing my silver hair back and forth. I pulled my long-sleeved over shirt off, leaving my arms and neck exposed with only a sleeveless cloth garment. I was beginning to feel cold, but I liked it. Goosebumps raced up my bare arms. Slightly nervously, I unlaced my remaining shirt and slid it off, dropping it slowly onto my growing pile of clothing.

I grabbed my left shoulder with my right hand, looking around. I was unused to bathing out of doors, in the open, but the first nervousness was beginning to wear off. I trusted this ellon Ihaden. Stripping off my remaining clothes, I looked around. There was a large tree right on the water. I cautiously climbed it and walked out onto a branch that grew right over the water. Closing my eyes, I jumped in. I came up laughing. The cool, clear water felt better than anything on my skin. I wriggled and swam underwater until my breath gave out, loving the feel of being enveloped beneath the surface of the water. I was completely closed off from the world.

I must have swam for hours. When I was finally finished, I rested my elbows on the bank of the river, my head resting against the mossy ground. I kicked my feet under the water, closing my eyes. Finally I dragged myself above the water. Ihaden could return any moment! I dressed myself in my leggings and undershirt, not wanting to burden myself with any more weight or heat. I was feeling better and more free than I had in a long time. I settled myself on a path of ground that was very comfortable. Suddenly I started up, cupping my hands to my mouth.

“Ihaden!” I called, and I waited.

Within minutes he appeared, smiling at me. “You have good timing, my lady. I was only just finishing.”

“Finishing what?” I asked.

He walked to where I was and threw a small cloth bag at my feet. “Some food. I had to send word to get it here, but we made good time.”

“We?” I asked curiously, peeping inside the bag. There was bread, a skin of wine, cheese, and some fruit. There were also an assortment of food stuffs I assumed to be native to Doriath, for I didn’t recognize them.

He sat down opposite me. “The March wardens. I work in the Brethil patrol.”

I cocked my head at him, tearing off a chunk of the bread for myself. “Do you never go to Menegroth?” I asked.

He took some bread as well. “Yes, I do, but not often. Every once in a while I am replaced by someone for a certain time, but I enjoy it.” He smiled. “I don’t like to be replaced.”

I looked around the woods. “Are there other wardens too?”

His eyes twinkled. They were a beautiful color; I had never seen anyone with eyes like his. “Aye, there are. But I told them to be off. I didn’t want you getting scared.”

Or perhaps he didn’t want anyone to know that he sheltered an elleth of the Noldor. My expression darkened a little, but I didn’t say anything. I liked this man too much, I didn’t want to think ill of him. For a long time we sat, eating, and didn’t speak much. All of a sudden he looked up at me with a curious smile.

“I don’t believe I got your name, my lady.”

I looked to the ground, taking a small sip of the wine. “Lheithian-ascar,” I said quietly. Freedom.

He nodded, looking hard at me. I didn’t meet his eyes. “That’s quite a mouthful.” He looked closer at me, and I felt very self-conscious. The wind blew by, hiding my face with my damp silver hair. I realized how pale my skin was in comparison to his. He obviously got outside Doriath, despite his confining job. “Brethel…” he said, reaching out to touch a strand of my grey hair. “You are like the brethel tree.”

Brethel. Silver birch tree. I liked it. Like the words we were in. I smiled shyly at him, drawing my legs underneath me. “Very well, my lord Ihaden. Brethel.” I only then realized that it was Noldorin. Brethel. A single word in the forbidden tongue of the Kinslayers. Perhaps he was less of the Sindar than I thought.

He took the wine skin from me and took a drink, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I took the opportunity to study him. His features were sharp, yet gentle and becoming. His eyes were large and stunning. His brow was deep set when he frowned, but you couldn’t see a hint of it when he smiled. His skin was tanned, his limbs were long, and he had to be at least six and a half feet tall. His body moved very gracefully, like he had grown up as a noble, instead of a patroller for the woods. He seemed very familiar with the forest, and with nature. I could also tell he loved it all very much.

When his eyes met mine, I wanted to look down, but didn’t. I was so fascinated by his eyes. “Well, Lady Brethel,” he started, smiling slightly. “You may rest here tonight, and I give you leave to continue on through Doriath. No one shall harm you, or detain you, I swear.” He pulled a blanket out of the bag and handed it to me. “This is for you. Keep it.”

“Oh, no,” I said. “I don’t want to be alone, here.” I was not afraid of being alone, but I enjoyed his company so greatly.

“I shan’t be out of sight of you, believe me, my lady. I will watch over you until you leave tomorrow; you shan’t be alone.”

I looked down. “Would you…would….” I took a deep breath, locking my eyes with his. “I would appreciate it greatly, my lord, if you would accompany me to the northern border of Doriath.” His eyebrows flew up. “Please, Ihaden,” I said in a softer tone.

He smiled gently, nodding like a gentleman. “Very well, Brethel. You shall see me in the morning…I have a journey to prepare for.”

