My Version of TTT Part 3 to the End by Legolas_Bow_Arrows
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Theoden: Anyone important dead? I mean anyone dead?
Guard: Yeah but most importantly Hama.
Theoden: NOT MY CIRCUS LEADER!! NOOOO!!! *starts crying*
2 hours later…
Theoden: Is Aragorn around?
Guard: No, sir he is out looking for…. Phillip…
Theoden: Ok good….we must kill him so he won’t be king and we won’t have another threat. Ok here’s the plan…
Out on battlefield with Aragorn….
Theoden: Greetings Comrad! Here drink this harmless drink…*hands him a bubbling purple drink with half melted spoon inside*
Aragorn: Not right now I am looking for- WHAT! *dives into orc pile* *pulls up a bottle cap* Stupid bottle cap *throws bottle cap, which hits Theoden’s hired guard*
Legolas: IS THAT FACIAL CREAM!!! *runs to Theoden’s drink and pours it all over face* IT BURNS!!! Wait…that means it’s working….it is working really well…I need to clean better…*walks away with face burning* Wait…this…IT’S EATING MY FACE!!! AHHH!!!! *runs around*
Gandalf: I can fix that! *chases Legolas with secret sauce* GET BACK HERE!!!
Legolas: STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!
Gandalf: It will only help!!
Legolas: No it won’t!!!
Gandalf: Hmmmm *gets idea* *throws boiling pot of secret sauce at Legolas* Here catch!!
Legolas: NOOOOO!!! *dives behind Theoden*
Theoden: What? *turns around and is covered in secret sauce* AHHH!!! SICK-…..Oooooo….
Legolas: *walks away but trips and splashes the burning poison on Gandalf*
Gandalf: Oooooo…What is this?
Gandalf and Theoden walk away talking about their recipes and such….
Aragorn: I must search harder!!! PHILLIP WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!!
Legolas: SHAMPOO!!!!! *looking around for smushed shampoo* Hmmm…*finds penny* Phillip??
Aragorn: Did I hear Phillip??
Legolas: No….I err….said….hiccup I have hiccups…*thinks to self* I will use this later *puts Phillip in pocket*
A few hours later Legolas finds his bottle and runs to his hiding spot ever watching his back and hides it and runs back to rest…
Aragorn: *still looking* Legolas will you help me…you have good eyesight.
Legolas: I would but I am a prince and royalty and well you wouldn’t know.
Aragorn: I wouldn’t know?? I am a king you know…therefore I have more power than you.
Legolas: So..
3 days later when Aragorn is still looking and everyone is very mad and…well I wouldn’t want to be there…
Aragorn: *eyes in the mud looking for it* I CAN’T FIND HIM!! Wait…*looks suspiciously around at everyone*
After a few minutes of organizing….
Aragorn: Ok…GIMLI! Where were you on the night of June 3rd???
Gimli: I don’t know…
Aragorn: *writes on paper* avoiding the subject….
Gimli: What!? I am not avoiding it!
Aragorn: Stalling…
Gimli: *walks away*
After a couple hours of this everyone is glaring at Legolas because they know he did it…
Legolas: OK ALREADY!!! I TOOK IT!!! HERE!! *throws Phillip to Aragorn*
Aragorn: PHILLIP!!! *dives into cement wall and breaks nose but successfully catches Phillip*
The next day they journey to Isenguard with Gandalf….
Legolas: *talking to Eowyn* (which he secretly likes) So…you like shampoo too!
Eowyn: Yeah I love it!
Legolas: *thinks to self* YES!
Aragorn: Legolas I had a dream about you….
Legolas: *thinks* oh great…I have to get out of this…
Aragorn: You were you……..but you weren’t….
Legolas: *very annoyed* Yeah…
Gimli: Hey Aragorn tell me about Ali Baba!
Legolas: *thinks to self* THANK VALOR!!! *turns around to Eowyn*…So Eowyn…you come here often…
But Eowyn had already left…
Legolas: GREAT!! *smashes hand on ground* OWWW! I broke a nail!!!
Gimli tries not to lag behind again but having those big of thighs it’s just well he is slow…
Gimli: Uh oh, *is looking nervously around* Ok if I just be careful they won’t find me…*is now very crazy from those children* Where are you…AHA!! *starts hitting rock with axe*
Legolas: GIMLI! IT IS A ROCK IT CAN’T DIE!!
Gimli: *continues hitting rock* DIE!!
Legolas: It can’t die!
Gimli: WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!!
Rock: I’m dead ok! *blows up*
Gimli: I BEAT IT!!! VICTORY DANCE!!! *rips off pants and runs around* I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!
The next day…
Legolas: *comes out with wheel chair*
Aragorn: Why are you in a wheel chair?
Legolas: I broke a nail.
Gimli: *twitching nervously and spills water on Legolas’s pants*
Legolas: HEY!! Thanks!! *leather pants tighten up even more*
The next day…
Legolas: I think I am going to try to walk again!
Everyone but Gimli gasps…
Gimli: Oh brother. *looks behind shoulder*
Legolas: You all have given me the strength to walk *sighs* *gets up part way then falls back down* I can’t do it…
A few people start crying…
Aragorn: Legolas, I am here for you.
Legolas: Aragorn you have given me the strength to walk, thank you *hugs Aragorn* Ok I will try it now, *he stands up and starts walking*
Everyone is overjoyed with tears and joyfulness that they throw a party…
Gimli: Can we get going all ready!?
Aragorn: Gimli it isn’t easy to walk after being severely injured!
Gimli: He broke a nail!
Legolas: Thank you all!! *stands on podium and pulls out long speech and recites it*
Friends…Humans…Countrymen, we have all just witnessed something that you may never see again.
After about 7 hours of this…
And to conclude this speech I give you Aragorn, my healer…
Aragorn: Friends and enemies we all have dreams and hopes…
Another 7 hours…
And to conclude this I bring it back to Legolas
Legolas: Thank you all! *names long list of names*
Gimli: Let’s go already!!!!
They head on again…
Gimli lags behind and furiously runs ahead and tries to keep up but trips…
Suddenly the rock and stump next to Gimli turn into the red haired boy and the brown haired girl…
Girl: Let’s do a new spell… ACCIO ROPE!!
The rope that Sam was holding magically comes to her hand
Girl: *says more words and the rope ties Gimli up*
Boy: I have an idea! SHAMPOOUS TURN INTOUS!!!
Gimli turns into strawberry scented bubble bath soap and the boy and girl disappear…
Legolas: I smell…*runs back and finds the soap* YES!!!! *opens bottle and is about to pour onto his head*
Gimli: Don’t use me!
Legolas: Is the soap talking to me!
Gimli: It’s me you idiot!
Legolas: The Valor have sent me talking SOAP!!! *grabs pen and paper* What is it like being soap? Many a day I have wished I was soap…
Gimli: It’s Gimli!
Legolas: Oh, *throws him away*
Out of no where Gimli magically turns back and rushes back to the group
They head on and arrive to Isenguard…
Gandalf: I must go and make more sauce and give it to Treebeard I will be back…*a bee flys into his eye* OWWW MY EYE!!! *falls to ground and crawls away running into stuff*
Aragorn: Since Gandalf is gone the king will be the leader!
Theoden: Why thank you Aragorn *steps up next to Aragorn* As the king I would like to say-
Aragorn: As king I was referring to myself.
Theoden: But I am the king.
Aragorn: I am the king.
Theoden: I am the king of Rohan and we are in Rohan-
Legolas: I am prince.
They continue fighting when Merry and Pippin arrive…
Merry: Hey what is that! *runs into wall*
Pippin: Gimli!!! *runs to Gimli and they talk about sports* Do you know what happened with the big game!
Gimli: Which game?
Pippin: Iron Mountain and Mirkwood Shampoo!
Legolas: Did I hear the word shampoo? *starts crawling around all over the place sniffing for shampoo*
Gimli: I taped it!
Pippin: YES!!! *pulls out Mirkwood headband* GO!!! MIRKWOOD!!!
Gimli: BUT, the tape got ruined in the mud….
Pippin: No…WHO WON!
Gimli: I don’t know. I didn’t get to watch it. We had to fight a bunch of orcs in some battle…
Pippin: NOOOOO!!!!
Legolas: Hey everyone I just remembered what my dad told me! He said if you ever need help just whistle. *whistles*
Out of no where 5 elves come to Legolas, 3 make a chair, 1 makes a foot stool, and the other a table…
Legolas: *sits on Elves* Ahhh, this is the life…
Just then on the human table a shampoo bottle, make up, and hair care products appear, and a mirror…
Legolas: *grabs items on table and starts laughing and using them*
Aragorn: *whispers something to Theoden and they both smile*
Theoden: Ok, we will make a small truce…Ok Legolas as kings, we have decided you can give us the throne and everything else…
They shove Legolas out and sit in the chair together…
Aragorn: This IS the life…
Just then the elves start biting at Theoden’s and Aragorn’s butts and attack them…
Legolas: *whistles again and they leave*
Aragorn: FOUL PLACE I CURSE IT!!! *puts tiny flag where chair was that says foul on it* As king I command no one to touch it again…
Merry: *gets up and sits back down on tiny little flag*
Theoden: It seems no one likes you as king. Watch and learn, Merry, oh Merry get up…
Merry: *starts snoring*
Aragorn: *snickers*
Theoden: *looking around nervously* Merry get up! *pulls up Merry and his eyes are still closed* See! *Merry’s head falls backwards and drool comes out* Uhhh, fine *throws Merry back down*
Then Gandalf comes back…
Gandalf: We can go now- *trips over Merry knocking Aragorn down*
Aragorn: The king has fallen!! HELP!!! *is squirming around on the ground* HELP!
They all want to save him (but Theoden) and rush over to him…
Legolas: Oh are you all right!
Aragorn: Thanks to you! *gets glassy look on eyes*
Gandalf: Ok let’s go now!
They all walk to the door and talk to Saruman…
Saruman: Welcome! Would you like to try…this automatic hairfixer!!!
Legolas: *who was looking around is now at full attention from the mention of hair*
Saruman: One of these babies can easily be yours for the easy price of 4 payments of 50 coins!!! It can fix your hair , shampoo your hair, it can do anything possible to your hair!
Legolas: *is now very interested* Can it massage your hair!!
Saruman: It can even massager your hair! Do I have any takers??
Legolas: OOOH! I’ll take three!
Saruman hands him three of them and Legolas gives him the 600 coins and sits down to use it…
Gandalf: Enough nonesens-
Saruman: One of my more hotter items is this…STAFF EXPANSION KIT!!! It has an extra battery, extensions to make it longer, it has all your needs!!
Gandalf: I’ll take one!
Gimli: Me too!
Aragorn: You don’t even have a staff.
Gimli: But he makes me such a good point!!
They buy them and talk again…
Legolas: *hair in the hairfixer*
Gandalf: Ok no more stuff. Now do you want to side with us and become good!
Saruman: No, but…would you like to try…this King Set!?!?
Aragorn: *wakes up from the sound of king* Yes!?
Saruman: It comes complete with a scepter, crown, robe and inflatable throne!
Aragorn: I’ll take 2!
Theoden: I’ll take 3.
Aragorn: I mean 4.
Theoden: No 5!
Saruman: I only have 6! *hands them both 3*
Gandalf: Then if you will not side with us then your staff will be broken! *puts on staff extension to make staff bigger from Saruman* *staff blows up* Hey! These are defective! *throws staff expansion set at Saruman and wants his money back*
Saruman: No refunds.
Gimli: *throws kit at him* Take mine too!
Legolas: *takes off hairfixer* *hair is now very thin and almost bald* WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!! *runs away*
Gandalf: *fixes staff* Fine to refunds but you can keep the set. Your staff will be broken! *raises staff and shoots a beam high into the sky*
CRACK, his staff was broken
Gandalf: Let this be a lesson to you! *a duck falls down because of the beam Gandalf shot and Gandalf is hit and rolls down the stairs knocking everyone over*
Gandalf: Good bye Saruman!
They start walking away and Saruman tries to sell them something else…
Saruman: What about these magice arrows! They go straight to the person you wish was dead!
Theoden: *runs back and buys only one*
Saruman: How about this, MINI TV!!!
Gimli: I will buy one!!
Saruman: But wait there’s more, if you buy it within 5 minutes you get…a remote control…and there’s more!
Gimli: I am already going to buy it!
Gimli buys it and Saruman tries to sell even more stuff
Saruman: Take my crystal ball! *throws ball at Pippin*
Pippin: Hmmm
Gandalf: Gimme that! *grabs ball and runs off* Yes…now I can….LOOK AT SAURON!!!
They exit Isenguard but forgot Legolas..
Aragorn: The king will go back and get him! *puts robe and crown on and raises scepter high above head*
Theoden: *puts same outfit on and stacks 3 crowns on his head and holds 3 scepters and has 3 robes on*
Aragorn: *puts on the other stuff and runs to find Legolas*
Legolas: *crawls back with bag over head* Let’s go…
They all finally leave and Gimli runs ahead of everyone determined not to lag behind..but he ran so far ahead and can’t see them any more..
