The Private Journal of Faramir

Disclaimer- I own nothing of Tolkien’s (but I wished I had…). They would either perish because of neglecting them, or too much attention. Either way, I still can’t have them. Pfft!

Day One

Eowyn is now such a jerk. She is always like “Pick up your chainmail” or “Go on, eat my stew”. Now I really wished I had tied up Arwen and marry her.

Guests came over and ate stew. Fell dead in middle of dinner. Horrified at what it will do to my reputation. Father also came over. (Hey, wasn’t he dead? Oh well.) Refused stew, wanted a barbeque. Ran away into my room. Bad feeling about what he wanted to eat.

Day Two

Father still here. Still wants a barbeque. Eowyn went shopping and bought tons of meat for barbeque. What a dense shieldmaiden she is. Hiding in the closet. Do not want Father to find me if he still did not find his mind.

Day Three

Closet getting rather cramped and getting hungry.

Day Four

Still neglecting my duties. Not sure if he left yet. Getting tired from staying up the whole night keeping lookout. Found old teddy bear. Cuddly. Keeps me company.

Day Five

I have decided. I am going out.
Went out. Father left days ago. Eowyn mad about wasted meat. Stinks in the kitchen from rancid meat. Must buy deliver dinner tonight. Kitchen stinks. How in the world are we going to clean it?

Day Six

Highly embarrassed by last night’s accident. Actually fell asleep in middle of dinner from lack of sleep in the closet. Lucky that I fell asleep when Eowyn served some stew from last week’s dinner. Father came again today. Not sure why he came this time. Getting suspicious of him. A full grown man like me should not be hiding in closets, so I locked myself in the bathroom. Quite roomy actually.

Day Seven

Getting hungry.

Day Eight

Has Father left yet? Eowyn is trying to break the door down, complaining that all her make-up is in there. She doesn’t even have mascara! Went off in a huff and threatened to break the door down. As if.

Day Nine

Father left. Eowyn went off to Gap of Rohan. Day to myself! Finally…

Later

Eowyn bought some new dresses and something for me. I finally got some stainless steel chainmail after all these years. Finally!

Day Ten

Went to Minas Tirith for a meeting. Eowyn followed me for no reason what-so-ever. Dumped her outside on the seventh level. Meeting turned out to be about how Aragorn should get Eomer back for sticking spiders in his boots. Meeting ended and found Eowyn and Arwen in a cat fight. Eowyn lost a lock of hair and Arwen lost her sash and headdress. Eowyn quite satisfied, except for bald patch on head.

Day Eleven

Fell asleep in middle of dinner again. Quite embarrassing. Found myself on a barbeque stove when I woke up strapped by ropes. Father really lost his mind for he wanted Faramir hot dogs. Freaked out. Gandalf the Sparkly White came and rescued me and barbequed Father instead. Quite delicious, remarked Eowyn when I gave her some meat. Obviously, she didn’t know what it was.

Day Twelve

Eomer came calling. Gave him some meat and he said it tasted delicious. Good riddance he didn’t know what it was. Told me he found two dead rats in his pillow last night. Told him that it was a gift from Aragorn for the spiders. Eomer went to get revenge on Aragorn. Eowyn told me that Eomer was boasting about how he became king so that is why Aragorn stuck rats in his pillow.

A/N- This is my first fanfic so I will probably put some more chapters up once I get some reviews. Read and enjoy!