Chapter Five- Companions

There was a good ways for us to travel before we reached the River Sirion. Ihaden was leading us to it, and he said it wouldn’t take too long. No more than a few days. I told him I wanted to take my time, to learn about my surroundings. He took every opportunity to teach me. I found he was a very kind, unselfish man. He had left his life, for a time, to help me. I respected him immensely. We would walk the woods during the late afternoon and night. We would rest as the sun rose, then spend the morning the way we wished. I was still timid, but I was beginning to warm up to him.

On the third day after we left Teiglin, we were walking along, the sun was beginning to set.

Ihaden looked over at me. “Where are you going, Brethel?” he asked.

My eyebrows flew up. I was not used to him asking me questions. Mostly, until now, he had stayed to his own business. I was a little tense, wondering if I should tell him or not. No, I decided. At least not yet. “Just traveling,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. I didn’t make eye contact, for I was afraid he would see through me.

“I see,” he said, with an odd tone. I doubted he believed me.

Wanting to get off the subject, yet not wanting to cease conversation, I looked over at him. “Ihaden, tell me a little about yourself.”

His mouth thinned. “I’m a warden for Doriath. There’s…not really much else.”

“What about your family?”

He was silent for a few moments. He almost seemed angry…at himself or at me, I wasn’t sure which. “My mother was Noldorin,” he replied, in a lower tone. “She’s dead.”

I ventured to speak a bold question. “What House of the Noldor was she?” I asked quietly.

He stared fiercely at the ground. “Fëanor‘s,” he said softly. “She was…brought across the water.” I blinked. This obviously pained him deeply. No wonder he was scorned amongst the Dark Elves….as no doubt his father was also.

“Did you ever learn to speak her language?” I ventured.

“No,” he said quickly. “The tongue is forbidden.” His eyes drifted slowly to the ground, and he heaved a sigh. I wondered what it must have been like for him, growing up, being half of a hated race. Obviously the Sindar held more scorn for my own people than I realized. Ihaden met my eyes again. “She died when I was very young.”

“I am sorry,” I answered quietly. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost my Nana.”

He looked over at me, slightly amused. “By the sound of it, you left your Nana.”

I nodded, sighing. “Aye, I did.”

“Who else did you leave behind, pray tell?” His eyes were twinkling now.

“My sister, Andúnë. And…” A tear suddenly sprang to my eye as I looked down. “And that’s all.”

Ihaden looked at me with sorrow, as though he knew what I meant. He nodded, moving a little closer to me and placed his palm on my shoulder for a moment. His hand was strong and comforting. I didn’t want him to take it away. But he did. He seemed a little uncomfortable. “Brethel,” he said, looking ahead. “We should reach the river very soon.”

I smiled brightly. “Good! Then we can rest. It is growing warm.” I was in fact anxious to shed my outer shirt, but still felt slightly uncomfortable around Ihaden. He was, after all, still little more than a stranger.

In a few hours, after the sun had set, we were settling ourselves near the banks of Sirion. It was a loud, rushing river, so there would be no swimming. The moonlight spilled all around us as Ihaden lay on his back on the ground, propped up by his elbows. We had been speaking for a few minutes, and I felt myself loosen up a little bit. I had never really had a friend, besides Andúnë. I never socialized much with the ellyn or ellyth my age, so it was all coming as new to me.

I sat on a large flat rock a few feet away from him, which overlooked the river. “How old are you, Ihaden?” I asked him, tossing a small rock into the rushing water.

“Four-hundred-and-ten,” he said simply, folding his hands over his chest. “What about you?”

I smiled shyly. “I’m not yet four-hundred, I’m afraid.”

“You seem to be quite the warrior for one so young,” he said, smiling lopsidedly.

“How did you guess I was a warrior?” I asked curiously, cocking my head to the side.

He smiled, sitting up. “Only an extremely odd person or a blossoming warrior would carry an orc bow. Your weapons are not in disrepair, nor suffering from ill use, or lack of use.” This man had been more attentive than I thought. The only weapons I saw him carrying were his quiver and bow. He smiled at me in a friendly way.

I looked down, something stirring inside me. I suppose it was because I had never been paid so much attention by anyone, much less a man. He made me bashful, more than my own self, but I supposed that would wear away after we got to know each other better. “Perhaps you would like for me to test my ability against more talent than I possess?”

He laughed. “I have no blade, my lady Brethel. I carry only arrows.”

I nodded. “That does indeed present a dilemma, hîr nín,” I said, a twinkle in my grey eyes. “Shall we cast aside all weapons, then, and only showcase our true athletic skills?”

He clucked his tongue, laughing. “You at least have bravery, my lady, or something akin to that (or foolishness), for you full well know that one of my sex clearly has the advantage.”

I shook my head slowly, standing up. “Not always, my lord Ihaden,” I said. He chuckled, standing up as well. He cast off his quiver and his bow and his boots, and I threw aside my boots as well. I also pulled my over shirt off, and he looked me over with what looked like admiration. With a sarcastic grin, he pulled off his shirt. I could see he was very muscular and well built, and also very handsome. He nodded with a smile, putting his hands up near his face. I did the same, and we walked around in a circle for a while, surveying each other.

