Diary of a Fan Girl

Day 1
Return of the King has FINALLY FINALLY come to theaters! Woohoo! I was so happy; I printed out another 723 LOTR pictures and ordered another 25 posters of each character! The problem is, there seems to be no room on my walls or ceiling for any of them. My Lord of the Rings-Nazi parents have totally rejected my idea of letting me use my little brother’s room for my extra stuff. I mean, it’s right next to mine, and there’s even a door connecting them! He could sleep in the garage with the dogs, and I could just rip off the door so I can see all my precious pictures…Legolas’ dreamy blue eyes…Aragorn’s tall, strong, yet unwashed frame, and pouty look that is to DIE for…drool! I’d better go get a bucket…my mom says drool isn’t good for the floor…
The floor! That’s it!

Later
Have placed my posters on the floor. There is even enough room for a small path in and out as long as you put one foot right in front of another…Go me!

Day 16
Have not written for days…I was too busy traveling across the country to see Return of the King in as many theaters as possible. So far I have seen it 327 times consecutively. (I know that is mathematically impossible considering the number of days ROTK has been in theaters, but math was never my best subject and when you’re a true fan girl, you have ways of messing up the number of hours in the day so you can squeeze as much LOTR loving as you can into your otherwise puny life on this rotten earth with no elves and…okay, I’m getting off track…back to the present…) Oh, my cookies! Legolas, I love you! Marry me, Legolas! Too bad Aragorn is taken. Must go. Feel a pout coming on.

Day 35
Have gone onto my favorite LOTR site and posted how many times I’ve seen Return of the King. Got an e-mail from the founder of the site, and he said it may be a world record. Go me! On the down side, I have no money and my parents will not lend me any. They said that I couldn’t go to Return of the King any more times. I protested that I have only seen it 7,459 times, and that’s nothing compared to the number of times I saw The Two Towers in the theaters. (9,999 times) Parents v. unreasonable. Feel another put coming on. Think I will kiss all of my pictures to make me feel better.

Day 36
Snuck away in the night and begged on the street. Raised enough money to see ROTK another 1,000 times. It’s amazing what people will pay to get you to shut up, go away, and stop stalking them. Who knew? Still haven’t raised enough money to break my Two Towers record, but this is v. satisfying all the same.

Day 37
Got enough money. YAY!

Day 38
Saw Return of the King another 2,576 times. The last 70 times I saw it weren’t very nice because everyone in the theater kept telling me to shut up and stop reciting lines along with the characters. Told them to stick Gandalf’s staff where the sun don’t shine. Almost got in serious hot water when the manager came and told me to leave. Luckily, I had gorilla-glued myself to my seat. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I broke my Two Towers record, go me! On downside, parents caught me exiting the last theater and used a tranquilizer gun. They have dragged me to therapy.

Day 40
Parents discovered therapy is not working. (I knew that, but I wouldn’t tell my completely brainwashed non-LOTR loving parents if you paid me.) Sent me to Loony Bin. No Legolas, no Aragorn, no life here! Told them I will shrivel and die without my…my…PRECIOUS MIDDLE EARTH MALES! They didn’t believe me. I’ll show them. (evil grin)

30 seconds later
Shriveled.

1 second later
Shriveled more and died. I told them so. I wonder if they show LOTR in heaven…Hmm. Good question. If they don’t, I think I will just haunt my evil parents and drool over pics all day and NO ONE WILL STOP ME!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!