DISCLAIMER: i own nothing. don’t sue me, they’ll deport me back to my home planet.

How Gimli and a Drunken Hobbit Saved Christmas

It was Christmas Eve in Bag End, after the War of the Ring, and the hobbits of the Fellowship were getting ready.

For Frodo it was a stressful Christmas. His guests would be arriving in one hour, and he and Sam were battling people at the supermarket for groceries. He pushed his trolley into the deli section. Suddenly, Sam saw a familiar face.
“Mr Frodo! Look-it’s Sméagol and Gollum!” he exclaimed. The two hobbits rushed over to say hello. Sméagol and Gollum were fighting with themselves over the last turkey.
“We waaanttsss it, yesss precioussss! It’s Christmas, and we wanntsss it!” Gollum hissed.
“Wicked, tricksy, false! It’s ours! OURS!” the sight of the same (being? Thing?) fighting with itself was beginning to attract stares from the hobbits around them. Sam watched all this, then finally edged forward to say hello.
“Hello… you two?” he said, unsure who to address. Smeagol turned, and recognised Sam. He put on a fake grin.
“Fat hobbit is always so polite. Hello Master.” Said Smeagol, casting a nervous glance at Frodo, who didn’t look too pleased to see the person who bit off his finger. “Come on Sam,” said Frodo. “Let’s get that legolamb before someone else does. Get it? LegoLAMB?” Frodo, for some reason, found that incredibly funny and started laughing hysterically. Gollum/Smeagol looked confused. “Don’t worry,” Sam said cheerfully. “He went a bit weird after the whole get-stabbed-by-a-nazgul thing.” Smeagol just stared.
“Riiigght. Well, bye Master!” Smeagol waved goodbye to Frodo, who was still rolling on the floor laughing. Sam sighed, and pulled Frodo to his feet. “You’re an embarrassment sometimes, Mr Frodo, you know that?” He dragged a cackling Frodo to the checkout.

Chapter two

While Frodo and Sam were battling the last-minute shopping crowds, Legolas, Gimli and Strider were making their way to the Shire. All three were extremely exasperated. They had stopped at the Prancing Pony for a lunch break. A drunken hobbit wobbled up to their table, and grinned at them. “Blimey!” he yelled loudly. “It’s an elf! So, how’s the toy making going, elfy?” Legolas groaned. “NOT THAT KIND OF ELF, YOU DRUNKEN LOSER!!!” he yelled, trying to be heard over the noise of the pub. He turned to his friends with a ‘fed up’ look on his face. “It’s the same every year,” he explained. “There are always a few people who mistake us Elves for those stupid little pixies up in the North Pole.” Gimli choked on his beer as he tried to suppress a laugh, and Strider couldn’t help smirking.

They had to be in Hobbiton before dark, so they paid for their food and went back outside. They were met with a fearful sight. The same drunken hobbit who had mistaken Legolas for one of Santa’s minions had put fake reindeer antlers on Brego and Arod and had hitched them to a bright red sleigh, bells and all as an early Christmas present. Legolas rolled his eyes. “God, not again!” Gimli chuckled.
“I don’t know, I think it looks all right,” Said Strider with a smile. “We need something to carry all those presents anyway.” They had been using Brego and Arod as packhorses and had walked until now, as they had too many Christmas gifts for the hobbits to fit into their bags. They piled the presents into the back of the sleigh, climbed in and prepared to set off. “I’ll drive,” said Gimli. Soon they were on the road again. While Gimli was busy concentrating on driving the sleigh through the quickly falling snow, Strider cast a sideways glance at Legolas. He held up a Santa hat and gestured for the elf to keep quiet. Slowly and silently he lowered the bright red hat onto the Dwarf’s head. Gimli didn’t notice. As if Legolas wasn’t trying hard enough not to laugh, Strider pressed a button on the remote he was holding, and the pompom at the end of the hat lit up and started flashing. Legolas couldn’t help letting out a snicker, which he expertly turned into a cough. “What happened?” asked Gimli, blissfully unaware of the joke.
“Nothing, mellon nin, nothing,” replied Legolas, hiding a smile.

Chapter three

Frodo and Sam were back in Bag End, and Merry and Pippin were decorating. Pippin had gotten hold of a giant candy cane garden ornament and was getting confused. Merry tried to reason with Pippin. “You were supposed to stick it in the ground,” he said exasperatedly. “It is in the ground” replied Pippin, pointing to where he had shoved it down a drain in the bathroom. “outside!” explained Merry, shoving Pippin out the door to battle with the offending candy cane. Frodo looked down from the ladder he was using to put the star on top of a huge Christmas tree. “This isn’t gonna work!” he cried. “We’re gonna need a Christmas Miracle to get this place in shape before Bilbo comes home!” Sam looked up from where he had been arranging fake snow under the tree. “You’re right-none of us have done any of our Christmas shopping yet, because we’ve all been too busy! Unless there’s a miracle, there won’t be any presents tomorrow!” all the hobbits were sad at the thought of no presents on Christmas morning.

Suddenly, there was a strange sound outside. The hobbits rushed outside and saw an amazing sight. A bright red sleigh pulled by two odd-looking reindeer had pulled up outside Bag End, and driving the sleigh was Santa himself!

So Christmas at Bag End was saved, thanks to a thick-headed Gimli and a drunken hobbit.

The end.