Gimli: Uh oh…*looks around nervously* *spots a stump and rock* DIE!!! *hits stump and rock with axe* WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!! *axe breaks* No my protection…
The girl and boy start rising from the ground like they were zombies…
Everything here on after was in slow motion…
Girl: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!!
Gimli: *does backflip and dodges spell*
Boy: *shoots balls of energy at Gimli*
Gimli: *leans back as far as possible and dodges all the balls but one and is hit and falls* *jumps back up* *runs toward the boy and grabs his wand*
Boy: Not my wand!
Girl: WALLUS APPEARUS!! *a wall appears but Gimli does a kart wheel and dodges it*
Boy: *runs to Gimli* My wand!
Gimli: *runs on the side of the wall and dodges the boy who smashes his nose into the wall and breaks it*
Girl: REPAIRO! *boys nose is repaired*
Boy: He is too strong!
Girl: I know! ACCIO WAND! *the boy’s wand comes flying out of Gimli’s hand and into hers* Here! *throws wand to boy*
Boy: Got it!
Girl: ABRA…KADRABRA…CLONES!!!
50 clones of the girl and 50 clones of the boy appear and they all run at Gimli…
Gimli: *grabs stick* *shoves stick into ground and grabs it and uses it to run on the clones faces sideways* *runs up the wall and stands on the top*
The clones start jumping up and running up the wall to Gimli…
Gimli: *dives off the wall and turns around a kicks it and the wall tumbles covering many of the clones who smash out of the rubble*
Girl: Errr MORE CLONES!!! *mores clones appear doubling their numbers*
The clones surround Gimli forcing him to fight…
Gimli: *pulls out little throwing axes and whips them at the clones* *they all catch the axes and whip them back at Gimli* *backflips and dodges some and kart wheels to dodge others and dodges them all*
Girl: CLONES HERE!!! *makes clones of her wand and throws them to all of the clones*
The clones all perform petrificus totalus on Gimli and they all hit him and Gimli explodes…
Boy: BLOODY WORK!
Girl: Clones…good bye
All the clones disappear…
Girl: ok a new spell, GIMLIUS APPEARUS!!!
Gimli comes back to life and can’t move…not even blink…his heart even stopped…
Girl: After that you deserve a special treat….
Boy: Yeah! *starts to say spell but is interrupted*
Gandalf: I brought friends!!
Barney and the Telutubies appear…
Barney: You look like you need a hug! *hugs Gimli very tightly*
Telutubies: *dance and sing around Gimli and Gandalf joins in*
Gandalf: Now me!!
Girl: Let’s go..
Boy: Hurry I see them coming!
They all disappear but Gimli who is unconscious……
Legolas: *running ahead to go get Gimli* Gimli wake up! *he rolls Gimli on his back and reveals his face* WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU!!! *cries* Your eyeshadow doesn’t match your lipstick!!! This will take some time…
After a few hours Gimli is back to normal…on the outside…Gimli is now a nervous wreck and is always in the middle of the group…
That night…
Pippin: Merry, oh never mind, *thinks to self* I know Gandalf put a baseball in his bag I just know it! *sneaks over to Gandalf and pulls out the palantir* Hmm I guess it isn’t *looks deep into it*
Sauron: TELL ME ABOUT THE LOOGIE LESSONS!!!
Pippin: NEVE-
RING RING
Sauron: Excuse me but I have to take this *picks up cell phone*…Mom this is a bad time…what?…yes I will call you back…*hangs up* Now where were we…
BEEP BEEP
Sauron: My beeper! Emergency *grabs cell phone* Hurry to the bathrooms my eye just told me someone is stealing all the soap…it’s a blonde headed elf…yes hurry! *hangs up* Ok tell me all you know about the Loogie Lessons!!!
Pippin begins to explain but he is interrupted again…
PAGE PAGE
Sauron: My pager…another emergency! *grabs cell phone* Did you get that elf?…HE WHAT! HE STOLE ALL OF OUR BEST SHAMPOO AND HE SNUCK INTO MY OFFICE AND TOOK MY STRAWBERRY SCENTED BUBBLE BATH SOAP!!! I need to hurry back!!!
Pippin finally finishes his story…
Sauron: One moment… It’s on vibrate…YOU STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN HIM!!! HE DIDN’T!!! NO!! NOT THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! HE COULDN’T HAVE!!! HE STOLE MY DIARY!!!! GET HIM!!!
Pippin suddenly fades back to reality…
Gandalf: FOOL OF A TOOK!!
Pippin: What exactly does that mean.
Gandalf: GIVE ME THE PALANTIR!!
Pippin: Ok gees… *throws palantir to Gandalf*
Gandalf: I got it! *drops palantir and it cracks* Uhhh…no one can know hurry Pippin on Shadowfax!! RIDE RIDE!!
They run off to Minas Tirith, the others wake up and find them gone…
Merry: Pippin left me!!! *starts crying*
Legolas: Merry, don’t cry it is for the better and you should be happy for him.
Gimli: Thank you Oprah!
Legolas: *glares at Gimli*
They head out later in the morning…
Gimli: Legolas I am going to go run the 50 Mile Elf Triathlon! Do you think my weight will be a problem?
Legolas: Ummm.. *looks at Gimli*
Gimli: I want the truth!
Legolas: Ok then..you’re fat!
Gimli: How dare you!
Legolas: You wanted the truth.
Gimli: Now you will never find out what I wear when I “exercise” whoops…*blushes*
Legolas: *eyes go big* But-
Gimli: No buts’! I heard something…uh oh…*remembers boy and girl*
Suddenly the boy and girl pop out and start shooting spells at him…
Gimli: NOO!!! DIE!!! *starts hitting rock with axe* WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!
Legolas: Gimli, you idiot, you’re hallucinating!
Gimli: WHY CAN’T I KILL YOU!!!!
Rock: *blows up* I am dead
Gimli: I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!! *holds axe far above head and runs around*
Legolas: *sighs* *throws rock at Gimli knocking him out*
Aragorn: Thank you! *holds scepter high above head* The king, me, I am now going to knight Legolas for the slaying..or knocking out..of the dragon..or Gimli…Legolas I knight thee you are now Legolas!
Legolas: What changed?
Aragorn: You taxes. *winks*
Legolas: *walks away scared*
Later that day….
Legolas: *has a dark colored net on head trying to hide the Saruman’s hairfixer’s mess up *I am tired of this…manfood!! *whistles*
In an instance thousands of Elves come out of no where and build a big restaurant and serve them…
Legolas: That’s better!
They all walk in and get seats…
Legolas: I will have a diet salad, lite dressing, a low fat water…and…um…that will be all…
All the others order and their food comes….
An Elf hands Legolas a piece of grass, with some clear liquid on it and water, and hands Gimli a giant lobster, rolls, and ale…
Legolas: *raises hand and snaps fingers*
The Elves quickly switch Legolas’s and Gimli’s food…
Gimli: Hey!! I want my lobster!
They bring everyone a lobster and they eat….
Gimli: That’s more like it!
Legolas: This is wonderful! You have good taste Gimli….well on food…
Gimli: Thanks! Aragorn what is that you’re eating?
Aragorn: This is what I always get. It is a raccoon.
Legolas: *starts choking* You eat raccoons!!!
Aragorn: This is only the appetizer!
Legolas: *falls out of chair and bangs head on table*
In a minute Legolas gets up and they continue eating, another Elf brings Aragorn his next dish…
Legolas: I don’t even want to see what that is.
Gimli and Legolas move to another spot….
Aragorn: Ok…*lifts up silver dish to reveal…..a giant turkey, mashed potatoes….food fit for…well a king*
Legolas: I could use some more water-
The Elf just walks right past him
Legolas: I could-…wait…*starts slurping very loudly so that can’t miss him*
He gets a refill…
Legolas: Where is my fortune cookie?
An Elf brings Legolas some and leaves…
Legolas: Ok…*opens it* The fate of Middle-earth is- *tosses aside and reads next* The best shampoo is made by *the other words are scratched off* WHAT IS IT!!! *quickly opens the other cookies and reads* Outside a dog a book is man’s best friend…inside a dog it is too dark to read… WHO WRITES THIS!?!? *the next one* Ok this will be the one…Find a penny pick it up, and all day you’ll have good luck… *Aragorn comes and grabs that one to give to Phillip*
Legolas continues opening them till they all force him out….
Legolas: Just put it on Mirkwood Money and-…OHHH!!! *notices peppermints* I could make these into a soap…*remembers when his face turned red* naaah…but it’ll help my breathe, not that it needs help…*stuffs them all in his pockets* I will use a couple now…*shoves 20 in his mouth* Ok let’s go…
When everyone is out the building disappears along with the Elves, and they head on….
Suddenly an orc appears dressed as a woman….
Orc: What would you say if you saw me walking on the street?
Legolas: I would say How did you get off of your leash!!!?
Theoden, Gimli and Aragorn snort in laughter…
Then another orc appears…
Orc: Sorry, he got off his leash.
The orcs leave and they head on….
Gimli: *watching the game on his mini TV*
Announcer on TV: We are back after the 3rd quarter with The Iron Mountain Manicurists Versus The Mirkwood Strawberry Shampoo Obsessors, Iron Mountain-6 Mirkwood-0
Gimli: GO MIRKWOOD!!!
Announcer: Iron Mountain throws the ball…INTERCEPTED!!! HE’S GOING!!!!!!!….GOING!!!!!!!!!!…….And to get the best hair shine you want to lather 50 times…
Gimli: WHAT!!!
Legolas: That was boring so I changed the channel…
Gimli: YOU WHAT!!!! *dives to Legolas*
Legolas: *holds remote high above his head to Gimli can’t reach it*
Gimli: GIMME THAT!!!
They start fighting but Aragorn comes over…
Aragorn: The king, me, has decided what to watch!!!
Gimli: Thank you Aragorn!
Legolas: *whispers* Take the bag of coins *secretly hands him coins*
Gimli: What are you doing Legolas!
Legolas: Uhhhh….YOUR FLY IS UNZIPPED!!!
Gimli: *gasp* *quickly turns around and looks* Wait 1 minute I don’t even have a zipper!
Aragorn: Settle down settle down….and the channel is….*changes channels slowly*
Legolas: YES YES!!!
Gimli: OTHER WAY!!!
Guy on TV: And on this special presentation on Discovery is Ancient Kings.
Aragorn: TADA!!!
Gimli: WHAT!!! NOOO!!!
Legolas: I want my money back!! I mean WHAT!?!?!!?
Aragorn Since I couldn’t decide, though that money helped a little, I chose Ancient Kings!
They both dive onto Aragorn…
Theoden: What’s going o-….OOOOOO KINGS!!! *sits down and watches*
Aragorn: NOOO can’t…..let…..Theoden…learn….about….kings…..*jumps up and fights off Gimli who was biting his leg and Legolas who was mentally hurting him* GUARDS SEIZE THEM!!! *nothing happens* *holds up Legolas’s money* GUARDS SEIZE THEM!!!
Legolas: MY MONEY FOR SHAMPOO!!! *dives on Aragorn’s arm*
Theoden: *now has pen and paper out and is taking notes*
Aragorn: NOOO!!! wait… *changes channel*
Guy on TV: AND WE’RE BACK TO JERRY SPRINGER LIVE!!!! So let’s see who this one is.
Frodo: I don’t feel comfortable saying this on the air, you know with Sauron and all.
Aragorn: FRODO!!!
They all stop fighting and watch….
Jerry: Not to worry, he gets bad cable, I sent a blonde elf to cut it but I think he got side tracked.
Legolas: Oh yeah…..so that is what I was supposed to do….
Jerry: So, Frodo you come here often? Errrr What is your problem? *winks*
Frodo: Ok….Anyway, my best friend is so discouraging and he doesn’t seem to like me.
Jerry: Well, this has been very sad and all but NEXT!!!
Aragorn: Well that was interesting…*quickly seizes the moment and changes the channel back*
Gimli: *backflips to Aragorn and grabs remote and switches back to the game*
Announcer: That was the best game ever!!! And the final score is…..And that was the best hair I have ever seen….
Legolas: It was boring again. BUT I MISSED THE BEST HAIR EVER!!! Well, second best…*throws hair back*
Gimli: *starts attacking the TV* WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!!
Aragorn: *looking for Phillip* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PHILLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are you Phillip!? I guess I will get a new friend…. I will never be able to get over him…..*sees flower**stares at flower* *Legolas picks the flower and makes it into a facial cream* Hmmm GIVE ME THAT!!! *grabs it and runs*
Legolas: Oh no you don’t!! *grabs the container*
They fight over the container and it falls into the river and falls down a waterfall but they don’t go after it…
Aragorn: *sees nickel* NICK!!!! *picks up nickel* *sits down and examines it *……………..You will never replace Phillip!! *throws nickel into river*
Aragorn tries to bribe people to help him but no one wanted to look for a penny….
