Title: You still have all of me
Author: Niniel
Disclaimer: The characters, universe and that kind of stuff belongs
to J.R.R. Tolkien and his heirs. The lyrics belongs to Evanescence.
But I own all the errors. Yup, they are all mine…
Summary: Aragorn has died. How will Arwen’s future be. Will Arwen
find comfort somewhere?
Rating: Pg13 (I think)
Warning: Death-fic
Authors note: This is my first attempt at a fic ever, so please do not be to harsh on me. Also note English is not my native language, so this is actually the first story I write in English…
This is a repost of a former fic. I have had it to a beta now and have done some finishing off, but it’s not a major overhaul

//Thoughts//
“Spoken”

You still have all of me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time can not erase

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arwen sat at the window again, a tear glimmering in her eye as she looked out not seeing a single thing. She was no longer living in the present, she survived only on her memories.

Aragorn had died less than a week ago and she was already fading. All over the city it was whispered with regret that they wouldn’t just loose their King, but their Queen as well.

Arwen was indeed on the verge of leaving. It was so hard to live with this terrible loss, especially since she could still feel Aragorn in her heart, as if he was still there. It just made it all the harder to bear that he was indeed gone. Sometimes she nearly convinced herself that if she just closed her eyes he would be there, smiling at her and wiping away her tears, when she opened them again. But he never was…

The fact that he remained in her heart would not let her forget him, let the pain be dulled. It was like fighting the pain of his death over and over again. Elvenstrong as she was she did not know for how long her body and soul would be able to fight this endless battle.

“Nana…” Eldarion had entered his parents’ bedchamber without his mother even noticing, which was indeed saying a lot about Arwen’s condition. She still had all the traits of her elven origin even though she had given up her immortality to be with this one human who had all of her heart. Even in death he still held on to her heart…

Arwen turned around, trying to hide her tears from her only son, trying to be brave for him. “Yes, ion nin,” she said, “what is it?”

“Legolas has arrived Nana. He asked for you…” The young man’s voice trailed of as he saw his Nana’s eyes, their former light forever gone. She seemed cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star.

“Then I’d better go to him,” she said, giving her son a small and brave smile, even though the expression felt strange and foreign on her face.

“Nana…” Eldarion said, wanting to take away all the pain he saw in his mothers heart, but not knowing how.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me,” she said, remembering the countless times her husband had said that with no more truth than she said it now. Funny how such small memories could cause such pain she thought as her heart broke all over again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Aragorn had died he had been so sad to leave Arwen behind, knowing the great sorrow of the elves, knowing that she would not last in the winter of her own mind, knowing that the bond they shared was vital for both of them. Now it had been severed by his death. Why did he have to be a mortal? Why did he have to die?

All these thoughts went through his head as everything that made him who he was, drifted away into the mist. He felt himself disappear, //Well this was probably how it felt to die.// Strangely enough he did not resist it, he felt somewhat at peace and he was willing to just drift of.

Suddenly he was held back by someone. The soft light that had surrounded him until now grew stronger. And through the light he caught flickers of a human form. “It is not your fate to leave this way, my son. Your fate lies elsewhere,” a soft, yet strangely firm voice said. The voice sounded so young, yet so old, it was as if time and space and every other thing had been neutralized in this place and Aragorn did not know how long he stayed here. At one point he began to feel the scattered parts of his soul come back to him again. Slowly he drifted back, back to where he had come from, and yet not the entirely same place…

As the light dimmed he found himself in a land where all sadness and regret seemed to have disappeared with the morning dew.

Aragorn looked around and saw the sea to one side and to the other, a great city. The city seemed to shine with an unearthly glow in the last rays of the sun. It looked more pure than Mithril.

Aragorn went closer to the city, drawn both by his curiosity and by the sheer beauty of it. As he got closer, he was taken aback by the lack of defences around this city, and yet he felt a certain peace here, telling him that no defences were necessary.

As he entered he wondered if anyone lived here anymore or if the peace he had perceived when he stood outside was a token of sorrow rather than joy, but he did not think it was so. He did not hear the stones mourn, rather they were rejoicing for some unknown pleasure.

As he moved through the empty streets he heard voices from a large circle in the middle in the city, where all the citizens were gathered. When he entered the circle he saw thousands of elves celebrating, and suddenly he saw a face he knew.

“Glorfindel!” he exclaimed, running towards the startled elf as the crowd around them quieted.

“Estel!” Glorfindel called joyfully, accepting the human easily into his arms.

A few moments later Estel pushed slightly away from Glorfindel “Am I in Valinor?” he asked, his eyes begging Glorfindel to say that it was so.

“Aye, Estel you are in Valinor, as is the rest of the fellowship and some others who showed true valour during the war, except for Legolas and Gimli that is, as they are still alive. You were granted an immortal life here, in exchange for your deeds in the war,” Glorfindel said, smiling at Aragorn. While he said this, tears began to form in Aragorn’s eyes as he understood what this meant; he would get to see them all again, the wise Merry, the ever humorous Pippin, Frodo and his quiet and courageous shadow Sam. He would see Boromir again, as he was before the Ring affected him. He would see them all again. Suddenly it dawned to him that he would also be granted an immortal life with his family, the family he had not had for so many years…

“Glorfindel, where is Elrond, where is my father…” Aragorn asked, his voice quavering.

“I wondered when you would be asking this,” Glorfindel said. “He is in the library, and I believe so are your brothers.”

“My brothers…” Aragorn said, tears staining his face “Please Glor, do not linger. Take me there, for I would not wait an other moment…”

“Not to worry, Penneth nin,” Glorfindel chuckled out “I will lead you there. Indeed you are expected by them.”

“How is that?” Aragorn asked bewildered, “how do they know that I am coming now?”

