I said IÂ’m sorry reviewers
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
Coz I didnÂ’t post a chapter.

Sung to CleaninÂ’ Out My Closet by Eminem.

Sound of the reviewers
Reviewing ‘til I update

Sung to Sound of the Underground by Girls Aloud.

Ring Ring baby
Ring Ring
Destroy the ring
I donÂ’t need no ring got fanfic for free!

Sung to Round Round by the Sugababes.

ThatÂ’s all IÂ’m writing for now so here are the replies to chapter 5!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Aragorn, hey. IÂ’m stalking youÂ…do you have LegolasÂ’ email? Can you get him to email me back?
Elentari

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

I do have Legolas’ email and no you can’t have it. He is scared of his fangirls. At the moment he is hiding in a hole to get away from them even though it will ‘ruin’ his hair.

Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr

Aragorn, can you get Legolas to email Elentari and my friend Kirsty.
Lady of Imladris
p.s. I will talk to Éowyn. She is getting out of control! Also you are mine, not Arwen’s!

To: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr
From: [email protected]

I’m not anyone’s! Arwen doesn’t own me. Éowyn doesn’t. None of these other people I don’t know own me! Ok I’ll get Legolas to email Kirsty and this Elentari person.

Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Aragorn, can you stop emailing Galadriel. She is getting pissed off.
Haldir
p.s. I agree she is fit!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

I can email Galadriel if I want. She is fit but I donÂ’t like her as a person. Her looks are great! ArwenÂ’s are better. Galadriel is one fit lady!

Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Why does my email have to be the one that got messed up? I mean .valinory instead of .valinor? IÂ’m going to talk to the author *Lady of Imladris flicks Celeborn out the window*. Stop emailing Galadriel because she is getting tempted to sleep with you! She hasnÂ’t slept with me for 3568 years! I havenÂ’t even seen her topless ever! She might even model for porn for you! She hasnÂ’t said anything but she might!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Really! Yes! IÂ’m so good with the ladies! You havenÂ’t seen her topless! Hahahaha! She hasnÂ’t said anything but I mean you said she might!
Valinory! Hahahaha! Valinory rhymes with Balamory. WhatÂ’s the story in VALINORY!
Aragorn.
P.S. Did Lady of Imladris really flick you out the window? She is cool! And one fit lady! *looks at Lady of Imladris sitting staring at computer screen in her pajamas*. Maybe not.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi. ItÂ’s the authorÂ’s best friend. I was wondering if you could tell Lady of Imladris you are mine, not hers *Lady of Imladris wonders how Weo got into story. Then flicks her out the window!* She has got Devon even though she isnÂ’t going out with him. Say hi to Gimli and tell him that thereÂ’s a poster of the fellowship in my room and I had to move it coz he scared me!

Weo

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Weo. ThatÂ’s a weird name. Is it short for anything? Who is Devon? *sees Lady of Imladris giggling when Devon is mentioned.* Is there something you arenÂ’t telling me about? I find Gimli scary too. He is a freak. I thought you were the authorÂ’s best friend. Why did she flick you out the window?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Granny and Grandpa are keeping me hostage until you leave Galadriel alone. They are hiding me in GaladrielÂ’s wardrobe so can you come and rescue me? Uh oh. Grandpa just saw the email now theyÂ’re putting me somewhere else.

Arwen

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Ok. I donÂ’t know where you are so I canÂ’t rescue you. IÂ’m kind of busy. Trying to work out who Devon is. Do you know?
Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr

Eowyn says she will stop emailing you.

Lady of Imladris

P.S. DonÂ’t reply to WeoÂ’s email. IÂ’m not phoning her today even though I supposed to. How dare she email you? She is supposed to be doing stuff for Belle Empire not emailing you. She doesnÂ’t even know anything about this story she just knows I write LOTR fanfic.

