The Pool by pottedplant
The Pool
I don’t own any of Tolkien’s characters, or anything else that someone could sue me over. Heh.
Narrator:One day at Minas Tirith, fourth age, Arwen made a very important decision. She stalked over to Aragorn and made her request known.
Arwen: Shmuggles, I want you to get a real job.
Aragorn: I have a real job.
Arwen: No, Shmuggles, I mean one that pays.
Aragorn: One that pays? What do you call this?! *opens door to the “secret” vault*
Narrator: There were heaping piles of gold and jewels…and Faramir.
Faramir: *swimming in gold* It’s mine! All MINE! Buwaa-haa-haa!! *notices Aragorn and Arwen* …
Narrator: Faramir then leaps out the window, which really shouldn’t be there, seeing as it is, indeed, a vault.
Arwen: We really should get rid of that window. *sigh* I really don’t think we pay him enough, Shmuggles.
Aragorn: I don’t pay him at all.
Arwen: …Then what have you been doing with the money for his salary?
Aragorn: *flashback…*
Flashback Aragorn: Hey Legolas,
Flashback Legolas: What?
Flashback Aragorn: Wanna go to Vegas?!!
Flashback Legolas: Hoo-ah!
(End flashback)
Aragorn: uhhh….giving it to puppies?
Arwen: Get a job. *walks off*
Narrator: Couple daysss later, hissss…
Arwen: Hey everyone! Aragorn finally got a real job!
Everyone: WHOOOO!
Boromir: Didn’t he have a real job?
Arwen: Didn’t you die already?
Boromir: Shh! *whispers* They don’t know that. *points to the Valar, who are looking at him suspiciously*
Sam: Let’s all go embarrass him at work!
Everyone: YAY!
Frodo: Where ‘s he work?
Arwen: At the pool!
Eowyn: *pulls out camera* Is he a lifeguard or a poolboy?
Arwen: *glares at Eowyn* A lifeguard.
Eowyn: Oh. *puts away camera*
Merry: But how will we get there? SOMEONE spent all of our money in Vegas. *glares at Legolas*
Legolas: …don’t we have horses?
Pippin: You gambled those away too. Just like you gambled away Theoden.
Merry: I thought he died.
Pippin: He did.
Merry: *looks at Legolas in horror*
Legolas: uhhh….I’m sure Gandalf will let us ride the bus for free.
Narrator: So, before noon they all waited at the bus stop. The hobbits occupied themselves by singing and dancing ’round the fire hydrant.
Hobbits: Hey ho to the hydrant we go!
To heal our hearts and drown Bilbo!
Gimli: Behave yourselves!
Hobbits: Aww. *start singing sadly*
Hey ho to the hydrant we go.
To heal our hearts and DROWN GIMLI!!!
Gimli: Urg. Not funny.
Merry: Were we joking Pip?
Pippin: No I don’t think we were Merry.
Narrator: They both look at Gimli and stick out their tongues. Then the bus arrives. The bus doors open and Legolas steps up.
Legolas: Hey Gand- eeeugh…
Saruman: *glares at Legolas*
Legolas: Heh…uh…sorry..wrong old guy.
Saruman: *fumes*
Legolas: *nervously* Oops. Sorry, did I say old guy? Heh…I meant…wizard. You look young!
Narrator: Saruman drives away.
Chewbacca: Fuuuuuuurg!?
Everyone: No Chewbacca.
Chewbacca: *walks away disappointedly*
Narrator: Another bus pulls up to the stop. This time it’s the right one.
Legolas: Gandalf can we ride the bus for free?
Gandalf: Sure. You all bathed right?
Arwen: Don’t worry. Aragorn’s not here.
Gandalf: Good.
Narrator: Everyone got on the bus. The ride was terribly boring. Until…
Random person on bus: OH MY GOD THE BUS IS ON FIRE!!!
Everyone: AAAAAHHH!!!
Gandalf: Stop, drop, and roooooooooll!!!
Narrator: Gandalf sharply turns the flaming bus, causing it tip over and roll rapidly down the street. The bus is eventually stopped by a tree. Everyone quickly runs off the bus and the bus explodes.
Merry: Hey look! We’re at the pool!
Everyone: YAY!
TBC
13 Comments
HAHAHA!!!! I was laughing from begining to end!!! Write more! MORE! MORE!
HA, HA, HA, Ha, Ha, Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
Good story! Very amusing. Looking forward to reading the next chapter. lol
HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHOHOHO! I love this! Awesome idea, you’re doing great!
Keep going! I want to know what happens next!
Awesome story! When you add another chapter pm me!
*snicker* Very well written. Great idea. Perhaps Eowyn could keep “drowning” so Aragorn has to “save her”? Just a thought…
UPDATE ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, Chewbacca, huh? That was pretty neat. Keep writin’!
He he! Very funny! Write the rest please! Wanna read more!
“STOP DROP AND ROOOOOOOOOOOLL!!!”
AWESOME!! lmao.
I can’t wait for more! That was really FUNNY!!
This is hilarious!!! Write more soon!!!
So weird, but ABSOLUTELY, UNDENIABLY, GENIOUSLY, WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! Hilarious.