Rings are gold
So are door knobs
Why can’t I have the ring

So good the ring is Frodo
You are not worthy
Unlike me, I am master

But Gollum
You are… ridiculous
I am a man

No you are not
I was once a hobbitses
I wasn’t a man then and never will

But my feet have hair
Very long indeed
Can’t I just have the ring?

No! My precious
I am the king
of the ring so there

Please Gollum
I am your friend
Unlike you, I have a heart

Hehehehe I don’t care
you hobbit
My precious

Tata I’m Off

Gimme precious back