Valentine Memoirs
A/N: Aragorn and Faramir’s stories here totally contradict the ones in the Lord of the Rings. Just to give you a warning.

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“Faramir!! FARAMIR!!!”

The Steward turned and saw his friend, Merry Brandybuck, racing up the street.

“What, Merry?”

“There’s a TORNADO WARNING!!!!”

“Oh my gosh!! We have to get under cover!!”

Merry noticed the heart shaped box in Faramir’s hands. The Steward blushed.

“I was… just getting Eowyn a little something. It’s Valentine’s Day, you know,” mumbled the now flaming Faramir.

“What’s so bad about getting her a gift?”

“It’s-WE NEED TO GET UNDER COVER!!”

“Right.” The friends raced for the nearest building which happened to be the candy shop.

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“I think the basement is over-Ah-ha!” Merry yanked the door opened and tumbled in after Faramir. Once situated in the basement, they realized they were not alone.

“Aragorn?” Merry asked, baffled.

“Heh, heh.” Aragorn gave a sheepish grin. “I was just poking around this shop – it’s Valentine’s Day and all – and I saw some-”

“Treats for Arwen?” Merry finished. “I see. Well, let’s pass the time here. Got any cards?”

“Uh… no.” Aragorn glanced disapprovingly at Merry.

“Too bad. We could have played some poker.” Merry winked. “I’ve won quite a lot since my last game.”

“MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK!” Aragorn yelled, “YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL-”

“Hey, I have an idea!” Faramir frantically intervened, “Since its Valentine’s Day, let’s share our favorite stories about our wives.”

“I’ll start!” Aragorn shouted.

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[We now all become part of Aragorn’s story…]

Estel strode down the narrow, rocky path. He was nervously rubbing his forehead. But why was that? After all, it was his 20th birthday, and it was supposed to be a day of celebration. Yet this particular birthday came with horror and misery. Estel sat down and sighed as he remembered his foster father’s horrible, terrible words.

“Son, this should be earlier, but when you turn twenty, I want you to marry. Or at least think about it.”

Estel had promised he would, never knowing how fast his twentieth birthday would come. Now what? It was against the Ranger code of conduct to break a promise. And the last thing he had wanted to do was marry.

All of a sudden, he looked up and saw…

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“A flying pig?” Merry asked.

“No, dumbbell!” Aragorn bopped his friend on the head, “I saw the fairest thing in the world…”

“Wow,” Merry sighed, “I didn’t think they had Burger Bells in Rivendell.”

“IDIOT!” roared Aragorn, “I SAW ARWEN!”

“Oh.”

[Resuming the tale… – glares at Merry]

The Ranger stared at her. Until his eyes couldn’t take it anymore and he blinked. Fearing he would lose her forever, he began screaming.

“TINUVIEL!!!!!”

The maiden took one look at him, shrieked and fled. Estel glanced down at his clothes and realized that he hadn’t bathed or changed his clothes since… he couldn’t remember.

“Darn it. I’ll just have to try harder.”

After a few months of skulking around Elrond’s house, he managed to find out that she was Arwen, daughter of Elrond and Evenstar of her people.

Estel decided to try again. So he quickly snuck up behind Elrohir (who was in his bedroom), knocked him out and stole a change of clothes. After trying at least fifty hairstyles, he decided to do the ‘rugged and manly’ one and swaggered out. He was so busy thinking that he tripped on the stairs and landed on his face.

“Are you okay?” a cool, feminine voice asked. He raised his head and blinked. Arwen was standing over him, looking both concerned and amused.

“Now I am.” He sighed happily. Arwen wrinkled her delicate brow.

“Um, right. Hey, aren’t YOU the guy who I saw a couple months ago?”

“Huh?’ Estel searched his brain until he remembered that incident. “No… I don’t think so. You might have seen my brother.”

“You have a brother?”

“Uh… yeah. His name’s… Bob.”

“Bob?” Arwen’s face was now of complete bafflement. “I know almost everyone around here and I certainly don’t know a ‘Bob’!”

Estel struggled to his feet, looking very embarrassed and sheepish. Arwen gently touched his arm. “Now let’s hurry to the Dining Hall, whoever you are. It’s supper time.”

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“That’s very fascinating,” Merry interrupted, “But before our friend Faramir gets bored out of his wits, let’s move onto something more interesting. Like MY story.”

Aragorn glared at him. Merry smirked.

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