He made the first move.

He lunged at me, but not too forcefully, and I easily jumped out of the way. I could clearly see he was just testing me out, so I did not attack him right away. He nodded as though to make a mental note to himself. He feigned like he was going to lunge at me again, causing me to jump, but then he spun around very quickly and grabbed my arms from behind. I swung my arms out straight and kicked at his shins, managing to escape him. I turned around to see him smiling. I needed to be more cautious.

This time it was my turn. I took a quick swing at one of his arms, which he blocked. I scurried under his legs quickly and kicked him in the small of his back, sending him a shock and he spun around. He lunged at me with both arms, and we ended up in a lock of arms. My hands were on his shoulders, pressing. Now the fact that he was at least six inches taller than me turned into a problem. We were clasped solidly for a while, struggling. I began to sweat, and could feel that my palms were slick. His bare arms tightened, his hands gripping my pale shoulders.

Somewhere in all of this one of us must have stepped on the other’s foot, but in the confusion I cannot be sure. We ended up slipping and falling. We had become dangerously close to the river, and, on my own, I would surely have fallen in. But as he was falling backwards, Ihaden grabbed me and yanked me back, and we fell. We landed in the midst of some bushes and foliage. I was laying atop his bare chest, my arms around his neck. His hands clasped my shoulders, and my head was laying in the curve of his neck. For a minute, neither of us moved. I could feel his breathing, and could hear my own. I felt so small compared to him; I felt like a young girl. I gulped, and, fearing he could feel the pounding of my heart, I sat up, resting on my knees. He pushed himself up on his elbows, his sweat soaked face glistening in the moonlight. He laughed, bringing his hand up and cupping the side of my face.

I giggled, throwing my head backwards, letting the cool air freshen my neck. “I thank thee muchly, my lord Ihaden,” I said, stilling catching my breath.

He smiled at me with a nod. “Do not think of it again, my lady Brethel.” I thought of it many more times after that, however.

Chapter Six- Friends

I hardly slept any that night, but Ihaden did. Soon after our wrestling, we prepared to rest. He fell asleep almost immediately, but I could not. My mind was racing and humming so loudly, I could not. It felt odd, this relationship that was forming with Ihaden. I had never truly befriended a man before, and the closest I ever got to one was when Maeglin kissed me. I kept thinking of that, but I pressed it from my mind. Maeglin was clearly a widely know traitor. We all had figured that out after he was captured by the orcs.

I sat beside the water far into the night, being tired but unable to sleep. My mind was not uneasy, but not quite at rest. I found myself studying Ihaden often, who was sleeping, still shirtless, in a patch of moss and brush not far from my seat. I thought much about him. I noted in my mind what a gentleman he was, and how handsome, and kind. He would certainly be a match for any girl. I found it odd that he was not married. It was highly unusual for any Elf of his age to be unwed. However, perhaps it was his blood that kept the maidens away from him. Neither myself or Andúnë were married before Maeglin came…but I suppose it was because Nana and Ada were not conventional. And Andúnë would never wed when she knew there were still he-Elves to admire and lust after her. She was quite something.

I thought long and hard about myself that night. I replayed my meeting with Nienna over and over in my mind, until I had memorized every detail. She troubled me with what she said. It sounded as though my travails would be long and difficult indeed. And so would those of my family- though I wasn’t certain what that meant. Would I ever see my family again? I wondered about that. As I recalled my conversation with Fui, some things she spoke of stood out.

“…By Eru’s grace, and my tears, it has power you shall not know for ages to come…”

I was puzzled by this. Was Valond simply to stay in my keeping for many ages of the world? Or perhaps many ages of my family. But I could not hand it down to my children, for I was not married. I doubted I ever would be.

“…Love shall come to you…but you must go to love in return…”

Perhaps it was a warning from her? I raked my hand through my long hair, sighing heavily. The sigh seemed to come from deep within me, from a place where weariness eternally dwells. It was deep and heavy. Perhaps I would be married…perhaps, once I reached Gondolin, I would find that someone. I would find love. I had never thought about it deeply before…marriage. To be loved by someone would certainly be a wondrous feeling. Andúnë had thrived and acted rashly on the thrill it gave her. But I was not like my sister. Too long had I locked my heart inside of me to give it away too soon. The one I was to marry would have to slowly chip away my walls…and it would be no easy task.

I once again looked over to my escort, so completely lost in slumber. I wondered of him, for about his life I knew very little. What was it like living with Noldorin blood in the midst of such contempt? Had he ever been in love? Was the union forbidden by his father? Did he have siblings, or great friends that he had to leave for his job? Finally my mind wearied of churning so hard, and I lay myself down on the hard ground and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew of, was the rough hand of Ihaden shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes to bright sunlight. It was morning. Ihaden gave a lopsided smile at me when I opened my eyes and looked at him.

“Aur vaer, mellon nín,” he said, slipping into Sindarin. “I’m glad to see you are awake. We’ve quite a ways to travel before night.” I sat up and rubbed my face with one hand, still squinting as my eyes grew accustomed to the light. He stood and began shoving things into his pack, sending his voice over to me amidst his work. “We’re going to the River Mindeb, and following it north.” He looked over at me. “You do still want to go north…?”

