6:00 a.m. The Hobbits were all jumping on the beds. Aragorn was grumbling under the sheets at Eomer for blasting his music so loud as he got ready. Eowyn was refusing to let Faramir use the mirror as she applied makeup. Legolas was whining about how Boromir had thrown his clothes all over the room.

After two hours of getting ready (and Eomer literally dragging Aragorn out of bed), the ten all headed for the bus stop. “You know about the route, right Legolas?” Aragorn asked the Elf. Legolas flashed a ridiculous smile, that blinded everyone in front of him.

“Of course, silly!” he laughed. Aragorn just rolled his eyes.

The bus going to Animal kingdom soon arrived, and everyone filed in. Much to LegolasÂ’ horror, there was a girl with a T-shirt with of picture of himself on it in the bus! Legolas gasped and hid behind Sam as well as he could. The girlÂ’s eyes grew huge, but her parents held her back for the entire trip.

At the entrance, everyone waited impatiently for Aragorn to wait in a thirty minute line to get tickets. However, Pippin just happened to notice something you won’t see every day. “Hey!” he said, “There’s a moving, talking tree over there!” Sure enough, over to everyone’s left there was a small little potted plant on wheels, talking in a squeaky voice. All nine ran over to it and began pelting it with questions. “What’s your name?” “Are you real?” “How often do you get watered?” Obviously the tree didn’t want any more visitors, because it began rolling very fast in the opposite direction of the bunch.

“Hey! Come back!” Eomer shouted after it. “Follow that tree!” Of course, they all did. They followed it all the way to a door, which opened. The tree went rolling in at a speed of 60 mph. and the door slammed shut. Disappointed, all nine walked back over to the ticket line, where Aragorn was waiting for them already.

“Are you all desperate to get me into trouble with the police?” he demanded.

“It was talking!” Pippin exclaimed.

“Haven’t you seen a talking tree before?” Aragorn asked.

“Not like that one!” Merry defended. Aragorn gave up, and led the rest to the gate. Thus they never found out about the guy who was behind a microphone and a joystick attached to the tree.

“Alright,” Aragorn began, being completely ignored, “This time we all stick together. No splitting up. We all go to the same attractions, whether you like them or not.” That got the others’ attention. “Now, the closest thing to us is The Oasis, according to my map, so we’re going straight ahead.”

Everyone, even though annoyed with Aragorn’s strictness, got their cameras ready. As they walked through the shaded area, they noticed animals along the way. “What’s that ugly thing?” Faramir asked, pointing to an anteater.

“It looks like a… a…” Eowyn tried to seem smart, “I’m not really sure.” They passed it, everyone snapping digital pictures of the “thing” as they passed.

“Right or left, Aragorn?” Boromir asked.

“Ah, right,” Aragorn decided, looking at his map.

The group passed under a giant model of a dinosaur skeleton, setting the stage for DinoLand U.S.A. “I heard DINOSAUR is really fun,” Eowyn said.

“Then that’s where we’ll head,” Aragorn decided. The Hobbits, much against Aragorn’s will, raced toward the line in front of DINOSAUR.

“Come on, turtles!” Pippin shouted at the lagging six, “Get over here while the line’s short!” Even though Aragorn protested, everyone took after the Hobbits. Soon Aragorn joined them, even though he didn’t want to.

They all buckled up in their funny little cars that looked like they were from Jurassic Park, and it soon jerked to a start. “I think my neck is broken,” Eomer complained. Eowyn hit him.

They passed through a bunch of dinosaurs, weaving through the track. The only thrill they got was when Frodo nearly flipped out of the vehicle during a really large jerk. Finally they reached the near-end, where a giant dinosaur came right in front of them and roared at its loudest. This, of course, sent the Hobbits (and assorted others) into fits of screaming.

“Well, that was a waste of time,” Boromir said, once off of the ride. Frodo was still shaking from nearly falling out.

“Where are you going?!” Aragorn shouted after the others, who were racing over a bridge.

“Asia!” Legolas answered, skipping along with everyone else.

In Asia, everyone immediately raced for the entrance to ‘Expedition Everest’. In the train, Aragorn was stuck with Legolas. “Oh great,” Aragorn mumbled.

“Great is right!” Legolas chirped, “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time!”

The ride jerked to a start, and was soon rounding the base of the mountain. It climbed up, and everyone put their hands up. Well, everyone but Eomer. He was a nervous wreck as he searched his surrounding for low cave entrances that might injure him.

