Coming of Age by Menegroth
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, not mine. Why do we even do this? The Valar know if we actually owned any of this, we’d be publishng it and making millions!
Chapter 1: Revelations
Legolas wiped a trickle of sweat from his forehead. The sun beat down unrelentingly, and the late summer air was still and thick on the practice field. He had been target practicing for hours, he realized, as he noted just how high in the sky the sun was. As soon as dawn had broke, he had wandered out onto the field, and began aimlessly embedding his arrows into the various motionless targets.
It was mid-August, which meant that September was nigh. September was the month of his birth. Normally, it was hardly recognized each year that an elf grew older, since there were simply too many of them. Once, though, in the life of each elf a huge feast was held in their honor, on their day of birth. That was held the year that they came of age, into full adulthood, and were novices of their crafts no longer, meriting in full their rank and title, if they possessed any.
In not three weeks time, one of these special days was to take place in Mirkwood, in honor of its youngest in the royal line, Prince Legolas. It was to be his day of honor, and praise, and far more attention than he wished to think of. All his friends and relatives, and many who were not, had been journeying to the woodland realm for the occasion. All of the realms had sent some representatives to congratulate the Prince on this monumental achievement in his life. The parties from both Lórien, the Grey Havens, and several other smaller elven realms had already arrived within the last week. They waited now only for Imladris’ entourage to come. Legolas was looking forward to that arrival, as he had several old friends in Imladris.
Still, with so many visitors, the palace was becoming extremely crowded. Finding time to himself was increasingly difficult. And he had heard enough congratulations and words of advice to last him several centuries already.
Then, of course, there were the she-elves. Legolas was sure the King’s Hall’s would not have seemed half as suffocating, if not for the hundreds of them bustling back and forth. All of them vied constantly for his attention, haunting his steps. It was exhausting. Though, this was nothing that the Prince wasn’t used to. He had been fending off overly interested she-elves for decades now. Most of those in Mirkwood had taken the hint after a while. Now he contended with an entirely new group from the other realms.
That established, the only time he seemed to be able to escape the throng was as he did now. Each morning he would race with the sun to the practice field, and then dash back to his chambers before the rest of the novices came out to practice.
Legolas fit his last arrow to the bow string and aimed at the target. Before he could release the string, another arrow whizzed through the air passed his ear, and landed dead center in his target.
For a moment the Prince was startled. Few elves could sneak up on him in such a manner. Then he sighed, realizing that his position was compromised, and that he must now actually face whomever it be. Legolas winced as he turned around, hoping he would not come face to face with one of the many fawning she-elves. His contorted face loosened as he saw before him a close friend, one of few elves he did not wish to escape from.
The pretty, red-haired she-elf held her bow out before her, aimed at Legolas’ chest, though arrowless. Her name was Araré, and she had been a close friend of the Prince practically from birth. The two had grown up together, nearly inseparable. She was the only person Legolas knew he would not feel suffocated by.
“How slowly you learn, my friend,” she chuckled, lowering her bow. “You never could see me coming, could you?” Araré returned her bow to its place, and favored Legolas a pleased smile, knowing that she was one of an elite few who could catch the Prince off guard.
Slightly more relaxed now, Legolas smiled in return. “Perhaps not,” he conceded. “But it matters little, for you always seem to appear just when I need you,” Legolas placed a hand on her shoulder in gratitude. In his constant attempts to remain out of reach in the last week, he had nearly forgotten there were some whom he did wish to see.
Araré placed her hand on Legolas shoulder in return, looking warmly at him. “I will always be here when you need me, mellon nín,” she assured him.
“And you know I promise the same,” he said in return.
The two friends walked together to the weapons store room, conversing as they went. They talked with the ease common of long time companions, speaking of their friends and various interesting goings on in the Palace of late. Legolas was eager to hear news, since he had veritably gone into seclusion a day or two after the parties arrived. Araré was telling of recent betrothals that had been announced.
“And it was just announced this morning that Mithfalas of Lórien has asked for the hand of someone you would not believe,” Araré said with barely stifled shock.
Legolas did not know Mithfalas very well. He had competed with him in last year’s tournament, and the Lórien warrior had ranked fairly high, as he recalled. He could not really guess to whom he was now betrothed, so he merely shrugged in question.
“Merenwen,” Araré blankly stated.
Legolas’ eyes increased to twice their normal size, and he stopped in his tracks, giving her a look of disbelieve.
“Yes, I looked much the same way when I first heard,” Araré agreed.
“I did not even know Mithfalas was courting Merenwen,” was all Legolas could say.
Merenwen was another friend of the two. She was a few decades older than both Legolas and Araré, and her craft was healing. She often traveled to study her healing arts, and mostly she went to Lórien. It had struck Legolas as odd that she chose the Golden Wood and not Imladris, which housed renowned healers, until now. Now it made perfect sense.
“Do not feel bad, Legolas. You are not alone,” Araré assured him. “None of us knew anything about it.”
Legolas frowned. “Why would she keep such a thing secret? Certainly she knew she could not hide their betrothal, so why hide before?” he wondered aloud.
Araré quieted, and looked down. Normally she could speak to Legolas of anything that troubled her, and all things that did not, even though she found it difficult to speak to most others. Still, matters of romance were not her favorite subject to talk about with him.
“You know why she would keep this hidden, though you may not remember,” Araré informed him, still intent on the path she walked, avoiding contact with the Prince’s gaze.
Legolas deepened his frown in thought. He thought back to the tournament the year before. He had won the contest with much graciously accepted praise. Araré had come in second place with equally as much fanfare, yet she always seemed to draw the attention away from herself, usually back to Legolas. Legolas smiled inwardly at such a thought, for it was so very typical of Araré. She disliked being the center of attention almost as much as she disliked large crowds. Legolas felt in many ways the same, but being a Prince, he had learned to handle those situations in most respects. Unlike Legolas, Araré seemed genuinely scared when confronted with theses obstacles. As a result, whenever feasts or gatherings were held, you could usually find her somewhere near the back of the room or hall, perhaps conversing with a close friend, but generally trying to go unnoticed. She seldom danced or sang on such occasions, though Legolas could testify that she was very skilled at both. This stubborn shyness was something he had been trying to help her come to grips with for centuries, with very little success. She never allowed anyone, save Legolas, to see what she was truly like.
Except for the week following that very tournament, Legolas finally remembered. That time, for a brief moment, she lifted the veil she wore to hide herself from the world, even though Legolas knew that the true colors underneath very beautiful. Mirkwood saw its Lady Araré in all her splendor for a few brief days. She let go all her fears, and opened up to all, often singing clearly and loud through the forest paths and gardens, greeting all warmly and cheerfully.
The reason for her sudden change had been the warrior ranking third in the tournament, Mithfalas. He had been very impressed with Araré’s archery skills, and had let her know so. After the tournament, Mithfalas had approached her and asked her to be his partner at the feast that night. Araré had accepted, and before he knew it, they were spending all their time together. That Legolas remembered, for he has felt rather ignored. When in the presence of Mithfalas, Araré tended to forget he was there. He also distinctly remembered disliking that particular he-elf. He had come off as a little snobbish, and Legolas felt that he didn’t deserve Araré.
However, Legolas’ worries had mattered little, for the day before Mithfalas’ was to return to Lórien, had called off there budding courtship. He had used some childish excuse that Legolas couldn’t remember, and in the process had broken Araré’s heart. She had been very hurt, never having felt the sting of heartbreak before. Legolas had hardly been able to keep her from falling to her knees.
The following week, Araré had returned to herself, encasing a shell around her that no one, save Legolas, was allowed to see through. Only this time it was made of stronger stuff, afraid of being hurt again.
Now Legolas understood perfectly why Merenwen would choose to tell no one. If word of such had reached her friend, she might have been very hurt. She may be very hurt, Legolas realized.
“Araré, forgive me. I did not remember . . . ” his voice trailed off, as he did not wish to speak of it, for fear the memory was painful. He put an arm around her shoulders for comfort. Yet, she waved away his words as they entered the weapons’ room.