Aragorn: THE KING COMMANDS THEE!!!
Legolas: No.
That night……
Aragorn: PHILLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over to Frodo and Sam in the boat…
Sam: Can we go any faster?
Frodo: *is looking nervously around* Faster!?….we are going like 100 miles per hour right now!
Sam: We aren’t even rowing…the current is taking us down and anyway we need to go against it! *starts rowing*
Frodo: *grabs a hold of the sides of the boat* We’re moving!!
Sam: Fortunately, I am surprised holes haven’t sprung up!
Frodo: *looks around at the bottom of the boat*
Sam: Hmmm….*starts shaking the boat frantically* WE’RE SINKING!!!
Frodo: AHHH!!! AHHHH!!! *dives into water and swims to shore and runs into the forest screaming*
Sam: Frodo it was a jok-…..he’ll be back….
2 days later….
Sam: Where in the world is Frodo!?!?
Over to Frodo….
Jerry: AND WE’RE BACK TO JERRY SPRINGER LIVE!!!! So let’s see who this one is.
Frodo: I don’t feel comfortable saying this on the air, you know with Sauron and all.
Jerry: Not to worry, he gets bad cable, I sent a blonde elf to cut it but I think he got side tracked.
Jerry: So, Frodo you come here often? Errrr What is your story? *winks*
Frodo: Ok….Anyway, my best friend is so discouraging and he doesn’t seem to like me.
Jerry: Well, this has been very sad and all but NEXT!!!
They kick out Frodo and he has to walk back to Sam….
In a few hours Frodo finally gets back to Sam…
Sam: I thought you were dead! Where were you!?!?
Frodo: Trust me you don’t want to know….
They head on….
Frodo: I think we were here befor- *a rock tumbles and he jumps up and trips and falls into a bush onto Gollum who was hiding there*
Gollum: Uhhh…*runs off*
Sam: LET’S GET THAT THIEF MR. FRODO!! if that’s ok with you….
Frodo: Don’t yell…he will find us…
Sam: Oh sorry Mr. Frodo…Is everything ok Mr. Frodo…
Frodo: We were here before!
That night…
Sam: Don’t expect to sleep…the bags are cold and hard, I never sleep any on ’em, suppose you won’t either.
That morning…
Sam: Suppose you didn’t sleep a wink.
Frodo: Actually I slept fine.
Sam: That’s the spirit! Always turning the worst and making it better!
Frodo: The bed was warm and dry.
Sam: Last night it was but just wait!
Frodo: *trips*
Sam: MR. FRODO!! Are you ok? *comes running in nurse outfit *I suppose not, you could be dead and we would have to turn back. Ok…let’s see if I still know how to do this…*blows up dog balloon* Ok good.. *he heals Frodo and they rest*
Frodo: Are they gone???? *is now even more nervous*
Sam: I think so Mr. Frodo-
Nazgul: SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!
Frodo: AHHHHH!!! *runs and jumps into pond and bumps into something* Gollum!? AHHH!!! *runs out and trips over rock and falls into bush and hits boyfan and girlfan* AHHHH *runs into Sam* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *buries head into dirt*
Sam: Frodo it’s ok! *pulls him out of dirt* Look at your hai-
Legolas comes out of no where to fix Frodo’s hair…
Legolas: Ok only 7 more times of washing, cleaning, drying, steaming and air drying!
4 hours later…
Legolas: DONE!
Sam: It takes you this long to do your hair!?
Legolas: No,
Sam: Good…
Legolas: 10 hours for my hair.. *runs off*
Frodo: *is now very happy because he is so attractive from his hair*
Just then all these girls start popping out of stumps, rocks, ponds, and this one even fell of the cliff from above…they all had on FRODO LIVES ON shirts and had cameras, oh yeah there were a couple of guys too…
Girl Fan One: IT’S HIM!!!
They all start running towards him…
Guy Fan One: I TOUCHED HIS SHIRT!!!
Frodo: AHHH!! SAM!!
Sam: *runs to Frodo and holds him high above his arms which isn’t very high up since they’re hobbits….*
Nazgul: SCREEEEEEEEECH!!! *flies down and picks up Frodo and flies to Mordor*
Frodo: AHH!! *starts twitching*
The Nazgul flies him to Sauron…
Nazgul: I have brought the halflin-
Sauron: GET OUT GET OUT!!! Excuse me for a moment I am being RUDELY INTERRUPTED!!! Now where were we? Oh yeah.. NO WAY!!!
Nazgul: But-
Sauron: *turns around and ignores him* NO WAY!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT!!!
Nazgul: What should I do with it?
Sauron: Let me see-
BEEP BEEP
Sauron: I have to take this…get out and wait…
The Nazgul goes outside and waits in his office for a few hours….
Nazgul: That’s it I’m coming in! *shoves the door open and runs in and sees Sauron and Legolas playing Twister*
Orc: Left hand green…
Legolas: Yes!
Sauron: *falls and loses* Darn you always win…best 2 out of 3?
Legolas: No, I win half of your orcs!
Sauron: Never! get out!
Legolas: I thought we had a deal Sauron!?
Sauron: Not anymore! now get out!!!
Legolas: Now you get no more manicures from me!
Sauron: Wait!!!
Legolas: Stay away from me! *hits him with purse*
Nazgul: What do you-
Sauron: Just go away and put whatever you have back
Nazgul: Ok…I guess… *flies back and drops Frodo and Sam*
Sam: The people left. Mr. Frodo???
Frodo was on the ground with his eyes wide open and drool coming out of his mouth and he wouldn’t move..
Sam: Oh well. *starts dragging Frodo through rocks* I guess he is dead. *starts digging hole*
1 hour later…
Sam: Done! *throws Frodo in hole* I guess the quest is over. There is no more hope…ever…
Frodo: What are you doing!? *climbs out of hole*
Sam: You’re alive! It’s a miracle, don’t expect more, we will probably die soon anyway.
Frodo: Shut up, now let’s go.
After awhile something happens…
Girl: I told you that right at Mirkwood was wrong!
Boy: How was I supposed to know Barad-dur wasn’t a Bar!?
Girl: Well… *sees people*
Boy: Pig come here…..Pig? *sees a blur run past him* Get back here!!! *runs after him* Not that bloody gnome again!! *he tackles Gimli and walks back with Pig*
Boy: Wait that isn’t the little hairy thing we were torturing!?
Girl: Oh well we can torture both of them!
Girl: Now meet my pet!
A large cat appears and attacks Gimli then walks away….
Gimli: Is that all you got!?
Girl: *grins evily*
A giant dragon appears….
Gimli: OH MY!!! YOU HAVE A DRAGON!!!
Girl: No….he’s actually carrying the real pet…FLUFFY!!!
Gimli: Fluffy!! *a sigh of relief* *laughs*
Then the dragon turns around and reveals a dog…
Gimli: A dog!…..with two heads….no three!!!!!!!!….*turns and runs* AHHHHH!!
Frodo: I hear something….*sees giant 3 headed dog* AHHHHH!!!!
Sam: What is it?
Frodo: A d-d-d-d-og!!!
Sam: A dog?
Frodo: A 3-3-3-3-headed…dog
Sam: *turns around* Now we will all die….and the ring will be taken and Middle-earth is doomed…wait…AHHHHHH!!!
Frodo: *runs*
Gimli: AHHHH!! *trips and falls*
Fluffy: ROAR!!!! *runs to Gimli and is about to eat him*
Gimli: HELP!!!!
Suddenly Legolas appears…
Legolas: WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!! *in singing voice*
Gimli: Legolas that wasn’t very encouraging…
Fluffy falls asleep….
Girl: Dang he knows Fluffy’s secret!
Legolas: Secret?
Girl: Ummm…nevermind…
Boy: Bloody elf….
Legolas: What did you call me?
Gimli: Let it go Legolas, let it go…
Fluffy suddenly wakes up and runs at everyone…
Legolas: AHHH!!
Legolas and Gimli run away….
Girl: That’s better!
Frodo: I must stand up to my fears…I CAN DO THIS!!!
Sam: *leaning against rock wall* No you can’t, you will die….
Frodo: SAM GAMGEE!!
Sam: *cowers down* Sorry Mr. Frodo. We can probably do this!
Frodo: Close enough. Now we need every strength we have. We must cover up our weaknesses!! We can do this!!!!!!
Fluffy roars right into their faces…
Frodo: OR NOT!!!! *runs and hides into cave* Something is pinching my butt…Sam?
Sam: Nice Fluffy…
Frodo: Ok it isn’t Sam…WAIT SOMETHING IS TOUCHING MY BUTT!!!!!! *turns around and it is Gollum*
Gollum: Uhhhh IS THAT A WALL!!! *runs to wall and hides*
Frodo: AHHH *runs out of cave*
Girl: *yawn* Ok let’s go Fluffy…
Suddenly a tall bearded man pops up…
Man: There ye’ are Fluffy!
Gimli: MOMMY!!! *runs and jumps into mans arms*
Man: Who are yo-….*gets idea* *disappears*
Faint flashes of rainbow-colored lights appear in the distance….
Girl: Ok let’s hurry and go…
The girl, boy and Fluffy disappear, and the man comes back…
Man: Fluffy!!! *disappears too*
Gimli: MOMMY NO!!! *leaves sadly*
They head on, then rest for the night…
Frodo: Do we really have to sleep on this dirty floor?….I said DIRTY!!!
Legolas appears and calls his Elves to clean the floor on which Frodo is sleeping on and then he leaves with his Elves…
Frodo: That’s better! *lies down*
Sam: Good night!
Frodo: *feels something breathing on neck* Sam please stop that…
Sam starts snoring and Frodo realizes it isn’t Sam…
Frodo: Ok think calmly what to do…THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY NECK!!! *jumps up and starts hitting the walls and everything* WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!!! I NEED HELP!!!
Gimli appears and is going crazy too….
Sam: *snoring even louder*
Frodo: AHHH!!!! DIE!!!
Gimli: WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!!!
They are both hacking and slashing at it…..
Cave: I am dead! *demolishes itself*
Gimli: VICTORY SCREECH!!!! *swings axe around head* I AM WOMAN!!! HERE ME ROAR!!!
Legolas: There you are! *grabs Gimli and runs off*
That morning….
Sam: I slept like a baby!
Frodo: *hair is all messy and eyes have sacks under them* I didn’t sleep…it was horrible…
Sam: Well it is the best it will be. Every day it gets worse and worse till you can’t take it anymore-
Frodo: Just shut up. What do we have to eat?
Sam: Just lembas, we could heat some up and have scrambled lembas….though the logs over there are wet…
Frodo goes and makes a fire with the dry logs and starts cooking….
Sam: You won’t like it though.
Frodo finishes cooking and they eat and Frodo liked it…
Sam: This place looks oddly familiar….
Frodo: We’ve been here before!
Sam: That’s impossible…if we have then that rock would have a slash on it! *points to rock with slash on it*
Frodo: Ok…
Sam: Well…we will die of starvation soon, if we keep this up…
Frodo: Shut up!!!
They head on again….
Frodo: Ok Sam you climb down on this conveniently placed rope and I will watch!
Sam: Oh no! You go down and I will watch!
Frodo: How about I watch and you go down?
Sam: Now that’s better!
Sam climbs down but his weight is far too great…
Frodo: You’re too heavy you pig!!!
Sam: Maybe I should order some of Saruman’s Slim Quick!?
Frodo: Later! Look at my hands…. *let’s go on purpose* Oops!!
Sam: Owwww!!
Frodo: Is it ok for me to come down?
Sam: Yep… the rocks broke the fall.
Frodo: It looks… dark… I am afraid of the dark!
Sam: Come on!
3 hours later….
Sam: It isn’t going to get any lighter out!
Frodo: Then I am not coming down!
Sam: Come on it won’t hurt- AHHHHH!!! A SNAKE AHHH!!!
Weird sounds are heard and then it is all quiet…
Frodo: Are you ok Sam?
No reply….
Frodo: Sam!? I am coming down! *thinks to self* If only the king was here… *sees Aragorn’s head in the clouds*
Aragorn’s head: Remember your purpose…..
Frodo: AHHH!!! *starts throwing rocks at the cloud but they come back and hit him on the head*
3 more hours…
Frodo: *wakes up* Oh well…now what… oh yeah *he walks around the hole and finds and escalator down*
Sam: Frodo…what are you doing here?!?!
Frodo: Are you ok?
Sam: I was just joking so you would come down!
They head on again… that night…
Gollum: *sneaking up on Frodo to steal ring*
Sam: I GOT HIM!!!
Gollum: TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT!!! WHO DO WE APPRECIATE!?!? SAM! SAM! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! SAM!!!!!!!!!! WHOOO!!! *jumps around*
Frodo: AHHH!!! *jumps up and runs around* AHHH!!!