“Yes,” I said, standing and stretching out my arms. I pulled overshirt on and began to lace my boots up. “But I’m not sure exactly where.”

He looked at me with an amused smile. “You don’t know where you’re going?”

“Of course I know where I’m going,” I replied quickly, flushing a little. “Just not sure how to get there…” I added in a softer voice.

He approached me and bent down so his face was close to me. I nearly sucked in my breath at the sight of his grey-green eyes. “You know, you could tell me where you were going,” he said gently, smiling. “Then I could help you.”

I shook my head slowly yet firmly, closing my eyes. “No…no I cannot.”

He shrugged, looking slightly offended, and stood up. “Very well. Are you ready?”

I slung my pack over my shoulder and strapped on my belt, standing. “Aye,” I said. We walked for a few minutes after crossing the stream, when I suddenly I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth. I stopped short and laid my hand on the trunk of a tree.

Ihaden spun around and ran back to me, worry lining his face. “Are you all right?” he asked, gripping my shoulders gently.

I nodded quickly, not able to look away from his face. “Yes, yes…I’m fine. Goheno nin.” He nodded doubtfully, patting me on the arm, and continued walking. I followed him, smiling slightly. Something he had said this morning had just dawned on me. When waking me up this morning, he had called me ‘mellon nín’- a phrase of the Sindar tongue. My friend.

We walked a very long time, side by side, not really talking much. It was strange…for although very few words were spoken aloud, it was as if we were simply enjoying each other’s company. What happened last night drew us closer together. Besides loosening us up and showing a more playful side to each other, it instilled a sense of trust into our friendship. I felt now like I could trust Ihaden with my life.

After a while we struck up tentative conversation, he not speaking much, but seeming eager to listen to me. He was telling me of his father. The ground was rough and uneven, but he pressed on as though he knew the woods backwards and forwards. “My father met and married my mother before it was widely known in Doriath of the Kinslaying,” he said. “The Lady Galadriel, brother of Lord Finrod, was one of her friends.” Finrod Felagund. The Noldorin Prince who was once the King of Nargothrond.

“Do you know Lady Galadriel?” I asked. She was a princess of my people.

“Aye,” he said. “A little. When I was younger, she used to tell me stories of when she and my mother lived in Valinor.” I wondered if she knew my own parents. He looked back at me for a moment. “What about your parents?” he asked.

I sighed, keeping myself in balance and not tripping over the high roots by the river where we walked. “I do not know what House we are from,” I said, and he looked back at me with a puzzled expression. “But my Nana and Ada never told me of such things…..I do not even know how we came to Nargothrond. My Ada knew King Finrod.”

“Knew?” he asked.

I willed my eyes not to fill with tears. “Aye. Shortly before I left…there was an orc attack.” I spoke very slowly. “He was slain.”

“I’m sorry,” Ihaden said quietly.

I smiled, looking up into the sky. “Ada used to take me on grand adventures, to the very borders of your woods. He never went farther, though.”

“The House of Fingolfin still remains friendly with our King,” he broke in very softly. Perhaps that meant I was not of that House.

“My Nana was a wonderful story teller,” I said, smiling again. “She used to tell stories to my sister and me before we went to bed.” He nodded, and we continued walking on. We did not talk more.

When we reached the point where Mindeb branched off from Sirion, I remembered the last time I had seen the Mindeb. When I first met Nienna. I felt a bit of sadness creep into me as we made camp by the forked river. Every day we moved closer to the northern border of Doriath, and after that I would see Ihaden no more. Something in the depths of my heart told me that I didn’t want that to happen.

We sat near each other as we ate that night, and I looked up, a little bashfully, into his face. He immediately met my eyes. His eyes were so intense, I nearly found it hard to breathe. “Ihaden, I…” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling a little foolish. “I don’t wish to rush, that is, unless you are needing to get back to your job.” He ripped off a piece of bread with his mouth and began chewing, still looking at me. “I just wish to…savor…this journey. I love these woods.”

He nodded as though he agreed. He didn’t ask any questions. “Very well, my lady Brethel. As you wish.”

We were silent for many minutes, one thought in particular that wouldn’t leave me be. Ihaden was very polite, and very non-confrontational. He rarely, if ever, struck up a conversation. He never argued, and always treated me as though I was his better, or a lady. Except for that night on the banks of Sirion, he had never acted fierce or physical, or made much contact with me. I looked at him with furrowed brows. “You have been in the march warden for a long time,” I stated, examining his features. He seldom told me anything about his life, unless I prodded him about it.

He gave me a strange look. “Yes, I have,” he replied slowly.

I gave a slightly exasperated sigh, looking harder at him. “I am not a great woman, and I am in no way in command of you. I am more your enemy than friend, as a matter of fact. You are not bound to serve me, Ihaden. You do know this?”

“Of course, my lady,” he replied, sounding confused.