“Worry not, my friend,” she said pulling away from his grasp to return her bow and quiver to their places. “It is but a memory, if a painful one, and a thing of the past. I’ll not allow it to go on hurting me.”
Legolas sighed with relief. He had wondered how he would nurse his friend back to life if this had dealt a crippling blow to her heart. She was brave, he knew, and she would not allow others to see when things pained her. But he saw, and he could see that she was being truthful in that she wasn’t dying of heartache. Yet, it still hurt her, whether she wished to admit it or not.
He smiled. “It’s just as well,” he said. Araré looked surprised by his words, and perhaps a little stung, for they seemed slightly uncaring. But he continued, “I never like him, if you’ll pardon my blatancy. Even when you and he were . . . close, I felt as though he cared little for you, that he was only interested in your newly found status because of the tournament. You deserve so much more than someone like that, Ara.”
Araré’s look became shocked once more. “Legolas, if you had felt this way about Mithfalas, why did you never speak to me of it?” she demanded. He knew that she valued his thoughts and opinions above all others.
“I could not find the heart to say so. You were so happy when he was here, Ara. You came out of the dark place you always hide in around other elves. I did not want to take that away from you. I thought that perhaps my misgivings were only the product of jealousy, since I seemed to have lost my best friend that week,” Legolas admitted. He silently cursed himself for not having said so a long time ago when he could have averted much sorrow. He looked back to Araré, hoping that she would not be angry with him.
She was not. Instead she was touched by his admission. “I’m so sorry, Legolas. I did not realize I had neglected you so,” she fervently apologized.
“It is the past now. Think nothing of it,” he implored. “I assure you. I have quite forgotten it.”
“Still,” she continued, obviously very distressed that she had hurt him. “Promise me that if you feel thus again you will tell me. Do not allow such things to go on unspoken.”
“You have my word,” he promised with a smile. She returned the gesture. Legolas replaced his quiver and bow on the shelf, the first in the line of novice weapons.
“Not two fortnights from now, and your weapons will belong there no longer,” she remarked, with a playful jab to the ribs.
Legolas cringed. “Do not remind me. It has been exhausting enough already!”
“Oh, come, my Prince, you cannot tell me you are not excited. It is a crowning achievement to come of age. I know I look forward to when I shall do so in the spring. Besides, I know you too well, my friend. You are as excited as are we all, though you feign irritation at the attention,” Araré coaxed.
Legolas pretended to disagree, but at her raised eyebrow, threw up his hands in defeat. “All right! Yes, it is rather flattering,” he conceded. Araré looked pleased with having gotten the better of him. “However,” he continued. “I am straining my patience with the hordes of she-elves that all seemed to have taken an interest in me at once.”
Araré laughed, though with understanding. “Dear Prince, just wait and see how many dinner partners you will have for the feast!” she crowed. Legolas groaned with exasperation, which caused Araré to laugh all the harder.
“Oh, have peace!” he cried. “You will have many more opportunities to laugh at my expense, I’m sure, before the month is out.”
Araré tried to stifle her laughter, only succeeding partially. “I suppose you’re right,” she conceded.
Legolas sighed, with relief. “Well, then, speaking of feasts, I’ve been about since dawn, and have yet to break my fast. Would you join me?” he asked, offering her an arm.
“No, I would not join you for breakfast,” she answered, though she took the proffered arm, confusing him. “I would join you for luncheon, Legolas, for it is well past noon,” she chuckled.
A look of surprise came over him. They left the room arm in arm, heading back to the Kings’ Hall’s. “I had not thought it to be so late in the day,” he said. “Why is it that none of the other warriors came to practice? I was on the field for hours, and yet I saw no one.”
“There was to be no practice this morning, my friend. All have been busy with preparations. The party from Imladris arrives today,” she explained. Looking to him, she saw him shake his head in remembrance, obviously berating himself for having forgot. “Do not tell me you have forgotten that as well, my Prince,” she taunted, realizing the answer. He feigned irritation with her.
“Must you always tease me so?!” he asked.
“Of course I must,” she answered cheerily. “Someone must keep you properly teased, and the Valar know that no one else would dare to, my royal friend.”
Legolas rolled his eyes, but smiled, with good nature. The two friends passed under an archway and into one of the many corridors of the Halls. Legolas cringed involuntarily, knowing that he was stepping back into the firing zone. He felt somewhat more at ease with Araré by his side, though. There was strength in numbers. How much strength that was he was about to find out. They could see at least five she-elves skipping down the hall, giggling amongst themselves.
Araré felt Legolas’ arm tense with hers locked in it. She pitied her friend, knowing how she personally felt in like situations, though they occurred to her decidedly less often. She leaned closer to him. “Relax,” she whispered. “Do not let them intimidate you! Treat them the same as you would any elves.”
“Much easier for you to advise than for me to accomplish,” he replied, hoarsely. His arm tightened further.
“Well, you will have to find some way to do it, because you are cutting off the circulation to my wrist,” she gasped.
He whispered an apology, and relaxed his arm muscles, allowing blood to flow back into Araré’s lower arm. Before she could come up with any more words of encouragement, the five elves spotted them and recognized the Prince. Legolas held his head high and tried not to make much eye contact. Araré’s gazed drifted to the polished marble of the floor when she saw that the curious eyes of the she-elves had spotted her as well.
Much to Legolas surprise, he saw a look of disappointment come over each of their faces. Instead of lingering about, trying to draw his attention, each one merely said a few words of greeting as they passed, and favored Araré with a look of disdain. Legolas was so perplexed that he could not even be angry with them for treating her so disrespectfully. Then it struck him that she was the reason they had let him be. He was walking arm in arm with another she-elf, and that apparently had gotten the message across.
Legolas smiled in relief and realization. “Why had I not thought of this before?” he asked no one in particular. Araré looked up at him from her steady observance of the marble tiles, an eyebrow raised in question. “Having you to decorate my arm seems to have scared them off!” he exclaimed.
She gave him a half-hearted smile. “I’m glad I could help,” she replied, less than enthusiastically. Araré was quiet for the remainder of their walk. Her gaze returned to the polished marble, her face deep and brooding.
Legolas looked at her, wondering if he had something wrong. After a moment of thinking he decided not to ask her about it. She always acted so, he knew. It was part of her nature. If something truly bothered her, he had no doubt she would speak of it eventually. She always did.
They reached the breezy balcony off the main dining hall with little further incident. They did not encounter any more of Legolas’ admirers, though they did pass by several other elves, and Araré’s father, Culrûn, who was the March warden of Mirkwood. Each one they passed raised an eye at them, as if they had never seen the two walking together before. Which was, of course, ridiculous, since Legolas and Araré had accompanied each other nearly everywhere since they were old enough to get into mischief. Their expressions puzzled Legolas to know end.
They sat opposite each at the small table on the far end of the balcony. From where she sat, Araré could see the gates of the city’s walls. Two guards stood at either side, and another in a watchtower above. She could see also into the forest beyond. It was green and shifting in the light breeze.
After a small meal had been brought for them, they ate in silence for a few moments. Legolas wished to speak of how odd he found the reactions of the elves they had passed in the corridor, but wondered if he should. He didn’t wish to trouble her with something that was decidedly insignificant. He was not even sure that she had noticed their expressions, so intent had she been on the pattern of the floor tiles. Still, as the minutes passed, it nagged at him, and he decided to risk a comment.
“Did you notice the, um, strange looks we were getting from the elves we passed in the hallway?” he carefully asked.
Araré came back to him from her mind’s wandering. She had been staring at the city gates, he realized. She shook her head, and smiled. “Ah, you mean the look of suspicion and question that my father favored us with?” she asked.
Legolas furrowed his brow in puzzlement. “Well, yes, his among others. Why did they look as though they had never seen us walking thus before, the March-warden above all? Surely our friendship has not been such a secret for so many centuries past,” he was utterly confused.
Araré laughed at his complete lack of an explanation, causing his eyes to go wide with surprise. “Do you not realize it?” she gasped.
Legolas shook his head, completely unawares. “Realize what?”