Gollum: COME ON FRODO YOU CAN DO IT PUT A LITTLE MUSCLE TO IT!!! *does backflip*
Frodo: AHHH!!!
After a few hours of this they finally rest…
Frodo: With your pep so bright will you guide us through the night?
Gollum: YOU CAN COUNT ON ME!!! *somersaults all around*
Sam: You are so positive… can’t… fight it… going crazy… AHHHHH!!!! *starts hitting rock*
Gollum: A DOUBLE L, I G A, T O R, ALLIGATOR ALLIGATOR EAT ‘EM UP EAT ‘EM UP!!!! KILL THAT ROCK!!!
Sam: WHY CAN’T I KILL YOU!!!
Gollum: COME ON SAM!!!! *front flips into Frodo*
Frodo: AHHHH!!! *runs and hides*
Sam finally settles down and they head on…
Sam: I have decided to join you Gollum!
Gollum: WAHOO!!!
Sam: Teach me your ways Gollum!
After some organizing they set up a cheer for all the animals around them…
Sam: ONE! THREE! SEVEN! EIGHT! THIS IS THE WAY WE……COUNT!!! WOHOO!!! *runs around in skirt*
Gollum: GOOOOO!!! SAM!!!
The animals start chanting encore…
Animals: ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE!!!
Gollum: COME ON FRODO JOIN IN!!!
Frodo: I will sit in the corner and… hide!!!!
Sam: Negativity taking over again… F IS FOR FIRE TO BURN US ALLLL!! U IS URANIUM…BOMB!!! N IS NO SURVIVORS!!!!!!!
Gollum: No it’s like this… F IS FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER, U IS YOU AND ME!!!! N IS FOR ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME AT ALL!!! WHEN YOU’RE HERE IN MIDDLE-EARTH!!!
Sam: AHHHH!!! *rips off skirt and runs away screaming*
Frodo: L-l-let’s go…
They head on again…
Frodo: I’m hungry…
Gollum: Frodo…is…HUNGRY!!! GIMME AN H
Sam: h
Gollum: GIMME A U
Sam: u.
Gollum: GIMME A N!
Sam: n.
Gollum: GIMME A G!
Sam: g.
Gollum: GIMME A R!
Sam: r.
Gollum: GIMME A Y!
Sam: y.
Gollum: WHAT’S THAT SPELL!!!?
Sam: hungry…
Gollum: WOHOO!!!
After that Frodo never again told Gollum he was hungry…
The next day…
Gollum: *kart wheeling around everyone* YAY!!! COME ON SAM YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Sam: *in bushes* Be quiet I am trying to pee…
Gollum: GIMME A P AND TWO E’S WHAT’S THAT SPELL!!! SAM’S PEE YAAAAY!!!
Sam: *turns peppy again* WOHOO!!!
Later that day they arrive to the dead marshes…
Frodo: Not even Legolas could clean this!
Sam: I AM SURE HE TRIED!!!
Frodo: Probably…
Just then a giant fire starts in front of them…
Frodo: AHHHHHH!!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
Gollum and Sam: *start to cheer*
Gollum: GIMME A D!!!!
Sam: D!!!!!
Gollum: GIMME AN I!!!
Sam: I!!!!!
Gollum: GIMME AN E!!!
Sam: E!!!
Gollum: WHAT’S THAT SPELL!!!
Sam: DIE!!! WOOOOO!!! *flips around with Gollum*
Frodo: AHHH!!! *running around*
Sam: AT LEAST IT COULDN’T GET ANY WORSE!!!
Suddenly a tornado appears and sucks up the fire…
Sam: Well that helped!
Frodo: *sigh of relief* *finally stops going crazy*
Then the tornado turns into a fire tornado…
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *running around and hits tree and is knocked out*
Gollum: GOOOOOOOO!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: WOHOOO!!!! GO FIRE IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!
Frodo: *wakes up* AHHHH!!! *runs around again* If only Aragorn was here!
Nothing happens.
Frodo: If only KING Aragorn was here!
Suddenly Aragorn appears…
Aragorn: You called!?
Frodo: AHHH!!! *points to fire tornado*
Aragorn: The king has everything!! *pulls out lit torch* Whoops! *puts lit torch back in pocket and pulls out hose* Here we go! *sprays fire tornado*
Frodo: IT’S STILL A TORNADO!!
Aragorn: *pulls out vacuum and sucks up tornado* I’ll give this to Gimli as a present!
Frodo: Thank you Aragorn!
Aragorn: *doesn’t respond*
Frodo: Oh I thankith thee King Aragorn!
Aragorn: Well it was either this or watch Gimli stretch! *shudders*
Aragorn disappears…
Gollum: Ahhhhh… now what to cheer…
Sam: *points to Mount Doom*
Gollum: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE DO DAAAA DO DAAAA!! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE O DE DO DA DAY!!!
Sam: WOHOO!! *flips around with Gollum*
They head like this for hours…
Sam: *suddenly turns back to negative*
Gollum: COME ON SAM!!! GIMME AN S!!!
Sam: *kicks Gollum*
Gollum: OOOOOO MY LEG HURTSSSSS!!! GIMME AN L!!
Sam: *kicks him again*
Gollum: GIMME AN E!!!
Sam: *kicks him even harder*
Gollum: GIMME A G!!! WHAT’S THAT SPELL!!! LEG HURTS!!! WOOOOO!!!
Frodo: Come on Sam we have no time for- AHHH!!!!
Sam: What is it? DEATH!? *begs hopefully*
Frodo: AHHH!!! *points to flower* AHHH!!! *runs away*
Sam: A flower… Stupid flower *steps on flower*
Gollum: NOO!!! *starts cheering a sad cheer for the flower but somehow starts cheering happily again*
Sam: *muttering* Stupid ring… stupid Gaffer telling me to make something out of my life… stupid Gollum…
Frodo: These dead marshes look… deadly…
Sam: Duh.
Frodo: *notices face in water* *but then notices shampoo bottle behind face and tries to grab it*
Frodo falls in but Sam saves him…
Sam: You were lucky I was around otherwise you would have died… *smacks head* STUPID ME!!!
Gollum: OOOOOOOOOO-
Sam: Not now!
Frodo: I was trying to get that shampoo bottle but you had to save me!
Suddenly a helicopter appears with Legolas in it…
Legolas: GO GO GO!!!
Thousands of Elves come out of helicopters and dive in and grab the bottle…
Elf: *throws bottle to Legolas*
Legolas: MOVE MOVE MOVE!!! *the Elves climb up the ladders and fly away*
Frodo: What the… I mean AHHHH!!!! Oh forget it…
They head on again…
Sam: Do these Marshes EVER end?
Gollum: OOOOOO-
Sam: Don’t say anything unless it is productive…
Gollum: OOOOOOH I KNOW A SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER LIKE THE MARSHES! FOREVER! LIKE THE MARSHES!! FOREVER LIKE THE MARSHES!!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER LIKE THE MARSHES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES…*repeats song*
Three hours later…
Gollum: *still singing song*
Sam: *going crazy* STOP!! Wait… I SEE THE END!!! SO THE SONG HAS TO END!!! YAY!!!! *rips off pants and runs ahead*
Gollum: Hmmmm… *puts on Sam’s pants* Sam you fool you will kill us all…
Sam: I CAN SEE THE END! SEE THE END! SEE THE END!!! *starts cheering*
Frodo: What in the world? Sam like Gollum… Gollum like Sam… THE PANTS!!! *runs toward Gollum*
Gollum: Do not touch me you halfling.
Frodo: *about to grab Gollum but stops*
They reach the edge of the Dead Marshes…
Sam: YAAAY!!! *kisses ground* *spits* EWWWWWW!!! We are still in the marshes so I wouldn’t kiss it… give me my pants back! *grabs pants from Gollum and puts them back on* Ooooo…They are warm…
Gollum: *blushes*
Frodo: I didn’t need to know that…
They head on again…
Sam: Where are we?
Frodo: Ummmm… Gollum?
Gollum: What?
Frodo: Why are you wearing that? *points to look-alike pants of Sam’s with tutu over them*
Gollum: I liked the feel of them!
They head on and Frodo lags behind…
Frodo: *sits on stump to rest*
Suddenly the stump pops up and is an elevator…
Frodo: What the… *walks in and pushes the only button, down*
He arrives in the Giant Beauty Parlor/Shop and looks around…
Frodo: Hmmm…
Elf and counter: What can I do for you?!
Frodo: *sees Legolas in chair with cucumbers on eyes* Ummm just looking thank you… *walks over to Legolas and eats the cucumbers*
Legolas: What the… *opens eyes* Frodo what are you doing here! SECURITY!!
Frodo: I got here on accident…
Legolas: Uh oh! No one can know! IT IS AN EMERGENCY 9123!!!
Elf at counter: Uh oh! *pushes button under counter*
Suddenly the whole place turns into a big dirt field and everyone disappears… then a laser appears and lights the whole area and Frodo forgets everything…
Frodo: What was I doing here? Oh well! *goes back up the elevator*
He leaves the elevator and catches back up with Sam and Gollum…
Gollum: Hmmm I like this pink skirt better but what about the light blue?
Sam: *turned to peppy* Ummmm what about both!
Gollum: You are so smart! *hands him another skirt and they change into them*
Sam: OK!
Frodo: Which way are we going?
Gollum: I HAVE NO CLUE!!
Frodo: Well I suppose the best way would be toward that fiery mountian but that is just my guess.
Gollum: THAT WOULD NEVER WORK! WE HAVE TO GO ALLLLLLLL THEY AROUND…AROUND…AROUND AROUND AROUND!!!
Frodo: Let’s just go…
Sam: Ok!
They finally somehow reach the Black Gate and see something…
DING DONG!!
Orc: Sorry little girl I don’t need any cookie- *sees Aragorn* Oh it’s you…
Aragorn: Look I am the KING and I say allow me to enter!
Theoden: Yes let ME enter!
Orc: but Sauron said NOOOOOO KINGS WHAT SO EVER!!
Aragorn: I DEMAND YOU TO LET ME ENETR OR MY MONKEY WILL ATTACK!
Theoden: AND ME!
Ali Baba: *grabs two daggers and gets in fighting stance*
Legolas: Just let them in!
Aragorn: Now I will sing!! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA *to the beat of some old Middle Ages song*
Orcs: *start throwing tomatos at Aragorn*
Aragorn: PROTECT THE KING!!! PROTECT ME!!! *grabs Theoden to block him*
Theoden is covered in tomatos…
Theoden: I AM COVERED IN TOMATOS!!!
Aragorn: But I am ok! For that you get knighted now… *winks*
Frodo: That was strange…
Sam: OOOH ARAGORN KING ARAGORN!!!
Aragorn: *suddenly turns head* YES!?
A few minutes…
Aragorn: B I N G O AND BINGO WAS HIS NAMEO!!!
Orc: *throws more tomatos*
Aragorn: HAHA! I was prepared! *grabs Gimli and uses him as shield* EAT THIS *uses Gimli and boomerang and throws it at the orcs*
Orc: WE ARE BEING ATTACKED!!!
Aragorn: Hmmm.. *rings door bell and they all hide*
Orc: Yes? DANG YOU!!
Gimli: WOAH! *comes flying back as boomerang amd hits Aragorn* Oh hey Aragorn!
Aragorn: YOU HAVE HIT THE KING!!! OFF TO THE STOCKS!! OFF TO THE STOCKS!!!
Gimli: *smiles* You don’t have any stocks!
Aragorn: Wanna bet? *pulls out stocks from pocket*
Gimli: *jaw drops*
Aragorn: *puts Gimli in the stocks and they leave* Come on monkey!
Gimli: I’m coming…
Legolas: Not you idiot! Ali baba!
Gimli: Oh… sorry…
They disappear out of sight and Frodo and them talk…
Frodo: Will you let us in?
Orc: Ummm… *checking papers* Well it says allow no ding dongs, ho-hos or twinkies in…so…I would say no! *looks at Gollum who is in all yellow outfit*
Frodo: THEN WE WILL ATTACK YOU!! GOLLUM GO!!
Gollum: OOOOOOOOOOOO-
Orc: OK OK OK! just DON’T sing PLEASE!! AHHHHHH!! *runs away and the gate is still closed*
Frodo: HEEEEY!
They hide and wait for the gate to open again…
3 hours later…
Easterlings start singing WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!! and enter Mordor…
Frodo: Now’s our chance!
Gollum: *runs down and starts singing with them*
Sam: I will stay here…
Frodo: *runs down there and turns the other way from Gollum to go to Mount Doom*
Frodo: We are all split up and-
SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!
Frodo: AHHHH!!!
Nazgul: Oh it’s just that thing Sauron “didn’t” want…I will pretend I never saw him… *whistles*
Over to Sam…
Sam: Now what? *notices Gollum is kicked out*
Orc who kicked Gollum out: NOT EVEN MORDOR WANTS YOU!!!
