Gollum attacks Frodo, making a desperate bid for the ring. Frodo sits down next to him, puts his arm around his shoulder, and starts to sing…

Frodo: The trouble with rings is
they always try to teach the wrong lesson.
believe me, I’ve been carrying one long enough to know.
they sit upon your finger, or linger
hidden away in a dark place.
Stop studying strife, and learn to live
the un- obsessive life.

Frodo picks up Gollum, and starts to swing him around, despite his gargled protests.

Ringless through life,
skimming the surface
lighting where turf is smooth.
Life’s more painful
for the hateful.
Why not just quit
soon you will be fit for a
happier life, mindless and careless.
(Make sure you wear your loincloth around.)
Orcs are fleeing
Trolls rarely seen
when you’re ringless through…
Ringless through life, no need to lug it
when you can shrug it off as I do.
Rings don’t matter, but knowing rings don’t matter,
it’s your life, so keep ringless through life.

Frodo sits Gollum down, and says jovially:
So, what’s the safest way into Mordor?
Gollum: That would be Shelob’s lair.

F: Sounds perfect! Singing: Let’s go down to old Shelob’s lair.
G: (She’ll eat you later tonight.)
F: We can walk ‘till it’s light.
Find the safest trail
G:(Serve you with kale.)
F: Right on down to a spider’s cave.
G: Come on, follow me. She’ll be happy you’ll be there
My ring tonight!
A hungry monster is what you’ll come to!
F: Rings don’t matter but knowing rings don’t matter,
it’s your life, so keep ringless through life.

They head off towards the cave, Gollum chuckling and muttering to himself, Frodo humming the “Ringless Through Life” and thinking about starting Ring Junkies Anonymous, with that as its theme song.