“Oh Ihaden!” I cried. “You were not afraid to wrestle me, though that is hardly a thing any other man would have done. What is it?”

He stared at the ground as though he now understood what I meant. His black hair hung about his shoulders, his beautiful features lost in thought. “You seemed like a comrade to me, Brethel. Comrades are the only friends I have known in a long time…”

My lips parted and I looked with tender sadness upon him. I reached out to take his hand. “I’m sorry, Ihaden. I hope you will continue to think of me as your comrade.”

He seemed undaunted by my hand still holding his. But I was surprised when he returned the gesture, wrapping his fingers around mine. He looked into my eyes with a smile. “Ah, my lady, but you are indeed far too beautiful.”

I smiled in return, but my stomach fluttered inside me. I could not remember a time in my life, ever, when I had been told I was beautiful, except by my father. My sister was beautiful, but not I. I was too much of a ruffian. We stayed there, with our hands clasped, for a long time. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the feel of his hand. It was large for an ellon, and rough, like a woodsman’s, but it was very gentle.

A cold wind began to blow as we continued eating, and I began to shiver. The night was growing steadily colder. After we were finished with our food Ihaden went off to empty his sack of some things. I sat on the ground with my eyes closed, my arms wrapped around my knees, willing myself not to think. I had been thinking about so much, about so many things, since I had left. Now all I wanted to think about was Ihaden.

He came up behind me and draped a blanket around my shoulders, and I smiled gratefully, and murmured a Sindarin thanks to him. To my great surprise, he sat down behind me and crossed his legs, pulling me to him so I rested against him, half in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and I closed my eyes, snuggling into him. His arms were comforting around me, and I felt so safe. As I leaned my head against his chest, I felt him touching my hair softly, and could hear him whispering soft words in his own tongue. I could not understand what he was saying, but it was sweet to the ear- like a gently spoken lullaby. I felt as though I could stay wrapped in his arms for the rest of eternity.

Chapter Seven- The Dawn

I fell asleep soon after Ihaden gathered me in his arms, but I fear he did not sleep much at all. He seemed content, as I was, however. I woke up just before dawn, and he was awake already. I was balled up in his lap, for it had become quite cold in the night. The pale pinkish-grey sky was preparing for the sun.

“Good morning, Ihaden,” I murmured softly, sighing as I listened to the running water of the river.

“Good morning,” he whispered. I could hear a smile in his voice. He bent down and leaned his temple against mine for a moment. I smiled up into his face. I stayed in his arms for many minutes, neither of us moving or talking. The world seemed to be frozen; time seemed non-existent. His arms were around my waist, and I leaned against his chest.

I sighed, closing my eyes. I felt something very deeply for Ihaden, something that I was only just realizing myself. It was a little scary, but felt more like the sunlight washing into a dark cavern. My walls were tumbling down. I took hold of his hand, holding it close to me. We seemed to fit each other perfectly.

“You know, Brethel, Neldoroth is across the water,” he said softly to me. It peaked my interest greatly.

“We are so far north?” I asked, curiously.

“Aye, my lady. All we need do is follow the river north for a few days and we shall be past the woods of this realm. We shall be north of the Girdle.”

A tear nearly sprang to my eye at what he said, and I nestled deeper into him. “What ever happened to your dog?” I asked, on a sudden, the thought just springing to my mind.

“He wasn’t really mine,” he replied. The sun was beginning to peek through the trees. “He belonged to all of the Brethil wardens. But we are beyond their territory now. Once we follow the river more, we shall be in a part of Doriath where there is no patrol at all.” I could guess at him smiling, for I detected a hint of one in his voice. “Except for occasionally me.”

The sun came up slowly, spilling golden light across the pink sky which gradually became a pale shade of blue. For hours we stayed in this way, watching light and day fill the sky. A new dawn was breaking, a brand new day. It was a new beginning for the earth, and a new beginning for me. For my heart.

Chapter Eight- A Promise

We followed the river Mindeb north after the sun fully rose. We walked for a long time, occasionally talking. One time Ihaden even took my hand with his, and we walked like this for a long while. He seemed to know the woods well, and would point out specific flowers or plants to me. The hours seemed all jumbled together, as I just enjoyed being in his company.

We were resting on the second day after we had begun following the river, and he had just refilled the empty wineskin with water from the Mindeb. I took a mouthful of it; it was clear and cool and very refreshing. It felt like heaven against my dry throat. I handed it back to him, and he set it on the ground, just staring at me.

“You are a very beautiful woman, Brethel,” he said suddenly, and I felt my face go hot.

“Ihaden, please,” I murmured, fidgeting.

“No, don’t say it,” he said, laughing, his eyes twinkling. “You know you’ve been told that before.”

I looked away. “Only by you…” I replied.

He cocked his head slightly, touching my face with the tips of his fingers. He brushed a strand of my hair behind my ears. “How can it be so?” he asked quietly, with a smile.

I looked down. “My twin sister overshadowed me greatly. She is such a beautiful girl, it’s hard for people to notice me.” I looked up into the sky. “I was always glad of it. I…” I paused for a moment. “I never really had any friends, except for her.”