Gollum: LIKE I WANTED TO COME ANYWAY! TALK TO THE HAND!! *shoves hand at orc*
Orc: Loser…*walks away*
Gollum: Wheressssssss Frodo?
Sam: I don’t know. What am I, his keeper?
Gollum: Yes.
Sam: Nevermind…
Over to Frodo….
Frodo: I…miss..Sam!!! *starts crying*
Patrol Orc: What the… *notices Frodo* Uh oh..the boss’ll kill me… HEY YOU!!
Frodo: UH-OH!! AHH!! *runs away*
Patrol Orc: GET BACK HERE YOU!!!
Frodo: AHH!!!
3 hours later…
Thousands of orcs are chasing Frodo and they can’t catch up with him…
Frodo: Man this got boring a few hours ago… I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that exercise meet with Gimli…that outfit was…scary…*shudders*
1 hour later…
Frodo: Man are they ever going to catch up to me!? If only Gimli didn’t wear that outfit then I wouldn’t have bolted down the track, now everytime I run I remember it and run faster than normal… Maybe I should slow down..BUT GIMLI WOULD CATCH UP TO ME AND THAT OUTFIT!! AHHH!!! *runs even faster*
6 hours later…
Now there are a whole caverly chasing him, all nine Nazgul and the Mouth of Sauron…
Frodo: la la la…hmmm.. *starts drinking tea* ewww *spits tea at one of the Nazgul and he trips and falls* That was Gandalf’s tea… now what.. *gets out newspaper* Hmmm Desperate Hyper Chick seeking..Man..or Woman hobbit… must like cheering and sitting around for many hours in dark talkign to self as third person… like Frodo does that…oops… oh well…*looks up number and writes it down*
Mouth of Sauron: *talking to Nazgul* Some people say I can’t stop talking but I don’t think it is true I mean I talk sometimes but not the whole time and I can stop talking if I wanted to but-
Nazgul: AHHH!!! *flys straight into Mount Doom and kills self*
Sauron: Hmmm *checks something off on list*
Frodo: *is in port-a-potty with bottom gone so he can run in it*
A few minutes later…
Frodo: Ahhh that feels better… *starts playing checkers with self*
3 more hours pass by…
The people start to give up when Mount Doom opens up and Sauron himself comes out…
Sauron: ROAR!!! HAHAHA!!! NOW I WILL GET THE RING!! *runs after Frodo* GET BACK HERE!!
Frodo: *starts to get tired*
Sauron: I HAVE YOU NOW!!
Is the ring really in the hands of Sauron….
But suddenly Gimli himself runs in with his.. excersice outfit…
Gimli: I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!
Nazgul: THAT IS NOT WOMAN AT ALL!!!
Frodo: AHHHHHHHH! LET ME GO!! AHHHHHHH!! *jumps off Sauron and runs as fast as possible*
Gimli: Wait you didn’t get to see me do my stretches!
a faint scream is heard…
Gimli: Oh well.. now you get to see them….
Gimli was wearing something that almost showed part of his butt and a pink fuzzy speedo that showed part of his butt…
Everyone one runs… the Nazgul fly away to hide and Sauron runs back to his tower and Gimli is alone…
Gimli: WHY DON’T THEY LIKE ME!! *starts crying* *walks away sadly*
Over to Frodo…
Frodo: *can’t blink anymore* This will hurt in the morning!
Sam: Hi Frodo. Let’s go…
Gollum: WHAT HAPPENED!
Frodo: I-I-I-I would rather not….talk about…the pink fuzzy thing…
So they head on and Frodo tries to forget but… he can’t…
Frodo: I can’t blink anymore..
Frodo: Voices.. I hear voices… AHHHHH!! STOP THE VOICES!! *bangs head on rock* DIE DIE DIE!!! *finally calms down*
Sam: Let’s go!
Frodo: the voices have stopped…
Gollum: *coughs*
Frodo: AHHHH VOICES!!!
Sam: *sigh* *hits Frodo on the head and he passes out*
Gollum: Thank you Sam! *picks up Frodo and drags him and Frodo gets bumped and gets many cuts*
A few hours later…
Frodo: I feel fine except for all these bumps…
A few minutes later…
Frodo: *remembers phone number and he pulls it out and dials it*
RING RING
Gollum: Sorry I have to take this…
Frodo: Hello? Are you desperate lover?
Gollum: Yes! And you are…
Frodo: Ummm… Sam Gamgee…
Gollum: *gasp* *turns around*
Frodo: *quickly hangs up and starts to whistle*
Gollum: Sam I had no idea!
Sam: What are you talking about?
Gollum: SAM!! *runs to Sam and hugs him* Wait I have a better idea… *chains them together and eats the key*
Sam: What are you doing? GET AWAY FROM ME!
Gollum: but- but- *starts to fake cry*
Frodo: SAM LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!
Sam: Ok Gollum-
Gollum: *stops crying and hugs Sam*
Frodo: *laughs quietly to himself*
Gollum: Sam guess what!
Sam: I know I shouldn’t ask but what?
Gollum: You know that exercise outfit Gimli had on…?
Sam: Sadly I do…
Gollum: Well let’s just say I’m not wearing it and someone else is…
Sam: No please no…
Gollum: It isn’t you!
Sam: *sighes*
Frodo: *stops laughing* Uh-oh…
They both look at Frodo…
Frodo: It can’t be true… please no…
Gollum: Not you either…
Frodo: Well if your not wearing it and Sam and I aren’t wearing it then…
Gollum: Gimli helped me with it…it’s Sauron! Any minute now he will wake up-
A loud high pitched scream is heard…
Gollum: Now we really have to hurry!
They start to run then Mount Doom itself erupts…
They run as fast as possible but Gollum and Sam keep tripping because of the handcuffs so they stop to rest..
Sam: Wait one minute… How will we go to the bathroom?
Gollum: *winks* No I hid a key somewhere…
Sam: *sighes*
Gollum: But I forgot… *starts rummaging in Frodo’s clothes*
Frodo: What are you doing?
Gollum: I hid it in one of your pockets!
Frodo: Well I will get it then!
Gollum: No wait… *he holds up the key but Frodo accidentally bumps him and it falls and an owl grabs it flys away*
Sam: NOOOOOOOO!! GET BACK HERE!!!! NOOOOOOO!!! *starts crying* *starts throwing anything he can get ahold of at the bird* No please…
Gollum: Oh well!
They head on but soon a problem occurs…
Sam: I hate you all! Mainly Gollum!
Gollum: What! I thought I knew you Sam Gamgee!
Frodo: How could you!
Sam: I am NOT sorry and I NEED that key!
Frodo: Well don’t take it out on us!
Suddenly Sauron is seen from far behind them…
Frodo: Sauron! Uh-oh! Gollum you are in big trouble…
Gollum: Uh oh…
Sauron: WHO DID THIS!!! *points to old exercise outfit* It has too many holes and looks like it will fly off at any moment!
Frodo and Sam turn their heads…
Gollum: Ummm Sam Gamgee did!
Sam: What!?
Sauron: WHY YOU!!! *grabs Sam and turns around and starts to lecture him*
Sam: But- but- but- I DIDN’T DO IT!!!
Sauron: WELL-
A helicopter flys overhead and lands by them…
The boy and girl come out… (the boy has his wand glued to his hands)
Boy: I am getting back at all of you!
Girl: Oh shut it!
Boy: Ok this time…
Gimli comes out in the pink fuzzy thing…
Frodo: No no no!!!
Girl: That isn’t all! *whistles*
Out of the helicopter comes Gimli’s whole family (dwarves have very large families) and Gandalf comes too. They all have on the pink fuzzy thing…
Another helicopter comes and Legolas, Theoden, and Aragorn come out (they don’t have the pink fuzzy thing on though)
Legolas: I can’t wait to buy all of those- WHAT IN THE- *sees Gimli’s family* OH MY… I AM GOING TO DIE!!! THIS ISN’T THE GAP OF ROHAN!!! THIS IS THE GAP OF IDIOTS!!
Sauron: I am the dark lord and…
Aragorn: I am KING and I-I-I CAN’T CONCENTRATE CLEARLY LIKE THIS!!
Theoden: I can and… Gimli would you stop bending over, anyway, As CURRENT king I would like to… GIMLI STOP DOING THAT!
Gimli: That wasn’t me! It was Gilimi, my cousin!
Theoden: STOP that anyway! And you stop staring at me… I-I-I CAN’T DO THIS EITHER!!
Sauron: Well, as dark lord I would like to say! A new rule so NO execise outfits will be allowed, it will soon be passed!
Gimli: But you have one on!
Sauron: YOU THINK I WANT THIS ON!! *starts to walk to Gimli but it rips and falls off* Umm… AHHH!!! *runs all they way back to the mountian*
Gimli: I guess the “dark lord” wasn’t all he was made out to be…This one is getting old and it has a lot of holes…I need a new one… *notices raccoon* GET BACK HERE *chases raccoon behind bush*
5 minutes later Gimli comes out wearing a raccoon exercise outfit…
Gandalf: I have been silent LONG ENOUGH!!
Sam: Great…
Gandalf: I would just like to say… This brings out my eyes! Gimli you are a genius! You should really consider producing more of these!
Gimli: Hmmm…
Theoden: I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!!! *runs to the one of the two helicopter*
Aragorn: WAIT! *barely makes it in*
Legolas: NOOOOO WAIT!!! *grabs Ali Baba and tries to make it*
But Legolas doesn’t make it and they fly off…
A few minutes pass by and the helicopter comes back and lowers a ladder for Legolas because he stole Ali Baba…
All of Gimli’s relatives grab at Legolas so he doesn’t leave them…
Aragorn: HURRY!
Legolas: LET GO OF ME!!
Gimli’s relatives grab Legolas’s bag as he makes it on and they fly away…
Legolas: MY MAKE UP!! *dives out of helicopter to get it back*
Boy: Well this has been nice but.. *grabs the girl’s wand ans runs to the helicopter and starts to fly away*
Girl: *yawn* *snaps fingers*
A giant man appears and grabs the wand back to the girl…
Giant man: ‘Ye are well come lass…
Gimli: MOTHER YOU CAME BACK!!!
Gandalf: Mother… FATHER!!! *starts to cry*
Gimli: *jumps into the giant’s arms*
Gimli’s real mother: What are you doing?
Gimli: But-
Gimli’s real mother: No buts!
The girl shoots and spell at the helicopter and it crashes down and blows up but the boy survives…
Legolas: My hair… *his hair is on fire* AHHHH!! I NEED MY MAKE UP!!
The dwarves are now going through his bag and have over half of it out and are wasting it…
The bird that took the key lands next to Gandalf and Sam sees it and runs at it pulling Gollum behind…
Sam : I need that-
Gandalf: *picks up the bird and starts to hug it* I miss my father! *the bird squaks* What? *the bird squaks* YAY!!
Sam: Gandalf can I see that bird?
Gandalf: IT IS MY FATHER!!! HE WON’T LEAVE ME!!
Sam: Gandalf that is a bird he can’t be your father!
The bird starts to squak….
Gandalf: He said I was adopted!
Sam: *smacks head*
The boy and girl are shooting spells at eachother and hitting Gimli’s family and turning them into giant animals and such thus making Legolas scared to go near them but he tries anyway…
A monkey comes out of the bushes and climbs on Frodo… it is holding a penny…
Frodo: Hey what are you doing here-
A helicopter flys and Aragorn jumps out…
Aragorn: ALI BABA WHERE ARE YOU!?
The other helicopter lands…
Aragorn: *sees the monkey with Frodo* FRODO!! THAT IS MY PET!!
Ali Baba runs to Gimli’s relatives (they love monkeys) and one of them grabs him and half of them run away with him…
Aragorn: NOOO!!! *notices Phillip on the ground* PHILLIP!!!! *dives to grab him* YAY!!
Gimli: Look I thought… ummm…
Gimli’s father: You are so grounded!
Gimli: BUT!
Gimli’s mother: NO BUTS-
Gimli’s mother was hit with a spell and turned into a donkey and his father a toilet…
Gimli: That worked out well… *whistles and walks away*
Legolas: GIVE ME MY SHAMPOO!!! ROOOOOOOOAR!!!!!!!
Gollum: Sam, I have to use the bathroom….
Sam: GANDALF I NEED THAT BIRD!! Wait I need the key in it’s mouth!
Gandalf: *gasp* You would dare steal my FIRST PRESENT FROM MY FATHER!!
Sam: *smacks head again but runs and grabs the bird* YES!!
Gandalf: DADDY!!! AND MY PRESENT!! DADDY!! I was too young last time but now look at me! *starts to fall asleep* I have to stay awake, what I need is… GIMLIRANG!! *grabs Gimli and uses him as a boomerang and Gimli in the pink fuzzy thing only made things worse so sadly Sam gave the bird and key back*
Legolas: HAHAHA!! *starts hitting them*
Aragorn: Phillip I love you!
Legolas accidentally hits Aragorn and Phillip rolls around and under everyone’s feet…
Aragorn: PHILLIP!!!