Araré straightened, attempting to regain control. She needed to explain this in the best possible way, if he truly could not see the answer. “Legolas, you are come of age now,” she began, for some reason feeling a knot begin to form in her stomach. “And so, when you are seen in the company of an elf maid . . . it is not seen in the same light as it once was,” she said, choosing her words carefully.
Legolas still looked confused for a moment, but slowly Araré saw the muscle’s in his face pull back as he put the pieces in place. Finally, a look of shock and realization drove out the confusion. “Oh,” was all he could manage to say.
“You have no idea how many rumors were likely started with our little stroll today,” she groaned.
Legolas sighed. “Well, we can’t stop that now,” he stated. “Besides, it is only gossip. We know it to be false.”
“Yes, but my father does not,” Araré mumbled. She was concentrating on stirring her tea, avoiding eye contact again, he noted.
Legolas cringed. “Will your ada be . . . ,” he fumbled for the right word, “angry?”
Araré frowned. “Angry? No,” she assured. “But he will tease me to no end.”
Now is was Legolas turn to laugh.
“Have peace!” she shouted. “You know as well as I that his teasing is a torture of it’s own!”
Legolas had to concede to that. He had grown under the instruction of Culrûn, as had all the novices for centuries. He was kind and a good mentor. Yet, most times you would rather risk angering him than enduring the torture of his jests at your expense.
He desperately choked his laughter. “I am sorry, my friend,” he said sympathetically.
“Well, you should be,” she agreed, sulking. “After all, it is your fault.”
“How can I make it up to you?” he asked, a twinkle in his eye, and with a bow of mock humility.
“Hmm, let me see . . . ” she feigned deep thought, looking away. “I don’t know.”
“Then what if I promised you the first dance at my much anticipated feast?” he suggested.
“Oh, all right,” she agreed, pretending to be disappointed. “I suppose that will have to do. Though, it is an empty gesture. It is not as though I ever dance with anyone else,” she reminded.
The two shared a laugh, knowing how very true that was.
“But, perhaps not this time,” she remarked, noting his raised eyebrows. “Many elves are visiting from afar. We have friends from Imladris whose company I look forward to, at least.”
“Yes, I as well am looking forward to seeing Faron and Eärmané and Beleth,” he gave her a playful look, which she immediately disliked. “And of course, the sons of Elrond, Elladan and . . . Elrohir,” he sneered.
Araré’s eyes narrowed, and she glared at him. “Now who is teasing whom,” she shot back, but she could not hide the color that flooded her cheeks, nor the faint sparkle in her eyes.
“Hah! So what Eirien tells me is true!” he crowed in victory. “You have your eye on the youngest twin of Rivendell. I truly dislike being the one to inform you, but you are not the first maiden to be smitten with him, or his brother for that matter, my friend. The twins have stolen many hearts.”
“I know,” she mumbled, then she seemed to remember his former comment. “Eirien?!” she exclaimed. “My sister has told you?! How dare she?!” Araré fumed.
Eirien was Araré’s older sister. She had married three centuries ago to an elf from Lórien, and had chosen to live in the Golden Wood, but she was visiting presently. They were the only daughters of Culrûn. Their mother and oldest brother had died when Araré was only little more than two centuries old in a rock slide in the Misty Mountains. Araré rarely spoke of her, and Legolas did not make it a point to bring up the subject. Eirien was always worried about her sister, and knew that Legolas was the only person that could get through to her. Hence, she had chosen to allow Legolas in on this well guarded secret.
“Yes, I’m disappointed that you could not tell me yourself, mellon nín,” he said, pretending to be hurt. “But, worry not, for Eirien told me only because she felt I knew something of this matter that you might wish to know.”
Araré raised her eyes suspiciously.
“Shall I tell her?” he questioned himself, giving her a wicked grin. “If I do, I may have to endure yet another giddy she-elf in my midst.”
“Oh, out with it, you great cave troll!” she demanded. “You best tell me before I throw you over the rail for that comment.”
“Well if you are going to be that way about . . . ” he snickered, enjoying this immensely.
“Legolas Greenleaf, either you tell me, or I’ll-,” she was cut off by the blasting of trumpets that announced an arrival at the gates. Araré stood and brushed passed Legolas to stand at the far rail. She watched as the gates parted, and a good sized host poured forth, with the first horses bearing the symbol of Imladris on flags.
“They’re here,” she whispered.
“You mean he’s here,” Legolas snickered behind her. He had to duck to avoid a blow to the head. “Well I suppose it is my duty to greet our guests,” he casually remarked. He made for the archway leading back into the dining hall and the corridor beyond. “By the way,” he stopped and turned to regard Araré still watching the gates. “I thought you might wish to know that Elrohir has taken an interest in you too, “sneering to himself, he crossed back into the dining hall.
Araré was rooted to the floor in shock. Had he really just said what she believed he had? As his words sunk in, she shook herself from a dazed stupor, and realized that he had left. She turned heel and quickly dashed after him. “Legolas, wait!” she cried.
He stopped, now nearly having reached the corridor, and turned to wait for her to catch up. She reached him a moment later, putting her arm in his once more. “Has he inquired anything of me?” she asked, a wide grin spread across her face, eyes twinkling.
“Ai! What did I tell you,” he groaned. “Another giddy she-elf!”
***
Well, that was the first chapter. Pm me and let me know if you liked it or not, or if you just want to say anything at all. If anybody’s got an idea for a better name, I’d be more than willing to listen. Thanks for reading!:D
227 Comments
I enjoyed chapter 1 and look forward to reading more. The story line has many interesting possibilities. Thumbs up!
More, more, more, more….. ^___^ that was soo good!
wonderful!! more please! can’t wait hahah!
pleeeeeeez write more!!! u r a wonderfull writer and your story is so cute and funny!!!! i really hope u will write another chapter:-) *hugs*
*Smiles* They was great, please write more. Could you post me when there is another chapter? Capital work!
hahah it keeps gettin better! yeap, could u pm me too when u put up another chpt? thanks a billion 🙂
Very funny, I dont’ know about constructive per-say, because all I can really say is ‘Good job and keep up the good work’. But can’t you plz make ti a little sooner with the next enstallment? PLEASE???
Spiffing top hole! Just gets jolly better, does it not? Please post me when you have done the next chapter if you are able! 🙂
Wonderful. Breathtaking. Write more!
lovely. i can’t wait for your next chapters.
Yea, Menegroth! I’m on pins and needles. *pun intended* I can hardly wait for the next installment.
amazing!!!!!!!!!!! keep writing! Love the story!!!! *hugs*
Oh yes, please do more! I cannot think of anything to suggest for you to do. Since it seems that you have thought of it already.
Oh yes!! That was so good!!! Loved it!! I had a suggestion, but it popped out of my mind. Oh well, but really neat!
dude just let me know when you update!
hellooooooooo!! yep keep up the beautiful work! really nicely written. looking forward to your next addition! cheers! 🙂
Ohhh, the suspense thinkens! I love suspense, not cliff-hangers, but suspense.
arrgh!! i feel like i’m on the edge of a cliff. can’t wait for the next one!! i HAVE to read on! haha ok ok i sound crazed.
I have really enjoyed reading all of the 6 chapters so far. They are very creative! Please write more soon! 🙂
all i can say is..i SIMPLY can’t wait for the next chapter. haha! next next!
Love the story write more!!!!
Arrgh! The suspense is killing me. I’ve enjoyed all 6 chapters and am more than eager for umpteen more. More, please.
you know, updating suits you lol. love what’s going on in the storEy
I just read all 6 chapters today and they are realy good and can’t for there to be more.
(ya know, the letters ont hese keys are getting worn out, but….) Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!! More more more more more!!!! Thank you for this much, not I demand more to apease a growing thirst for literature!
Its soooo adorable!
this is so cute!!!! u’r story is truly amazing, and belive me…. i only review the stories i really like and this is absoloutly on of my favourites;-) keep writing!!! *hugs*
oh dude, dont say that “tv show”. if you prolong it too long the interest might be lost. it should come to an end soon.
good chapter nonetheless.
i really like the story and can’t wait till it’s finished.
