To: [email protected]

A/N: You didnÂ’t think I would forget the authors note, did you? Will the real Lady of Imladris please stand up? I repeat, will the real Lady of Imladris please stand up? WeÂ’re going to have a problem here. IÂ’m the author, yes IÂ’m the real author. (To the tune of The Real Slim Shady

I’m sitting here alone by my computer, thinking ‘bout what I should write. I’m looking at my computer trying my best to write, I really wanna know what I should write for the impatient reviewers. If only I could think tonight I know I could do this right.
I donÂ’t know how to live without reviews; I was born to write this story.
Coz itÂ’s the only one to write, I was born to write this story. (to the tune of Born to Make you Happy)

I know I have done 2 Eminem songs but IÂ’m not actually a fan. IÂ’m a Britney fan *dodges tomatoes*. I like Atomic Kitten *doges rotten eggs* an Avril Lavigne fan and a Busted fan. IÂ’m going to a Busted concert in March. YEY! I also like the Sugababes and Big Brovaz.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Aragorn, hey. IÂ’m stalking youÂ…do you have LegolasÂ’ email? Can you get him to email me back?
Elentari

To: [email protected]
From: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr

Aragorn, can you get Legolas to email Elentari and my friend Kirsty.
Lady of Imladris
p.s. I will talk to Éowyn. She is getting out of control! Also you are mine, not Arwen’s!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Aragorn, can you stop emailing Galadriel. She is getting pissed off.
Haldir
p.s. I agree she is fit!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Why does my email have to be the one that got messed up? I mean .valinory instead of .valinor? IÂ’m going to talk to the author *Lady of Imladris flicks Celeborn out the window*. Stop emailing Galadriel because she is getting tempted to sleep with you! She hasnÂ’t slept with me for 3568 years! I havenÂ’t even seen her topless ever! She might even model for porn for you! She hasnÂ’t said anything but she might!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hi. ItÂ’s the authorÂ’s best friend. I was wondering if you could tell Lady of Imladris you are mine, not hers *Lady of Imladris wonders how Weo got into story. Then flicks her out the window!* She has got Devon even though she isnÂ’t going out with him. Say hi to Gimli and tell him that thereÂ’s a poster of the fellowship in my room and I had to move it coz he scared me!

Weo

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Granny and Grandpa are keeping me hostage until you leave Galadriel alone. They are hiding me in GaladrielÂ’s wardrobe so can you come and rescue me? Uh oh. Grandpa just saw the email now theyÂ’re putting me somewhere else.

Arwen
To: [email protected]
From: ladyofimladris@iÂ’m-the-author-do-what-i-say.lotr

Eowyn says she will stop emailing you.

Lady of Imladris

P.S. DonÂ’t reply to WeoÂ’s email. IÂ’m not phoning her today even though I supposed to. How dare she email you? She is supposed to be doing stuff for Belle Empire not emailing you. She doesnÂ’t even know anything about this story she just knows I write LOTR fanfic.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Wassup? IÂ’m trying to be cool. Yo Aragorn wassup? Legolas is soooo annoying. He called me a bitch. IÂ’m da best farter in da world. IÂ’m cool arenÂ’t I. Look I use wassup, yo and da. Can u give me Elladan and ElrohirÂ’s email addresses? We have some serious porn stuff to discuss. IÂ’m going to model for porn. IÂ’ll have my own website and there will be lovely naked pictures of me. The first one IÂ’ll be wearing just me boots.*Lady of Imladris is sick* IÂ’m sending it to Galadriel. Maybe she will give me her boobs instead of hair this time!
Gimli

To: [email protected]
From: princelegolas.fangirlÂ’[email protected]

Hi Arry. Gimli is such a bitch. He got cross coz I was crying when I broke a nail. He is going to do porn pictures! Ewww icky! IÂ’m having some problems IÂ’ve lost my hairbrush! And Gimli doesnÂ’t have one! Yuck his hair must be worse than yours! *Lady of Imladris takes Legolas away from computer and gets really cross with him for insulting AragornÂ’s hair*. Also my fangirls are scary. One is called Kirsty (or K.C.) I think Lady of Imladris knows her. IÂ’ve got one called Elentari (well u wanted him 2 email u so now u r a fangirl!) and another called Rhiannon (told u that u were in here!). I get too much fanmail. IÂ’ve got another fangirl called Katie (or K.P.) (A/N: it confuses me K.P and K.C. Those are their initials. They will be pleased to be in my story!) Lady of Imladris knows her too. Please help. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I broke another nail! I must go. I need a nail manicure.
Legolas

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Hello precioussssssssss. Frodo and Stupid Fat Hobbit want to talk to you.
Hi Strider,
We haven’t forgiven you for being rude in your last email. Merry and Pippin do have bad table manners and we do mind. We have told them but Pippin isn’t grown up yet and Merry is stubborn. Faramir is nice not like you. *Sam starts typing* But Mr. Frodo can’t we forgive him? No Sam he will take the ring! It’s Frodo typing but Sam typed ‘but Mr. Frodo can’t we forgive him?’ We will forgive you. We’re using Gollum’s email address. I want one of my own and I DON’T want to share one with Sam.
Frodo *Sam types again* Mr. Frodo you forgot to put and Sam. *Frodo types* I donÂ’t like you. You said we had to forgive him.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

My website has been shut down. I got an email from the person who gives me web space saying it was the most disgusting thing ever. Elrohir gives me web space so IÂ’m telling Elladan Celeborn sent me an email saying Galadriel had a heart attack when I sent her the pictures. She didnÂ’t die and she didnÂ’t give me her boobs.
Gimli
P.S. Do you want me to send you the pictures? IÂ’ve sent them to Arwen. Maybe sheÂ’ll send me her boobÂ…Â…..