He nodded. “Until I joined the patrol, neither did I.” He seemed very, very sad, as though he had mentioned something that pricked his heart. “In Doriath, among the Sindar, I was looked down upon as a child.” He swerved his eyes to the ground. “I had to continually prove myself by denouncing my Noldorin blood. It broke my father’s heart.” His voice faltered a little. “It was hard for me to do so, for from all I can remember of my mother, she was wonderful.” I wondered that I saw tears shining in his eyes.

I felt so bad for him. He had grown up alone- first rejected by his people, then by his father. “I suppose neither of us really fit in,” I said in a voice barely above a whisper.

He flashed a smile. “We have much in common. Except you are so fair!” he cried, standing abruptly. He took my hands and jerked me up. “You reflect the moon and the stars. You must be the image of Varda.” He smiled sweetly when I laughed, and he kissed my hand. The feel of his lips on my skin sent goose bumps up my arms.

A day, two, three, four, passed. We continued to follow Mindeb. Its waters rushed past us, sparkling and clear. I grew closer to Ihaden than I had ever grown to a soul before. He became so dear to me, and I was no longer afraid of what I felt for him…except for the sharp biting thought of reality. Every time he smiled at me, my heart rejoiced, but also mourned. When his sea-green eyes met mine it took my breath away. But I knew, I understood, deep inside, that it would not last.

We sat near the edge of the forest. The sun was setting, and Ihaden had told me that early the next day we would leave Doriath for good. I would be on my own. Ihaden had gone off to the river to gather more water for the skin, and I sat alone in a small glade in the woods. All these thoughts were running around in my head, and I buried my face in my knees. I felt like my heart was breaking. My world seemed to come tumbling down all in once instant. Tears began to fall from my face. I wrapped my arms around my knees, weeping. I could not recall the last time my body shook with such sobs…since Ada was slain. I cried out brokenly and wept so hard; I brought my hands up to cover my face. I was to leave Ihaden and never see him again. I loved him so.

“Brethel…?” I heard him say as he caught sight of me. He rushed to me and took my hands, looking intently into my wet face. “What is it?” he softly asked.

I shook my head, pressing away more sobs. I was acting like a child. “It’s just that…I will be going so soon….”

Ihaden looked down. “I know.” His voice even seemed a little unsteady. “But…why does that upset you so?”

I looked into his beautiful eyes and took his face gently with my hands. Closing my eyes, I pressed a soft kiss on his mouth. He wound his arms around my waist and pressed me harder to him. My heart was thumping so wildly, my pulse was racing. I felt all heaven break loose, and for a moment, I was bathed in the light of ecstasy and joy. Nothing could come close to feeling what I felt now. Nothing could compare.

“Oh Brethel,” he said, his voice hoarse. He then proceeded to speak a few words in Sindarin that I could not make out. I could hear his heart in his voice.

“I must go,” I said quietly, leaning my head on his neck. “I have no choice.”

He rubbed his hands gently on my back. “No choice?” he asked in a whisper. Tears once again flowed down my face. I gave a quiet sob and pressed my face into his neck. “At least will you not tell me where you are going?” he asked softly.

I took a deep, shaky breath. A voice whispered words to me, but it was not from Ihaden. I felt confidant in my choice. “The White City,” I said.

He stepped back to look at me. “Tirion?” he asked, furrowing his brows. He looked very puzzled.

I shook my head no, closing my eyes. “No….no…. Never mind. I cannot tell. I do not know why I go to this place, Ihaden, but I must. It was an order from the Valar.”

“An unknown city?” he asked.

“A secret City, Ihaden,” I said. “It is a long and dangerous road.”

His eyes widened for a moment. “One cannot make such a journey, my love. Let me go with you.”

I closed my eyes. How happy that would make me! But the still small voice spoke again, and I knew what must be done. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “Where I go, you cannot.”

He looked down, and then pressed me close to him again. I sighed heavily, clutching his shirt. How I wished I could spend the rest of my life…here…with Ihaden. He had changed me so much. I would be content to live here in Doriath for forever and a day, I thought. But perhaps I was only fooling myself. I was too willful and spirited to stay in one place for too long. But my heart would always remain here.

He sighed softly, leaning his forehead against my shoulder. “You cannot let me come with you?” he asked, his voice not much above a whisper. I could hear a catch in his voice, and I knew that our hearts were joined.

I closed my eyes, wishing, longing, for Nienna to reassure me that it was all right. That he could come with me. That Ihaden and myself could be together until the end of Arda. But all that came to me was silence. “No,” I said simply.

He looked intensely into my eyes, cupping my face. He stayed like that for a long time, then closed his eyes, as though he were struggling within himself. “Marry me, Brethel,” he said.

I gasped, backing away from him. My face was flustered and my heart was pounding. I could not find my voice. Marry him? Oh…nothing on earth would have made me happier than to do so. Nothing. But it could never happen. I had a narrow purpose that even I didn’t understand. Yet my resolve wavered when I met his eyes. “No, no, Ihaden, you know I…cannot…” My voice trailed off. I hated myself.