To: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr
From: [email protected]

Thanks! No more Éowyn. What’s Belle Empire? Who is Devon? I’ve already replied!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Wassup? IÂ’m trying to be cool. Yo Aragorn wassup? Legolas is soooo annoying. He called me a bitch. IÂ’m da best farter in da world. IÂ’m cool arenÂ’t I. Look I use wassup, yo and da. Can u give me Elladan and ElrohirÂ’s email addresses? We have some serious porn stuff to discuss. IÂ’m going to model for porn. IÂ’ll have my own website and there will be lovely naked pictures of me. The first one IÂ’ll be wearing just me boots.*Lady of Imladris is sick* IÂ’m sending it to Galadriel. Maybe she will give me her boobs instead of hair this time!
Gimli

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

You are a freak! Porn is disgusting. DonÂ’t send photos to Galadriel or anyone. I donÂ’t think she will give you her boobs. Do you know who Devon is?
Aragorn

P.S. FREAK!

To: [email protected]
From: princelegolas.fangirlÂ’[email protected]

Hi Arry. Gimli is such a bitch. He got cross coz I was crying when I broke a nail. He is going to do porn pictures! Ewww icky! IÂ’m having some problems IÂ’ve lost my hairbrush! And Gimli doesnÂ’t have one! Yuck his hair must be worse than yours! *Lady of Imladris takes Legolas away from computer and gets really cross with him for insulting AragornÂ’s hair*. Also my fangirls are scary. One is called Kirsty (or K.C.) I think Lady of Imladris knows her. IÂ’ve got one called Elentari (well u wanted him 2 email u so now u r a fangirl!) and another called Rhiannon (told u that u were in here!). I get too much fanmail. IÂ’ve got another fangirl called Katie (or K.P.) (A/N: it confuses me K.P and K.C. Those are their initials. They will be pleased to be in my story!) Lady of Imladris knows her too. Please help. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I broke another nail! I must go. I need a nail manicure.
Legolas
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Legolas you are like a girl! Nail manicures. I donÂ’t have a fanclub :-(. My hair is not disgusting. I AM NOT CALLED ARRY! Use a comb. Gimli is a freak! Do you know who Devin is?

Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Hello precioussssssssss. Frodo and Stupid Fat Hobbit want to talk to you.
Hi Strider,
We haven’t forgiven you for being rude in your last email. Merry and Pippin do have bad table manners and we do mind. We have told them but Pippin isn’t grown up yet and Merry is stubborn. Faramir is nice not like you. *Sam starts typing* But Mr. Frodo can’t we forgive him? No Sam he will take the ring! It’s Frodo typing but Sam typed ‘but Mr. Frodo can’t we forgive him?’ We will forgive you. We’re using Gollum’s email address. I want one of my own and I DON’T want to share one with Sam.
Frodo *Sam types again* Mr. Frodo you forgot to put and Sam. *Frodo types* I donÂ’t like you. You said we had to forgive him.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Er, hi Gollum. Frodo be nice to Sam. I donÂ’t care if Faramir is nicer than me. Sam you can be my friend. Not Frodo.

Aragorn

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

My website has been shut down. I got an email from the person who gives me web space saying it was the most disgusting thing ever. Elrohir gives me web space so IÂ’m telling Elladan Celeborn sent me an email saying Galadriel had a heart attack when I sent her the pictures. She didnÂ’t die and she didnÂ’t give me her boobs.
Gimli
P.S. Do you want me to send you the pictures? IÂ’ve sent them to Arwen. Maybe sheÂ’ll send me her boobÂ…Â…..

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

It is good Galadriel didnÂ’t die. You donÂ’t deserve her boobs. Elrohir is good. How dare you send the pictures to Arwen? IÂ’m soooo cross.

Aragorn

P.S. FREAK!

P.P.S. WHO IS DEVON?

A/N: what do you think? The next chapter is coming today too! IÂ’m so kind to you! *Aragorn taps Lady of Imladris on the shoulder* Hey, author. Who is Devon? It will be revealed in later chapters!