The Pool

I don’t own any of Tolkien’s characters, or anything else that someone could sue me over. Heh.

Narrator:One day at Minas Tirith, fourth age, Arwen made a very important decision. She stalked over to Aragorn and made her request known.

Arwen: Shmuggles, I want you to get a real job.

Aragorn: I have a real job.

Arwen: No, Shmuggles, I mean one that pays.

Aragorn: One that pays? What do you call this?! *opens door to the “secret” vault*

Narrator: There were heaping piles of gold and jewels…and Faramir.

Faramir: *swimming in gold* It’s mine! All MINE! Buwaa-haa-haa!! *notices Aragorn and Arwen* …

Narrator: Faramir then leaps out the window, which really shouldn’t be there, seeing as it is, indeed, a vault.

Arwen: We really should get rid of that window. *sigh* I really don’t think we pay him enough, Shmuggles.

Aragorn: I don’t pay him at all.

Arwen: …Then what have you been doing with the money for his salary?

Aragorn: *flashback…*

Flashback Aragorn: Hey Legolas,

Flashback Legolas: What?

Flashback Aragorn: Wanna go to Vegas?!!

Flashback Legolas: Hoo-ah!

(End flashback)
Aragorn: uhhh….giving it to puppies?

Arwen: Get a job. *walks off*

Narrator: Couple daysss later, hissss…

Arwen: Hey everyone! Aragorn finally got a real job!

Everyone: WHOOOO!

Boromir: Didn’t he have a real job?

Arwen: Didn’t you die already?

Boromir: Shh! *whispers* They don’t know that. *points to the Valar, who are looking at him suspiciously*

Sam: Let’s all go embarrass him at work!
Everyone: YAY!

Frodo: Where ‘s he work?

Arwen: At the pool!

Eowyn: *pulls out camera* Is he a lifeguard or a poolboy?

Arwen: *glares at Eowyn* A lifeguard.

Eowyn: Oh. *puts away camera*

Merry: But how will we get there? SOMEONE spent all of our money in Vegas. *glares at Legolas*

Legolas: …don’t we have horses?

Pippin: You gambled those away too. Just like you gambled away Theoden.

Merry: I thought he died.

Pippin: He did.

Merry: *looks at Legolas in horror*

Legolas: uhhh….I’m sure Gandalf will let us ride the bus for free.

Narrator: So, before noon they all waited at the bus stop. The hobbits occupied themselves by singing and dancing ’round the fire hydrant.

Hobbits: Hey ho to the hydrant we go!
To heal our hearts and drown Bilbo!

Gimli: Behave yourselves!

Hobbits: Aww. *start singing sadly*
Hey ho to the hydrant we go.
To heal our hearts and DROWN GIMLI!!!

Gimli: Urg. Not funny.

Merry: Were we joking Pip?

Pippin: No I don’t think we were Merry.

Narrator: They both look at Gimli and stick out their tongues. Then the bus arrives. The bus doors open and Legolas steps up.

Legolas: Hey Gand- eeeugh…

Saruman: *glares at Legolas*

Legolas: Heh…uh…sorry..wrong old guy.

Saruman: *fumes*

Legolas: *nervously* Oops. Sorry, did I say old guy? Heh…I meant…wizard. You look young!

Narrator: Saruman drives away.

Chewbacca: Fuuuuuuurg!?

Everyone: No Chewbacca.

Chewbacca: *walks away disappointedly*

Narrator: Another bus pulls up to the stop. This time it’s the right one.

Legolas: Gandalf can we ride the bus for free?

Gandalf: Sure. You all bathed right?

Arwen: Don’t worry. Aragorn’s not here.

Gandalf: Good.

Narrator: Everyone got on the bus. The ride was terribly boring. Until…

Random person on bus: OH MY GOD THE BUS IS ON FIRE!!!

Everyone: AAAAAHHH!!!

Gandalf: Stop, drop, and roooooooooll!!!

Narrator: Gandalf sharply turns the flaming bus, causing it tip over and roll rapidly down the street. The bus is eventually stopped by a tree. Everyone quickly runs off the bus and the bus explodes.

Merry: Hey look! We’re at the pool!

Everyone: YAY!

TBC

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