Legolas: Sorry *turns back to normal* I NEED MY MAKE UP!!!! *dives at dwarf with his strawberry scented bubble bath soap and eventually gets it*
Aragorn: PHILLIP! *starts to crawl under everyone’s feet and since most of them have the pink fuzzy thing on Aragorn is confused*
Suddenly the boy and girl team back up and with the giant man they start to attack everyone else…
Giant Man: HAHA!! *hits Gimli*
Gimli: You hit me, MY MOMMY HIT ME!!! *the donkey runs and hits him in the butt then the donkey walks away*
Gollum: Need bathroom… *sees Gimli’s father as toilet* *runs to him and drags Sam*
Sam: THAT’S IT!! I KNEW I WOULD NEED THIS! *pulls out skeleton key and unlocks them* Wait I had this the whole time… STUPID!!
Gollum: *uses the toilet and the toilet falls over*
The boy and girl attack…
Boy: EAT THIS!!
Gandalf: FATHER I NEED YOUR HELP!!!
The bird flys down and pecks at the kids’ eyes…
Gimli: LALALALA!! *rips off exercise outfit*
The bird quickly pecks at Gimli so he falls to the ground then the rest of his family drags him away…
Aragorn: *still looking for Phillip* WHERE ARE YOU!!!
Legolas: FINALLY GOT ALL THAT’S LEFT OF MY MAKE UP!! *starts crying* DEATH TO ALL DWARVES!! ERRRRR *he calls his helicopter and grabs Aragorn and he forces him and flys away*
Aragorn: PHILLIP!! *trys to dive out but Legolas keeps him from it*
Sam I’M FREEEEEEE!!!! *is hit with caging spell and is stuck in cage* Dang It!
Boy: HAHA!!
Girl: *rolls eyes*
They continue fighting…
Gandalf: FATHER LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!
The bird flys to Gandalf but is hit by a stunning spell and falls to the ground…
Gandalf: FATHER!!! *runs to bird and cries*
Sam: *the spell wears off* I’M FREEEEE!!! *but he walks and falls into a big hole* Dang it!
Gandalf: *lifts bird to sky* IF I HAD BUT ONLY ONE WISH!! IT WOULD BE THAT I COULD SEE INTO MY NOSE… or have Father come back…
Girl: This got old fast…
The boy and girl disappear and the giant man runs away…
Sam: *finally climbs out of hole* I’M FREEEEE!!! *trips over the pink fuzzy thing (they are very sturdy) and the pink fuzzy thing gets stuck to his feet tieing them up and he falls over* Dang it!
Suddenly the bird comes back to life… (the bird was a Dodo brid)
Gandalf: FLY FLY!!
The bird and Gandalf were both so dumb they didn’t understand the law of gravity and could fly even though Dodos can’t fly…
Sam: *unties the pink fuzzy thing I’M FREEEEE!!!! *looks around for something to happen but nothing does* Hmmm… OK! *runs into tree and passes out*
Gollum happily drags Sam and paints his nails and gives him the works and they head on…
Sam: *has finnaly woken up* WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!!! IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
Frodo: *falls on the ground*
Gollum: I also do make overs! LOOK AT THIS!! *shows before and after picture*
The before picture was some Elf with a very thin hairline and he had 6 toes… and he needed a lot of help and the after picture was Legolas himself…
Frodo: *gasp*
Sam: Wow! You did all of that!?
Gollum: Well… MOST of it..
Sam: What DID you do though?
Gollum: See in the back… well I cleaned up the mess afterwards… it was pretty good actually! *burps* oops…
Frodo: Let’s just go on!
They go on again and see a forest in the distance…
Frodo: FINALLY!!! SHADE!! The sun was burning me! Any touch right here would kill!
Gollum: Right here? *pokes him*
Frodo: AHHHH!!! OWWWW!! YOU!! *shoves Gollum away*
Sam: HOW DARE YOU HIT MY-MY-MY FRIEND!
Frodo: Friend! *smiles* SAM AND GOLLUM SITTING IN A TREE-
Sam: *hits Frodo on the burn*
Frodo: OWWWW!!!
Gollum: *winks at Frodo*
Frodo: EWWW GET AWAY FROM ME!!! *runs ahead to the forest*
Gollum: COME BACK!!!
Sam: *smacks head and sadly heads on*
Frodo: *thinks to self* This reminds me of Gimli in…the pink fuzzy thing Gimli… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! *runs all the way to the forest and stops*
They all finally reach the forest…
Frodo: Gollum would you get us some food? like a rabbit?
Gollum: Ok! *runs away*
Sam: Idiot.
Frodo: Ok Sam let’s be idiots and light a fire a couple miles from Mordor!
Sam: Good thinking!
Frodo: Wait… won’t he see it?
Sam: Not if we turn it that way!
Frodo: You’re so smart!
A few minutes after the fire was made something heppened…
Man with megaphone: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY FOREST!!! NO MAKING FIRES!! *runs to Sam and blows it in his ears*
Sam: OWWWW!!!
Man: I AM FARAMIR!!
Frodo: *giggles a little*
Faramir: IS SOMETHING FUNNY!!! *gets straight into his face* ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME!!! IS ANYONE LAUGHING AT ME!!!
Sam: No…
Faramir: THAT’S NO SIR TO YOU!!!
Sam: No, sir…
Gollum is heard from a distance…
Gollum: Wishing and hoping and dreaming…
Faramir: Excuse me…but… NO SINGING IN MY FOREST!!!
Gollum: Like you could make me…
Faramir looked as if his face would explode…
Faramir: *pulls out all of his medals* THESE ARE ALL OF THE MEDALS I GOT IN THE ARMY!!! This is a purple heart, this is my commander and chief badge and this is for sewing a mini flag…whoops…those are my girl scouts badges…
Gollum: *laughs* Girl Scouts!
Faramir: IS SOMETHING FUNNY TO YOU!? AM I FUNNY!? DO I LOOK LIKE A CLOWN!? WELL I’M NOT!!! SO WHAT I WAS THE ARMY COMMANDER!!
Gollum: Big deal…
Frodo and Sam decided they should let them work it out themselves…
Frodo: *quickly grabs the rabbits Gollum had brought and runs away to make another fire*
Sam: I will make the fire so don’t mess with anything…
After a few minutes a fire is made and he starts to cook the rabbits…
Sam: Let’s see a dash of this..
Frodo was saying things to make Sam mess up…
Sam: A pound of salt, a squirrel, cheese! A wild boar… wait a minute… where will I get one of those?
Frodo: In Mordor!
Sam: Mordor! *runs away*
Frodo: YAY! Now I get to eat it! *starts eating rabbit soup* *takes bite of soup and sees squirrel floating around* EWWWW!!!
Sam: Wait 1 minute… FRODO WAS DOING THAT…. ERRRR!!! *runs back*
Faramir: GOLLUM YOU ARE GOING TO- …*sniff sniff* I SMELL SMOKE! FIRE SOMEONE MADE FIRE IN MY FOREST!!! *runs around sniffing out fire* AHA!! *sees Frodo and Sam* WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! I ALREADY TOLD YOU NO FIRE!! ERR YOU ARE ALL IN TROUBLE!!!
Gollum: *runs out in tutu* OOOOOOOOOH FARAMIR HAS A FUNNY NAME! FUNNY NAME! FUNNY NAME!!
Faramir: NO TUTUS EITHER! Wait a minute what are you doing in a tutu?! GIVE ME THAT!! WE ARE MARCHING ON NOW!!
Faramir forces them ahead…
Faramir: This is the center of the forest…
Sam and Frodo had fallen asleep on the ground..
Faramir: IF YOU TWO DON’T PAY ATTENTION I’M GOING TO SLAM HEADS TOGETHER REAL SOON!!!
Frodo and Sam scramble to their feet…
Frodo and Sam simaltaniously ALISON EDIT THE SPELLING HERE!!! SIR YES SIR!!
Faramir: Gollum you could learn a lot from those two.
Gollum: *sits down and pulls out magizine and pop* Oh what?
Faramir: GET OVER HERE!! *grabs Gollum’s ear and pulls him along*
They stop at a small cafe where Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli had stopped also…
Faramir: I better like what you are singing!
Aragorn: Yes, the king had better like it!
Gollum: Yeah yeah yeah…
Faramir orders some spaghetti and sits down wth Frodo and Sam to watch…
Gollum: One day I went to a restaraunt…The food was digusting. The spaghetti had fungus! The rats were humonghous! SPELLING!?!?!?! The watress was ugly-
Waitress: *runs up and tells Gollum to sing something else*
Gollum: I would like to call this… *lights dim* Bald Guy…. OHHH You are so bald! I bet you wish you had hair! Bald bald bald bald it isn’t there! No hair! It isn’t there! You wish you had hair but none is there!!!!
Aragorn: Gollum……You have displeased me… toooooooo… the stocks!
Aragorn’s guards put them in the stocks….
Gimli: Now I want to sing!
Legolas: Why not, this day couldn’t get any worse…
Gandalf bursts in the door with his “father”…
Legolas: Nevermind…
Gandalf: Table for two please!
Waitor: There is only one of you?
Gandalf: *whistles* *his father runs in knocking down the lamps*
Waitor: I better get paided extra…I mean right this way!
We leads them to a seat right by Legolas…
Legolas: Gandalf if THAT is going to sit by me then it is going to HAVE to get something done to that smell… *cough*
Gandalf: MY FATHER IS NOT A THAT OR IT!!!
Legolas: Yes well HE better get a tic tac or something…
Gandalf: MY FATHER NEVER HAS BAD BREATHE!
Legolas: Well then smell it…
Gandalf: Ummmm…I don’t have to!
Legolas: *smiles*
Gandalf sits down and Legolas scoots over…
Gimli: Aragorn get up so I can get out and sing.
Aragorn: I would never move for that horrible singing!
Gimli: I also dance!
Aragorn: That makes it even worse!
Gimli: But I will have the pink fuzzy thing on! *rips off outfit and has it on and starts to scoot over*
Aragorn: Ok just don’t touch me!
Gimli gets up and starts to sing…
Fararmir: BOOOOO!!! *throws rocks at Gimli making him fall off the stage*
Legolas: HAHAHA!!!
Gimli: WHY YOU!! *runs at Legolas*
Legolas: AHH!! DON’T TOUCH ME!!! *runs out the door*
Aragorn: The king had better be leaving…
Aragorn and Gimli follow Legolas and go on…
Frodo: *cowering in a corner* Is Gimli gone?
Fararmir: IS BABY FRODO SCARED OF A LITTLE PINK FUZZY THING?!
Frodo: Oh my….
Gimli had put the pink fuzzy thing on his head…
Fararmir: *looks up* AHHH!!! *screams like a little girl* *throws the pink fuzzy thing of onto the ground right by Frodo*
Frodo: AHHH!!!
the pink fuzzy thing started to crawl at Frodo…
Frodo: AHHH!!!
They all run out of the cafe leaving Gollum…the pink fuzzy thing started to crawl toward Gollum…
Gollum: Come here pink fuzzy thing! *the pink fuzzy thing crawled to Gollum and unlocked the stocks and Gollum ran out*
They regrouped and headed on again…
Frodo: Where are we?
Suddenly Sauron appears and captures Frodo…
Sauron: Now I will take you to my tower! But we have to take the long way around and see if you can survive…
5 hours later…
Frodo: I need water…
Sauron: *thinks to self* Yes now this will be his undoing…
Frodo: I need water!
Sauron: Yes now I will get the ring!
Frodo: Oh well… *pulls out Salty Salt’s potato chips* I guess I will have to eat these babies dry. Want some?
Sauron: *jaw drops* No you’ll make me thirsty!
Frodo: Ok then! *eats them all*
3 hours later…
Frodo: Want any pretzels? I feel like a pig. I mean I ate the saltines, the two bags of peanuts and that box of salt…that little girl with the umbrella is so cute!
Sauron: No!
Sauron: WATER!! *starts digging hole*
Frodo: Like that will work.
Sauron: *reaches water* WATER!!!
Frodo: FINALLY!! My hands get sticky when I eat salty food… *dips hands in water* My feet are filthy! *dips dirty feet in water*
Sauron: GET YOUR FILTHY FEET OUT MY DRINKING WATER!!
Frodo: *his feet dry up all the water*
Sauron: AHHHHH!!! *runs away*
Frodo: Oh well.
Frodo runs back to Sam, Gollum, and Faramir…
Faramir: AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!
Frodo: Somewhere…
Faramir: WHY YOU!! *runs at Frodo*
Frodo: AHHHH!!!! *runs up a tree*
5 hours later…
Sam: Come on already Frodo! Get down from there!
Frodo: Make me!
Faramir: Why I outta…Wait… *pulls out cell phone and calls the Fire Department*
5 hours later…
Fire Elf: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP- Errr GET DOWN FROM THE TREE!!!
Frodo: No!