Great fun! I really like this story. I wish Legolas was a close*friend of mine….*
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I ABSOLUTY LOVE YOUR STORY, YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD WRITER!! I CANT WAIT TO READ THE REST!!! YOU ROCK!!!!
Awww, love at first comming-of-age-party-when-your -best-friend-has-been taken-from-you-and -you-realize- you-love-her moments. How sweet
Ooooh! I bet he’s falling for her! Good story.
Yes… we all do… but poor Elrohir needs a girl lol
*claps hands in gleeful anticipation* Legolas and Araré… that has a nice ring to it. More, pleeeease.
I rather enjoy your light yet elegant style. Keep up the good work. If the rest is as amusing, the Library will kick me out for laughing out loud so much.
the more i read the better it gets
i only wish i was Araré *giggle*
u rock
Haha! That was cute! Poor Legolas and all his many admirers.
The only thing I noticed that needed work on htis first chapter was a few typos and mispellings. Nothing too awful.
Like you mispelled ‘know’ it actually should have been the word ‘no’, I think. It was on that line:
“It puzzled him to know end”.
Anyway, it was VERY good and I am looking forward to reading more.
hello,
what happen?, been busy? iam so curios to know what happens next when is the rest coming out?
tess
This is a great story! Please write more soon! (That is all I have to say.) 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
wonderful!!! this is gettin exciting;-)keep writing! *hugs*
Oooh! I wonder if Legolas will have a fight with Elrohir. This is going really well!
Please write loads more as this is such a great story.
that was a really cute chapter.. could you PM me when you post again? Thanks!
wow a week of no update will be hard lol. well have fun nonetheless.
Hello ,
very good writing, and a great story.
ok so…. how long are you going to keep us in suspense..?,lol love a good story. good job!
Tess
Wonderful! *claps* I really like it!
ohmyohmy you’re going on a trip? i think i shall disintegrate to pieces whist waiting for the next instalment. *stabs heart and faints
Oh my God! I just finished chapter nine and I realized there was no MORE!! Menegroth, you’re killin’ me, smalls! I can’t wait til its done! It’s as good as “friends never say goodbye” and i thought that was unequaled!
I reccommend “friends never say goodbye” to all of u who like sweet friendship/love stories. If u liked “coming of age”, u’ll luv it! Menegroth, can u pm me when u post the next chapter, preferrably b4 i die, thanx!
Another wonderful chapter. Way too short though, to suit me. Ahhh, the angst of youth. I remember it well, and I am sooo glad that I’m not ‘young’ anymore!
I’m really enjoying your story! Please put the next chapter up soon!
its still Very good…! love the way you describe the characters feelings!!! keep up the good work! *hugs*
Great chapter. Poor legolas so confused lol.
Sorry I diddn’t revew last night when I read it, But I needed to sleep. I love the way the story is going and feal a little agrivated that I can’t read more right now. Well, maybe not agrivaded, but anctious to find out what happens next ’cause I honestly can’t see where it’s going, I could think up 12 diffrent ways it could go. Mind, my friends and I write all the time so we are always trying to come up with unsuspected twists. Keep up the good work!
Laura
yay your back. nice chapter.
this a great story please continue as fast as you can u could write a book! 😉
Yeah! Another great chapter, well worth the wait!
I love this story it is great. One of my favorites to tell you the truth. I think it would be so cool if Legolas happened to fall in love with someone else and then she died. (L.O.M200out)
Cool! Hurry up and add more, I like this fic.
I loved these latest chapters! Your writing is da best! I love it! I can’t wait for the next chapter!
Ok, First of all, I love the story, but the Pirates of the Carebean quote did not fit in the context and in my opinion, which you don’t need to worry about, was in no way needed and made it sound a little lame. I hope I’m not being too strong, but you asked for criticizem. but, I’ts a good story as long as Legolas doesn’t end up getting her. He needs to learn that that’s part of life. Besides, the other two make such a cute couple! Good luck!
Sirithgliniel
I love this story! Like the little PoC imatation, was very appropriate! Carryn on writing!
i love your descriptions! brilliant. keep it up! 🙂
I loved this last chapter! I hope Araré and Legolas manage to talk it all out. Keep up the good work!
*Gives self big hug* Things are looking promising for the young elves. Neither one of them will be able to speak their full mind yet, will they? You know, to keep the plot bunny hopping along? How frustrating for everyone involved (even us readers). ~~~~~ Lovely chapter~~~~~
Great chapter! I hate cliff hangers! More soon please!!!!
NOOOOOOOO! Whay does it have to END!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
You were right, I was infuriated, for about two seconds. Mostly out of relif! I thought when i read that opening (by the way, I was tickled to have been mentioned) That you where going to spout off a bunch of quotations. It scared me! Mostly ecause Your work could usulay be placed in the grouping as that of the great classics and while quoting is cute and funny, it puts it to a stupid funny level which is ok IF that’s what youre going for. I don’t think You are.
anyway, i will admit that you hadle the expected path with more grace than most, more ginuine carring for the charictors, and more emotion in the charictors. I just don’t get one thing, Her dad left them in her room, alone, together,they’re grown up, and he didn’t have a problem with that? At 10 I wan’t alowied to even THINK about letting my guy-friends run into my room to get something! He must trust her an aful lot.
At this point my main consern is that parhaps it will play out in a chiche manor, I would advise you, even iff it stays in the direction that it seems to be going in, PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF SANITY, put some little plot twists in, you know, throgh out something compleetly unexpected. Ya, that’s my advice tidbit for this review.
ok, and I’ll admit, i still like it. asfter all, it’s your story, not mine. Like my best friend says, I need to learn how to back off and stop being such a noisy, buisy-body, controle freak. Smile! you’ll be a wonderful author at this rate some day.
Sirithgliniel
OK… I am glad that you updated and i really like this chapter… but i mean coulod you have him kiss her or something…. lol
ahhhhhhh! that’s it. i’m so tempted to jump off that cliff now. please update sooner! 🙂
this is getting very good and tourmenting at the same time,lol so what happen next whens the next chapter coming out??
Tess
excellent. you haven’t failed me! lol. i can’t wait for the next chapter!
treat yourself to a chocoate crepe! you deserve it!
you rock! i can’t stop reading this story. It is very addicting.
Very good! I love sitting down to my computer, curling up with a bowl of popcorn, and reading about Legolas! I really do like your stories. They are well put together, well thought out, and full of imagination. Thanks for sharing!
I just read the whole stroy for the first time. I couldnt stop. Its really good. Keep writing I cant wait to see what happens next!
love it love it love it love it love it love it love it
but can someone tell me why I can’t open the 15th or 16th chapter??????????
I am dying!!!!! Where is the next chapter? the summary says there is 16… oh well.
can’t wait for the next chapter! 🙂 ahhhhh!
i love this story sooooooooooooooo much i have re read it about a thousand times. u r so talented i cant wait to see what happens, u need to publish this or sumthing ud be famous
mmm very interesting soo.. when is legoy going to figure this all out ,whens more?how long are ya going to keep us in suspence?,lol this is getting good. tess
Great Chapter! wonderful! Muy Bien!
Wow! What else can I say? That was truly incredible. Wow!
Very good, and I agree, It’s just a wee hair past G, expecialy if you get drawn into it. Um, the only advice I can think of right now is maybe add in underlining meanings and themes, like symbolism and that stuff.
G, schmee. Oh, to be that young and innocent again. Unable to believe that you are starting to fall in love with someone you’ve only thought of as a friend. Worried that these feelings could destroy your friendship. Poor Legolas. *munches on hot buttery popcorn* I so wanted for him to kiss her, though I knew that he shouldn’t. At least, not yet. This chapter set things up nicely for things to *heat up* between him and Araré. The next one should be short, in Legolas’s POV (unless you’ve already done that in Ch. 16, which poor over-worked Lollypop hasn’t had a chance to approve yet).
Well I am not sure what a reveiw is but if it’s about telling how much you liked or disliked than I would have to say I liked it lots and can’t wait for the next chapter
I really have to say that it is as good as all the other chapters and cant wait for another 🙂
I loved that chapter!!! I can’t wait for the next one!!! Will you please, please write it soon?!?!?!?
