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Aeta
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Post Irish Blessing translation check
on: May 07, 2017 12:23
mostly I'm looking for grammar help... this is my first big translation, mostly i've just done words and simple phrases. I have a 1st draft in calligraphy, but I just want some more eyes on this before I use my good paper/archival ink. Thanks in advance.

Nai i tië tentanna lye omens•
Nai i sulimë ná illumë sé pontatya•
Nai i árë ná lauca anttyanna•
ar i rossë lantan mussë restatyanna:
Ar tenna enomentielve
nai i ilúvatar i melis ilya nassë
lyë colis mi i paltaya
Násië

May the road go forth to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sunshine be warm upon your face
And the rain fall soft upon your field
And until we meet again
May the God that loves us all
Hold you in the palm of his hand.
Amen

Image
P.S. I am aware that I misspelled Násië in the tengwar... I was really tired by the end.

[Edited on 05/08/2017 by Aeta]
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
Aeta
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on: May 07, 2017 12:25
Consolidated all to the first post. Any comments/constructive criticism welcome.

[Edited on 05/08/2017 by Aeta]
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
dirk_math
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on: May 08, 2017 05:11
Which dictionary have you used? You've made some strange vocabulary choices.
In your tengwar transcription you should mind the diphthongs like ai and au (see the course on this site).
Yassë engë lómë, anarties calali.
Aeta
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on: May 09, 2017 04:04
I have been using the dictionary from http://folk.uib.no/hnohf/
Also I will double check my Tengwar. I'm trying to do the Tengwar from memory and sometimes I forget the dipthongs. I'll go back through with my chart and double check them.
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
dirk_math
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on: May 09, 2017 04:58
Ok, my remarks then:

    [-] tenta- is a verb, -nna is a noun ending.
    [-] After nai the verb should be in the future tense: tentuva
    [-] The verb "meet" is vel-, "in order to meet you" is lye velien
    [-] The correct word for "wind" is súrë (súlimë is Qenya, if you still decide to use it, it is written with a long ú)
    [-] "to be" in the future tense is nauva
    [-] "at your back" is pontilyassë/pontityassë: stem form ponti-, you = -lya/tya-, locative = -ssë (you should be consequent either everywhere lye and -lye or otherwise tye and -tya, it is not good to mix them)
    [-] "upon your face" is antolyanna/antotyanna
    [-] "[may] fall" is lantuva, no -n ending as this ending means "I"
    [-] restatyanna or restalyanna (see my earlier remark)
    [-] omentië is a noun, -lvë is a verb ending: enomentielva
    [-] the -s ending replaces "he, she or it", when another subject is present you should use the neutral verb ending -ë in the aorist tense: melë, colë
    [-] inclusive "us" is ve (written with a "w" in tengwar)
    [-] "in your palm" is paltalyassë/paltatyassë; the preposition mi is not really needed, unless it is important for the meter then it is "mi paltatya/mi paltalya", the article "i" is normally omitted when a possessive ending is present (in a poem you could abbreviate paltatya to paltya if so required)



[Edited on 05/09/2017 by dirk_math]
Yassë engë lómë, anarties calali.
Aeta
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on: May 09, 2017 05:53
Thank you, this is exactly what I need. As I said, my previous experience is mostly translating short phrases and single words. And I was just sort of muddling through the more complex sentinces. I will review the suggested edits and a 2nd draft is forthcoming. Once again, thank you.
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
Aeta
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on: May 10, 2017 05:39
So with edits:
Nai i tië tentuva lye velien•
Nai i súre nauva illumë pontilyassë•
Nai i árë nauva lauca antolyanna•
ar i rossë lantuva mussë restalyanna:
Ar tenna enomentielva
nai i ilúvatar i melë ve nassë
lyë colë mi paltalya
Násië

One more thing, how would one translate "Irish Blessing" would "Mána íverindello" be accurate?
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
dirk_math
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on: May 10, 2017 12:33
I have only one remark:
In the 3rd line from last, you removed ilya and kept nassë. It should have been the other way around.

Yassë engë lómë, anarties calali.
Aeta
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on: May 10, 2017 09:47
Perhaps i should explain my thinking. What the reason I was using nassë was because I was going for "the god that loves all people" perhaps ilya nassi or ilya queni would be better? Or would "Ve ilya" carry the same meaning?

Also, wouldn't paltalya be "your palm" as opposed to paltaya "his palm"?

[Edited on 05/11/2017 by Aeta]
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
dirk_math
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on: May 11, 2017 04:57
"us all" is ve ilya, so that's what I meant.
"all persons" is ilyë nasser (nassë is one of the few words with plural in -er) or ilyë queni. With ilya in its plural form before a plural noun.


Yes, paltalya is "your palm", paltarya is "his palm" (or "her palm"
Yassë engë lómë, anarties calali.
erutan2099
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on: May 17, 2017 06:33
Wait a second, did you hand draw that?

Amazing work! I thought it was a printed font at first!

My handwriting has never been that nice! All grammatical concerns aside, really nicely done.
-Erunámo -"Istyallo, Ilu."
Aeta
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on: May 17, 2017 06:37
Yeah, I do calligraphy as a hobby. I picked up a Pilot Parallel 1.5mm fountain pen on amazon recently and it got me back in to Tengwar. Thanks for the compliment! I'll try to scan in the final version once I get a chance to actually sit down and do it.
I have the honour to be Your obdt. Svt. Æ. Ta
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