Fararmir: Errr you stupid hobbit! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!! *shakes tree*
Gimli runs out with a whistle and blows it…
Gimli: No no no… it is like this… AHHHH!!! *hits tree with axe* WHY WON’T YOU DIE!!!
Tree: TREE KILLER!!! AHHHH!!! *runs away and Frodo falls out*
Gimli: I AM WOMAN!!! *runs away with axe above head and pants on head*
Faramir: THANK YOU GIMLI!!! But I wouldn’t want to touch you right now.
Gimli: Why!?
Faramir: Well the pink fuzzy thing is on backwards…..
Gimli: *blushes but then quickly winks*
Faramir: *shudders* I don’t have time for this!
Faramir shoves them along and Gimli sadly leaves….
Gimli yells as elves push him along….
Gimli: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!!!!
Elf: Move along.
After a minute or two of walking…
Faramir: Now I must blindfold you…
Gollum: NEVER!
Faramir: Just because you touched Gimli doesn’t mean I am scared.
Gollum: Chicken!
Faramir: WHY YOU!! *runs at Gollum*
Sam and Frodo tried to hold him back but his clothes ripped and under them was a girl scout uniform…
Everyone bursts out laughing and Faramir is not amused…
Faramir: I am not amused… I am PROUD TO WAVE THE GIRL SCOUT FLAG HIGH ABOVE MY HEAD!!! *raises flag*
On the flag was a giant flag with the words Girl Scout of the month and Faramir was under it…
They burst out laughing even harder…
Faramir: WHY YOU!!! *runs at them but they are too busy laughing* STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!! Wait…*gets idea* Would you like to buy some cookies! Only 200 more and I get the grand prize! The softest…silkiest..PAIR OF UNDERWEAR EVER MADE!!!
Frodo: What are you selling?
Faramir: Lemon Drops anyone? Thin mints?
Gollum: Do you sell Apple Squares?
Faramir: No.
Gollum: But I thought you did on Tuesdays…
Faramir: Nope…and anyway it is Thursday…
Frodo: We don’t have time for this!
They head on…
Faramir: GOLLUM PLEASE STOP LOOKNG AT ME LIKE THAT!! I HAVE PANTS UNDER THIS SKIRT!
Gollum: Oh ummm sorry…
Frodo: I need to wash out my eyes…
Gollum: I’LL DO THAT!! *grabs Frodo’s eyes and runs away*
Frodo: I CAN’T SEE AND I AM SCARED!!!
Faramir: SUCK IT UP YOU WIMP!
Frodo: MOM HELP!!!!
Suddenly far off trees fall down and make a line torwards them…
Faramir: Who is coming?
Sam: Someone stupid I suppose…
Gandalf appears with his “father”…
Sam: Told you…
Gandalf: Did someone say help?
Frodo: I need my eyes back!
Gandalf: We will help…??? WHERE IS MY FATHER!!! *looks around frantically*
Sam: I’m outta here.. *walks away slowly*
Gandalf: I will have to go on by my own… *sniff sniff* I will take you to Bucket O’ Eyes downforest!
Gandalf, Frodo and Faramir walk over there…
Frodo: I would like new eyes please!
Gandalf: That is a coat hangar… BROTHER!! *shoves coat hangar in pocket*
Frodo: I need help!
Gandalf: Ok! *picks him up and burps him* There you go!
Frodo: No I need to find new eyes!
Gandalf: Ohhh *walks to counter* I would like some eyes.
Store Clerk: Ok but I need a parent signature, either your mother or father-
Gandalf: FATHER!!!! *dives out the window*
Frodo somehow gets new eyes (his new eyes are pool table eight balls) and they catch up with Sam who had caught Gollum…
Frodo: Where are my old eyes?
Gollum: I ate them!
Faramir: Hmmm.. I HAVE A COOKIE IDEA!! FRODO’S EYES!! YES!!!
Sam: *smacks head*
Frodo: Oh well let’s go…
They walk for a minute but stop…
Gollum: WATCH MY NEW CHEER!!
Faramir: Count me out…
Gollum: *starts shaking butt in everyones face and sings I like Big Butts and I can not lie*
Frodo: MY EYES THEY BUUUUUUUURN!! *his new eyes fall out because he didn’t have enough tape on them* THANK VALAR!!
Gollum: Wait…*throws up Frodo’s eyes and shoves them into Frodo’s face*
Frodo: NOOOO!!
After 5 minutes of this…
Faramir: Not I must blindfold you with this extremely thin cloth.
Gollum: Cloth…cloth…CLOTH!!!!!!!!! *grabs it and runs*
Faramir: Ok now I have to blindfold you with leaves…
He blindfolds them and they slowly head on…
Frodo: Are we there yet?
Faramir: NO AND BE QUIET!
Sam: I’m bored.
Frodo: Me too!
Faramir: BE QUIET!
Frodo: *whispers to Sam* He’s got that short temper like Boromir…
Faramir: I heard that.
Sam: I’ll be right back I need some ice cream.
They finally reach a waterfall…
Faramir: We are here! *takes off blindfolds*
Frodo: Where are we?
Faramir: Nevermind that let’s just go in…be careful…
Frodo: Why? What are you talking about? *steps over red laser beam*
An alarm goes off and hundreds of guns pop up all over the place, the girl and boy run by…
Girl: They are coming! HURRY!!
Boy: *trips* HELP!!
Girl: *dives and pulls him up but something comes*
Gollum: MOVE!! MOVE!! ONWARD!!!
Gollum was riding a gorilla with many others following, they were mad gorillas…
Girl: AHHH!!! *grabs at Faramir*
Faramir: DON’T TOUCH MY CLOTHES!!
Girl: Sorry, grabs at everything else.
The guns face toward the gorillas…
Gollum: ATTACK!!!!
The gorillas attack the guns and a war starts, the men in the waterfall start swining out on vines and crawl all over the place…
Faramir: READY!!! AIM!!! FIRE!!!
The men all attack.
Faramir: Hurry Frodo! Into the waterfall!
Faramir: *puts Frodo in his teeth like a sword and runs onto the battlefield* AHHH!!! Wait…*spits out Frodo* PERFECT TIME! Would you like to buy a cookie box gorilla?
Gorilla: *looks at sheet* Ooooo…..*grabs sheet and eats it*
Faramir: WHY YOU!! *rips off uniform to reveal Girl Scout Uniform*
Frodo: I need to get outta here… *starts crawling under gorillas*
Gorilla: OOO! OOO! AHH!! *picks up Frodo and sits on him like a pony*
Gollum: *on sidelines cheering* GIMME AN M!!! GIMME AN A!!! GIMME A D!! WHAT’S THAT SPELL!? MAD!! MAD GORILLAS!!
Faramir: WE NEED MORE FIRE POWER!!
Gorilla: OOOOOO!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!! *pulls out (dramatic music starts to play) giant toilet paper tube* HAHAHAHA!! *hits men with it*
Faramir: We’re up against no foe we have ever faced… We need the “secret” weapon! Wait we sent that on Sauron…oh well.
Frodo: AHH- OUFPH!! *finally gets out from under Gorilla and runs into the waterfall* Now what… *waterfall starts pushing him under* Oh yeah *climbs up the side and makes it in*
A giant gorilla stands up and blows a whistle and gorillas parachute from the sky and the ones on the ground go crazy…
A couple hours later…it looked like the men were going to win but then a gorilla with a cart comes with laser guns for all the gorillas…
Sam: This was good ice cream, time to go back… *a couple minutes of walking*
Sam sees trees on fire, the waterfall is pouring out acid, bodies are all over and men and gorillas with lasers are shooting eachother…
Sam: Uh oh… *suddenly Gimli runs out in the pink fuzzy thing*
Gimli: OOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOL!!!! *grabs pole and sticks it in the ground and runs around on everyone’s face* *swings pole around and fights the gorillas*
Gorilla: AHH!!! *grabs another pole and fights Gimli*
Gimli and the gorilla start fighting with the poles and flipping around barely missing eachother…
Sam: Well…
A couple of hours later Gimli and single handedly defeated most of the gorillas and the others and left, Gimli ate everything on the battlefield and it was back to normal like nothing had happened…
Faramir, Sam and Frodo headed inside Faramir’s base…
When they enter they see Gimli chasing Legolas in the pink fuzzy thing…
Legolas: DON’T TOUCH ME!!!
Gimli: Just one hug! Come on! Gandalf did it!
Legolas: That’s because Gandalf is an idiot!
Gimli: Aragorn did it!
Legolas: I saw you pay him!
Faramir: What are you guys doing in here!?
Legolas: I was walking by and I saw Gimli fighting some gorillas so I snuck up to watch. Then Gimli turned around and saw me and ran at me. He chased me up in here.
Faramir: Ok… *pulls out cell phone and dials something and Gandalf and many others appear*
Aragorn: Greetings! Welcome to the council of Aragorn!
Gandalf: Aragorn!? I would prefer Council of Flannal!
Legolas: FLANNAL!?
Gimli: Flannal I thought he said father!?…uh oh… *looks at Gandalf*
Gandalf: Why are you all looking at me!? Oh that… I am over him….. FATHER!!! NOOOO!!! *runs around the room*
Legolas: Good job bringing that up Gimli!
Gimli: I AM SO ASHAMED!!!
Frodo: WHY ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT ME!!! *runs out of the room*
Sam: HOTTIE-…err FRODO!! *runs out with him*
Gollum: GIMME AN F!!! F!!
Faramir: OH SHUT UP!!
Gandalf: I MISS DADDY!
Aragorn: ATTENTION!! THE COUNCIL OF ARAGORN IS STARTING HERE!!!
Legolas: Why is it Aragorn? You aren’t like a king or anything.
Aragorn: I HAVE BEEN KING LONGER THAN YOU A PRINCE!
Legolas: *looks at him*
Aragorn: Ok so you are immortal and all….but I am king!
Theoden: I am king!
Aragorn: But we are in my land!
Theoden: But… HEY IS THAT A WALL!?
Aragorn: OH MY!! *quickly turns around with camera and takes pictures of wall*
Theoden had set a trap and now a giant axe flew down to hit Aragorn…
Aragorn: Hey a nickel! *bends down and axe misses and he looks at nickel* Nickel…..PHILLIP!!! *dives out waterfall but climbs back up a few minutes later*
5 hours things are straightened and everyone is back in there…
Aragorn: The Council of Aragorn is now open for business!
Gimli: Ok I’ll take five large orders of potato skins…and umm well I’m on a diet so only 3 pieces of pie…
Legolas: This isn’t a restuarant idiot!
Gimli: Oh well…
Faramir: According to this the first order of business is…Aragorn you tell us please…
Aragorn: Thank you well I would like to change Gondor’s name to Araogrnville!
Gimli: No.
Faramir: All in favor…
No one raises their hands but Aragorn…
Aragorn: Well since I am royalty and all my vote counts for 50!
Legolas: I am a prince.
Aragorn: Ok fine!
Faramir: What’s next?
Aragorn: I dunno… according to Gimli’s bad handwriting it is either a peace treaty with Hogwarts or he is going to moon us and… I don’t want to go on.
Gandalf: I’ll go with the mooning!
Faramir: NO!
They eventually decided on the peace treaty…
Aragorn: GREETINGS! Welcome Peasant Commoners! You servants-
Farmair: Maybe you aren’t the best to do this.
Aragorn: Royalty always discusses peace treaties.
While they fight Gandalf and Gimli talk to them…
Gandalf: Do I have something under my robe? *starts to open robe* By the way, I wear nothing under this.
Girl: That’s ok really.
Gimli: *rips off clothes and has the pink fuzzy thing on* WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW? I SHOULD MAKE A SERIES! OR MOVIE! WHAT DO YOU THINK!?
Boy: I think that is bloody….STUPID!
Girl: Agreed!
Gandalf: Well I still want to know what you think of this *opens robe more*
Girl: I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!! YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!!! *shoots spells around*
Gimli: Here we go again!
Aragorn: What the!?
Gollum: OOOOH!!!
Girl: *makes more clones then her and the boy run off*
Gimli: *runs up the wall and flips over and kicks a clone*
Legolas: *pulls out pepper spray and sprays a clone in the face*
Gandalf: *opens robe to clone and clone falls down dead*
Aragorn: *recites long speech putting clones to sleep*
Frodo, Faramir, Sam and Gollum all leave to the lower levels off his base and go on…
Legolas: Well this is pretty easy!
As Legolas says that more clones burst in through the doors…
Gimli: Time to get serious!
Gandalf: Good idea! *puts Barney hat on*
Aragorn: Uh oh…
Legolas: HEEEEELP ME!!! *the clones are jumping on him messing up his hair*
Aragorn: I would but- *sees clone with nickel* PHILLIP!!!! COME BACK TO ME!!! AHHHHH!!! *dives at clone and they fight*
Gimli: *runs along the wall and flips over onto the pile of clones and attacks*
Theoden: *comes out of the bathroom* What the!? *a clone dives on him* HELP!!