He turned away from me, looking up into the dim sky. I could see a sheen in his ocean eyes, and his mouth quivered when he spoke. “I understand, meldis nín,” he said softly. “After all, any fair young maiden would hardly wish to go into the world bound eternally to another.”

My heart broke after he spoke, and silence filled the air in the glade. I stood there for a moment, unable to tear my eyes away from him. A tear slipped down my pale cheek. With silent footsteps I approached him and put my arms around his neck. I brushed his hair behind his ear, just staring into his amazing eyes. My senses ran wild as I tentatively kissed him and we melted against each other. His hands rested on my waist. I prayed to Eru my thinking would not be hindered by how much I cared for him. He broke away from me and took my hand and brought it up to his face, kissing my wrist gently. I closed my eyes, struggling harder than I had ever before. Never had I fought a battle that compared to the war waging within myself.

“I love you, Ihaden. Nothing could please me more than to be your wife,” I said slowly, feeling my heart crumble to bits inside of me. I pressed away tears to continue. “But I know that I…that I…” My voice died in my throat. The world seemed frozen as I closed my eyes. I felt the spirit world all around me.

“Nienna, please! I don’t know what to do!”

My mind screamed the question, dying inside for an answer. I felt Nienna lay her icy hand on my hair, and I could see her smile.

“Your heart knows better than you, my dear.”

My heart. I was to listen to my heart? All along? My heart knew my fate. My heart would decide my destiny.

I snapped back to reality and smiled softly at Ihaden, tenderly brushing his cheek with my finger. A tear slid down my face.

“Brethel?” he quietly asked.

I laughed, hugging him tightly. “Yes…” I said. I laughed again, throwing my head back. “Yes!” I cried. His eyes widened with surprise, and he gave a shout and pulled my up into his arms, spinning me around and taking my mouth in a kiss. I looked up lovingly into his face, wiping the tears from my eyes and laughing. “Ihaden, I cannot say no to you. Le amarth nín!” I cried in Sindarin.

He smiled tenderly at me and set me down on the ground. “I love you, Brethel,” he said softly.

I smiled gently up at him, my eyes shining. “And I love you, more than the world.”

Chapter Nine- Husband and Wife

It was a few hours later. I sat in the glade in my undershirt and long cloth skirt, which went all the way down to the tops of my feet. I rubbed my legs together underneath the skirt, staring listlessly into space. It was completely dark, except for the stars shining overhead. There was no moon. The leaves rustled when the whispering breeze blew by, also gently tossing my silver hair, which hung loose about the small of my back. My cheeks were flushed with warmth, and I covered my face with my hands. I prayed fervently to all the power in the Heavens and in Aman that I was following the will of the Gods. The wind blew past me in a soft whisper, and a sense of peace just washed over me. I knew I was doing the right thing.

Almost as a sign, when I looked up, there was Ihaden. He was shirtless and smiling, his eyes fixed on mine. He clutched something in his hand. The night was very silent, but for the quiet rustling of leaves and the chirping of nighttime insects. I could hear his footsteps on the grass as he approached me. I could hear my heart beating. He came to stand opposite me, our bodies only inches apart. He showed me what was hidden in his hand. I inhaled sharply as I gazed at it. It was a perfectly round, plain, silver band, very thin, yet stunning. It seemed to shine with the light of Aman.

“It was my father’s,” he said quietly. “He made it when he was very young, in Valinor (no doubt in the light of Telperion) and then gave it to my mother.” He took my hand and breathed a few words. He then slipped it onto my left ring finger. It fit perfectly. The metal seemed to bond to my skin, and it felt wonderful.

“Na gwest sen
E-ant guren
E-ant mîlen
Le dineth nín.”

His words were like honey to my ears. It was almost like I was living in a dream world, confusing yet utterly perfect. I looked to the ground, realizing that I had nothing to offer him. No ring. I quickly found a loose thread in my shirt and pulled it out a long ways. I took Ihaden’s finger and wrapped the string around it many times, then tying a knot. I took his hand.

“Na gwest sen
E-ant guren
E-ant mîlen
Le daer nín.”

The words flowed off my tongue as though another spoke them. I was now fully aware of everything, thanks to my Elven instincts. I could see Ihaden’s dark hair about his bare shoulders, and his smile as he fingered my only wedding gift. The promise of my eternal love. He looked at me and his gaze drifted down to look me over. I tensed, and I felt a surge of nervousness and excitement pulsate through my body. The hairs on my arms stood on end. He met my eyes with his sea-green ones, and I felt my breath quicken. He placed his hands on my hips, his body brushing up against mine. My chest heaved heavily, though I was silent. He kissed the curve of my neck gently, whispering in my ear. “Brethel nín, hervess nín…” he murmured, pressing his mouth to mine.

I gasped softly, breathing deeply. I laid my hands upon his chest, leaning against him. “Rhawen e-ant…” I breathed. He kissed my mouth again, his hands moving to my neck. He untied the knot of leather that secured the laces of my shirt.

