A/N: Oh dear. It’s past midnight and I guess my judgment is severely impaired, because I am actually posting this. I wrote this on a caffeine high and it shows. Oh well.

Enjoy!

How the members of the Fellowship of the Ring eat a peanut butter cup

Frodo:

Frodo walks up to a tray containing a single peanut butter cup. He closely examines the sweet, then pokes out the middle and strings the outer shell onto a silver chain. With a satisfied nod he eats the middle and leaves.

Legolas:

Legolas walks up to a tray containing a pile of peanut butter cups. He delicately takes a bite of one, then hesitates, sensing something that mere mortals can not. A look of horror passes through his face, and he darts out, leaving the half eaten sweet on the floor. Seconds later, a group of screaming fangirls flood in, looking for their precious. After a moment of frantic searching, an unusually bright fanatic spots the piece of candy. She squeals and dives for it: Legolas had actually touched this! All the other fangirls pile on top, trying to grab the souvenir. While they are distracted, Legolas comes back, grabs another cup, winks, then leaves.

Sam:

Sam walks up to a tray containing a single peanut butter cup. After a moment’s thought, he kneels down and starts a fire. Once it blazes to his satisfaction, he grabs a skewer, pushes it through the cup, and begins a barbecue. Soon it is being served with tomatoes, sausages, and nice, crispy bacon. Mmmmmm.

Pippin:

Pippin walks up to a tray containing… nothing. He looks confused and disappointed, he heard that there was going to be food! Before he leaves, however, a peanut butter cup is thrown in his direction. Thinking fast, he catches it, and takes a bite. Suddenly, another cup flies through the air and hits him on the head. Scowling, he looks around for the thrower. Seeing nothing, he leaves, but not before picking the second peanut butter cup up and eating it.

Boromir:

Boromir walks up to a tray containing a large pile of peanut butter cups. He stares at them with a hungrily, then shakes his head and forces himself to look away. ‘You’re on a diet,’ he reminds himself. ‘No sweets.’ But his eyes keep returning to the tray, which is offering him what he wants most, and yes, even needs most. Chocolate. Finally, he loses control and eats every cup on the tray. Looking guilty afterwards, he slinks away.

Aragorn:

Aragorn stands before a tray that contains several peanut butter cups. Between him and the chocolate, though, are a dozen uruk-hai, armed to the teeth and altogether very menacing. With a determined look, the ranger/king advances, and proceeds to slay every orc in the room without even breaking a sweat. Once they are disposed of, he triumphantly reaches for a cup only to be ambushed by four more of Saruman’s creations. With some clever sword work, he kills the attackers, and reaches once again for his prize. This time, though, a cave troll shows up. Sighing, Strider subdues the beast with little difficulty and again tries to claim the chocolate. Nothing happens this time, and he is allowed to eat his peanut butter cup in peace. That is, until the balrog comes in…

Gandalf:

Gandalf walks up to a tray containing a single peanut butter cup. After studying it a bit he picks it up and stuffs it in his pipe. After several comical attempts at trying to smoke it, he blows out through the pipe, and dozens of sweets pour out and onto the ground. With a self-satisfied smile he gathers up the chocolate and exits.

Gimli:

Gimli walks up to a tray containing a single peanut butter cup. Without hesitation he whips out his ax and with a savage war cry splits the sweet in two. ‘I like to eat half right away,’ he says, eating one half, ‘and then save the other half for later.’ A second or two passes, then the dwarf snarfs down the other half. ‘What?’ he asks, shrugging unconcernedly. ‘It was later!’

Merry:

Merry walks up to a tray containing a pile of peanut butter cups. Glancing about furtively, he stuffs his pockets, shoes, socks, and shirt with the chocolates, not forgetting to also stuff some in his mouth. Only when all the cups are gathered does he notice the guard dogs growling softly at him. Gulping, he backs out, only pausing to pick up the chocolate he had tried to hide behind his ears.