OMG!!!!!!! when will u update??!?!?!! I can’t wait 4 more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great chapter! Loved the angst of it. Don’t let them ‘speak their hearts’ too soon. lol. â€
wow! I love it. I cant wait to see what happens next. Its really good. keep writing. (write fast. lol)
You truely have the art of suspence and leading the readers by there noses! O my goodness! It’s like you can see what’s happening, but you can’t waight to find out what happens along the jorny. Are you sure your not a profesional writer? Any way, I loved it. A warning though, Draging stuff like this out may be great expecialy with your stile, but if you do it too long, you might lose your audiance. Action must happen too. You havent’ reached too long yet. I can’t waight for the next chapter!
Sirithgliniel
Your storys sooooo good! Your an awsome writer! its just i wish you would Write more sooner im dieing to know what happens next!
ok . . . That was funny. I don’t think any one would expect him to do something like that. I loved it. I have no idea where anything I hve said fits in with it, but oh, well. Maybe I just didnt’ catch it ’cause I’m half asleep. Good job on getting it moving! I like how you started the movement slowly and not just jumping into hight packed action like some people would. You have and incredible sence of timeing. Ummm, advice would be to make sure the charictors stay consistant. They are still now, but alot of people I’ve read change the charicor more than the growth they have gone through alows.
Sirithgliniel
ps, The orange was a briliant idea!
Wow I liked it but Why is Araré so mad?? oh well guess we will see Hurry lol Btw I loved it
I NEED to know what happens next! Please write more, I’m begging you!!!!! Pleeeaaaassse!
ooo 3 weeks for the mission. a lot can happen in that period of time- *wink wink*
may the play-the-hard-to-get live!!
haha… yeah… well please post soon… we all cant stand being in anticipation
Great story. Good plot, believable characters, and holds the interest.
OMG!!! where’s the next chapter!!! y is she mad?!!? the first time i read it i thought it said fabulous. guess not!!!!!! i need the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very good chapter!!!
I’ve only read two chapters of your story and I am already completly into it! I have found myself smiling more than once while reading your story! I hope you keep writing I look forward to more stories!!!!
~best of luck~
Wow, great story! …I didn’t exactly understand the part of Araré getting mad about the missions, but it’s really good so far.
qouting from your fiction “or I imagine your male instincts will take over!†– ah. hillarious. that’s most likely it.
oh wow. i love the story. tell me when you update. ^^
Very good chapter… well worth the wait… i understand how busy things can get during the summer… ugh morning Swim Practice…
ooooooh…need MORE!!!!!! why is she mad??? you didnt say why she was mad!!!!!! aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEED…NEXT…CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! *strange people come and drag TCC away. TCC bites them and runs back begging for next chapter* have been driven to…INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can you pm me when you update, Menegroth? please?
Holy cow! Talk about a plot twist! Good luck on school. It’s cool that you keep your prioritys straight; family and school, then story. You are an awsum example.
Sirithgliniel
I am so looking forward to the next chapter!! I love your stories so much! They are really great.
PLEASE MORE I HAVE TO KNOW WHY ARARE IS MAD THIS IS IMPORTANT I NEED MORE BADLY I LIVE OFF FANFICTION AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I KNOW THIS STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!
*~Chelsea~*
write more please!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a very good story! i can’t think of any critisism! thats a first for me! though i’m sure i’ll find some if you don’t write soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it! Please keep going, I can’t wait to see if Leggy gets his act together and admits he likes the girl!
I understang what you mean about being busy. I have been extremely busy as well and havent been able to post my stuff that often as well. Im glad I was skimming through the stories and saw that you updated. Great job. Keep writting. I am desprate to find out what happens next.
-Mirkwood_Elf
plz plz update!
i can’t go back to school without another chapter!
this story is the best fanfic i’ve ever read!
i need next chapter!
Please, PLEASE update soon!!!!!!!
i just need 2 no which fall u meant.THIS fall or ne xt YEAR?Anyway, great story so far.i just wanna SCREAM at them 2 just ask!i dont care if it ends sadley, as long as theres an ending!i understand youre very busy, so m i, but please, please,PLEASE, whenever u hav a spare minute,it dosent even hav 2 b good writing, im not picky!
once again, great story, write more soon!
*whimpering noises* OK!i hav a plan! write 1 sentence every day when u get home from work. one sentence every day, and u’ll have a chapter in no time!!it doesnt even have to b a GOOD chapter! just enough 2 satisfy insane fanppl!!!!!
like myself…*hinthint*
HALLO, MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA. U KILL MY SOCIAL LIFE FROM LOOKING ON THIS WEBSITE TO SEE IF U’VE UPDATED SO OFTEN! PLEASE RIGHT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i still luv ya tho, keep up the good work!)
omg your story is AMAZING!! i love it sooooo much, PLEEEEEEEEEEEZ update as soon as u can! I NEED MORE!!!!! i HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS!!
i love this! i read all 18 chapters in one day!!! i can’t wait to read your next chapter.
omg this is soooo amazzinngg!! U MUST UPDATE ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T his story is the best thing next to God in my life. It was so…beautiful…touching, and heartwarming. it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside-which is new for me. Now, don’t be hasty, and please dont fill this endearing story with overly descriptive intercourse scenes. In Ch rist,
JIMH
please…update…soon…im feeling…weak…*wimper*
*in dazed trance*Please. update. soon. im going. insane. this morning. i found myself. running around. laughing at my own jokes. they werent funny. i couldnt shut up. please up date.
I really like your story, but we’ve been waiting long enough for the next chapter so please, please, please get it up soon
I just finished reading the first chapter. If the rest is as good as the first post more, if it is little worse, still post more. I’ll try and catch up when I have the time. (good story)
wow. that is really good. you have talent! 😀
I read the whole thing in 2 days. Awesome But what’s up with the sudden Alexander thing? Did I miss something? Anyways, cheers! Elf771
Ah, how cruel to leave us with such a cliffhanger, knowing that it will be an unknown amount of time before we get to read the next installment. Their uncertainty about expressing their feeling is so frustrating, for them, no doubt, as well as for us, your loyal readers.
Another good chapter, Menegroth. May your RL adventures find straight and peaceful paths.
hugs, Patricia
Who the heck is Alexander?!! You must be getting him and Legolas confused! WHO IS HE????? What does he have of significance that adds to the story?
So…Alexander? how tired were you when you were writing this? Oh well it was good but you have done better ( not to be mean i love this story)
I’ve almost caught up now. Keep posting, this story keeps getting better and better. You have a gift to be able to portray such complicated feelings and events with what appears to be easily. Post more when you have the time.
I can’t even describe how awesome you story is. I can’t even imagine where it is going to go from here. Post more soon. One more thing–what’s up with Alexander? You said you were planning on publishing it, is that what the character that is now Legolas going to be?
ALEXANDER???!!
The, wer so, CLOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!! but they TRIPPED at the finish line! WHY?bcuz miss ARA has 2 go all NOBLE! *hyperventilating turns in 2 sobs* i still luv u tho, and this was REALLY well riten 2.(sept 4 the Alexander thing but I can understand that)*deep calming breath*thank u 4 updating! sorry i can get a little over exited sometimes.please dont drag this out 2 long. i cant bear it.
Yayyy you finally updated!! omg this is sooooo good!! they were SOOO CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what was up with the whole Alexander thing?? that was a lil sketchy, but other than that, it was brilliant, as usual!
Okay. Glad you all liked the chapter, and don’t worry, this prolonged denial thing can’t go on forever. Sorry about the one miscellaneous wrong name. Yes, as I’m sure you all guessed, it was supossed to be Legolas. This isn’t the only thing I write, you know, and once in a while I can confuse my character names when I’m switching between them all so much. Promise it won’t happen again.
agh!! you can afford a night of no sleep again, eh? we neeeed next chapter!!!!!!!!!
that was really good! please write more as soon as possible! you can’t leave your fans with a cliffhanger!
Wow. 0_0 I only just read the whole thing, and I am speechless! Oh me, I’m gonna go insane wondering what happens next! Wonderful, wonderful writing!
