Top Ten things heroes from Middle-Earth might say if they were charged with domestic duties:

10. Treebeard, doing laundry: “They come with their whites, they come with their darks, washing, drying, folding… little chores. Rummbarrrummm.”
9. Gimli, upon finally catching his kids at the mall: “A merry chase you’ve led me on to find you giggling… and… and hiding.”
8. Gandalf, showing up to watch his neighbor’s kids: “A babysitter arrives precisely when he means to. He is never late, nor is he early.”
7. Frodo, trying to figure out the child seat assembly: “It’s a riddle. ‘Baby and arrow must face rear of vehicle.’ Wait, he’s just going to keep dropping the arrow. That’s not going to work.”
6. Sauron, playing peek-a-boo: “I see you!”
5. Gimli, giving his kids at the mall a spanking: “…Another!…and another!…”
4. Elrond, holding council on the proper disposal of a soiled diaper: “You have all been called for this one doom we share. This cannot be destroyed by any craft we here possess.”
3. Theoden, drawing the water in the tub for his son: “Now for Bath! And for Bubbles! ‘Ere the water rises!”
2. Aragorn, cleaning floors: “Truly this must be Isildur’s Bane.”
1. Gollum, shopping at Wal-Mart: “I found it I did. A way through the crowds to the Express Lane. Orcs don’t use it, orcs don’t know it. They go round for miles and miles.”

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