The Secret Diary of Figwit by attasiel
August 16: Sitting here minding own buisness. I got a letter from Elrond. Says he’s having a party. I wrote back saying I’ll come. My hair is getting smoother. I’m so happy.
August 19: Horrible news! Legolas will be coming to the party! Drat. He’ll probably be giving me nasty looks the whole time as well. I know he’s jealous of me. I’m just that much prettier and he knows that. I know that too.
August 25: I saw a pretty elf. She giggled at me. I tried to tell her I liked her hair, but then she smacked me. Elven-girls can be so grumpy at that age.
August 30: A week til the council. Fixing my hair. Darn, it has a knot! Better get it out…
September 2: Closer to council. My hair looks good. Lets see Legolas try and beat me this time! Darn another knot!
September 5 Council Day. It went pretty good. Some hobbits sitting around moping about a ring. It was actually a pretty ring. Wonder why everybody hated it. Oh well. As for Legolas, he was bubbling with jealosy. Of course, he would. Knowing the sweet-natured person I am, he was even more frusterated.
I got a letter from mom. My big brother is in town. He wants to visit me. Everyone knows he’s a freeloader. Dang! Stupid Lithonien!! I swear, when I get my hands on him… I’ll wring him alive! I’ll slice him to bits! Oh, that Lithonien…
Where were we? Oh yeah, about me being sweet tempered. Yeah, well, he was shooting me nasty looks just as I suspected. I smiled back at him. Aren’t I sweet?
September 31 The hobbits are staying for 2 months. Dang them. All the ladies are sucking up to them.
October 15: Legolas is going with the hobbits along with a couple other people to Mordor. Wonder why. One of the hobbits said(his name was something like Peregrin, I believe)it had something to do with that ring and they had to throw it into some place called ‘The Cracks Of Doom’ in Mordor to get rid of it. I asked him why they couldn’t smash it and he said it’s because the ring is evil. Too bad. It was so pretty.
October 30 Yes! They’re finally leaving! Legolas had to go. I would, but it would mess up my hair. I am going back home today. So I guess thats the end.
3 Comments
I have now read some of the most hilarious stories put on the internet! “Darn another knot”
Good work on this. You should write something like this, but how it would be if Figwit did go with the Fellowship. That would be very hillarious.
Figwit’s so worried about his hair, typical Elf lol! This was great. Thank you.
My first story in my journey of reading every single humerous fic in here. And I doubt the writer checks for new reviews anymore, but oh well, I must leave my mark. From five stars to one, I give it (sorry) one and a half.