Note:
None of the characters or places are mine so far, I may add people or places of my own as time goes on but right now it’s just Tolkien’s or someone else’s

Chapter 1: The Beginning of Things

The Hobbits have left the Shire and are at the inn of the Prancing Pony in the Town of Bree. Frodo is sitting at a table with Merry and Sam, and Pippin is at the bar in search of a real pint.

“Sure I know a Baggins. He’s over there, Frodo Baggins. He’s my second cousin once removed on his mother’s side and my third cousin twice removed on my father’s side, if you follow me.” Pippin’s cheerful voice split the air.

Frodo suddenly panicked. “Pippin! Shut up! They aren’t supposed to know I’m a Baggins!” Frodo stopped suddenly when he realized that he just told everyone in the room (and it was a very full room) that he really was a Baggins. “Uh-oh, time to disappear,” he muttered to himself, and with that he slipped on the Ring and vanished.

“You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr. ‘Underhill’!” Frodo realized too late that he had taken off the Ring. The man whom Butterbur had told them was called Strider had grabbed him and was pulling him towards a door. Once inside he threw Frodo to the floor and started putting out the candles.

“What do you want?” questioned Frodo suspiciously.

“A little more caution from you, but that is nearly impossible to get seeing that you are a hobbit.”

Frodo grinned. “Well that’s a good sign,” he muttered to himself.

“What’s a good sign?” It was Strider’s turn to sound suspicious.

“That you called me a hobbit,” stated Frodo in a very matter-of-fact manner, “Usually people just say ‘the little short people with the bare furry feet’, or,” the thought made Frodo shudder “they say ‘the cute little short people with the bare furry feet’ and after that they usually ask if they can take us home with them.”

“Uh-huh” said Strider in a slightly amused voice. “Anyway on with the script.” Suddenly his voice once again became hard, mysterious, and scary. “Are you frightened?”

Frodo shrugged “Should I be?”

“Dumb hobbit,” muttered Strider. Just then the door flew open and in tumbled three people.

“Honestly Will, you just had to go and jump in after Jack. I mean really, he was supposed to fall off the wall then we were supposed to live happily ever after and he was supposed to go back to his ship. But you decided ‘no I’m gonna go rescue Jack.’ So you jumped off the wall after him. Come on! Abandoning me for a smelly, drunk-”

“Gee I feel so loved.”

“Shut up Jack!” It was the woman’s voice again. “As I was saying, you abandoned me on the wall to go after a smelly, drunk, PIRATE! How could you?”

“Well I guess it’s alright because you’re here, I’m here, and Jack’s here,” came a second man’s voice.

“Will, you’re missing the point! And then I had to jump after you to avoid being forced to marry Norrington!”

“Now Will’s the one feeling loved,” the first man commented.

“Shut up Jack!” both the other man and the woman yelled. Suddenly in ran Merry, Pippin, and Sam armed with a candelabra and a three legged stool, oh and let’s not forget fists. But they didn’t get far because Pippin tripped over the three people in the doorway, Merry tripped over Pippin, and Sam tripped over Merry. So now there were three people with three hobbits on top of them in the doorway.

Strider sighed “Okay peoples!” He yelled. “Oh and hobbits,” he said nodding to Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin. “We need to get on with the script. So, hobbits you stay here and whatever crazy crew people you are LEAVE!”

After lots of struggling, yelping, and cursing (on Jack’s part) the pile of people and hobbits was finally cleared, but instead of following Strider’s directions and leaving Elizabeth suddenly gasped.

“Oh Will! Look at the cute little short people with bare furry feet! Oh please, please, PLEASE can I take one of them home with me?”

“Hobbits!” yelled Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam.

“Oh oops, well can I still take one home with me?” begged Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth,” muttered Jack, “I think it’s your turn to shut up because you are giving me and everyone else here a headache that could make a saint lose his temper!”

“You shut up,” muttered Elizabeth under her breath.

“I heard that!” shouted Jack.

“So?” asked Elizabeth “You were supposed to, I wouldn’t have said it if you weren’t.”

“Would everyone shut up!” yelled Strider in his loudest ranger voice (and that means loud, very loud). The room suddenly quieted. As soon as everyone was silent Strider started talking again. “Thank you. Now, it seems that you three are going to be with us for a while so I think we need introductions.”

“I’m Elizabeth Swann, this is Will Turner, and the stupid guy that won’t shut up is Jack Sparrow.”

“Captain Jack Sparrow!” Jack said indignantly.

“Whatever,” replied Elizabeth.

“Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay,” said Strider. “I’m called Strider, this is Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee (also called Sam), Peregrin Took (also called Pippin), and Meriadoc Brandybuck (also called Merry).”

“How do you know my name?” asked Frodo.

“Yeah how do you know his name?” asked Pippin.

“He knows your name too Pippin,” whispered Merry.

“Okay then, how do you know my name and Frodo’s name?” asked Pippin again.

“He also knows Sam’s name and my name,” whispered Merry.

“Alright, how do you know my name, Frodo’s name, Merry’s name, and Sam’s name?”

“I used the force,” said Strider sarcastically.

“What’s the force?” whispered Pippin to Frodo.

“Ummmmmmmmmmmmm Gandalf mentions it whenever he does magic,” Frodo whispered back.

“Great,” said Pippin. “Another crazy wizard.”

“I am NOT a crazy wizard,” said Strider angrily. “Nor am I a crazy ranger, or a crazy king, I am totally and completely normal.”

“If he says he’s a king that means he is crazy.” Pippin was whispering once again.

“Okay peoples!” said Will trying to get everyone’s attention. “I think there’s a script we need to follow so let’s get on with it.”

“Oh there’s a script,” replied Strider, “but you are not in it, so if you would kindly leave then we can get on with it.”

“I do what I bloody well feel like,” put in Jack, “and I definitely don’t bloody well feel like leavin’.”

“Great,” thought Strider, “This is gonna be harder than I thought.” Suddenly he had an inspiration. “Look something shiny!” he shouted pointing out the door. But something happened then that the ranger did not intend, his words were picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable, a monkey, Jack of the Caribbean. The monkey leapt into the room searching for the ‘shiny’ that Strider had spoken of. He didn’t find it so he decided that Strider’s sword would suffice and immediately began trying to wrestle the sword from its sheath. “Ouch! Stupid monkey! Get off of me!” Strider then realized with dismay that the three other humans were having very strange reactions. Will had his head in his hands muttering something about stupid monkeys always needing to come along. Elizabeth was shrieking and hiding behind a chair, and Jack the human was laughing hysterically.

“Jack never heard of something shiny he couldn’t leave alone,” Jack the human explained while Strider struggled with the monkey.

“Oh? Well if you’re so smart then get him to leave me alone,” returned Strider.

“Gladly,” replied Jack, “but you need to agree to one condition.”

“What? Just spit it out so he will leave me alone,” answered Strider through gritted teeth.

“You need to agree that we can come with you, wherever you’re goin’. Savvy?” Jack.

“Fine!” said Strider angrily. “Now will you please get this beast off me?”

“Gladly,” said Jack again, and with that he took a coin from his pocket and held it up to the monkey. “Here Jack, here’s the shiny,” he wheedled gently. The monkey suddenly lost interest in the sword and immediately leapt at Jack, who threw it to Frodo, who caught it, and gave it to the monkey, who started staring at it and whispering in monkey language about his precious.

“Alright,” said Strider, “now that that’s over we can get down to business. I am taking the hobbits to Rivendell.”

“Says who?!?” exclaimed the hobbits.

“Says me,” replied Strider. “After that I don’t know what we are going to do or where we are going to go. The hobbits are going to stay in my room for the night.”

“Says who?!?” exclaimed the hobbits, again.

“Says me,” replied Strider, again.

“Why do we need to stay in your room?” asked Pippin indignantly.

“So the Nazgúl don’t use you for their stabbing practice,” replied Strider matter-of-factly.

“Oh” said Pippin, “do you have any other reasons?”

“Give me some time to think,” said Strider.

“Okay,” said Pippin ready to agree.

“Stupid little short person with bare furry feet,” muttered Jack. “Don’t you realize he’s just trying to think of another reason that will sound logical?”

“HOBBIT!!!!” shouted Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam.

“And,” added Pippin, “if you’re going to insult me why don’t you think of something original like ‘Fool of a Took!’ but now you can’t use that because it’s not original ’cause I thought of it. Ha!”

“I got it! I got it! I got it!” Strider suddenly started running around waving his arms in a very childish manner. “You need to stay in my room so the Nazgúl don’t use you for stabbing practice.”

“You said that already,” muttered Pippin.

“And you need to stay in my room because I want you to, so ha, ha, HA!” he said poking Pippin.

“Alright then,” said Frodo sarcastically, “if that’s all that matters.”

“That’s all that matters young Mr. Baggins,” replied Strider.

“Joyous,” muttered Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam, but they stayed in Strider’s room because they didn’t much like the thought of being used by the Nazgúl for stabbing practice.