“Have you ever felt a bond of love that bound you to you family or your friends?” asked Glorfindel, studying the humans face while saying this. Aragorn nodded, and said: “I felt this bond with Elrond and the twins, I also felt it with Arwen, even with Legolas.”

“When someone you share this kind of bond with dies, it is felt very strongly by elves, Elrond and your brothers felt your life fail you, and they started to prepare for your coming,” Glorfindel said seriously. “But Arwen will feel the bond you share still intact, we can only hope that she will dare trust to her sense rather then her eyes.”

Just as Glorfindel said this the twins whirled out into the corridor in which Aragorn and Glorfindel stood. “Estel!” the twins exclaimed with delight, hugging their little brother fiercely. “We missed you so much,” they said, their voices happy but still bearing an edged of pain lived through.

“I missed you too.” He hadn’t actually realised just how much he had in truth missed them, not until this moment. “I missed you so much,” he sobbed and held them both tighter, holding them like he would never let them go again.

“It’s all right Estel, it’s all right,” Elladan soothed while he stroke his brothers hair. “We will never have to be separated again, I promise,” Elrohir said. The two brothers easily completed each others thoughts, as they had always done in the past.

While they still stood locked in each others embrace, no one really wanting to break the contact, a voice came from behind: “Estel, ion nin. We have missed you so much… I have missed you.” Aragorn turned around, finally letting go of his brothers, only to be entangled in his fathers embrace instead.

“Ada…” he sighed contently, tears of joy running down his face.

The small family went into the library and sat there for a long time, rejoicing in simply being together.

At some point Aragorn fell asleep and the elves tucked him in Elrohir’s bed, the twins would share Elladan’s until a room was prepared for Estel.

When they left the room the elves just looked at each other. No words came past their lips, but their eyes spoke volumes.

*~*~*~*

Aragorn woke from his dreams with a cry, as he had done every night since he had “died”. Each night he felt the anguish that Arwen was experiencing, she was suffering, he could feel it. How he wished he could take away all her pain. How he wished he hadn’t been a mortal, had he been an elf he would never have died and Arwen would not have had to suffer so.

Aragorn had tried to give her hope by strengthening the feeling of their bond, but it had only made it worse.

“How I wish I could make you believe that I was still here. If I could only tell you that I am still here. I wish I could wipe away all your tears and tell you that you have nothing to cry for. I will be here for you always, as I have always been there for you,” he thought, his heart clenching.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Arwen entered the room where Legolas had been asked to wait for the queen, she greeted him with a violent hug, looking like a little elfling in need of comfort, not the grown woman she was.

“Legolas…” she cried, her hole body shaking with each sob “I cannot… I do not have any strength left. We were so alike, we shared so much…” her sobs grew louder as her sorrow took over completely.

As they stood there Legolas tried to be strong for her, though his heart longed to burst and let out all his own tears but he could not, Arwen needed him. He longed to leave for the undying lands, but he could not, not yet anyway. Arwen needed him here, she needed him to be strong. //Do you know how much you meant to her, mellon nin, do you know how much pain she is going through for you. She feels so alone now, but not to worry, she will not be truly alone, I will stay behind, I will stay with her.//

“I still see him, Legolas, sometimes when I dream I see his face, hears his voice. I feel his presence and I don’t want to wake up, for no matter how real the dream seems it is never more than a dream,” she said, her voice still shaking but her eyes had dried up, she had no more tears left to cry. “Ada told me this would happen, but I never thought it would be this hard, I thought… I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I somehow hoped that we could just be together forever. It seemed so right, now all that is left is this lingering feeling of an impossible presence.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears When you scream I’d
fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of
these years But you still have all of me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Ada, she is suffering, is there really nothing we can do?” Aragorn had once again awoken from a nightmare, but not even in the waking hours would this terrible feeling of loss and grief leave him.

“Aragorn,” Elrond said with a deep breath, knowing this would not sit well with his son, “all we can do is pray that she will die soon, she will hurt terrible, yes, but I fear that the only thing that can heal her heart and mind is to come here and see that you live.”

“I wish she had left with you when she had the chance,” he uttered softly, “It would have spared her so much unnecessary agony”

“Once I thought that to be the right thing to do, ion nin, but I see now that it would not have been, then you would both have suffered until you died and came here, she would regret her choice every waking moment,” Elrond said soothingly.

“I wish I could have taken all her pain on my shoulders,” Aragorn whispered, his words barely detectable but Elrond heard him clearly enough.

“You cannot always save everyone, my child, sometimes we cannot help, not even those we love the most,” he said, his own voice beginning to tremble ever so slightly, “all you can do is to give her all of your love and never loose your own light, she lives on your light, even though she does not know it yet.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The leaves of Lothlorien were falling, not a wind stirred the grass. Fall had truly come, a fall with no hope of spring. The voices of the trees seemed to mirror the voice of her own heart.

In this forsaken land she could feel Aragorn’s presence, even more clearly than in the city. He felt so close that she almost expected to see him coming to her from behind the next tree, but always she hoped in vain.

As winter drew closer her body began to crumble along with her mind, the sheer loneliness of the forest pressing on her heart.

*~*~*~*

Arwen lay on a small hill covered with brown leaves, her life slowly leaving her body. “I wish… I wish I could have seen you… one last time.” With that she breathed her last. Her soul was not even sad to leave this place of suffering.

She felt herself drift away, freed of all cares, but still feeling incomplete, feeling that something was not right, feeling like she missed something.

As she floated on a small caressing breeze she began to see the shores of the blessed realm and suddenly she knew what she had been missing. She had missed Estel and there he was, waiting for her. His arms open, his eyes teary. When she landed he held her in his arms, kissing her tears away, assuring her that he would never leave her again, the she would never have to feel the pain of his passing again…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

R&R

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