FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES! by pottedplant
Disclaimer: I don’t own LOTR! *rimshot*
Aragorn shivered as he looked at the tub. Water…so….much….water.
“I must ESCAPE!” he screamed wheeling around. Then he remembered why he was there in the first place.
“Aragorn just take your BATH!” screeched Arwen, holding a lethal-looking pitchfork. “NO- BATH-MEANS-NO-INTERNAL-ORGANS! ”
Arwen was a little on edge.
Aragorn sat and thought. He thought for a long long long long time. Then, finally….
“Go-go Gondor Grapplinghook ”
The hook shot up and attached itself to one of the golden beams of the vaulted ceiling. Aragorn followed it and clutched the beam, thanking his lucky stars that he was in the Super-Shiny-Special King-Bathroom-Complete-With-Jacuzzi. Arwen was vicious, but there was no way that she could reach him now.
Not that she didn’t try.
“YOU GET DOWN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHH!
The pitchfork flew a good fifty feet up then landed back on the floor with a clang.
“AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGH! ”
Aragorn took that as his cue to leave.
There was only one problem: The door was the only way out, and Arwen was down there. This was a pickle. So Aragorn climbed onto a horizontal beam, and sat, and sat, and sat…until……
“What the?”
Cool air was hitting the back of his neck. He couldn’t help but giggle like a little girl – it tickled.
“Ahem.” Aragorn cleared his throat and regained his manly composure. “Kings don’t giggle. Kings DON’T giggle” He reminded himself, wheeling around to find the source of the air.
It was coming from behind one of the carven ceiling panels: the rather out of place comic one of Isildur being chased by a deer.
“Go-go Gondor Headbutt!” Aragorn liked his new catchphrase. He reared back and threw his head full-force at the panel, smashing it down with his incredibly useful skull.
Good thing it wasn’t made of stone.
Aragorn looked like he had a severe case of dandruff. Giant specks of plaster were now snugly nestled in his greasy hair. This was too much for Arwen, watching him intently from where she prowled around the door.
“THAT’S IT I’M GETTING THE HOSE!” She left the room in a huff. Aragorn heard the click of a lock. She’d locked him in.
Aragorn looked up at his only mean of escaping…the hose… A small dark passage, only big enough for him to crawl through. A passage that had been curiously concealed by a curious ceiling panel.
What mysteries lay in this dark passage? Aragorn wondered to himself. Slowly, he shifted his weight on the beam and crawled through the small opening.
Review…lest Aragorn be killed by Luffles the Donkey!
27 Comments
LUFFLES!!!! AHHH!!! I CREATED LUFFLES!! 😀 AH-HAHAHAHA! -takes medication- ……..nice story…
Ahhh, what happens next??? Must… find… out… *claws at screen*
interesting…… who’s that donkey you mentioned?
Luffles the Donkey is a symbol of society’s repression of women!!!
NO HE’S NOT!! HE’S JUST A DONNNNKEYYYY!!!
ROFL!!!! This is HILARIOUS!!! Pleeeeaaaaase write more, and soon!!!!!!!
that was really good.can’t wait for the next chapter
Very nice! I cant wait for more! (Your ARE doing more, right?) Please, keep writing!
Weird. I don’t get the Elrond grave dealie . . .
O_o Is it just me, or is Pippin insane? Of course, Aragorn and Faramir also seem to be insane, and living with Aragorn has made Arwen insane…..
EEEK! EVIL cliffie!!!!! Pleeeeeaaaaaaase update soon!!!!! This is great!!!!!!!
Graet story. Great fun. The only thing I can think of now is Aragorn in his undies =P
Veeerrrryyy interessstinng. i liked the first chapter alot “flee for your lives” i think was the name. but what in heavens name did the second one mean??(the story not the title)
hahaha this is great!!!!!!!!
when is the next chapter?!?!?!?!
This is a very funny story. I have not read something that hilarious in quite some time. Keep up the good work. 2 thumbs up, I would give you three but I only have 2. GOOD WORK!!!
Hilarious!NO-MORE-CHAPTERs-MEANS-NO-INTERNAL-ORGANS!!
Luffles the donkey? whatever, good story, though.
Nice XD. Arwen on the edge…>:) I’d like to see that once XD. *imagines Arwen chasing Aragorn with pitchfork and starts laughing*
😀 SPINICH.
Gloriously random. Totally (and wonderfully) insane. A great thing to read at the end of a hard day. If you’ll keep writing, I’ll keep reading! 🙂
This fanfic is lunacy, but I love it!
heeheehee!
(its true, baths are scary!;)
funny! funny! funny!
I wanna know what happens next! please post soooon.
~thoriel
LOL really funny keep writing more!
omg! That is just about the funniest thing I have ever read! 🙂 Even my non-ringer friends loved it! 🙂
LOL please write more!