Into the West (and back again)

“It is often said, that the choices we make, are the choices we live by. No choice concerning the heart is ever an easy one, as I have come to learn…

My palfrey neighs gently, and I am brought back from my restless thoughts. The day has just begun, though to me, it feels as though it will never end. I look beyond the solemn faces that surround me, beyond the new buds on the trees, beyond the road that lies ahead. All these things seem so meaningless, for my heart cannot take joy in the serenity of my journey, for a journey away from love is like a star ripped from the sky. No light can pierce my shadowed heart, thus, my mind dwells back to you…Ah Estel, vanimelda nin.

The leaves of an oak are quick to turn, at a season’s will, yet hearts too grow roots, and one colour mine stays still. If I could gift-wrap all my memories and sent it with a dove, it would will it fly in to your arms, and you would know my love. But if I could only chose one, then this one would be good-the memory of our time together in the Golden Wood.

“I remember it all so clearly, the sweet smell of elanor in early morning breeze that stirred me awake. Somehow, the day felt different, though I could not say how. For more than a score I’d dwelt in Lorien, and though the beauty never ceased to amaze me, on that particular morning, it seemed that I was more aware of the daintiness of each flower, and the clear song of the morilinde seemed to echo my own thoughts. My grandmother, the lady Galadriel had been acting rather mysterious that morning, but I did not think to question her, for all that she could say, would be said when she said it. By noon, a strange feeling of anxiety came over me, I felt like a fledgling, waiting for my first flight. I decided to take a stroll along the brook, before dinner. My thoughts must have carried me away, and I found myself thinking back to our first meeting in Imladris. Oh, how I tried not to think of you over these years. But, it was in vain-for; my dreams would always lead me back to a time when things were simpler, and you and I…
And so, as I walked back to the house, you were the constant in my mind.

Upon reaching the house, I was informed that a guest had arrived in our fair wood, and that the Lady had welcomed him with great homage. I cared little for the mystery of the stranger, as my heart was troubled, but I indulged in the Lady’s requests, and I sought out to meet him.

Beneath the birches there was no stranger, there was only you, looking tall and stern. In that moment, I feared that you would have forgotten me. But your eyes shone brightly as you searched my own face for recognition. Oh, how you had changed. The boy that I had come to love had grown up into a man that I did not know. But, then you took my hand and as you uttered my name, I knew that time didn’t matter. You were still that timid young man who had sung me a song under the trees in Imladris.

Not many are fortunate enough to experience quintessential happiness in the course of their existence, but I felt nothing less in those few weeks that we spent together. When you laid me down among the niphredil and elanor, I knew that you could hear my beating heart, but you kissed me, so softly, and I feared that I would melt into you. When I had given you all that I had, you lay upon my breast, and I knew that nothing mattered but that moment. As we plighted our troth upon the hill of Cerin Amroth, I swore to you that I would forsake the immortal life of my people, and yet now, I am running.”

The day is almost over now, and first stars are beginning to appear. Can you see them I wonder? But now I know, I cannot spend the rest of my long years wondering about a love now lost…with haste, I must turn back.

The unfaltering light of the evenstar grows dimmer with this test, now I say farewell to the rest of my heart that rides into the West.