Why have you not updated? We are all waiting patiently despite the Alexander thing. Save my sanity, if I have to put it at that (not that you care if someone miles away goes mad). But anyways, cheers!
Has anyone but me ever wondered why a story “updates” but there is nothing updated? I couldn’t think of a place to put this but here and I’m sure there is an obvious reason I am not aware of. Anyways… I’ll leave you alone. Cheers!
Cool story, post more soon!!
To answer Elf771’s question, the reason it says it’s updated is because I submitted another chapter, which automatically bumps the fic back to the recent page, but the admin hasn’t read and okayed my new chapter yet, and therefore you can’t access it. When she okays it, the story will be bumped back to the recent list again, and the new chapter will be available.
Very good chapter, one of your best! Your a very good writer and I’m sure you could easily get this book published!
Wow! Action! That was really nice of you to stay up all night long just for the sake of us reviewers! I hope you can have another chapter in sometime soon….keep up the great work!
you do have a PLAN, right?one that doesnt involve them both dying out in the woods?
ok ,THat is so not fair!!!!!!!
you left it haing uggggg.
you have done a wonderful job with this story
i ve ben reading it as the new chapter come,i was beging to think mabye you abadon it,iam glad that is not the case, keep up the good work
tess
Your entire story is a complete work of art. Your plots are very clever.
NO! Cliffie! well…. at least you updated… very good chapter. I hope I dont have to wait lomg for an update. Hurry and write!!!!!!!!
Please, please continue the story!! I love it! I’ve come up with some more to add onto it! Please don’t end it here!
This is great! Postmorepostmorepostmore!!!!!:)
oh my god!! you are such a good writer, PLEASE update soon! i cant deal with anymore cliffhangers like this!!! AAHH THEY WERE SOO CLOSE BEFORE!!!!! again, you’re really talented, and i cant think of any criticism, i never can with this story (other than the Alexander thing but i can understand that) UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!
ok. so. u wanted constructive critisizm, ill give u contsuctive critisizm. HIS BROTHER!???HONESTLY!was this in the PLAN Menegroth? when u decided 2 write this fanfic, was it just like and then his brother goes Insane and captures his GF 2SCREW WITH HIS MIND.?come on, work with me here
alright. i did it again. im sorry, that might hav been kinda harsh.i really do love the chapter and im soooo glad u updated!im a little confused though. why hs brother? i mean, he seemed so nice and sweet talking about his mother and how when she died he lost the will 2 live.what could possibley be so important that he betrays his brother and his country?as always, great writing, update again soon.
OH . . My, that was . . amazing . . . let me catch my breath.
ok, For one thing, I think that your talent for writing has increasted sence the summer. I’m sorry I didn’t reveiw to the last chapter, but after two months, I stoped checking for updates every day. I’ll begin my vigil again. No pressure though. I truely do enjoy reading what you write. When your work is published, I would apreciate it if you would inform me. I love the languge that you write with. Exquisit. You truely did move me. I was sooo angry when I found out who was behind this all. You do your job well.
I wonder at the depth however. Not much in the way of symbolism that I’ve seen or motif. But that is entirely your choice to add. I just know that all the clasic writers use depth and multiple layers to there storys. I’ll contiue to read no matter what you do though, never fear.
I like how you sped up the pace. Very good. The previous parts were not too slow, but a change in pace keeps the readers on there toes.
Good job and I caon’t waight for the next update!
Sirithgliniel
Great chapter! I know i have probably said that a few times already, but its true. I really love your story. You said that you write other stories on other sites. What are the names of the sites and your SN I would love to read any other work of yours!
And the plot thickens……
Great writing! I detected a few grammatical errors (heck, we all make those. I know I do. :P) but everything else looks great! Great twist there. I can’t wait for the next chapter!
wwooooooow ok this was a surprising chapter never saw this coming, mmmmmmmm ,this is getting really good, your doing great, keep it up.
please up date soon!! :o)
Well, I’m glad this chapter finally got posted. I submitted it more than a month ago, so any of you eager beavers who can’t get their chapters fast enough will have to take it up with the admin and not the author this time. I’m glad you all continue to love and support my work. Sirithgliniel, you made a very valid point in your review, and I have now discovered something I have to work on. I greatly appreciate the thought that went into that. You’re absolutly right, my story does not contain nearly enough symbolism, and as for forshadow, well, it’s too early in the story for any of you to know whether there’s forshadowing in it or not. Elvencat, I’m sorry you weren’t very happy with the recent plot twist, though I don’t feel too bad since everyone else seemed to think it was brilliant. As to your question, yes, having his brother do something to this effect was always part of the plan. I always had in mind that he would be developed as a certain nemesis, maybe not the key, but an integral part of the evil that Legolas will face in this chapter of his life. Just to sent this in your minds a little bit, this story takes place a century or two before the War of the Ring, something I failed to mention in the forefront, and I apologize. I hope you will continue to read and appreciate my work and you will be the first ones to know when it’s published. As for reading my other work, I don’t have it posted at the moment, but I’ve been thinking of doing that. Everything else I’ve written had been short stories, this is my first novel attempt. Hence, SG, my small glitches with things like symbolism, which aren’t so inherently part of short stories. Adieu, my friends, I will write again as soon as possible, you have my word.
I jut wanted to let you know that this sentence in Chapter 20 kinda released me from my absolute awe while reading:’The elf kneeling beside her was equally as shocked to she her reaction. He nearly gaped in surprise.’
I am almost certian that you were meaning ‘See’ instead of ‘She’. Just wanted to let you know
Just wanted to make a friendly reiteration to people that continually asking me to update isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever, and it gets rather tiresome to constantly read that. Just a reminder.
Oh. My. Gawd. I literally fell *off* my chair when I found out it was him. I can’t be in this suspense. I *need* more!!
~Lady Falconhand
just wanted to share with u..i.am.over..you. and THAT, my freind, is what they call “closure” ((ok, im not really over you, i love you.))
ok, i just wanted to let you know that the review that i just posted was writtne by my freind who has hacked into my account. sorry, shes a little weird, and i withdraw my previous statement. i am not over ur story, but neither do i love you. no offense, but ur just not my type
more chapters, please. PPPLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, elvencat, no worries. No apologies necessary. I understand. I do the same thing to my sister all the time. I like to mess with their heads by saying something I know she never would, then let her take all the blame! Anyway, no harm done.
Again, though I do appreciate anyone who takes the time to review, please refrain from continually asking me to update. It will not make my story unfold any faster.
I love this story so far…please update soon…i really wanna know what happens
Please update ASAP
i luv the love triangle between Ara, Legolas and Elrohir 🙂
update soon but include more about Ara’s feelings. Is this pre- or post-LotR?
hey, u r not tolkien, but yet u r a great writer
I didn’t see any glitches. Something that could help a little is to have shorter introductions. You could still say as much, but put it at the end instead of the beginning. PS: I’m only a reader, not writer so I rarely offer advice beyond post more soon.
hmmmm…….I rarely read the other reviews, but I think i just might start. Just to hear you views on your story. i’ll try to give you more than “post more soon.”
Thanks for your honesty, EP. I appreciate anyone’s thoughts, reader or writer. I’ll take your advice about shorter intros, too. It’s good to look at everyone’s viewpoints. By the way, do I know you from somewhere, some other message board, I mean?
Wow! I really liked it, particularly the part where you find out that Legolas’ brother (I forgot his name) is not sailing but is the bad guy! You have some massive skill with writing.
Arandil?! Arandil’s the bad guy? But why? What is he planning? Unfair. I liked him. Even if he was a very minor character. I was thinking it was going to be M….. what’s his name. The guy who she liked before, who Legolas never liked.
You should have Elrohir in the story again too. He and Legolas should team up to rescue her. Update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is getting exciting!
I just spent the last half-hour reading the whole thing, and this is one of the best fanfics I’ve ever read. Nice work making Arandil into the treacherous one- that is a VERY clever and fiendish plot twist. Please post again soon!