We were married that night.

Chapter Ten- Goodbye

When I woke, I lay beside my husband. Ihaden’s arms were wrapped around me, and I could hear his soft, even breathing. I leaned my head against his chest for a minute, longing to savor every second of time that I spent with him. Words had never been needed. Words were no longer to be spoken between us. I would be gone before he was awake.

With great hesitation and careful movements I slipped from his arms and out from under the blanket. Our bed had been a patch of grass. I swiftly and silently put on my clothes, struggling to remain quiet, and struggling not to gaze at my sleeping husband. I closed my eyes hard. I wanted…I needed to remember what he looked like. I could never see him again.

A few minutes went by as I prepared all my belongings. The air was unbroken by noise, and I tried my hardest to keep it so. The sun had not yet risen. I felt a twinge of guilt as I went about my silent business, and also nervousness. What would happen if Ihaden woke? Would I be able to keep going? How would I get him to remain in Doriath? My breathing was shaky from tears I knew would come, and I often had to sit and bite my lip, my hands covering my face, my knees curled up under me. My whole body was trembling. I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t. But I had to.

I set aside my things for one last moment and crept to kneel beside Ihaden. His breathing was still that of a sleeper, and he was turned on his side as though he still held my body close to his. His skin was cool from the dew of the grass and the bite of the air. The fall season was upon us. His long hair was strewn about, and I carefully touched a strand, sending chills up my fingertips. He moved lightly in his sleep, murmuring something in the Grey-tongue. I bent over him, barely touching my lips to his. He stirred briefly again.

“Brethel…” he murmured.

I tensed, but he was still fast asleep. Laying my hand caressingly upon his bare shoulder, I bowed my head. I could not stop the lone tear that escaped down my face. I heaved a heavy sigh. Never again would I stare into his beautiful, sea-green eyes. Never again would he touch me or hold me.

For some reason, I knew not why, I ran back to my pack and yanked out the scroll, filled with words from Nienna. I bound it tightly with a loose string from my clothing, and kissed the seal softly. Kneeling again beside my husband, I laid the scroll where I had lain before. It was something to remember me by, I supposed.

“Goodbye, Ihaden,” I said simply, pressing away a sob. My voice was quiet and tremulous as I stood, still gazing down at him. Knowing that if I stayed near him any longer I would completely abandon my cause, I turned, took up by things, and ran as fast as I could.

I ran for a very long time. A very, very long time. I did not stop for anything. I did not see when the sun rose atop the horizon in the east. I did not feel the glare of Anar on my shoulders as it rose higher. I did not feel the wind that swept through the trees. I did not feel anything. I did not see anything. Until I left the woods behind me. The sun was low in the west as I stopped, all on a sudden. I looked back. Back were the woods of Neldoroth. Brethil. Doriath. I heaved a sigh, my chest inhaling and exhaling deeply as I properly allowed myself to breathe.

I looked down at the ground. It was thin and sparse compared to the rich greenness of Doriath. My mind had been blank of all feeling for a long time, though it seemed only seconds to me. Looking back at all I had left behind, my eyes filled with scorching tears. They burned my cheeks as they slipped down my face, and my body became hunched over as sobs overtook me. I buried my face in the ground, crying aloud. The sound shattered the thick silence, then disappeared into the wind.

Chapter Eleven- Eagles

I struggled on for days, not wanting to think of Ihaden, but doing so nonetheless. I heard his voice in the wind. I saw his eyes in the sky. Thoughts of his smile and the sound of his hearty laugh raced through my mind. I dreamt of his kiss. I dreamt of his touch on my skin. I didn’t count the days that passed, I felt no sense of time. My walking was endless, my journey was pointless. As much as I tried to focus on my task at hand, I simply felt myself stumble along the bare lands of the north. A long time must have passed. A month? Two? I had followed the Mindeb as it thinned out, even to the mountains. Perhaps Gondolin was enclosed somewhere in the hills I saw close by. The Mindeb led me through the Pass of Anach. The trail was harsh and I felt myself falling upon the rocks. It was as if I watched myself in a dream world. I felt no sense of reality, no sense of peace. I heard no small, comforting voice.

I walked along the mountain pass. My feet were feeble and my skin was torn my rocks and sand and wind. My eyes were cloudy, and the thud of my heart was dull and listless. I wanted to die. I fell on the ground, blinded by the swirling sand and the scorch of the hot sun. I was blinded by its glare as I fell to the ground, face up. The wind stopped. The dust settled around me and on me. I closed my eyes. I could hear the slow, even thumping of my heart, and nothing else. I couldn’t move. My mind screamed for release, to be whisked away from my body, to be dumped into eternal blackness.

“You are not alone…”

I heard a whisper in the air. The wind had begun to blow again. Suddenly the steady thumping of my heart seemed louder, as though it was coming from outside my body. I opened my tired eyes and caught a glimpse of something on the horizon coming toward me. I opened my mouth to gasp, but it was too dry and caked with sand.

“Therein…Manwë…” I muttered. Seconds later I was swooped up into the air, and I remembered nothing.