Soon the ride dropped for a while, until it came to a halt in front of what appeared to be broken track. “Umm… now what?” Boromir asked no one particular. At that instant, the train began to drop again, this time backwards, and through complete darkness. Legolas clung to Aragorn in fear, screaming his lungs out.

“Get off of me!” Aragorn thundered. Legolas did his best to release his grip.

Once again, the train came to a stop, this time in a cave with a screen in front of them, showing the silhouette of a huge creature tearing apart the tracks. Pippin screamed along with Legolas, both thinking it was real. “Shut up!” Merry insisted.

The train dropped again, this time winding around outside, going frontwards. Much to EomerÂ’s fear, they entered a cave. He jerked his hands down as fast as lightening.

Everyone could see an animatronic Yeti in the cave, arm extended toward the train. Its hand came within two inches of the people riding in the right side. As they passed under it, Pippin reached up and grabbed its arm. Pulling away from it, he squealed with excitement and held up a fistful of fur. He continued to lift up the fur as if it were a prize, and scream his lungs out.

The ride came to a halt, and everyone filed out. “That was fun!” the Hobbits exclaimed.

“That was radical!” Boromir shouted.

“That was horrifying!” Eomer said in a small voice.

“Aw, come on, Eomer,” Faramir said, “You knew you’d have to face your fear someday!”

Aragorn refused to buy the picture because it showed Legolas clinging to him. Legolas refused to believe he did that.

They all browsed the gift shop, and the Hobbits seemed interested in little laminated passports, personalized with names. They frantically searched for their names. “I don’t see mine anywhere,” Merry said.

“Me either,” Frodo added.

“Fuuuurrrr…” Pippin said, cuddling his prize.

“They have mine,” Sam beamed, holding up the card. Frodo and Merry rolled their eyes as Sam approached the checkout counter.

After about ten minutes, they left the gift shop. Aragorn had bought a shirt that said “I survived Everest” with a picture a cartoony Yeti, which he changed into. Frodo and Merry both bought matching baseball caps with the Yeti on them, which they also wore. Eowyn purchased a plush Yeti, and Boromir and Faramir both bought Yeti masks.

“Come on, let’s go,” Aragorn said.

“Where are we going?” Pippin asked, pocketing his fur. Aragorn glanced at his map.

“How about the Maharaja Jungle Trek?”

“As long as we can go to the rapids ride afterward, since we’ll be so hot,” Eomer demanded.

“Deal,” Aragorn decided. But he didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

The Mahara… the Jungle Trek was simply a long path winding through lots of exotic plants and animal exhibits, which made it appear as if you were really in Asia. Aragorn, Eowyn, Legolas, and Frodo all got their cameras ready.

Boromir peered into a glass exhibit with a sign that read ‘Komodo Dragons’. “How would you keep a dragon in a case?” he asked suspiciously. Faramir pointed to a little cave behind the glass. “It’s only five feet long!” Boromir exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Aragorn laughed, “To think they’d call it a dragon!” Legolas jumped in front of them, snapped a picture, which caused the flash to reflect off of the glass and blind the men. “Legolas!” Aragorn growled, “No flash next time!”

“Righto!” Legolas giggled, and dashed to the next exhibit.

“What’s a Giant Fruit Bat?” Pippin wondered out loud, pressing his face against the glass. Immediately, a huge bat jumped right onto the section of the glass that Pippin was plastered to. He screamed and jumped back in fear.

“That, my friend, is a giant fruit bat,” Merry said. Legolas instantly jumped in front of the them and snapped a picture.

“Beat it, Legolas!” Frodo yelled.

“Well, sor-ry,” Legolas said, and skipped along past them.

At last they came to the tiger exhibit. “Has anyone seen Legolas?” Aragorn asked.

“Yeah,” Sam said, then pointed to the tiger den.

“Holy tiger, Aragorn! Legolas is in the tiger cage!” Eomer shouted. Everyone shot Eomer a weird look, then turned their eyes back to Legolas. Legolas was obviously trying to get some up close shots of the tigers. And boy were they going to be up close, because now one was after him! Better make that two. No, three! Four! Well, in other words, Legolas’ goose was almost in the oven.

“Legolas, get out of there!” Aragorn ordered.

“I’m trying!” Legolas said, quickly being cornered. He tried to scale the wall, but slipped back down the thick glass.

Aragorn began to panic, and started looking around for a ladder. “Aha!” he said, picking one up. Then he found some rope, propped the ladder against the glass, and climbed. He lowered the rope into the cage. “Legolas!” he shouted, “Grab the rope!” Legolas scurried over to the rope and clung to it. His eyes were squeezed shut. Aragorn pulled the Elf up, but as Legolas came over the side, the ladder collapsed. Both came crashing to the ground.

