The Very Secret Diary of Boromir of Gondor
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR
By Cassie Claire
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual. He thinks he’s so great because he’s shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the side. I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn’t mean that….what? Got distracted there for a bit.
Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn’s enormous…rudeness.
Ooops.
Day Three:
Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.
Day Four:
Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he’d feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his…
Stupid Ring.
Day Four:
Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.
Ha Ha! Ha!
Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day Six:
Aragorn still into Frodo. “Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo.” “Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras.” “Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo’s head while he’s asleep so you can get at the Ring.”
Blatant favoritism most annoying.
Day Ten:
Why isn’t Aragorn into me ?
Day Eleven:
Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.
Kind of liked it, actually.
Hope am not turning into pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir. Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little things, too…
In other news, Gandalf died.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet unwashed manliness.
Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy git. Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.
Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he did not mean with each other.
Stupid Aragorn.
Day 33:
Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won’t even let me look at it. Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at it. Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)
Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!
Day 35:
Killed by orcs.
Stupid orcs.
20 Comments
I just love these.
Very funny i like the way you kept on implying that boromir was a bit not on the straight side and the way you trailed off and used “stupid ring” as a way to avoid profanity. Great Ending
Like the Aragorn/ Boromir/ Frodo sexuality. Also, the stupid ring stupid orcs stupid aragorn stupid quest was sooo funny!
Ha yeah Cassie Claire is great XD Liked how Boromir’s “jealousy” was not of the ring but some other certain ahem things lol. yeup “the horn of Gondor” … class.
“Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo’s head while he’s asleep so you can get at the Ring.”
-made me laugh so HARD!
and he’s negativeness is awesome!
Balant favoritism?!
I love day 4!!!
“Killed by orcs, stupid orcs” LOL!!!
“Killed by orcs, stupid orcs” LOL!!!
In other news Gandalf died!
Boromir is my favorite character because he’s just so complex. He has so many flaws, but he comes through in the end, and I think he’s completely underrated.
That being said, I laughed my ASS off at this! “Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face).” This is PERFECT.
This is amazing!! XD
Day 6:
He tries to do that?
I like the “Sam will kill him if he tries anything” parts in all of them
Day ten
“Killed by orcs. Stupid orcs.”
Well, in all fairness they were Uruk-hai, but still, I laughed so hard.
“Killed by orcs, stupid orcs.”
I´m laughing so hard, but it´s a little scary that a dead men who didn´t broke his oath can write a diary…
I love VSD and how he uses Stupid ____ as an excuse for everything.
“Sam will kill him if he tries anything.” So funny!!
This is hilarious!!!