*The song begins with Lobelia Sackville-Baggins and her son Lotho sitting by the fire with Frodo (who is quite annoyed)*

All: We are the Hobbits who don’t do anything
We just stay home and eat all day
And if you ask us to do anything
We just tell them, we don’t do anything

Lotho: Well I’ve never been to Rivendell
And I’ve never been to Bree
And I’ve never eaten supper in Gondor or Rohan
And I’ve never climbed some mountains
And I’ve never seen the Ocean
And I’ve never been to Lothlorien in the spring

All: Cause we’re the Hobbits who don’t do anything
We just stay home and eat all day
And if you ask us to do anything
We just tell you, we don’t do anything

Lobelia: Well I’ve never travelled far
And I’ve never stolen mushrooms
And I’ve never had adventures cause I’m not to fond of them
And I’ve always been perfect
And I don’t care for Tooks
And I’ve never been to Lothlorien in the spring

All: Cause we’re the Hobbits who don’t do anything
We just stay home and eat all day
And if you ask us to do anything
We just tell you, we don’t do anything

Frodo: Well I’ve had a grand adventure
And I’ve travelled Middle Earth
And I’ve met several races in many different lands
And I’ve nearly gotten killed
And I’ve destroyed a ring
And I’ve never been to Lothlorien in the spring

Lobelia(not singing): Wait what are you talking about! What do other races and lands have to do with being a hobbit?

Lotho: And who’s ever destroyed a ring! That’s just nonsense! Am I right, what do you think?

Lobelia I think you’re a bit too fat

Lotho: What! Am not!

Lobelia: Are to!

Lotho: Am not!

Lobelia: Are to!

Lotho: That’s you’re out of here!

Lobelia: Says who?

Lotho: Says the biggest that’s who

Lobelia: Oh yeah well wahtever you say tub of lard
*Lobelia and Lotho keep arguing*

Frodo(singing): Well I’ve fought with a wizard
And I’ve destroyed an empire
And I’ve helped King ascend to the throne
And I’ve stabbed a cave troll
And I’ve met an elf lord

Lobelia: Outlandish!

All: And we’ve never been to Lothlorien in the spring