“Am I alive?” Legolas whimpered.

“Unfortunately…” Boromir mumbled. Aragorn shot him a deadly look.

“No more climbing into cages, got it?” Aragorn said. Legolas nodded. “Alright,” Aragorn sighed, “I guess we’d better go to that ‘Kali River Rapids’ thing.”

At the rapids everyone stopped to peer over at a raft passing them. “That doesn’t look so bad,” Aragorn said. At that moment, water cannons shot at the raft, they hit a rapid, causing water to splash into the raft, and it passed under a waterfall all at the same time. Everyone’s mouths dropped.

“Still want to ride?” Faramir asked.

“Who’s hungry?” Eowyn changed the subject. The Hobbits sniffed the air.

“I smell barbeque!” Pippin exclaimed suddenly.

“That way!” Merry added, pointing to Discovery Island.

“I don’t see any barbeque shops,” Eomer said.

“You should know about Hobbits by now,” Aragorn said, “They can smell food miles away.”

They reached the BBQ stand, and Aragorn began to order, at first paying to attention to the man taking the order. Then he happened to look up. “Denethor?!” he nearly shouted. “What the heck are you doing here?!” Faramir hid behind his brother.

“I work here,” Denethor grumbled, “Where’s that idiot son of mine?”

“Over here, Dad!” Boromir said cheerfully.

“Not you, Boromir,” Denethor said, searching for Faramir. “Aha!” he shouted, “You can’t hide from me, Faramir!” Denethor got a crazed look in his eye, and snatched a stick from a nearby tree. After poking it in the fire, he started poking it out the window at Faramir.

“Denethor!!!” Aragorn shouted, throwing a glass of water at the burning stick.

“Snap out of it, Dad!” Boromir added.

After getting another worker to take their orders, the ten munched on turkey legs as they walked to Africa, where chaos would return.

“Kilimanjaro Safari,” Legolas read the sign on the entrance, “What’s that?”

“You get in a car and they drive you through a big field with a bunch of animals,” Eomer said. Legolas didn’t look too intent on seeing any more animals.

They all hopped in the car, and soon took off down an African path. The tour guide, a blond young lady, cheerfully explained the rules. “Over on your left you’ll see a caribou,” she said. Everyone “oohed” and “aaahed” at the weird looking critter. Legolas blinded them with a snap and flash of a picture.

“On your left you’ll see several Black Rhinos,” the guide said enthusiastically. Then she rambled on about the ugly things. “Please don’t move!” she suddenly shouted, “We’re passing over a rickety bridge, and I don’t want to fall into a lake filled with crocodiles!” Of course, no one believed her. However, they did look over the sides of the bridge and look at the crocodiles. SNAP! Legolas struck again.

“Whew! That was close!” the over-dramatic guide said, “Now, as we pass the gazelles, I just want to take the time to remind you that any cameras or other objects dropped on this tour will not be retrieved, so I suggest keeping your hands inside the vehicle at all times.”

“Miss tour guide?” Aragorn asked, “Does that rule apply to people, as well?”

“Excuse me?” the guide looked confused.

“We just lost two people!” Legolas shrieked. Sure enough, Frodo and Merry were running after the vehicle, trying to catch up. They had a gazelle, an ostrich, and a flamingo on their tail. The tour guide followed Legolas’ lead and shrieked louder than a Nazgul. She jerked the wheel on the car and headed in the opposite direction.

By now a rhino was also chasing the two hobbits. “Heeeeelp!!!” they screamed, nearly out of breath. The safari vehicle pulled up next to them, and Aragorn yanked them into it. Just as Merry was being pulled in, the flamingo chomped on his pant and didn’t let go. Merry screamed his lungs out. Legolas snapped a picture.

“We are not doing that again!” Aragorn said after the ride was over.

“I agree,” Eowyn said, “Who wants to go back to the resort?” They took a vote, and eight out of the ten agreed to go back. Ironically, the two who didn’t want to return were Frodo and Merry.

Back at the resort, they all risked going to the food court. With Frodo, Merry wearing Yeti baseball caps, Pippin wearing a Mickey shirt, Aragorn wearing his Mt. Everest shirt, and Legolas wearing a shirt with Pooh looking at a tiger, saying “Tigger, is that you?” on it, nobody recognized them.

The ten sat down to dinner. Steel drum music was playing in the background. To their left were racks of Pirates of the Caribbean merchandise. Legolas moaned.