Gandalf: HAVE NO FEAR!!! FEARFUL MAN IS HERE!!! HE IS FULL OF…FEAR!! *goes and hides in the corner*
Aragorn: PHILLIP!! *continues fighting with clone*
Gimli: I’LL SAVE YOU!!! *Gimli turns war happy again* *pulls clones off Legolas and flips over and grabs his axe* HAHAHA!! *flips axe around and it chops Legolas’s hair off*
Everyone stops dead in their tracks…
Legolas:…..Gimli…..what…….did……you…….just…..do….*quickly pulls out mirror and sees hair is gone* GIMLI!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Gimli: I’m dead. Bye!
Legolas: AHHHH!!!!!!! *runs at Gimli with daggers* DIE!!!
Gimli: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!
Legolas: SO IS THIS!!!! *shoots arrow at Gimli*
Gimli falls to the ground and Legolas dives out into the waterfall and goes into the underground beauty parlor…
Aragorn: PHILLIP!!! *finally grabs nickel and it is actually Phillip* YEEEEES!!!!
Gimli: You would think that an arrow in the heart would hurt more. *climbs back up and turns out to be alive*
Over to Legolas…
Legolas: HELP ME!!!
Store Clerk Elf: Take a number and I will be with you shortl- OH MY!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BEATIFUL HAIR!!! NOOO!! *falls to ground crying* No! NO! NOOOO!! YOU WERE THE BEAUTIFUL HAIR WINNER FOR…EVERY YEAR!! *pushes secret emergency button*
Instantly thousands of Elves come climbing out of everywhere and they grab Legolas and teleport to the core of the earth…
5 hours later…
Legolas: *wakes up* Where am I? *suddenly remembers hair* *looks in mirror and hair is completely gone making him bald* AHHH!!! I NEED HELP!! *puts only thing he could find on his head…a Barney hat*
Legolas looks around and sees everything he could imagine, a beauty parlor, nail saloon, and everything, there were trees with Strawberry Scented Bubbla Bath soap and hot tubs everywhere…
Legolas runs to the closest guy he could see…
Legolas: WHERE IS MY HAIR!!!
Elf: In that case over there! *points to case with golden hair in it* We loved it so much we put it in there. Just rub your head with this ointment.
Legolas: I DON’T HAVE HAIR!!!
Elf: We can’t just magically grow hair! *his hair grows longer as he says that* *thinks to self* that bribe Haldir gave me sure worked…
Elf: Well take this! *hands him tiny purse*
Legolas: This won’t be able to hold even my spiral brush. Though I won’t need it now *opens it and millions of things pop out* I…LOVE THIS PLACE!! I never want to go home.
An emergency sounds and a TV comes down and shows Gimli and them in trouble…
2 hours later Legolas finally decided he must leave and goes back up…
Legolas: WHAT HAPPENED!!! That you took me out of my favorite place on earth!
Gimli: Oh ummm…*tries to think of something good* How is your hair.
Legolas: I’M SOO MISUNDERSTOOD!!!
Gandalf: I didn’t know you were a fan of Barney!
Aragorn: Guess what! I found Phillip!!! *holds Phillip up but a clone knocks it out of his hand* NOOOOOOO!!! PHILLIP!!!! *runs to Phillip but is knocked out*
The clones were defeated and they drag Aragorn away everyone left and things go back to normal…sorta…
Frodo: Did you here that high pitched scream up there!?
Gollum: Ummm… no.
Frodo: Oh well…
Faramir: DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK!
Frodo: No.
Faramir: Well I would take the ring and force you to Osgiliath and try to capture you and then you would walk up and almost be killed by a Nazgul but Sam would save you and eventually you would escape but that is a stupid plot twist so I will be helpful and give you dried meat and old fruit.
Frodo: Ok?
Faramir gives them old food and sends them on their way…
Faramir: REMEMBER THE COMPASS I PACKED IN TOO!!!
Sam: *looks in bag and sees Barney compass* Whoopie…*throws compass in dirt*
2 hours later…
Faramir: You dropped your compass.
Sam: Thanks. *takes compass and puts it in bag*
Faramir leaves and they head out of the forest…
They head on with a long silence when Gollum breaks it…
Gollum: Am I fat? *all of his ribs are showing and is literally skin and bones*
Sam: Why not.
Gollum: I’M TUBBY!! AND PLUMP!!! *cries but stops and gets idea*
Gollum organized a few things then…
Gollum: And work and move and work. Work it ladies! *starts exercising*
Gimli runs in wearingthe pink fuzzy thing and starts shaking his jiggly fat…
Frodo: BAD IMAGES!! AHHH!!! AHHH!!! *runs away*
Gimli: WAIT FOR ME!!! *runs after him*
Frodo: AHHH!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!
Gollum: And work! Come on Sam!!
Sam: Nah.
Gandalf: This is perfect! Now I can use my new exercise outfit!
Sam: Gandalf that’s not an exercise outfit.
Gandalf: Then what is it?!
Sam: That’s my bag…THAT’S MY BAG!! SICK!!! EWWWWW!!! GIVE ME THAT!!
Gandalf: Ok *starts to take bag off*
Sam: Wait.. NEVERMIND You keep it!! And put your robe on!
Gollum: WORK IT!! AND WORK AND WORK!!
Gandalf: *starts to put robe on but looks in Sam’s bag and sees Barney compass* You like Barney!! WOW!!! First Legolas then you!! WOAH!!! can…I…HAVE THIS!!
Sam: Only if you disenfect my bag and put your robe on. Not in that order though.
Gandalf does the tasks and leaves happily…
5 hours later…
Gimli: GET BACK HERE YOU!!
Frodo: Stay away from me!
Gollum was running next to them with a megaphone…
Gollum: WORK IT!! AND WORK! AND MOVE AND WORK!! WORK IT LADIES!
Frodo: Stay away you creepy thing! EEK!!
Gimli: Get over here!!!
Legolas jumps down from the tree and shoots Gimli with a tranquilizer dart.
Legolas: *walks over to him* *talks like Crocidile Hunter* Ain’t he a beauty! Just looks at those teeth! *Gimli tries to bite him* CRICKEY!! *holds his mouth shut* Just look at this little brute! I better stay away or he might bite me! *Gimli tries to get free but Legolas had tied his mouth up* If he bit me I would be knocked out in about five second- *falls to ground*
Frodo: Uh oh…
Gimli hisses as he slides across the floor getting closer and closer to Frodo…
Frodo: AHHH!!!
Gimli: *rears his head and back and snaps at Frodo who runs and climbs up a tree*
Gimli starts sliding to the tree…
Frodo: HELP! I have money! *no movement* I have…umm…lotion! *Legolas jumps up*
Legolas throws a net on Gimli and Frodo hands him some mud…
Legolas: This isn’t lotion!
Frodo: Yes it is.
Legolas: I saw you pick it out of that mud pit.
Frodo: That is a lotion pit.
Legolas: IT IS!? *dives into pit*
A few minutes later Legolas drags the bagged up Gimli and the companions head on.
Gollum: Be careful when we get to Minas Morgul…It is evil…
They turn the corner and see Minas Morgul, It was painted Hot Pink and had ribbons and balloons taped all over. A big Barney balloon was over the top saying Welcome, and a field of flowers and a river flowing of rainbow water was below the bridge.
Frodo: This place doesn’t look that scary…
Gollum: *gasp* DON’T GET IN THE LIGHT!!!
Frodo: *walks up to the door and starts to ring the doorbell*
Sam: No- oh well…*sits and waits on the stairs*
Gollum: NO!!!
Frodo: *rings the doorbell and a giant orc in a Barbie outfit answers*
Barbie Orc: Hello and welcome to-
Frodo: AHHHH!!! *runs up the stairs with Gollum and Sam*
A pink light shoots out of the top and the Nazgul fly out and thousands of Barbie orcs walk out…
They head up the stairs…
Sam: This is boring.
Gollum: WE’LL BE COMING ROUND THE MOUNTIAN WHEN WE COME!!! WE’LL BE-
Sam: Shut up!
They head further and see a tunnel…
Gollum: Here we are! *runs ahead and ditches them*
Frodo: SMEAGOL!?
Sam: GOLLUM!!
They head on blindly for hours…
Frodo: We’re never find him.
Frodo bumps into Gollum…
Gollum: Uhhh…Oh there you are! *runs off again*
Frodo: Not this time. *runs after him*
Sam: Wait. Just watch…
Sam had tied a rope to Gollum so he wouldn’t leave again…
After a few seconds the rope jerks ahead and pulls them along…
Frodo: Well this was easy.
Gollum: ELVISH ROPE IT- feels kinda good actually… *unties rope and runs away*
Sam: Looks like we lost him for good.
After a few minutes of walking they are stopped by some sort of wall…
Frodo: We are stopped by some sort of wall!!
Sam: Let’s stupidly walk into it and get stuck.
Frodo: Ok.
They stupidly run into it and get stuck and something scurries by…
Frodo: SOMETHING TOUCHED MY LEG!!! SOMETHING FURRY!!!
Sam: That was me.
Frodo: Oh…NOW SOMETHING SLIMEY IS!!
Sam: Me again.
Frodo: Ok now something sticky is, you right?
Sam: That’s not me.
Frodo: AHHHH!!!
Sam: Let me see Sting.
Frodo hands Sam Sting and he cuts them down.
Sam: Ok let’s go.
They walk but another furry thing scurries by…
Frodo: Gimli is that you?
Gimli runs at them but a spider grabs him and drags him away…
Gimli: AHHH IT’S GOING TO EAT ME- HELP ME- wait nevermind. this is exciting! I HAVE THE POWER!!! *jumps out of pit and kicks spider away*
Frodo: RUUUUUN!!!!
Out of no where a giant spider jumps out and Gimli and the spider start fighting…
Gimli: You could beat me but.. I HAVE THE POWER!!! *arms get bigger and clothes rip of and has the pink fuzzy thing on*
Shelob sees Gimli and falls to the ground…
Frodo: We would live longer if you didn’t wear that Gimli.
Gimli: *looks down* Ok. *rips the pink fuzzy thing off*
Frodo: AHHH MY EYES!!!
Frodo and Sam run and fall into a hole, Gimli tries to follow but he is too big…
A few minutes later…
Sam: That was close.
Shelob jumps out again and ties up Frodo…
Sam: Let him go! Or you could make me a puppet with pink frillies- I mean let Frodo go!
Sam runs at Shelob who moves aside and Sam bumps his head and Shelob stings him…
Sam: A spoonfull of sugar helps the venom go down. Well not really. *pulls out umbrella and flies around* Samwise Poppins! *lightning strikes him* *he falls to the ground* A spoonfull of sugar helps people revive from the dead. *eats sugar* WOAH THAT IS NOT SUGAR! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!
Shelob dives at Sam Poppins but Sam sprays flowers at her and the flowers start eating her…
Sam: Now try some…SUGAR!!! *throws spoon with sugar in it at Shelob*
The spoon hits Shelob’s mouth and goes in and Shelob starts melting and runs to a hole…
Sam: Now. *uses umbrella to fly to Frodo* He’s dead. YES!!! NOW I CAN HAVE HIS STUFF! *takes Frodo’s stuff and runs away*
Sam starts to run but sees two orcs come walking down and they see Frodo and carry him away…
Sam: Good. He was starting to smell. Well now to fly away. *flies away but is struck by lightning and the umbrella burns up* Well I guess I’ll just have to follow Frodo.
Gimli: I’VE GOT THE POWER!!! *punches wall and sees Sam* Let’s go! *picks up Sam and runs with him but trips and falls and Gimli crawls away*
Frodo was alive but taken by the enemy.
Out of no where…
Aragorn: PHILLIP!!!!! IT’S BEEN TO SHORT!!! I CAN’T GO ON!!!
Will Legolas’s hair grow back? Will Gimli get a new pink fuzzy thing? Will Sam find Frodo? But most importantly will Aragorn and Phillip reunite!?
Thank you for reading my story, I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you liked and didn’t like. Any ideas e-mail me and I’ll give you credit. And I give a ton of credit to Arwen_Loves_Rivendell for helping me.
Coming 2004, Return of the Penny.
8 Comments
this is hilarious! LOL heehee Please submit the return of the penny soon!~
loved it A+ please write more
The only things I can think of saying is one : very disturbing, two: you will need at least a hour or two to read this and keep it straight, three : semi-funny, but to me it seemed a little confusing as well. But I could never write like that. 🙂
THAT’S INCREDIBLY FUNNY!!! It’s just a bit long, so next time just divide them into chapters or something. KEEP IT COMING
V.*funny!
*Very for thoughs of you who don’t know
Yayness!!! Great story!
Definitely agree about splitting it up. I got kicked off the computer in the middle of it, and it was fairly irritating to find my spot again. But it was funny, in a very random way. In fact, sometimes it was confusingly random. But I think I understood it in the end. ^_^
Any news on your view of ROTK? u cant just leave us hanging, pm me if u write any more. love all your stories by the way.