You have one glitch I found, you put Morena instead of Ara once. Ohhh……I’m speechless at the content though……wow, how do you come up with this stuff? This is not what I expected when I first started reading it, but there always has been that something (what, I’m not sure of yet) that has kept me reading. You are one of the few who have this long of a fanfic and still bother to update, so take your time to give lots of quality additions. Not only that, but you give us quality sized chappies, not little two paragraph ones.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeep! meep! meep! meep! meep! I’m sorry that’s not even a word, but it’s the only thing that I seem to be able to get out right now. MEEP!!
alright.
I’m taking a stab at real constructive critisism. I’ve never been too good at it, so bare with me.(bare?bear?) It was, very good, if a bit quick. Seemed a bit easy if you get what I’m saying. Although I’m sure you have something up your sleeve.(you always do) Mind you, it was still very good writing and I won’t bother you about updating, (although you totally should) because finals are coming, and I’m feeling a bit compressed myself. Take your time, go nuts, I’ve got three papers to write.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Yay! They’re safe! Maybe…. Hopefully. But poor Elrohir! He’ll be so sad when she breaks the news to him. 🙁
way to spell pail.
ok, aside from the pail thing, and the whole Morena thing (what was that by the way??) it was an ok chapter overall..it wasnt one of your better chapters, but your still really talented and keep up the good work! whatever, take as long as you want to update, just as long as you do, i’m good. there seemed to be a lot of cliches kind of..like the whole “i’m not strong enough i need you to carry me?” i mean, you’re a better writer than that, so it was just kinda surprising, thats all. elvencat says that she agrees with me, but she likes the drama of the carrying thing..i’m just a cynic i guess. but good job and keep up the good work!
I’m sorry, I tried to keep it in, but I just can’t. The word NOW just ruins the sentence “He could see, ironically enough, the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel now” I mean it just hurts.
Omgosh! I was breathing sooo hard!!!! Hope you get a new chapter up soon!
WOW! Guys, I am seriously impressed!!! I’ve never received such useful reviews before. I really, truly, honestly, and heartfeltly appreciate your input. Now I know I have a few things to work on. You were all right, of course, it was not one of my best chapters, and whoever mentioned that there seemed to be too much clicheism, now that I look back on, I would have to agree on that as well. Elvencat, your point about the word “now” ruining my sentence, that was absolutely true. I have a problem with using too many unecessary pronouns and jacking them onto the ends of words where they are veritably useless. That is something I’ve been trying to overcome in my writing for years. That chapters is exactly what happens when you pick up with something that you’ve basically left in a corner for a while, and you’re right, I am a better writer than that. I promise I’ll do better next time. Again, I aprreciate that you all still read this story and that you continue to help me with your thoughts and opinions. When I get this thing published, I’ll have to give you some credit in the thank you’s page.
O.M.G. O.O I’m, speachless… Never have I been so drawn into a story! I sat here, in front of my computer, for 3 HOURS!!! O.O Wow… my leg fell asleep… Back to the subject, I love how you’re making this a true novel, not something short and generally not overly satisfying. The plot twists really keep you on the edge! I’m hooked, so please update as soon as you can! I’ll keep checking for the next chapter! 🙂 …wow… I am so going to be printing this out, keep up the amazing work! 😀
ok thats not fair!!!!!!;)
going to keep us in suspence i see,soooo……
how long are you going to tease use till the next chapter is out??????,lol
very good job , nicely written,good story lines.
Tess
Kayla points out that we belive you meant prepositions not
“pronouns”
same diff elvencat……(probably should not be saying that as I’m going into an Advanced Placement Language and Comosition class next year…..)….so there might be a couple of differences……ok they aren’t the same…..
I really like it! are you making a 22 chapter?
totally! it’s awesome!
write more! i want to find out what happens!!
Wow, Menegroth, you keep getting more and more readers………….
OMG! Everybody clap!!! My story has reached 10,000+ times read!!! That is an ego booster. Thank you for your continued interest and thanks to all the brand new readers who keep claiming to be so entranced by my work for jumping on the band wagon. I’ll have a new chapter up in a few weeks, I believe. I hope you will all stick around. As I have mentioned countless times in the past, you have my word that I will finish this, you just have to cultivate the fine art of patience in the meantime.
Consider your ego applauded!And consider your talent and creativity applauded too. Anyone who encoureges others to read is an angel in disguise.
I’m sorry…I’ve been watching too much Ellen.
But I’m totally sticking around.
yeah, me too…..as long as you don’t abandon this fic……please let me know if by some strange chance you do become posessed by some evil spirit and you decide to quit updating, lol……..don’t worry I can be serious…sometimes….
I am so addicted!!!! THE best fanfic i have ever read!!!! Keep Writing!!!!
you must be good to keep ensnaring readers. Not many people will sit down and read a 21 chappie fanfic…….
Just for further reference, exactly how long is “a few weeks” to you?
Fair question, but i can understand how one thing could lead to another and the time hasn’t been found to write more…..*sits and waits patiently*……
I am so relived one of them finally expressed their feelings. Can’t wait for the next chapter!
wonderful story!!!!!!!!!!
i want more! more more more more!!!!!!!!
Come On! Update ASYC! It’s been MONTHS sice you first Posted 21!!!!!!
It’s only been what..six months…*continues waiting….*
Please PLEASE update it’s been so long since the last one!!!!!!
Im begging you! PLEASE UPDATE!!! im dying here and so are alot of others!!!
*pulls out a deck of cards* anyone want to play until we have more story to review?
“…his only remaining child.”
um, she has a sister. Also you misspelled Arare to be Araru and called Culrun William. In the nature of being constructive, your villans are cheesy and tiring. Other than that (and I only said anything because you seem to actually wan’t feedback, correct me if I’m wrong.) it was really good and I hope to see more soon! Also you mention a “Bereth” earlier in the story, is that on purpose?
My word! Okay, are you on some kind of schedule, or do you just write whenever you can? As always, can’t WAIT to read the next chapter… really nothing to contribute to this one, except maybe double-check spelling, etc. I know how it is. 🙂
damn, already finished this chapter!
Next one please!!! 😉
Yeah, that’s going to give me a little to think about…let’s see, constructive critism…I’ll get back to you on that. I do like how you just give us glimpses of what is going on everywhere and close each section while leaving a cliffie (so it’s like a good cliffie, not the bad kind that really seem like you ran into a brick wall at the end, more like running to the edge of a cliff…don’t think that made sense, but…). Anyways, I really want to know what’s being planned, I have a love/hate relationship with spoilers and giving away Arandil’s plan would be a major spoiler…have I blabbed enough yet? ok…I didn’t intentially start a petition for more…It just sorta happened that way… :P..anyways…post more when you can..I totally understand the whole busy life thing that doesn’t allow one to do all the things that one wishes to do and priorities must be put in order and fanfics shouldn’t be at the top…but still, I shall give it a while until I sign this petition board that is called “Reviews..” j/k…ok I’m done now, seriously this time.
I thank you for your updates. you are a blessed writer.
I love it! It’s an amazing story and really does seem like it could have been part of Legolas’ life. =D
i love love love love love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im sooo ready for the next part! i cant wait to find out what happens next!
Dang….this fic is still getting new readers. Oh and no I am not starting the petition again…I just decided to comment…it has been three months since I last reviewed….I just thought it was cool that after that long since an update someone read it all…you must have something special…*waits paitiently* ((I am not being sarcastic…..))
Thanks everybody fo ryour continued support, though I know I must be the most annoying author in the world. I will hopefully have an update soon, don’t know how soon, but soon. I had some unexpected, um, you could say career changes lately, and some other stuff keeping me occupied. Keep up the awesome reviews!
Hey as long as you don’t forget about us completely I’m good. Besides, it’s good that you have priorities far above some fanfic (soon to be book) you are writing. I understand how “soon” can even turn into a long time… :P. I’ll continue to randomly check for updates… 😛
Wonderful chapter! I can’t wait to find out what happens . . . update soon! 🙂
WOW.
First of all, THANK YOU for telling me about your fic. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it! It is one of the better Legolas romances I have read (Not quite up there with Nea’s World but close. She is my favorite romance author at ff.net), and I have read a ton.
