To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

When are you coming back to Rivendell? Elladan and Elrohir are picking on me. Missing you lots.
Arwen

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Aragorn I’m missing you loads. Will you go out with me? Uncle has let Grima be his advisor again. Grima keeps flirting with me.
Lots of love
Eowyn
P.S. The answer has to be yes.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi darling.
Have you still got the Evenstar? Daddy’s trying to make me go to Valinor. Please be king of Gondor. I can’t take much more pressure. I’m going to a party. Which dress do you think I should wear?

Arwen Undomiel

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Aragorn I’m really sorry. I gave Eowyn your email address. She was annoying me so much. I had to give it to her. Are you still hanging around with that dwarf?
Eomer

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Vedui Melamin*. Are you sure I should wear the black and red dress? Daddy says it makes me look fat. I’ll ask Granny. Mummy would know which dress.

Namaarie

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi this is Frodo and Sam. We’re using Faramir’s computer. He caught us when we were watching an oliphaunt. Faramir is Boromir’s (nicer) younger brother. Gollum is showing us the way to Mordor. He has really bad table manners. He likes raw food. Hope you are well.

Frodo and Sam

*Greetings my love

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Dear Estel, Stay away from Arwen. I’m going to put her on a boat to Valinor while she’s asleep. Elladan and Elrohir say hello. Why can’t they get there own mail address instead of making me say hello to people?

Lord Elrond

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
I can’t believe Daddy’s going to do that. I’m not going to sleep. Please become king soon.

Arwen

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
You haven’t replied yet.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
I’ll email this Eowyn person. She is so dead. How dare she fancy you.
Aa’ menie nauva calen ar’ ta hwesta e ale’ quenle.*

*My thy paths be green and breeze be on thy back

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Why didn’t you tell me there was someone else? You flirt with me for ages and now you’ve broken my heart. I bet you only like her because she gave you that necklace. I could give you a nicer necklace. I hate you.

Eowyn

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Were you really flirting with Eowyn? Amin delotha lle.*
Arwen Undomiel

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Elen sila lumen omentilmo.** So you weren’t flirting with Eowyn. She made it up. I’m going to kill her. Amin meleth lle.*** I haven’t slept for two weeks. Daddy isn’t letting the ship go to Valinor yet. He told me there was a leak. But I know he’s just waiting for me to fall asleep.
Cormamin niuve tenna’ ta elea lle au’.****

*I hate you
**A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting
***I love you
****My heart shall weep until it sees thee again
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi it’s Merry and Pippin. We’re with the ents. We totally wrecked Isenguard! Treebeard says we’re hasty. How are you. This is Merry typing because Pippin can’t. Gandalf said Eowyn fancied you. Why do you get all the good looking women? You even got Arwen! I bet Galadriel fancied you.
From
M.P. (Merry and Pippin not Member of parliament stupid)

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Vedui* Estel. Dad got us our own email address. How are you. Arwen is always talking about you its soooooooo annoying. Is Eowyn beautiful. Is there any chance you could let us meet her. Arwen was so mad when she found out about Eowyn. We mean mad. She deleted all her emails from you and smashed her laptop! Then she decided to check her email and used our laptop.
Bye

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

I hate you. Stay away from Gondor. I want Faramir to marry Eowyn. Not you. Your not king. Ha ha. Bye.
*greetings
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi. You were right. The black and red dress looked wonderful at the party. I was the only person without a date so I bought a photo of you. Please come back to Rivendell and please become king. Have Elladan and Elrohir emailed you? They got their own email address finally. Missing you lots and lots and lots etc.
Namaarie*

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

There are loads of uruk-hai. Can you help us kill them. Eowyn is missing you. Will you marry her? It will make her shut up. I feel like banishing her and Eomer. Eomer wants a party.
Théoden King

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

I want a party. I would only invite the rohirrim, you and lots of girls. Uncle says no. he so grumpy. Eowyn is still in a bad mood about Arwen. Does Arwen have any sisters? Hint hint.
Eomer

*farewell

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hello Elessar. How are you? Celeborn says hello. Please let Arwen go to Valinor. How are Legolas and Gimli? I hope to see you soon. That’s a lie. I never want to see you again.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Why did you tell Arwen? She is yawning all the time and is always in a bad mood. You are so stupid.
Lord Elrond

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi son. How are you. They set up these email addresses for all the dead people. Have you married Arwen yet? We hope you have a long life. If you don’t marry Arwen there’s always Eowyn.
Love
Mum and Dad

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