Eusyram

The journal of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor

Dear Diary,
Well, two days ago we entered Moria…what a frightful place! Of course, it’s really nothing for an unrevealed king like myself…you know…all that is gold does not glitter, or something like that. I never can rightly remember myself. Gandalf sure makes some strange poetry.

Today when we stopped for breakfast Frodo claimed, once again, that he heard soft padding footsteps and a pair of glowing eyes. Old Gandy thought for sure it was Gollum, but it was really a very beautiful elven princess named Eusyram. (I had to get her to spell it for me, for I still can’t pronounce it properly) Anyways, we just call her Essy. She is very odd indeed, for we simply can’t get out of her what in Ea she’s doing in Moria of all places.

I’m also fairly certain that she has the extreme hots for me. Once we were talking and she seemed flustered and shy, (though she kept looking over my shoulder to where the fellowship was sitting) a perfect example of one severely crushing on, say, me, or any other dashing young man for that matter. I told Legolas, who told me to just be quiet. Brought up that fact that I am just about 80 years old. Essy doesn’t have to know that. Besides, Mr. Shut-Up-You-re-So-Old is ONLY about 700 himself…he shouldn’t be talking.

Well, it’s kind of nice to have another woman batting eyelashes over me besides Arwen once in a while.

The journal of Gandalf the Grey, Istari

Dear Diary,
We’ve just entered Balin’s tomb, and I’ve taken a breather to write. The charming Essy has been preparing all our meals, isn’t that sweet? No matter that she can’t cook. Aragorn seems awful cocky lately, for some reason or another. He probably thinks Essy likes him, or something. Actually, now that I think about it, she was looking in my direction a little while ago. Defenately had stars in her eyes. B’lieve I saw her wink at me, too. What do you know, that gal’s taken a fancy for me! I should give her a big kiss, right in front of that whippersnapper Elessar just to show him up. Ah, well, it matters not. I’ll see if she’s awake tonight…who knows what sparks may fly!

The journal of Eusyram, elven princess

Dear Diary,
Oh, he’s just so handsome I can’t take my eyes off him. You know Diary, the guy I mentioned earlier. He’s so brave and heroic, whatever comes our way he’s willing to fight, though I see a softer side in him. His long, manly hair, his adorable smile, his voice…oh his voice! It gives me shivers really it does. And the way he wields his weapons so expertly just sends my heart a-thumping. Drat the rest of them! I must find a way to get us alone together! Ah, well, enough for now. Must go moon over-

The journal of Boromir, son of Denethor of Minas Tirith

Dear Diary,
That lovely elvish woman was giving me those lovely looks again. She always seems to be looking at me…I think. We’ve all been sad cause of Gandalf falling in the big hole and everything, so she’s been really sweet. I’m pretty sure the last thing Gandalf looked at was Essy. She was looking at me, if I’m not mistaken. That’s the fifth time this week. Boy, will I have some stories to tell ol’ Faramir when I see him again. Nobody’s ever had a crush on him before, I can tell you that.

The journal of Frodo Baggins of Hobbiton

Dear Diary,
According to hot-shot Aragorn, we are almost to Lothlorien. I really can’t wait to see it, for the Ring’s getting pretty heavy nowadays. I know exactly why Essy keeps looking at me, too, and she can’t have It. Gandalf would have warned me about her, but he was too busy mooning over her! Really, the only person she has eyes for is me, and I WILL NOT give her the Ring!!!! Hmph. I really need a vacation. This is all too stressful for someone who’s fifty, my goodness. I should be retired.

The journal of Samwise Gamgee of Hobbiton

Dear Diary,
I’ve never seen such a beautiful place as this here Lorien. It’s so pretty, with all the elf songs good ol’ Mr. Bilbo used to talk about. And the Lady’s mighty pretty too, she even showed me an’ Mr. Frodo her very own mirror. It scared me down to my trousers, make no mistake, but Essy gave me a hopeful, sweet glance after I got back. I’m sure she’s so very much in love with me. Hm…well, either me or Mr. Frodo. Doesn’t matter one bit to me, though, I’m still waiting around for Rosie.

The journal of Meriadoc Brandybuck of Buckland

Dear Diary,
Pity they don’t have a Golden Perch in this place, or else it would be the best. I could use an ale, with all the looks miss Essy’s been giving me. I can hardly look at her without blushing, she makes me so uneasy. I think we’re leaving for the river something-or-other tomorrow, so that’ll be a relief. Wait! Unless I have to share a boat with her. Oh well, must go sample more elvish food.

The journal of Peregrin Took of Buckland

Dear Diary,
It has been a very peculiar day. First, when I was in the boat, Essy (who was sittin’ right in front of me) kept looking around and avoiding my eyes. She’s either playing hard to get, or she’s really shy. She is hard to get, though…I always try to get her, but she gets gettin’ away. Oh well. The boat is slowing down, so I think we’re stopping. Bye!

The journal of Legolas, son of King Thranduil of Mirkwood

Dear Diary,
Boromir just got shot by those filthy stupid Uruks. I’m glad, he was too full of himself, really. He obviously thought Eusyram was head over heels for him. I think he even tried to lean back and kiss her when they were in the boat yesterday. She just kept staring over at MY boat. I don’t blame her, though. What other woman has ever withstood my witty elvish jokes, good elvish looks, or expertise elveish fighting skills, eh? She is, of course, pretty, being an elf. But she’s just too strange. Oh well, Aragorn is saying something about all the little Hobbits being gone, must go and check it out.

The journal of Gimli, son of Gloin

Dear Diary,
Today was very strange indeed. First I catch that little elvish lady taking a bath, right in the river. She didn’t bat an eyelash when I came upon her, it was scary. Scarred me for life. Then Boromir gets shot. And, unless my dwarven forefathers have tricked my eyes, afterwards I saw her giving some money to one of the Uruk-Hai as they ran away with the little ones. Well, enough about that. A few minutes ago, when we were preparing to leave, Essy came right up to me and grabbed me and kissed my beard, and my face, and everything else she could get to. I asked her if she had been into the Hobbit lads’ pipe weed, but she swear she hasn’t. She gushes out that she’s loved the ground I stomp on ever since she’s laid eyes on my fit dwarvish body. I don’t really blame her. But then she took off, and I don’t suppose we’ll ever see her again.

Oh holy Aule…Aragorn just called me and the elf boy “gentlemen,” so I suppose I should go. Aragorn’s obviously sniffed up too much Athelas….