Overall, your writing is incredible, well thought out and just descriptive enough without bogging down the story. Very nice. I loved how you handled Elrohir and his wish to court Arare and Legolas’ reactions. I loved the development of the romance. I hope you will deal with their joining in a non graphic way that still lets us see the depth of emotion between the two.
Now, that said, I do have several comments by way of constructive criticism. You asked for it, remember? *grin* First, everyone has an occasional typo or misspelled word or grammar error and those are easily overlooked, but I found throughout the story that there were many, to the point of it being very distracting from the story despite the fact it’s well written. Do you have a beta reader? No author even re-reading over and over will catch all of these things. I used to think so, until I finally gave in and acquired a lovely beta. I have never regretted it! I now have 2-3 of them per fic! Working with a beta is wonderful on several accounts.
1) they pick up on typos that you miss. Your brain knows what you meant to write and misses things like form for from.
2) they are very good at picking up on sentences that are confusing to readers, plot & character problems or things that drag a story down. They also are invaluable for offering insight and seeing things you perhaps did not see, something I really think you could use in this fic.
Which brings me to a couple issues of complaint. Don’t panic! Remember, I said I really liked this! First off, I know this is listed as movie verse, but even so, you should have researched a few things about elves before taking on an elf centric story. This would definitely be an extreme AU. I admit it, I am a canon freak and a certified member of the Canon Police, that however, does not mean I do not enjoy a completely AU story…but it irks me some to read stories written with little knowledge of Tolkien’s world, especially the nature of the race of elves. I highly recommend learning about the culture Tolkien wrote, for it is fascinating. If you have already researched it and simply blew it to the wind, that is fine, it would just be nice to have a disclaimer along those lines at the beginning of the story. Nea does that and I’m ok with it knowing I’m not in for a canon romance from the beginning. But if I had my choice, I’d choose the canon romance over AU.
Ok, here are the things that stood out to me. Please do not take this as complaining about your writing or meant in a hurtful way. As you said, it’s not about trying to say I’m a better writer (I don’t think I am!), I am only trying to point out the things that jumped out at me in the story.
Elves are USUALLY born in the spring…so I guess I can overlook Legolas being born in September. *grin*
PLEASE, I beg you, do NOT call your female elf a she-elf. *cringes* That is like calling her a bitch, which is why the Nazgul called Arwen that in the movies. They are elf maids, women, girls…we know these are elves, you do not have to show a distinction. It really detracts from the tale. If you feel you really NEED to show that, use the elvish term elleth for a single female or ellith for more than one.
He-elf? *snort* I giggled so hard when I read that after rolling my eyes. Readers should not roll their eyes when reading! *grin* Again, we know these are elves and THAT term nearly gave me a headache after a while. A single male elf is an ellon, more than one and they are ellyn. But you really don’t have to distinguish, elf works fine. Ok, moving on.
There were several times throughout the story that sentences were very confusing to the point I had no idea what you were trying to say. It wasn’t frequent, but it was more than twice. Again, this is where a beta would really come in handy.
*takes a deep breath* Another misconception about elves for those who have not researched them. Elves do NOT take centuries to come of age. They DO mature slower than humans but they come of age at 50 years, reaching their full stature no later than 100. At about 18 they would only appear to be 7, at age 35, about 14… looking about 18-20 at 50 and mature at 100.
Greenleaf is not Legolas’ last name. It was used for mortals to understand his name. Another elf would not call him this since they are speaking in elvish anyway. Legolas means Greenleaf so that would be like her saying Greenleaf Greenleaf. It doesn’t make sense. And that reminds me, the use of elvish in your story is unnecessary and jarring. We know they are speaking elvish. Please read this essay on the subject. http://nurvingiel.bravehost.com/RandomElvish.html
Up until the mission part, I had no complaints with the plot. From there, things really jumped out at me that needed some input for several reasons.
Legolas had never seen Fangorn before TTT. He did not even know much about it. He admitted he could have been happy there if he had come before the war in days of peace. But that is a canon issue.
Arandil is going to the Grey Havens. I’m not sure you understand that concept. The Grey Havens is another term for the city of Mithlond on the bay of Lune. It is an elvish city headed by Cirdan the Shipwright who makes the ships that take the elves to Valinor. The Grey Havens are NOT Valinor but the place they depart from. There is no returning from Valinor once an elf has departed unless the Valar send them back. That whole scene with Legolas and Arandil was confusing in regard to that because I had no idea why he would go to the havens if not to sail. and if he sailed, he could not return. That could be better written I think so the reader is not confused.
Another thing about that scene was the direct quote from Star Wars, Return of the Jedi. I could even HEAR Leia saying it! “Just a little bit. She died when I was very young. Luke, why are you asking me this?” *grin*
If it was intentional, I would really change it. It is better to come up with your own lines. If it isn’t, I would still change it. It is one of those things that really distracts from a story and gives the reader a headache (at least us Star Wars fans). It threw me out of Middle-earth to Endor and I had a hard time getting back.
“male instincts will take over” I really hope you are not referring to being driven by certain parts of his anatomy. Elves had far better control over their bodies than humans. And for an elf, sex = marriage. While they enjoy such activities, it is sacred to them and they are not driven by it. I really think you need to read Laws and Customs of the Eldar by JRR Tolkien in Morgoth’s Ring. Or I’d be happy to send you a couple web addresses on such subjects.
Legolas made a bunch of noise in the bushes while sneaking up on Arare? And also following the guard at the hideout, breaking stuff when stepping on it. That is not very elvish. Wood elves especially are silent moving through the forest. And it was not very evlish for them to be taken off guard by bandits. She had not gone that far from the others. Elves hearing is greater than humans. The others would have heard them too. I also did not like the fact that the bandits are elves, especially headed by Arandil. Unless he’s been corrupted by Sauron, I cannot see that happening. It is against their nature.
The arrow wound to Arare would not have bled much since the arrow was still blocking the wound. It would only have seeped. Unless Legolas ripped it out, which he would not! That is NOT how you remove an arrow. I also find it highly unrealistic for them to take the risk of shooting at her. She was moving, the shot could have easily missed her shoulder due to a gust of wind and hit a more vital area and killed her!
The instructor tells Legolas it is not his place to disagree with the Prince. Now, it was my understanding that the instructor was the superior officer. Even though he is the prince, Legolas would still have needed to heed his commanding officer’s instruction or blatantly disregarded the orders. Which would work fine, he could just disregard the instructor and face consequences for it later which could be reduced since he rescued Arare.
There is also a time you call Arare Morena and you call Culrun William at one point.
I don’t know why Arandil is acting as he is but his calling Legolas his idiot brother came across as over dramatization. I don’t know why Arandil is acting this way though, so I’ll leave it to maybe he’s become somehow ensnared by Sauron and not in his right mind, for an elf would never betray his family like this. Their bonds went too deep.
Another thing is that now Legolas is the Crown Prince? When the elves arrived from Imladris for his coming of age celebration he had TWO brothers and he is the youngest sibling. With Arandil giving up his right to the throne, wouldn’t his other brother succeed him? “…he going to stand beside his siblings, Mirkwood’s OTHER two princes and only princess…” Lack of continuity there.
Mirkwood and Imladris do not share borders. They are separated by many miles over the Misty Mountains. It takes at least a week or more to travel that distance. Here’s a good web site for traveling times. http://www.theoriginalseries.com/traveltimes.htm
Ok, all that said, I still think this is a fabulous fic. But I think it could also be much better. I hope I haven’t hurt your feelings with anything I pointed out. I’m afraid beta reading sometimes brings the editor out in me and that is how I saw this fic. Which you should take as a compliment since I usually cannot find much to say about a story I like. I am very interested to see where this is going. This is definitely one story I will continue to follow. It is fabulous! I’m so glad you asked me to look into it.
NiRi
Hey, I like this fanfic, it’s vrey interesting. Keep it up, it’s good, really good.
Please keep writing this! I adore your fan-fic!!!
Love it! I could go on about a lot of aspects, but I won’t just now. Please give us more! I’ll devour it!
I hope you haven’t forgotten this..I really enjoy it!