Narrator: “Joining Frodo are Samwise and Bilbo, who together make up
the infamous gang of Ringbearers, the Hobbbits Who Destroyed the One Ring!”
Frodo, Sam, and Bilbo: “We are the Hobbits Who Destroyed the Ring! We just
Picked it up and threw it in. And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just
tell you …”
Frodo: “We are retired!”

Sam: “Well, I’ve never been to Umbar and I’ve never been to Numenor, and
I’ve never buried treasure in Doriath or Angband, and I’ve never been
to Utumno and I’ve never been to Dol Amroth, and I’ve never been to Valinor at
all.”
All: “‘Cuz we’re the Hobbits Who Destroyed the One Ring! We just picked it up
and threw it in. And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just tell you
..”
Bilbo: “We are retired. And I never climb the Hurons and I
never fight the Uruks, and I never fall overboard ‘cuz I never
sail at all, and I’ve never met the Barrow-Wights and I’ve never rode a Mearas, and I’ve never been to Valinor at all.”
All: “‘Cuz we’re the Hobbits Who Destroyed the One Ring! We just picked it up
and threw it in. And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just tell you
.. We are retired!”
Frodo: “Well, I’ve never plucked a rooster and I’m not too good at
ping-pong, and I’ve never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I’ve never kissed an Uruk and I’ve never gotten head lice, and
I’ve never been to Valinor at all!”
Sam: “Huh? What are you talking about? What’s a rooster and mashed
Potatoes? Are they even from Middle Earth??”
Bilbo: “Hey, that’s right! We’re supposed to sing about Tolkien-y
things!”
Frodo: “Oh …”
Sam: “And who ever kissed an Uruk? That’s just nonsense! Why even
bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?”
Bilbo: “I think you look like the Old Took!”
Sam: “Huh? No I don’t!”
Bilbo: “Do too.”
Sam: “Do not!”
Bilbo: “You’re making me feel young.”
Sam: “That’s it, you’re not going to Valinor!”
Bilbo: “Says who?”
Sam: “Says the gardener, that’s who!”
Bilbo: “Oh, yeah? Alright, Old Took!”
Frodo: “And I’ve never licked a spark plug and I’ve never sniffed a
stink bug, and I’ve never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and
I’ve never bathed in yogurt and I don’t look good in leggings …”
Sam: “You just don’t get it!”
All: “And we’ve never been to Valinor at all!”